15. Conceded

My own shock was just starting to fade, and I could tell it was Kelly's turn now to be dumbfounded by her mother's announcements.

I put an arm around my girlfriend's waist, as I said "I think me and Kelly will have to talk things over, before we make a decision."

"While you're considering your accommodations, I trust you've also been thinking about the matter of your human parents?" Ms. Connolly asked, her eyes fixed on me.

I sighed, "I've been thinking about it but I still don't know what to do. I'm... I don't like the idea of using magic to mess with their heads? But I understand that there's probably no other way to do it. I mean, there's no way they'll believe who I am if I just tell them."

She nodded, "I understand it's a difficult decision, Tegan. And I know you have several difficult decisions to make. I don't mean to pressure you, but the clock is ticking. The old you is now a 'missing person'. Your work has undoubtedly noticed your absence. Sooner or later your human parents will as well. You'll want to have completely left this old life behind before anyone 'official' starts looking for the old you."

"Crap," I sighed. It was just like I said to Kelly earlier. The old me really did 'die', or at least vanished. I really did have to start over from scratch.

Kelsey gave me an apologetic look, "I know it's not easy Tegan. It's something we all have to get used to, though. Kelly and Keira have done it once, when they were children. I've done it twice now, due to my appearance not matching my 'official' age. My father's done it countless times since he came here, and you'll get used to it too."

"Crap," I said again. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer, but I asked. "You said fae age slowly and live a long time. How long?"

She gave me a sympathetic smile, "My father is in his sixth century. He looks about forty. I believe twelve-hundred years is a fairly common lifespan."

I said it a third time, "Crap."

That was the last of the shocks Ms. Connolly had for Kelly and me, at least for now. She stayed a while longer, but eventually she got a ride-share for herself and left. Apparently she had to attend some other business while she was in town.

She also let us know she'd be having dinner and spending the evening with Keira, so Kelly and I wouldn't see her again until some time tomorrow.

The two of us had a lot to discuss of course, and I had a ton of stuff on my mind.

"This whole thing is starting to feel more like a nightmare," I sighed, looking at Kelly. "I just wanted to get back to my normal routine life, you know? I thought I'd just be same old me, but as Tegan? Instead it feels like every time I turn around, something else comes up that pushes the whole 'normal routine' thing farther away."

Kelly sighed, "I'm sorry babe. I know it's rough. I'll help though, ok? I want to move in with you. My mom will set us up somewhere nice. In a couple weeks we'll be going back to college, that'll be a step back towards normal right?"

I nodded, "Yeah. I'm actually looking forward to college again. It'll be weird though, pretending to be a new student, pretending I don't already know all the profs and the other guys in my classes."

She put an arm around my shoulders and said, "You can do it though. Like you said the other day, it's just getting into character. You did that just fine with being Tegan, I know you can do it for being a new student."

I sighed again. The whole 'getting into character' thing reminded me of another topic that kept cropping up. I finally decided to bite the bullet and deal with it.

"At dinner last night, your mom asked if I was trans. You've mentioned it twice. Why does everyone think I'm trans?"

Kelly didn't answer right away. I think she was figuring out what to say or how to say it.

Finally she replied, "Like I said on Saturday, it seemed to me like you were experiencing gender euphoria, the way you were enjoying yourself and having fun being a girl. And having a girl's name already picked out for yourself made it sound like you'd at least put some thought into being a girl. And like I said yesterday, you wanting to stay this way and being happy when it turned out you were stuck? That's not something a cis guy would want, you know?"

She suggested, "Let's turn the question around. Why are you so opposed to the idea that you might be trans? I can tell it bothers you, I know you're feeling uptight right now."

I sighed once more. I felt my cheeks colouring, the answer was embarrassing. Finally I mumbled, "You know what I used to look like, Kelly. You know who I used to be. I couldn't be trans, I would have... I wouldn't have looked good. There's no way I could have been a girl."

She looked me in the eyes and asked, "Did you want to though?"

I blushed brighter, and shrugged. "I mean, I was curious? I thought about it now and then. But I knew it was impossible, so... No, I never sat around pining about it or anything like that."

"Tegan," she said with a sympathetic smile, "Wanting to be a girl but giving up on the idea because you thought you'd be an unattractive girl, that's like one of the textbook examples of gender dysphoria."

"But..." I frowned, grasping at straws. "I mean, maybe it's just because of the whole changeling thing? Like, if I was really a girl from the start, inside, and just disguised as a guy on the outside..."

I felt her suppress a laugh, "Tegan that's what being trans is. Except for the changeling and magic disguise part."

She gave me a kiss then said quietly, "You were always a girl on the inside but your body didn't match. So you accepted what the outside world told you to be, and you suppressed and ignored how you really felt inside."

"Crap."

After a few quiet moments, Kelly said "You don't have to go around telling people you're trans, you don't have to make it a big thing. But I think it's important you know who and what you are, and I'm glad we've talked about this."

I was quiet for a few more seconds, then finally nodded. "Ok. Thanks Kelly. I guess it kind of makes a lot of other things make sense to me now. It'll probably still take time for me to really accept and understand it, but I guess you're right. It's best that I know.

After a second I added with a sigh, "If only it was so easy to get my head around the fae stuff..."

Kelly gave me another kiss, "I'll help with that too. There's a lot of stuff you need to learn, and I'm sure I'll be spending the next few months giving you a crash-course on all of it." She sighed, "Don't think my mom was playing cupid or thinking about romance when she suggested we move in together. She wants me to be your tutor."

She added, "Not that she doesn't care about the other stuff. I'm sure she's happy you and I are together. Just, she'll want someone teaching you and since we're already close it makes me the best choice."

I nodded slowly. It made sense. And if I had to pick, I'd definitely choose Kelly as my fae tutor. Especially if the other options were Keira or Ms. Connolly.

By now it was late afternoon, and my phone started buzzing. Work was looking for me again.

I sighed when the new voicemail notification came up. "That's either an ultimatum, show up tomorrow or I'm fired. Or I'm already fired and that was the don't bother coming back message."

Kelly gave me a sympathetic look, "At least they'll stop bothering you."

"Yeah," I nodded slowly. "I suppose there's that."

We wound up ordering pizza for dinner. We both felt like we could use a quiet night in, after the way things had been the past few days.

As we ate, I asked "So I guess we'll have to start looking at apartments or something, in the next day or two?"

"Nah," Kelly shrugged, "I'm sure my mom will do all that. She's probably already started looking. I'm sure she's just waiting for us to tell her we've made the decision before she pulls the trigger on a lease or buys a place or something."

I frowned, "I mean, I guess it's nice that she does all that for you. But don't you ever want to like, do your own thing? What if you don't like what she picks?"

She grimaced, then said "It's sort of fae culture I think? They live over a thousand years, so they kind of consider anything under a hundred to be a child." She added, "It's not as bad for me and Keira, but I think mom's going to treat us as children till we're twenty-five? Basically twenty-five will be our eighteen."

I groaned slightly, "That's what you meant when you said she might ground you... You're still a teen in her eyes."

"Yeah," she smiled. "She had it like that too. She's half fae. I think her dad didn't decide she was an adult till she was thirty, or maybe thirty-five."

"Crap," I sighed. "So I'm like a toddler, basically? At twenty-two they're all going to be looking at me like we look at two-year-olds?"

"No," Kelly shook her head. "You're a changeling, you grew up here, you were raised here. You matured here, as a human. You didn't have fae parents treating you like a kid for the past twenty-two years. I'm pretty sure they'll probably treat you like a teen, like me and Keira."

She added, "And I mean, that's not far off from how you look? Like yesterday with that oversized pink top and the leggings, you could have passed for a high-school senior. So don't worry about them treating you like a baby."

I was glad for that, but it still wasn't that great to be honest. I sighed, "Ok... I can see what you mean about me needing a crash-course in all this stuff."

It only took a slice and a half of pizza to fill me up, then I sat back on the sofa and sipped my cola while Kelly continued eating.

"So, your mom's going to take care of a place to live, and a new car. And I guess she'll get her 'contact' to fix things for me with college. I've already given up on work. That just leaves what? I need to open a bank account? And get a new phone."

Kelly nodded, "You should probably set up a new email account, new social media accounts too. Don't even bother closing anything tied to the old you. Just walk away from them."

After a moment she added, "And there's still the big one, Tegan. You have to decide what to do about your human parents."

I sighed, "Right..."

After a few minutes and another sip of cola I sighed again and admitted, "I don't know what to do, Kelly. I can't just turn my back on my family and disappear, that would kill them. They'd go crazy trying to figure out what happened. And I'd miss them. But messing with their heads... I'm really not comfortable with that."

Kelly gave my a sympathetic look and said "I know it's a tough call, Tegan. I wish there was an easier way, or another option."

I shook my head, "I get that this is normal to you, but it's... This isn't normal to me. It feels like an almost impossible decision to make. Either never see my folks again, or use magic to mess with their heads."

She sighed as a sort of distant, pained look appeared on her face. Like she was remembering some terrible or tragic thing that happened to her.

"What's wrong?" I asked, "What did I say?"

"It's not normal for us either, Tegan. I know how much it hurts."

She hesitated, then in a soft voice she said "My mom mentioned me and Keira did the whole 'disappear / new life' thing when we were kids? We were still in grade school, I think we were about ten. Mom was using make-up and stuff to make herself look older, but she'd got to the point where she couldn't hide it anymore, so we had to just pack everything up and disappear. We moved halfway across the country and started over. We had to start calling our mom 'aunt Kelsey', we had to pretend our mom was dead and we were living with her younger sister."

I was shocked. It made sense though, when I thought about what Ms. Connolly said at dinner last night and the stuff she said this afternoon. "What about your dad, how did he manage with all that?"

Kelly shook her head. Her voice was almost a whisper as she replied sadly, "He didn't come with us. I haven't seen my dad since I was ten."

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