Chapter 1157: Sex but No Penetration Dream!
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Christine looked around her darkened room with panic-stricken eyes. Her heart was pounding but she was at least relieved a bit as she realized that it had all been only a dream.
It was just a dream. Just a dream. Thank God! No, it was more than a dream; that was a real nightmare! Heather?! Lesbian lovemaking with Heather?! What the hey?!
She got up, wrapped a sheet around herself, and burst out into the hallway. She really had to pee very badly.
After she'd relieved herself, she remained sitting on the toilet with her head in her hands. God dammit. Stupid nightmare! I can't even begin to believe my body just betrayed me like that. I'm not into girls, not in the slightest! And Heather, of all people?! That has to be some kind of sick joke. It makes me want to puke just to look at her. Where'd all this "magical touch" crap come from?
The big question is, WHEN did I nod off and my idle fantasizing about Alan turn into real dreaming? It must have been right off the bat, because I can't imagine I'd fantasize about any of that! Even the football player part was completely wrong and perverted. Sheesh! They're not even half that good looking in real life. Besides, they'd be in so much trouble if they tried that for real; I'd tear them apart. But my pussy is all hot and wet. I must have been touching myself at some point. I'm positive though I fell asleep early on. I remember thinking maybe it was time to wake up when those assholes were getting out of control. So that means I was definitely asleep before I had to run naked through the school, which was before the dream got all lesbian. Thank the Lord.
There was a knock on the bathroom door. It was Christine's mother Olga. "Christine? You in there? Everything okay?"
"Yeah, Mom. I'm fine. I just had a bad nightmare."
"Oh dear. I think you woke up half the town with that scream. You sure you're okay? Can I get you anything? Maybe some sleeping pills or hot chocolate?"
It's Alan. Is he the problem or is he the solution?
I didn't start having all these strange bondage dreams until I started to get really attracted to him. I need an experienced but very sensitive guy like him to awaken my sexual side. If I'm really some kind of bomb ready to go off, I need someone who can defuse me slowly, bit by bit, rather than me having some huge explosion. I'd like nothing more than to have him date me for several weeks, initiating me gradually into the ways of love. Even though he's sleeping with so many others, I could put that aside and just pretend we're a couple until he makes me a woman. Then I'd be ready to face the world without this huge "virgin ice queen" hang-up that's making my life absolutely miserable.
Nobody else in school even comes close to having the right sensitivity to do that. All the other guys are like, "Big tits, heh-heh-heh. Blonde hair, heh-heh-heh. Nice squeezy ass, heh-heh-heh." It's like being surrounded by hundreds of guys like Beavis and Butthead. Bleah!
On the other hand, Alan seems to be the cause of all these strange dreams, so actually doing anything physical with him might be like trying to use gasoline to put out a fire. I want him so badly, but he seems so dead serious about keeping his hands off me and keeping our relationship 'platonic'. Maybe I'm not sexy enough. Maybe, even though I have a nice body, my "egghead" side, my grouchy perfectionist side, my "Ice Queen" side is too much of a deterrent. I need to change that.
Most of all, I NEED TO GET LAID. I get this feeling that if I actually have sex, all these weird dreams and desires will fade away. I'm getting some kind of complex because everyone I know has had sex except me. Even most of the "Goody-goodies" have. I'm the only one of my friends who's never even been beyond second base. I don't wanna be some bound-up super-heroine; I just wanna be normal! I wanna have a normal boyfriend who loves me. I wanna have ALAN as my normal boyfriend! Sigh. Woe is me. Alan's living some kind of weird hyper-sexual life now that's probably even stranger than tonight's nightmare. In my dream I said he had a harem. He's got so many girls, for all I know that might be literally true. How can I compete with that? I turned him down when I could have had him all for myself! Duh! Maybe I hurt him so much that now he can't trust me; he's afraid I'll do it
again. Arrgh!
Christine hit her pillow several times in extreme frustration. Then she tried to quiet her mind and go to sleep. Usually that worked, but this time it was all in vain.
She finally got so frustrated that she just opened her mouth and let out a great silent scream. Even though no sound came out, it felt good to release her emotions in that way. Hitting her pillow again, she said to herself, What do I want from me?! My own mind is trying to make me go insane! If it weren't for my years of meditation and practicing self-control I think I'd have flipped out already.
I know Amy tells us all how incredibly pleasurable "sucking his cock" is, but I have my pride, dammit. I have to be strong. I need to use my iron will. I have to continue simply willing myself not to consciously think these kinds of thoughts. But that's part of the problem too. I'm so good at repressing sexual feelings most of the day - except when I'm actually around Alan - that it all comes out at night. My dreams are getting more and more sexual and more and more crazy. But even so, there's still NO
PENETRATION! Arrgh!
Maybe I can't dream of penetration because I don't know what it's like in real life? I'm probably the last girl in Southern California my age to still have a hymen. But then again it's not like I know what lesbian lovemaking is like in real life either, and this latest nightmare was disturbingly detailed about that. At least I guess it was. It seemed so real. I mean, I experienced things with Heather that I've never even seen in movies, so where did that come from? Okay, there was that one time I spied her getting it on with Simone in the stinky bathroom, but I didn't really see much.
I think my brain is having fun torturing me with all these "sex but no penetration" dreams. To what end, I don't know. All I know is that I can't go on like this. What I really need is a friend, one good friend whom I could share all my dreams and thoughts with. They'd be more sexually experienced than I am since I'm probably the only virgin my age left in Orange County! URGH! It seems like it, anyway. They'd tell me what to do and how to get out of this vicious circle. The only problem is, my "Ice Queen" demeanor has kept everyone at a distance. I'm all alone! Which makes sense, because who'd want to associate with the twisted, disgusting, deviant, sex-obsessed freak that I'm turning into? At least I'm not alone; Katherine says she has weird submissive dreams too. Maybe I should talk to her some more about that. But I'll bet that if she hears the actual details of what I dream about, and that's it's her brother, she'll think I'm a total freak. Ugh.
Christine tossed and turned for a long time before sleep mercifully returned.