CH 63.2

The receptionist retrieved Ji Fanyin’s coat and handed it to her. Ji Fanyin draped her coat around her shoulder before turning around to answer Bai Zhou’s question, “Bai Zhou, you seem to have forgotten how you used to treat me.”

Those words rendered Bai Zhou speechless.

He did look down on Ji Fanyin in the past. He couldn’t stand how she had chosen to give up on herself and simply accepted whatever others doled out to her, especially when Ji Xinxin was there to contrast between the two of them. 

Even the notion of offering a helping hand to her irked him. He thought that Ji Fanyin was a gone case; how could one help a person who didn’t even want to help herself?

This was all coming back to bite him now. 

But in the depths of his mind, Bai Zhou couldn’t help but think that Ji Fanyin had to take the blame for this too. Things could have ended up differently if only she had awoken and changed earlier. 

“I’ve reminded you more than once, Bai Zhou,” said Ji Fanyin coolly. “In our business transactions, I’m ‘Ji Xinxin’. You’d do well to remind yourself of that, if you’re starting to waver.”

Bai Zhou widened his eyes. He suddenly felt a surge of fluster from having his inner thoughts spoken aloud. 

All of the subtle hints Ji Fanyin had dropped to him during her ‘service hours’ strung together to form a revolving lantern in his mind. 

He had always been intrigued by how she would occasionally ask him questions like ‘Do you know who I am?’, but it turned out that they were reminders for him to distinguish reality from illusion.

… She has known for a long time that my heart had started to waver. 

And she has already rejected me right from the start. 

Blood surged into Bai Zhou’s head, freezing his mind up. He realized that even though he had finally become cognizant of his feelings, it wouldn’t make a difference in their relationship if he couldn’t bring himself to speak them aloud, and Ji Fanyin clearly had no intention of acknowledging them. 

Bai Zhou gritted his teeth and asked emphatically, “What should I remind myself of?”

Ji Fanyin nonchalantly answered, “The person whom your heart is wavering for, that person, she doesn’t exist.”

Bai Zhou felt a lurching feeling in his chest as a feeling of humiliation washed over his mind. It was as if someone had hurled a straight at his ribcage, inducing unbearable pain in him.

“I’ll be leaving first.” Ji Fanyin directed a nod at him, a polite yet distant gesture, almost as if they were two strangers who coincidentally met at a banquet.

Bai Zhou had a load of questions in his mind. 

He wanted to ask if he was really unqualified to like her. He wanted to ask if he didn’t even have the right to become friends with her. He wanted to ask what kind of man she fancied. 

Yet, he was somehow subconsciously aware that he had no rights to pose those questions.

… He also knew that if he dared to ask those questions, Ji Fanyin would have answered with even more stifling answers.

So, he could only watch helplessly as Ji Fanyin walked away. Her coat draped over her shoulders fluttered lightly along with her footsteps. When the doors of the hotel entrance opened wide, a rush of cold air caused her coat to rise up, reminiscent of a bird unfurling its wings. 

As he watched while Ji Fanyin got into a cab and left the area, Bai Zhou felt like a part of him had flown away with her. He couldn’t even make sense of his own thoughts. 

Do I like Ji Fanyin? If so, which Ji Fanyin do I like?

Or is the one I like Ji Xinxin? I still can’t truly put her down yet, but when I look back on my desperate attempts to court her, I feel like I was merely chasing after an impossible dream. 

Why was I even infatuated with Ji Xinxin back then?

If I could get from others what I got from her too, would my feelings move on to others?

Bai Zhou stood in the hotel lounge for a long while thinking over this question when a word suddenly surfaced in his mind: Scumbag.

Bai Zhou: “…” 

Am I a scumbag?

His phone suddenly rang. 

Still in a distraught state, he took out his phone in a daze and glanced at it. The moment he saw Ji Xinxin’s name, he subconsciously rejected the call. Then, his mind started to wander once again like an ado teenage girl. 

Would I have picked up if the one who called was Ji Fanyin?

Shit. I might have just run straight to the entrance to check if her cab had driven back here.