Chapter 977 Alan The Great Sage



Dealing with the likes of Glory and Heather as frequently as Alan did, he rarely had any free time between classes at school. This was especially true today when he'd missed his first three classes. However, there was one thing he wanted to do, and the time left before lunch ended was possibly the only time to do it, and that was to talk to Sean. He hurried away from the theater room to find and talk to his friend.

Sean was exactly where Alan had thought he would be, sitting at the same table in the cafeteria with the same group of guys that he sat with every school day. Alan used to sit there with them most days too, before his six-times-a-day diagnosis changed his life.

Alan didn't have time to mess around given that there was less than ten minutes until fifth period started, so he walked right up to Sean and said to the group, "Hey, how goes it everyone?" After a few "long time, no see" type comments, Alan said, "Sean, can I speak to you in private for a sec?" and quickly walked off, heading for the door to the outside. Sean got up and followed him.

"Hey, man!" Sean said, rushing to keep up. "Great to see you, but what's the hurry? Where are we going?"

Alan slowed down, now that he was outside. "I don't know. Just out. I want to be somewhere we can talk freely, because everyone will see and hear in there. If your friends ask what that was all about, tell them I had a real urgent test question I had to ask you."

"Hey, they're your friends too."

"They were," Alan said sadly as he saw a bench that seemed safe from eavesdroppers and sat down on it. His legs muscles still hurt a bit and all the rushing around had worn him out again. "Peter, maybe, I hope I can keep as a friend. For the others, my life has just changed too much." He thought about where he'd been just five minutes ago, naked with Simone and Heather, and absentmindedly shook his head no, as if he himself couldn't believe it. "Anyways, we've gotta hurry to class. I wanted to get the lowdown on your weekend."

Sean sat down too. A big smile crossed his face at the change of topic. "Sweet! I was hoping you'd ask that. Dude, it was as awesome as The Fellowship of the Ring and Star Wars: A New Hope, combined!"

Alan stifled a guffaw at that extremely nerdy comparison, but Sean was too excited to notice.

Sean went on, "Way better, in fact! Shit, it beat the whole Star Wars movie series and every episode of Babylon 5, and then some!"

Alan said, while laughing good-naturedly, "I take it you enjoyed yourself. But what exactly happened?"

"Dude! Xania told me you two have done the deed, so obviously I don't have to describe what she's like to you. But duuuuude! She's too much! She's such a babe that she's almost as sweet as Heather."

Alan mentally noted that that was extremely high praise indeed from Sean, considering that Sean had practically worshipped the ground Heather walked on pretty much since entering high school. Personally, Alan found Xania more attractive than the admittedly very attractive Heather, especially since he knew Xania wasn't enhanced by plastic surgery like Heather was. He asked, "But what did you do?"

"What did we do? Dude! We did the nasty! Over and over! I don't want to get too graphic here, but the first day, I went wild on her FOUR TIMES! And the second day, yesterday, FIVE TIMES! I'm still recovering. Man! It was intense!"

Again, Alan had to hold back a laugh that Sean was so impressed with himself because he'd climaxed five times in a single day. After what Alan went through the night before with Susan, a mere five times seemed like a sex-free holiday. But he kept his mouth shut.

Sean continued enthusiastically, "Man, it was just like I was an actor in a porn film. She was hot and needy. Like, she let me cum all over her face, and then she just left it there! And then she had me fuck her AGAIN! I felt like a sex god. I was cumming over and over! It was great!"

Alan said, "Cool, very cool. But you're my sexual apprentice now, so I expect nothing less."

"And I can't thank you enough! I am so going to try to repay the kindness, but I'm still trying to figure out how."

Alan suddenly had fears of a gift that the old Alan would have loved, but that could really mess up his new life, like a surprise weekend ski trip. He said, "Great, but I can't deal with surprises at the moment, so please tell me first before you do anything nice, all right?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you want. And please give me some hints about what a good gift would be. I'm stumped to find something worthy."

"Okay."

Sean suddenly exclaimed, "DAMN!"

"What?"

"I'm just thinking about Xania. Dude! It's like she's Playboy Playmate of the Year material! AND she has the sex drive to match! I mean, Kim, Kim was great. But she's human, you know? She's mortal. She's sexy, but you don't drop your jaw looking at her. But Xania... DAMN! She's inhuman! She almost makes me forget about Heather."

Alan laughed. "I know, man, I know." He thought to himself, And Mom and Suzanne are every bit as sexy and sexual as Xania, and then some. And speaking about inhuman, don't even get me started on Brenda's anatomically impossible body.

But he kept those thoughts to himself and merely asked, "More importantly, Sean, what did Xania teach you?"

"Oh, that was totally weird, dude. Major weirdness. She was wild! We made love over and over in this apartment overlooking the beach. People could have totally looked up and seen us, especially the one time we walked out on the balcony and stood there naked! Dude, and the things that woman can do with her hips. She's like a feral beast in the bedroom! A beast in heat! She's an ANIMAL!"

Alan found himself aroused and distracted as he fondly recalled his times with Xania. He asked, "Yeah, but the teaching? What did she TEACH you?"

"Oh, right. I guess the two of you discussed in advance about how I'd need to be with Heather, and when we weren't fucking, we were talking. She damn near talked my ear off. She's VERY smart, that's for sure. I mean, what are the odds, somebody that hot and that smart too?"

Alan immediately thought of Suzanne, but just nodded his head.

"But you must have given her the completely wrong impression about Heather, because the things she was talking about had nothing to do with the sweet angel I know. I mean, Xania was going on like Heather was some kind of world-class bitch! She kept saying 'bitch' over and over again. It damn near got me mad, but she was naked when she was saying it, so I couldn't get too angry!"

"Sean. Look at me. Look into my eyes. There was no misunderstanding. Heather is a bitch. A world-class bitch. Open your eyes and be realistic."

Sean's defensive anger visibly rose up. "Hey! How can you say that? If you weren't the most amazing friend, I'd want to sock you one. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"Sean, listen to me. Have you ever actually had a conversation with her? No. Do you know anyone besides me who has actually had a real conversation with her? No. I hate to be blunt, but you've idolized her to the point where you probably think she can fly and fart out strawberries." Alan thought of his previous crushes on Glory and Christine when he was a virgin, and added, "I know what it's like to idolize. I've been there." He let out a big sigh and thought, Dang! This is going to be a lot more difficult than I thought.

Sean still looked perplexed, doubtful, and even resentful.

Alan thought hard, and then he had a brainstorm. Okay, Heather is Sean's perfect dream princess. And what do guys do with princesses? They rescue them! He said, "Bro, Heather is a complicated person. Deep inside, she's a very lovely person. Your 'sweet angel.' But she was hurt a long time ago, and on the outside, this very mean and even evil bitch resides, and that part of her rules her mind. I know this for a fact from personal experience." He actually doubted that Heather had been hurt and guessed her bitchiness was more because her parents had spoiled her, but he figured the "hurt" line would help motivate Sean.

Alan went on, "Trust me. I've had many conversations with her. I know her really, reaaaaally well." He thought again about his double blowjob from Simone and Heather just minutes earlier, and wondered how Sean would react if he knew. He could probably deal with it if it was just a normal blowjob, but it's the way I insult her and the way she loves it... First, he'd kill me for the ungallant way I treated her, then he'd die of a crushed heart from her reaction. Not good. Not good at all!

Sean replied, "I know that you've slept with Heather. I've been thinking about that a lot, and I accept it as a reality. I knew she wasn't a virgin. But I can't accept that she's a bitch like you say. You just don't know all of her. I may not have talked to her, but I see the true Heather in her eyes nearly every day."

Alan nodded. "That's good. Good for you. You're seeing the inner Heather. That delicate, sweet flower on the inside needs YOU. She needs you to save her from the evil bitch on the outside that is choking her and killing her. You have to rescue her!"

Sean sat on the edge of his seat and seemed to be bursting with eagerness to help. "What do I do? What do I do?"

"Okay, it's like this. Do you remember-" The school bell rang, indicating they had five minutes to get to their next class. But they just ignored it, and Alan continued, "Remember in Star Wars, the way Luke Skywalker and his friends destroyed the Death Star was that they first had to infiltrate it and pretend to be Stormtroopers. Then they had to find the plans for the station, discover the weakness, and only then could they destroy it with their Starfighters."

"Yeah?"

"Well, you have to do the same with Heather. First, you have to get her to accept you. That's like getting inside the Death Star. You have to appeal to the bitchy Heather. You, yourself, will have to be a major asshole. The bitchy Heather likes really aggressive guys who yell rude and insulting things at her during sex. If you don't push her around she'll get bored and dump you out the airlock."

Sean replied, dazed, "Like Xania was making me do. Dude, that was so weird. I was having such a hard time with that, because Xania seems so nice."

"I know. She is nice. She's just trying to help. I told her to do that as part of your training. Think about it: you have to be the evil Stormtrooper. You have to go over to the Dark Side for a while to slip past Darth Vader's detection. That's what you have to do to win Heather. First, get the bitch Heather to love you, then peel back her layers to reveal the real Heather inside. It won't be easy. You'll have to do the exact opposite of what your heart tells you to do. You'll have to be mean. Vicious. Imagine slapping her in the face as you call her a skanky slut. Do you think you can handle it?"

"Whoa." Sean sat back, amazed. "I don't know, dude. That sounds pretty heavy."

"I know you can. That's why I picked you. Hate the bitchy Heather and treat her like a sex toy to free the sweet Heather inside. She loves sex. She lives for it. You have to be like a sexual Jedi master." Alan could see that Sean was having a really hard time envisioning Heather as the slut she was. While he may have conceptually understood she wasn't a virgin, in his heart she still was completely pure. He tried some more shock therapy and asked, "Sean, do you remember some weeks ago when we went to Baskin-Robbins and ran into Heather and her boyfriend there?"

"Yeah?"

"Heather was jacking me off under the table most of the time, right there in the middle of the store. Her boyfriend didn't know, and I didn't want it. But she's that wild. I'm not lying to you. She needs a good man to tame her." As he told this to his friend, he looked him right in the eye so there would be no mistake that he was very serious and telling the complete truth.

Sean stared back, searching for any signs of a lie or doubt. But there were none, so eventually he dropped his head and just sat silent.

Alan could see that he was fighting feelings of jealousy. He could visibly see a great feeling of disappointment sweep over Sean, nearly overwhelming Sean's general sense of shock from everything Alan had told him earlier.

Alan pressed on, trying to distract him, "To switch movie metaphors, you are Keanu Reeves in 'The Matrix.' You are 'the One.' Only you love her enough to treat her like a bitch, thus defeating the bitchy part of her, and winning the true Heather. Go home this afternoon and think about that paradox. Also, go home and fuck Kim some more."

"What?!" That last suggestion threw Sean for a complete loop.

"The key to defeating and conquering the bitchy Heather is with great sex. You won't get anywhere unless you can wow her in bed with your confidence, rudeness, endurance, and all around dominating sexual prowess. Am I some big dominating guy? No, but I've gotten good at faking sexual dominance with practice. That's what you need: practice, practice, practice. You don't want to be with her the first time and get cold feet."

"Whoa."

Alan chuckled, because Sean unwittingly said "whoa" exactly as Keanu Reeves did in "The Matrix." "Dude, you're on the fast track sexual apprenticeship program. Yesterday, Xania. Today, Kim again. Tomorrow, an orgy."

Sean's jaw dropped wide open. "An ORGY?!"

"Sssh! Keep it down!" Alan looked around, but luckily almost everyone had headed inside for their next classes already. "Yes, an orgy. I'm thinking you and me and maybe three girls. Don't worry, you and I aren't going to so much as touch each other, or I'd have to kill you. You need to be a cruel, evil bastard in bed before you're ready for Heather. It's just like what Xania was teaching you. Do you remember everything she told you, or did you totally space and just stare at her body?"

"No. I remember every word. You know I have a great memory; that's the main reason why I do well in school. Every minute of that amazing whole weekend will be burned into my memory forever." He grinned as he added, "Although I certainly did stare at her body a lot."

Alan grinned too. "Okay, then. Maybe I'll call you on the phone tonight and we can talk about this some more. I'll talk to Kim, and see if she's up for something with you later. If the orgy happens, she'll be at it, too, so you'll have that comfort zone, someone you've already done it with."

Alan was thinking about the S-Club meeting. Technically, it was supposed to happen this afternoon, but no one had said anything about having one. More realistically it happened whenever Alan could make it. While talking to Sean, it suddenly struck him that he should revive the S-Club again and have it tomorrow. He had an idea about something that could happen there that could hopefully shock Sean into becoming the kind of lover he needed to be to have any chance with Heather. Alan was extremely pleased about his idea.

"Uh, okay," Sean said slowly. "This is so much to take. I'm still recovering from the Xania weekend! That was like, whoa. I can't get over it. Mentally and physically."

"Get used to it, dude. From now on, I want you to have a minimum of five orgasms a day. Fucking a girl is preferable, naturally, but masturbate if you have to keep up the average. Space it through the day, so you do it morning, afternoon, and night. Got that?"

Sean looked down at his own groin with a dubious and uncertain look. Then he looked back up to his friend. "I'll try. But why?"

"I've discovered the body changes and adjusts when you do it that much. Think spitting. When people spit a lot, the body is constantly producing saliva. When you cum a lot, the body is constantly producing cum. Heather is sexually insatiable, I tell you! You're going to need to be a sexual dynamo to keep up with her. Now, let's run. We're going to be late to class as it is."

"Okay."

Alan hustled off, though his body movements were still awkward. He looked back and saw Sean still gaping in wonder. He thought, Get used to it, dude, get used to it! Seeing him like that is kind of eerie. It's almost like I took a time machine trip to talk with the old me. Heh. Welcome to my world, buddy. You're gonna have all your sexual fantasies come true, but only if you can survive the shock!