Chapter 141 - MADLY AND DEEPLY <3

[Music Recommendation: "Scenery" by Kim Taehyung (BTS - V) available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~

It had been a while since the last time I felt that I'm taking the longest walk of my life. My tears started dropping one after another so I kept my head bowed low and prevented myself from sniffing.

Kaiden was right. I really was a crybaby. I should practice how to suppress my tears moving forward. If I ended up seeing her with another girl, I might end up crying again and I couldn't possibly show him that. I should be stronger than this.

After what seemed to be an hour or two of walking, we finally arrived at my room. Still with my head and eyes lowered, I bid my goodbye and good night quickly to him and rushed to bed. I slumped my body to the bed and my face to the pillow. And that was when I finally let myself cry.

"Sniff… sniff… Stupid Kaiden."

As I let myself cry, I didn't notice the footsteps that got nearer to me.

Suddenly, someone grabbed my shoulders and turned me around.

"I knew it."

It was Kaiden. He didn't go back yet! And he looked… angry for some reason.

"You were crying. Why are you crying? And why are you not telling me?" he asked, frustrated. "Did I do something to upset you? Was it my answer? Was it because—"

F*ck. What should I say to him? I didn't think he would… argh!

"I-it's not that. I just… I just suddenly remembered something sad—"

"Don't lie to me. You suck at it."

'Oh no. He's really angry.'

"I'm sorry. Sniff… I didn't mean to."

Kaiden sighed deeply. His face looked so wretched as if I hurt him a thousand times. But then again, it was probably him worrying over a friend. At least, I'm still considered a friend so of course he would worry if he figured out his friend was suddenly crying and not telling him why.

Then, he pulled me up from bed and hugged me. He was probably trying to comfort me, or make me stop crying. He's really kind.

"I'm really sorry," I whispered to him.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about. I'm the one who should be. I'm not sure but it seems that I hurt you. I… I didn't mean to. If you could tell me why then maybe… maybe I could explain and—"

"No! It's not your fault!"

'Yes. It's not his fault if I fell for him even though he already likes someone else. It's unfair of me to—I mean, he has no obligation to like me back. It's just me.'

"I won't believe that until you tell me why you're crying," Kaiden smiled bitterly.

He really wouldn't let it slide until I told him, huh? In that case…

"Kaiden…" I freed myself from his embrace and faced him, looking straight to his eyes. "Me being your fake girlfriend… Am I not hindering your chances with the girl you like? Am I not being a bother? She might think that we're really together and, you know, ahm… your chances with her… I mean…"

'Ugh. Why is it so hard to explain?'

"What I mean is… you should have let her be your fake girlfriend instead. Not me. I don't want to ruin your chances with her. I don't want to be in the way."

Kaiden fell silent. And his expression turned miserable. But why? Why did he look as if… I broke his heart?

"You… want me to be with somebody else?" he asked, almost inaudibly.

"I-It's not—I didn't mean it like that. Y-You said you had someone you like so I just thought it would be better if you're with her rather than me."

"You never thought that the girl I like is…"

'Huh? Wait a minute… What does that mean? Isn't it Marie? But then those words… it's as if—'

"Senara," Kaiden called my name.

He looked at me as if he was looking straight to my soul. Because of that, I felt that my heart was about to explode.

Badump! Badump! Badump!

"Y-Yes?"

Why was I suddenly nervous?

"You said I should be with the girl I like."

"Y-Yes. That's right."

"But… I am already with her."

…

…

…

My whole world just stopped.

…

…

…

"W-what do you mean?"

Kaiden averted his eyes, and his cheeks turned red.

"If you don't understand what that means then you're stupid!"

That look on his face… was he sulking?

My eyes widened in surprise. I… I never thought… Well, I really was stupid, huh?

"S-so… what you mean is…"

"Do I really have to say it clearly?" Kaiden asked, frustrated and his whole face was turning red—not only his cheeks. Was this how he behaves when shy? He looked so cute.

Seeing him like that, the pain in my heart was gone. It was replaced with warmth instead. I was so stupid for jumping into conclusions. I should remind myself never to do it again since my conclusion seemed to be always wrong.

Feeling relieved and mischievous, I pressed him on. I wanted to hear it. And to be 100% sure and clear about everything. I didn't want to just assume.

"Yes. Tell me clearly or I might misinterpret."

Kaiden sighed deeply.

"Alright. I'm just gonna say this once, you got that?"

It was funny how he's suddenly being grumpy at me.

Chuckling, I agreed. "Okay. Just once."

But then of course, I prepared my phone to record his voice, much to his surprise. But he gave in and just let me be.

Kaiden's whole face turned red, including his ears and neck. He went silent for a few seconds, probably gathering his courage before saying what he was about to say.

After breathing deeply a couple of times, he looked straight to my eyes, and unto my soul once again.

"Senara," he called me and smiled dearly, "I like you. Actually, no—not just like. I… I've fallen madly and deeply in love with you."