Chapter 140 - Midnight Bonding (Part 5)

[Music Recommendation: "In Silence" by Janet Suhh (It's Okay Not To Be Okay OST)-available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~

[Please note: We're back to Senara's POV - when Kaiden picked "truth" and asked her what her question would be]

I looked forward to winning so much that I forgot to prepare what my question would be in case he picked "truth". I had lots of "dares" but not a single question! Well, not that there was nothing I wanted to ask him—in fact, there was too much I didn't know what to choose. Hmmm… This was probably one of the hardest choices I'd make in my second life.

"You don't have a question in mind?" Kaiden pressed on. "I have a couple of suggestions if you want."

"No, wait. I'm thinking. Hmm… It's just that, there's a lot I want to ask and I can't pick one."

"Alright. Pick whichever you're most curious about then."

As I deliberated amongst the hundreds of questions in my mind—from what his favourite colour was, to what type of girl he liked, a sudden memory came flashing back to me. And it was that time at the parking lot where I saw him talking casually with Marie. A sudden throbbing pain ached my heart again.

'Yes. Maybe I should do that, huh?'

My lips trembled a bit, and my heart continued to thump loud in my chest. I wasn't sure what expression I was making but… I toughened myself and asked him.

"Do you… have a girl that you like?"

Badump! Badump! Badump!

When I finally said it, my body started to be covered in cold sweat. I couldn't remember when was the last time I felt so nervous and scared at the same time. What answer would he give me? Would I be able to accept whatever truth came from him? It would be nice if he said "No", that way I still had a chance to make him fall in love with me. But if he said "Yes"… what should I do? And if he said "Yes", was it Marie?

Kaiden took a moment to ponder about my question. He seemed to be thinking hard about it. The ticking clock sounded so loud from the silence between us.

"W-was it too personal?" I asked him, losing all my courage from earlier. "Should I change the question to something lighter?"

"No, it's okay. You didn't ask who I like but if I liked someone. That was fine."

"Oh. Great." Ugh. That was the most awkward acknowledgement of all. I didn't sound great at all. "I—ah, I promise not to tell anyone, don't worry."

"It's fine. It's no secret anyway. It's pretty obvious in fact. Only the person herself doesn't know," he murmured.

"S-So that means…"

"Yeah. I do have someone I like. And I like her a lot."

A sweet smile covered Kaiden's face… He must have liked her so much, huh?

Meanwhile… my heart was crushed. I wanted to cry so bad.

But I had to hold it in. I couldn't just suddenly cry in front of him. He'd be shocked and pester me as to why I was crying. And I had no guts to tell him that it was because… I liked him… but he liked someone else.

'I knew it. I knew it from that moment I saw him talking casually with Marie. So that's why he said he never had a female friend—except me. It was because he never treated Marie as a friend. She was the girl he liked! Of course you wouldn't say that you're friends with the person you like. Ha-ha! I'm so stupid! I should have known. And that's why everyone knows her, too. If that's the case, then he should have asked her to be his fake girlfriend! But then again… maybe he couldn't because… he wanted her to be his real girlfriend.'

"T-t-that's great! I never thought you had someone you like," I tried my best to smile at him. I hope it was convincing enough. "She's probably someone so beautiful, brave, and cool and…"

"Yeah. She is really beautiful, brave, and cool, and so much more."

There it was again, his sweet smile. A smile that looked so warm and endearing.

Then, I didn't know what got into me…

"If that's the case, then why didn't you ask her to be your fake girlfriend? You could have spent more time with her and maybe developed your feelings with each other."

I had to admit, my tone sounded a bit angry.

I glanced at Kaiden's direction and he looked shocked. Of course he would. I was suddenly lashing out at him, out of the blue! We were just playing games and then I'm too weak to control my emotions, and now, I'm angry.

Yes. I felt angry for some reason.

Angry because… if he had someone he liked, why did he choose me to be his fake girlfriend instead? Because of that, I had the audacity to think that I had a chance with him!

Angry because… all this time, I had been chasing at nothing!

And angry at myself because… I lacked the capability to attract him.

Because from the very beginning… he already had someone else in his heart.

'Why can't it be me?'

Now, I understood how wretched Crystal must have felt when she said those words after she found out that Verrill liked someone else.

'Truly… Why can't it be me instead?'

"Senara? Are you okay?" Kaiden asked with a worried expression.

"I'm… I'm trying to suppress my yawn," I lied. I lowered my eyes and my head so that my fringes covered my eyes at least. "I think I'm feeling sleepy. I'm sorry. Is it okay if I go back and sleep? We can… ahm… continue this another time."

"Oh, I see. Sure. Let me accompany you to your room," he kindly offered. Then, he stood up, getting ready to go.

"No. It's fine. I can go by myself."

"Pft. No. Knowing you, you'll end up getting lost."

"Then a maid or anyone—"

"It's okay. Don't worry, it's not a bother. Let's go."

Running out of excuses, I just agreed and let him accompany me back to my room. I should still be able to hold out my tears for a few more minutes.

As we walked back to my room, my heart continued to ache at every step.