CH 329

The Pop Up Parrot Game

Editor(s): Speedphoenix, Joker

“Master, master!” The resident slime girl called for me as she excitedly pitter-pattered across the true throne room and came to a sliding stop right in front of my desk.

“Hey Shii, what’s up?”

“I never told you, but I’m really good at copying voices! Listen to this!” She giggled mischievously. “First is, ‘I love you Lefi,’ and then ‘A-as do I. I-I love you too.’”

ASDK?FHASDKG&ASDR!?!? WHAT THE FUCK!?

Fortunately, I wasn’t in the middle of drinking anything. If I was, I definitely would’ve ended up spraying the contents of my cup all over her.

“…When exactly did you learn how to do that?”

“Uhmmmm… a while ago! And I know that when I try to sound like Lefi, I have to sound really embarrassed! She’s super duper shy.”

The imitation was on point. It was so accurate, in fact, that I’d scanned my surroundings for the silver-haired dragon to confirm that it really wasn’t just her. While I was startled, my confusion didn’t last. It didn’t take me too long to realize that Shii probably hadn’t just imitated her voice. The faultless imitation likely stemmed from copying Lefi’s vocal chords. Just slime things, I guess.

Wait, that first voice was supposed to be mine, wasn’t it? It sounded a bit weird since I’m not used to hearing myself like that, but if Lefi’s was perfectly spot on, I guess mine probably was too.

Whatever the case, it was plain as day that the slime had put plenty of effort into her parroting act. Perfectly imitating both our voices and mannerisms wasn’t something that could be done without long-term, careful observation of the target that one wished to duplicate.

“I can copy Nell and Lyuu too. Wanna hear it?”

“Uhhh… as impressive as that is, I think I’m going to have to pass,” I said awkwardly.

A part of my hesitation stemmed from confusion. I had no idea when Shii had overheard Lefi and I sharing in a moment of such intimacy. Okay, maybe I do. But I swear we normally keep ourselves out of sight when we flirt like that! How the hell did she manage to copy us so perfectly!?

“Shii, could you do me a favour and seal that ability away for good?”

“Huh? Even though I sound like everyone?”

“Yeah. In fact, that’s kinda why. It really just makes me want to beg you to stop.”

Her ability was capable of hitting me straight in the heart with guaranteed critical hits. It was so effective that I had to stop her before I found myself permanently disabled.

“Ohhh… I do it all the time for Lefi and Nell, so I thought you might like it too!”

“Uh. What?”

“Lyuu tries not to ask me for it, but she’s really really happy when I do it for her anyway!”

Girls pls… Y’all needa get bonked.

Though I was facepalming internally, I made sure to note that I was going to have to go out of my way to pamper Lyuu. I wanted to help her build more confidence in order to ease her inferiority complex and make her more assertive. It went without saying that I didn’t let either thought show, and instead masked it all with a headpat.

“I was really surprised by just how good you are at that. You’d make a great voice actress. Hell, if you put your mind to it, you could even be the very best, like no one ever was.”

“Voice actress? What’s that? Is it a job?”

“You got it. It’s an amazing job about breathing life into things with the power of your voice.”

“Wow! You really think I can be one?”

“Of course, but you’ll need to practice lots.”

“Okay! I will!”

A Japanese-esque subculture did not exist, and nor did any of its associated roles, but I was still fairly certain that an equivalent existed. She could very well be a puppet master and use her voice to give her characters additional personality. Actually, that’s not even a bad idea. She could probably put together something incredible if she had the triplets help out by possessing the puppets. Hmmm… I should probably get them to give it a shot sometime. That sounds like something I’d want to see for sure.

As I thought about Shii’s talents, I came to a sudden realization that could not be overlooked.

“On second thought, there is something I want you to do. Could you repeat after me, in Lefi’s voice?”

“Okay!”

“Alright, here goes. ‘Howdy Pardner. Ah’m y’alls Supuhrareem Derragon, Leficios.’”

“Howdy Pardner. Ah’m y’alls Supuhrareem Derragon, Leficios.”

L O L

“Not bad, not bad at all,” I said between fits of laughter. “You sound just like her. Alright, next, ‘Naw’t even a proud ass derragon laik me’s able to do much of anythang at all, uhyuk!’”

“Naw’t even a proud ass derragon laik me’s able to do much of anythang at all, uhyuk!”

“Pffffffftttttttttt” I bent over in an uncontrollable fit of laughter. “That’s hilarious. You’re a great actor, and you’re super duper good at making people smile. Alright, now say, ‘I am sorry. I shall do whatever I must to please yo—’”

“What is it that you are doing, Yuki?”

A chill shot up my spine as I heard Lefi’s voice. And not from Shii. Reluctantly, I turned around with all of the agility of a rusty robot. Oh shit oh shit oh shit!

“Whatever it is, I see that you are enjoying yourself.” The glare she was giving me was the coldest I’d ever seen from her.

“How long have you been here?” I tried to plead innocent.

“I have been observing since you began to instruct Shii in the art of ridicule.”

“A-alright, calm down, Lefi. Don’t be rash, and take a deep breath.”

“I fail to see why you are asking that of me. I am perfectly calm. Can you not see my smile? I assure you that it is as bright as the morning sun.”

“Well, Lefi, I hate to break it to you, but happy people don’t clench their fists in rage.”

“That, I believe, is a result of a difference in our perceptions. I am truly happy, Yuki. It brightens my day to imagine how bruised and battered you will be once I am finished with you.”

“I fucking knew it! You’re totally raring to punch me!”

I popped my wings out and took off before she had the chance to slug me in the face.

“You will not escape me, Yuki!”

She did the same and immediately began chasing me down. Her overwhelming speed made it so that she was hot on my heels in a matter of moments, even in spite of my head start.

“You’ve been way too violent lately!” I shouted, as I desperately milked my wings for every last ounce of speed. “You can’t just solve every goddamn problem you encounter with violence, you know!”

“You have become much stronger, Yuki. I am now able to hit you without restraining the force of my blows!”

“Ohhhhhhh hell naw! Get me the fuck outta here!” I screamed, as I somehow pushed myself to flap even harder. “Domestic violence is unhealthy!”

“Domestic violence? This is no such thing,” she said in a cold “happy” tone. “It is only natural for me to knock sense into my mate should he begin to act like an imbecile. It is a natural form of communication required of every functional household.”

“You clearly don’t know what a functional household is! And besides, it’s not like you haven’t asked Shii to say shit! Why am I the only one that has to suffer!?”

“S-she informed you of that!?” Lefi squeaked. Her face turned dark as she muttered an absolutely terrifying declaration under her breath. “You have left me with no choice but to thoroughly erase your memories.”

“Oh, come on! That’s just plain unfair!”

Our midair chase sequence came with the cost of leaving the slime behind. However, she was not distraught by the development at all. In fact, the opposite was true. She was regarding us with a look of bliss.

“They’re showing off how much they love each other again,” she said, in the bubbliest of tones.

While we certainly would have loved to deny her accusation, we both were far too preoccupied with a high-stakes game of cat and mouse to actually do so.

Despite my best efforts, my desperate attempt at escaping my bride more or less ended up exactly as expected.