Chapter 109 - Callan's Heart (Part 1)

[Music Recommendation: "Winter Bear" by Kim Taehyung (BTS - V) available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~

[Please note: This chapter is written in Callan's POV - when he slept over Crystal's room]

'She's finally asleep. That's good. She's probably having trouble sleeping, that's why she asked me to sleep over.'

I stared at Crystal as I continued to brush her hair. She laid beside me, and my arm was her pillow. This scene would had been a nice and sweet scenario if only… she wasn't hurting.

"Haaahh…" I sighed to myself. "Crystal… How I wish I can just take your pain away. I don't like seeing you sad. It's heartbreaking."

She should let it all out—everything that she's feeling. Tomorrow, I'll make her spill it all out.

Hours passed by until it was morning. I woke up early and prepared breakfast. I decided to go with something simple—salad, soup, fried rice, bacon and eggs. By the time I finished cooking, Crystal was up.

"Just in time for breakfast. Did you wake up because of the smell?" I teased her. "What a glutton."

Crystal chuckled, still rubbing her eyes and yawning.

"Shut up. You just told me yesterday that I need to eat more. Now, you're calling me a glutton."

"Ha-ha! Sit down. What coffee do you want?"

"Cappuccino, please."

"Coming right up."

We sat down and ate while chatting about random things. She managed to finish the full plate I gave her so I praised her, much to her irritation, saying I'm treating her like a child. It was fun though.

Once done, I dragged her over the couch and had her face me. I stared at her intensely as I thought of how to begin what I wanted to ask.

Looking surprised, Crystal asked, "What's going on? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Sighing deeply, I spilled it out. I'm really no good with beating around the bush.

"Crystal, tell me what's going on with you. You're not okay. You've been having sleeping issues, eating issues, and you're wearing your mask again. Are you still not over Verrill?" I asked it all in a single breath.

Of course, Crystal was shocked. Then, her smiling face sighed, and turned sullen.

"Honestly…" she started, with her eyes dropped low and almost crying. "I feel sad… and my heart still hurts."

'Haaah… I knew it. She's still not okay about that.'

I patted her shoulders and held her hand, trying to console her.

"Go on. Tell me all about it."

"Uhm… Callan… About Verrill's bad side, I can actually accept that. It's not that I hate him for it. It's only normal to do so anyway. Even if someone confesses to me that I don't know or I don't like, I, too, will reject them—harshly if needed. But what I couldn't accept yet… was the fact that… it's not me he fell in love with."

The tears she's been holding up, fell down her cheeks.

"Sniff… I've always been there for him since childhood. I've always supported him and cheered for him. But he never noticed me. Am I that ugly? Am I that unlovable? Do I really look like a child that he can only treat me as a younger sister?"

Her body began to tremble. How much pain had she been trying to keep to herself all this time?

"But… as for Hora, I—I really don't hate her. I'm good and relieved that it's her rather than just anyone out there. But—I don't know why but—there's still a part of me that wished it was me instead. I can't help thinking that… I'm just not good enough. I know I have to get over this but it's hard… so hard. I'm doing my best, I really am! But I'm failing. Hu-hu-hu-hu… What should I do? I don't know if I can go back and face them like this."

Sting.

'Seeing her cry really breaks my heart.'

"Go on," I whispered gently to her. "Cry as much as you want. Maybe you just haven't cried enough."

"Hu-hu-hu-hu…"

Her sobs grew louder. That's good. She needed to let it all out. At least, that's what I thought.

"Sniff… Why is it that no matter how much I try my best, I'm still always the loser? Even with mother and father, or with my grandparents, or any relatives, they all prefer Kaiden over me. Now, with Verrill, too. And of course with Senara and Hora, too. They're closer to each other than I am. I'm just a new friend anyway. Why am I no one's favourite? Hu-hu-hu… And I feel so bad even thinking about it! I don't know. I just don't know. "

"Crystal, why do you work so hard to please everyone? Why do you want to be everyone's favourite? Screw them if they don't prefer you better. That's fine. Why does it even matter?"

"I… I don't know. Maybe I'm just being childish. Or I just don't feel special at all… because I really am not."

"No," I sternly corrected her.

Then, I lifted her head and wiped her tears away.

"This silly girl," I smiled at her with the warmest smile I could give. "It's not true that no one favours you… Because you're my favourite person. And you are very special to me."

"You're only saying that to comfort me."

"Am I? Have I not always been here for you?"

"... That's just because you feel sorry for me."

"No. It's not because of that."

"Then, what?"

"You asked why I kept my hair long all this time?... It's because of you."

"Huh? Why me?" Her face, confounded.

"Three years ago… was the moment I realized… that I'm in love with you."

Hearing that, Crystal's eyes widened. It was expected. I didn't plan on confessing now but… whatever.

"I told myself that I'll start growing it as a sign of how long I've liked you. And that I will only cut it if I somehow stop loving you. To my surprise, I still feel the same way, after years passed. So I told myself then, that I'll just cut it once you love me back, or… once you reject me."