CH 39

<CHAPTER 39

“Master, you must depart soon.”

When Jerome, the servant, spoke to him after he had completed his journey to the north, Herwin nodded weakly, his complexion dark.

A few days ago, he had gone out excitedly to meet with Lucia, but since his return to the mansion, he had been strange.

He sighed several times a day, occasionally pausing to see if something was bothering him.

Even now, he seems to have a lost face as if he doesn’t listen.

“What on earth happened with Lady Agnes?”

Finally, an impatient Jerome asked, his eyes clearly showing that Herwin’s shoulders were shaking.

“Nothing happened…….”

“Spare me the obvious lie that nothing happened.”

Jerome interrupted rudely. He was shameless, even as Herwin glared at him.

“Ha, I must have been slacking off a lot lately. You interrupted me.”

“One must be brazen to serve the Master, and you’ve been acting strange lately, haven’t you?”

Jerome snorted that he wasn’t that intimidated. Herwin clicked his tongue and ruffled his complicated hair.

“Nothing happened, just Lucia confessing, as usual.”

“And you rejected her.”

That was true, but for some reason, he didn’t want to nod obediently.

Jerome stared at Herwin for a moment, who looked annoyed, then sighed.

“I’ve been wondering about this for a while now… why won’t you accept her?”

For a moment, Herwin’s gaze softened. This is the type of question he hates the most.

Sensing the change in his mood, Jerome hurriedly changed the subject.

“I don’t ask this out of pity or compassion for Lady Agnes, I’m simply curious about your intentions.”

“……….”

“An innocent curiosity, if you will.”

Only after he was sure there was no malice in Jerome’s eyes did Herwin relax his frown.

“I’m under no obligation to tell you that.”

“That’s right.”

Jerome gave up trying to probe further. But there was something about Herwin’s reluctance to answer that bothered him.

‘You’re the one who didn’t accept her confession, and you look like you’ve been dumped.’

Herwin looked like a broken man. He was puzzled. He seemed to like Lucia, at least to himself.

“You’d better refuse in moderation, though, because I’m sure there will come a day when even Lady Agnes will tire of you.”

“Shut up. Mind your own business, not mine. Rumors abound that you went to your ex’s house a few days ago after a night of drinking.”

“What kind of person would spread such a rumor?!”

Jerome, whose dignity had been compromised, snarled, ‘Who the hell is this rumor monger?’

Smirking at Jerome’s tirade, Herwin remembered what Jerome had said just moments before.

Lucia … tired?

Perhaps it would be better for her, for himself.

Throbbing.

Just as he was about to take a step, his chest felt even heavier. But it was so slight that Herwin shook his head.

“Master, you really must go now.”

Jerome, who suddenly came to his senses, was waiting with the carriage door open. Herwin hurried into the carriage.

“I wish you safe travels, Master, and in the meantime, we will protect this place.”

All of the servants of the Islands Mansion came out to see him off.

Herwin looked at the graying butler and smiled.

“If my letter ever finds its way here…….”

“Yes, I’ll send it north, as I always do.”

The butler’s knowing smile made him feel a little better.

Then the carriage moved and Herwin closed the window. As he watched the capital slowly recede into the distance, he reached for the pouch on his breastplate.

Inside was the handkerchief Lucia had given him.

“It’ll be the same when I get back.”

Lucia’s reaction was a little more intense this time, but she was sure that when they returned from the North, they would be friends again, as they always were.

Because they always did.

* * *

Three days since she was dumped by Herwin. For three days, Lucia never stepped out of her room.

On the first day, her wails echoed through the mansion throughout the day, leaving everyone in a state of melancholy.

The next day, she was as dead as a doornail, making no sign of life and keeping her door firmly locked, lest she should have any dangerous thoughts.

On the third day, they were finally relieved to hear a rustling in her room.

But even on the third day, Lucia refused to let anyone into her room except Sean. Even her mother, Julian, refused.

The morning of the fourth day. Lucia finally left her room and came down to the dining room.

John and Julian, who were eating their meals with dark faces, stared at her in horror.

There was a bit of life in the walls that had died when she’d returned to the mansion a few days earlier.

“Did you sleep well?”

“……Yes.”

“Lucia, welcome home, you must be hungry.”

Unlike John, who barely got a word out, Julian hurried to get Lucia to sit next to her.

As she hurriedly ordered a servant to bring her breakfast, she kept a watchful eye on her.

There were so many things she wanted to ask her, like if she was okay if she was sick if she was still struggling, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask.

She hadn’t seen her in three days, and her mood had changed so much.

She still had the smile that energized them, but for some reason, she could feel an invisible wall around her.

It wasn’t just Julian who noticed the change, but also John.

It wasn’t long before Lucia’s food arrived and the three began to eat where they had left off.

“…daughter, do you like it? If there’s anything you want to eat, tell me. I’ll tell the chef.”

Julian mustered up the courage to speak to Lucia. Lucia paused in her knife work and looked back at Julian.

Her walls were as clear as ever, even though she had expected them to be empty.

“Yes, I will. Thank you for your concern, Mother.”

Nervous, Julian spoke eagerly, hoping that Lucia was back to her normal self.

Lucia responded sincerely and jokingly.

“Are you all right now?”

John’s serious voice echoed through the dining room.

He broached the subject they’d been avoiding, and Julian glanced up in surprise.

Lucia, taking the stares in stride, smiled brightly.

“Yes, it’s okay now. I’m sorry for the concern.”

Despite the positive response, John frowned.

“Well, if you’re okay with it, I guess it’s okay.” 

“Yeah, sure.”

Julian relaxed her shoulders, which had been clenched in nervous anticipation.

“Father, when can I start seeing them?”

John looked up from his water and glanced at Lucia. He hadn’t expected her to bring up the subject of the confrontation.

After a moment of silence, he stammered out a reply.

“Anytime, as long as you don’t mind.”

“Then will you arrange for us to face off immediately, starting tomorrow?”

“Lou, Lucia, isn’t that too soon?”

Julian interrupted, but Lucia looked only at John.

“Is it possible?”

“I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Thank you.”

Lucia’s walls sank further.

“But it will take some time, as I have to write to the other families as well. As you saw, there are four candidates, so what will you do? You can meet with just one of them, or you can meet with all four and then choose your favorite.”

“Let me take a look at the material you showed me last time and get back to you.”

“Okay.”

John stood up to leave the room, stopping just before heading out the door.

“……don’t push yourself too hard.”

His voice softened a bit, showing his concern for his daughter.

Lucia nodded, feeling a sudden surge of emotion.

There was a moment of silence after John left. Julian wrapped her hand warmly around Lucia’s, understanding her feelings.

“Lucia, there’s no need to force yourself. Take it slow and move at your own pace. We’re always here for you.”

“Yes …….”

With Julian’s warm reassurance, Lucia began to eat in silence. Her head bowed, the walls of her mind distorted.

After a few moments of lingering, Lucia lifted her head to organize her turbulent emotions.

* * *

Back in her room, Lucia sat down at her desk and flipped through John’s stack of prospective suitors.

There were four candidates in total. They were men of various statuses, starting with the viscount and ending with marquess, with an age difference of up to five years.

One was even a year younger.

Each document contained every detail of the candidate’s demographics, family members, occupation, current position in the family, wealth, family history, and so on.

The level of detail and attention to detail made her jaw drop.

“…… That’s how hard my dad had to look.”

The more she looked at it, the more she realized how much John loved her. It reminded her of him playing with her as a child.

When she was done, Lucia leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling.

No one, in particular, stood out. She’d heard of them somewhere, but she’d never met them, and in her eyes, they were all there.

Maybe she has no expectations because she doesn’t want love anymore.

It’s not a love affair in the first place.

“They’re all pretty much the same, so maybe I should just meet them all once.”

She’ll get to know someone better in person, even if it’s just for a short time than she will on paper.

When she gets married, they’re going to be living together for the rest of their life, so why not get a feel for what the other person is like?

She doesn’t look for a lot. She just wants someone compatible and sincere.

She doesn’t know about the other person, but she wouldn’t be able to love someone anymore.

Lucia closed her eyes tightly and pushed herself up from the backrest.

On her desk was a portrait of Herwin, the music box where she kept her precious things, and the diary she’d taken out a few days ago while drinking wine.

Just looking at them reminded her of him.

She thought she had poured out all her feelings for him for three days, but her heart was still throbbing.

The treasures that meant the most to her just a few days ago had been turned into something she could barely look at in an instant.

She felt that if she left it any longer, the emotions she had worked so hard to organize would invade her head again. Lucia hurriedly rose from her seat and began to organize the things that belonged to Herwin.

The temptation to leave them lying around was overwhelming, but she forced herself to compose herself and put them all into a box.

“Now if I can just get Sean to throw these away…….”

Lucia paused, about to shake them. Throwing them away would let go of all her regrets, but she couldn’t bring herself to do that.

Finally, Lucia withdrew her hand and bit her bottom lip hard.

She picked up the box and headed for a place she didn’t usually look.

In the depths of her closet, where she kept her out-of-fashion and outgrown clothes.

Lucia stared for a long time at the box, buried among the clothes and out of sight.

But then she sighed heavily and blinked.

A calm settled over the walls that held so many emotions. And then the closet door closed.

It was the moment when the woman who had been looking at only one man for thirteen long years came to her senses.