Chapter 13：what to feel

―Julie, why didn't you tell me when he began to court you? You were with him for one month before he started to pay attention to me. She shrugged.

―He insisted we keep it a secret. I don't know why. He's so charming that he talked me into keeping quiet. Then yesterday afternoon, he told me that we can let everyone know we're courting. You're with Leo. Things have worked out. Jessica closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

―You don't understand, Julie. If I had known you were interested in him, I never would have entertained romantic notions about him. Surely, it must have bothered you when you saw him speaking with me.

―It did, she softly confessed. She stared at the purple napkin which matched the purple ribbons in the church. ―But he assured me that he had no lasting interest in you. This is getting worse and worse with each passing minute.

―I don't know what to say. Or what to feel. Part of her couldn't believe what was happening. She felt as if she was in a dream that was going in slow motion. Everyone around her was laughing and having a good time, unaware of the realization that the one man she thought had shown a genuine interest in her as a person hadn't been interested in her after all. She could have handled that well enough, but knowing her childhood friend had let him do such a thing was too much to take. Mary held her hand.

―Jessica, Harrison is not a good man. You are much better off with Leo. ―Harrison is just fine, Julie argued. ―We're going to marry in one week. Mary looked as shocked as Jessica felt. ―And how long have you been engaged? Mary snapped. ―Since this morning, she shot back.

―I don't see what the problem is. Everything has worked out well for everyone. Mary shook her head in disgust. Finally, Jessica whispered, ―Why? Her two friends seemed as if they didn't expect her to say anything else. ―Why what?

Julie wondered. ―Why didn't you tell me that Harrison had no right to ask if he could court me? He did ask that if you recall. Jessica's words got louder as she continued to speak. ―He said he had to take care of something. I don't know what it was but it's over now.

―He sat in my parlor and asked me if he could court me, and the entire time, he was secretly seeing you and you didn't say anything. Do you understand how much that hurts me? ―He's no good, Jessica, Mary assured her. ―Now you know that he wasn't worth the effort.

―He's not the one who's hurting me, Jessica said, turning to Julie. ―His betrayal is a little thing but yours... She took a deep breath. ―We've been friends since we were sixteen. Her voice choked as tears fell from her eyes. Mary grabbed a handkerchief and gave it to her so she could wipe her eyes so no one else noticed that she was crying. ―I didn't betray you, Julie insisted.

―If I had thought for a moment that you and Harrison were going to marry, I would have said something. ―But you knew he was lying to me and didn't say anything, Jessica replied. Julie sighed. ―I can't do anything about it now. As I said, it's all worked out.

―Why did he pretend to like me? ―I don't know. ―Do you want to marry someone like that? Mary hissed at Julie. ―What if he does this after you're married? ―He loves me, Julie argued. ―He won't pretend to like another woman after we wed. Mary shook her head.

―If he's doing this now, he will likely do it again. Not all men take marriage vows seriously. What will you do if he decides to get a mistress? Will you be happy then? ―I told you that he loves me. He doesn't want another woman.

―Don't you dare turn this on us! Her voice was low enough so the guests wouldn't overhear. ―If you had shown enough decency to apologize to Jessica, then we could work through this. But you act as if Jessica's feelings don't even matter. She did care for Harrison and had hoped to marry him. Thankfully, God made other arrangements for her, but what will you do if you marry him and end up miserable? Julie didn't speak. She grabbed her purse and left. Jessica closed her eyes. In one moment, she lost her friend. Mary hugged her.

―Jessica, I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if you should know but the more I prayed about it, the more it seemed like you should find out. She hugged her friend back. ―I still don't understand why Julie didn't tell me. ―Perhaps she feared that Harrison would choose not to court her anymore.

―Perhaps. Leo and Brad walked over to them. ―Jessica, are you feeling alright? Leo asked. ―She and Julie had to work through something, Mary answered for her. ―I'll be fine, Jessica replied. She was surprised that he seemed to be concerned about her feelings. ―Did you want something? She looked at Leo.

―I was going to ask if you wanted to dance, but if you're upset, then we don't have to. Dancing would be a good distraction from her conversation with Julie.

―I'll dance, she decided. Brad asked Mary to dance and she accepted. Jessica hated to admit it but she did enjoy dancing with Leo. His touch was gentle but firm. Don't get attached to him. You were forced into this marriage. Once you explain the situation, he'll understand and agree that an annulment is best for both of us.