Chapter 11

The man himself clearly knew why she was scared at first.

Carmun was angry with himself in the past and nipped at his teeth roughly.

“…Thank you.”

The man slowly grabbed her hands and pulled it toward him.

He did it slowly, as if giving her a chance to refuse if she didn’t like it.

Helen agonized for a while, but she actually didn’t hate it. She also wanted to comfort the man who was having a hard time by himself.

And just like that, she got into the man’s arms again.

“Hang in there….”

This was the only thing she could say to him. Helen patted the man on his back with her hands.

The more she patted him, the man’s hug also got even stronger.

“I-I can’t breathe.”

“Sorry….”

He was the kind of man who hurriedly apologized just like he thought.

“Aren’t you curious about the last thing I brought here?”

“A pen.”

“That’s right.”

“Because I promised to bring it.”

The man let go of Helen.

[t/n: omg pls keep hugging a little bit moreee]

His eyes subsided when he finally calmed down a little.

“Here you go. You said you’d write your question to that person, right?”

“Yes.”

He wanted to yell at the emperor and called him a total jerk, but the face of a woman who was very confused last night came back to his mind.

But he must quench the rising anger inside of him for now.

“But this is the only thing I have. It’s pen and ink… I don’t think I can write it on your arm like this person did. It will become runny.”

The words on the man’s arm were not written using ink. It seemed to be engraved with magic.

No matter what she did, it didn’t come off or disappear.

Helen held out a pen and ink to the man worriedly.

The man looked at the ink for a moment before taking off his shirt without hesitation.

“Why, why, why… Why are you taking off your clothes…!”

Helen cried out in great embarrassment.

And to make matters worse, Helen freaked out and jumped out from her seat when the man, who had been attached to her since earlier, suddenly took off his clothes in the dark library.

“It will most likely become runny if you write on my body. You said so.”

The man asked back calmly, as if wondering why she acted like that.

“A-ah, right…”

Helen fanned her burning cheeks with her hands.

Did this man really know nothing?

As if a child who didn’t know anything and let her take a clear look at his naked body is just too…

He looked exactly like a sculpture. On her way to her father’s palace back then, she thought she saw several sculptures that looked just like his body.

She pouted while looking at the man doing such a thing.

It was unfair that she was the only one who was in such a difficult situation when the man didn’t even pay attention to anything.

The man put his shirt on the desk and picked up a pen.

“What should I write?”

“You can write down anything you want.”

Helen pulled the blanket to his shoulder.

Other than being concerned that he might feel cold, she kept being enamored by his upper body.

She was surprised to see his flawless body without a single wound even though he said he was a knight.

And…. Had he trained in the library all this time? How did his muscles….

“Uh… Whatever I want….”

“Pardon me?”

“What are you staring at that makes you seem so dumbfounded like that?”

The man asked back and wrinkled his nose at her. Helen seemed suspicious because she just disregarded his question.

“A-ah, nothing.”

“Is it too cold? Are you hurt somewhere?”

“No. It’s really nothing.”

“Your cheeks are flushed.”

“M-more like hot. It’s pretty hot here. In the library.”

Helen fanned herself with her hands while approaching the window to open it.

The cold wind caressed Helen’s cheeks.

The man looked at Helen figures and just like that, he raised the pen again.

What should I write?

How could he think of anything to say in this situation?

The man agonized for a while. His shirt looked small because there were so many things he wanted to write.

After a long time, the man who had been staring at his white shirt finally moved his hand.

[Who are you? Why did you confine me here?]

The shirt was too small for him to write all of the things he wanted to say. When he was staring at the shirt with a frustrated look, Helen approached the man after the heat on her cheeks subsided.

“Are you done?”

The man’s face looked somewhat uneasy.

He had been looking at the words written on his shirt for a long time.

‘Huh…?’

Helen suddenly felt a strange feeling of deja vu when she checked what the man had written on his shirt.

[Who are you? Why did you confine me here?]

[Do not let yourself get caught by others. Do not leave the library.]

Helen grabbed the man’s arm and looked at the two writings alternately.

And soon after, she realized the real reason behind it.

‘The handwriting… why does it look so similar……?’

***

“Why are you returning so suddenly? Is it because I took off my clothes without telling you before?”

“It’s not like that…”

There was still a long time left before the sun rose.

When I saw Helen packing her luggage while saying she suddenly had to return, the man asked with a sullen face.

“Then why… Why did you decide to return so suddenly?”

“I got caught on my way to the library by my maid today, but then I said it was just a night stroll. Who knows if she would come to check on me.”

“Maid?”

He looked as if he didn’t know what a maid is.

How far did this man lose his memories….

Helen hurriedly added.

“The person who looks after me.”

“Look after you? Then can I also be your maid if I can leave the library?”

“…Excuse me, what?”

Helen bursted into laughter when the man suddenly said random things, he was cute and funny at the same time.

It was so funny that tears welled up in her eyes.

She couldn’t imagine the huge man becoming a maid.

The maid’s clothes which were usually worn by the maids would’ve squeezed him.

It was even funnier when she thought about the man cleaning the dust around the room in a maid’s uniform.

“Haha.”

Helen wiped away the tears on her eyes after laughing for a while.

“Do you think it’s so funny if I become a maid?”

“Yes, a lot. If you found out what a maid was, you would be shocked and immediately hate it.”

Watching the face of a woman he liked while she was laughing, he actually thought that it wouldn’t be bad if he tried to do it once.

Unaware of the man’s thought, instead Helen caught the sword hanging on his waist.

“You look better as a knight rather than a maid. I heard you’re actually good at using swords.”

“Then how about becoming a knight?”

“A knight….”

He didn’t think it was a bad idea to become a knight and stay by the woman’s side. Because it was the same as standing next to her anyways.

“Fine. It will do.”

Helen nodded when the man obediently answered her.

I told Ellie that I met a puppy in the library, but he looked more like a huge puppy.

Didn’t he look more like a…. Dog?

He wagged his tail whenever he caught sight of her… he looked undeniably cute.

That writing on the shirt was really bothering her, but she reminded herself that it would not have meant anything.

‘It won’t mean anything… It’s not supposed to mean anything.’

Helen reluctantly raised the corners of her mouth and said with a smile.

“I’ll get going now.”

The man hurriedly held onto Helen’s hand when she was about to turn around.

“Will you come again tomorrow?”

The man looked sad. He looked worried thinking that she would not come again.

The dark library could be seen behind him.

‘This guy is waiting for me in the library.’

Her situation seemed to overlap with him.

Just like her who lived confined on the top of a tower far away from the Imperial Family.

The corner of Helen’s mouth didn’t rise anymore.

“I’ll definitely come again. Certainly.”

“I….”

The man tried to say something. Helen turned around and walked away from the library because she felt like crying.

If she got away from this door, the man would have not been able to see her.

She didn’t want to show her tear-stained face toward him. With that thought, she shut the door and immediately slid down to the floor.

“Sigh…..”

She let out a deep sigh.

All this time, she had been deceived and forgotten due to the peaceful day.

She wondered why she came all the way here in the first place, even though her pathetic life would probably be taken away according to her father’s order at any time.

Tears welled up in her eyes.

“What did I do wrong….”

She was abused ever since the day she was born. Trapped in a castle and longing for having the chance to go outside,  her father sometimes invited her to the party in the Imperial City if it was necessary.

Whenever people looked at her suspiciously,  she would refrained from stepping her feet in society using the excuse that she was sick.

Other than that, she couldn’t leave the room.

Even though her body was gradually growing, her mind was still immature. She was only beaten up by her father who came to pay a visit sometimes, but if he didn’t come, she would go crazy because she felt really lonely, so she used to hold him and begged him not to leave whenever he visited.

Just a little bit more….

Her situation at that time was similar to the man’s condition now.

The reason why she couldn’t let go of the hands that were attached and desperate for her wasn’t because she felt sorry for him.

It was because she felt sorry for herself. Back then, she always hoped that there would be someone who would hold her parched hands like that.

“Sorry….”

Helen kept crying for a long time as she sat down at the door.

She didn’t want to cry in front of him, but she was certain that he was standing over this door.

“I’m sorry…. Really….”

‘There’s literally nothing I can do for you…. Nothing….’

Since it would be difficult for her to save her own life, therefore she came all the way here after accepting her father’s order.

If she failed to kill the Emperor as her father commanded her, he would send someone to kill her or expose her to the Emperor of Idelberg by saying that she was a spy.

Someone who would do anything to achieve whatever they want.

He was that kind of person. Her father.

Helen rubbed her eyes roughly with the back of her hand without realizing that her eyes were swelling.

“It’s okay.”

Ah. What should I do?

“It’s okay.”

The low voice of the man could be heard through the door.

Her hunch was entirely correct, that he would be standing behind the door.

“It’s okay.”

The man only repeated the words ‘You’ll be fine’ to her.

He comforted her awkwardly, but was somehow able to cheer her up.

“It’s okay.”

Did the man understand her?

‘You’re the first person to tell me that I would be fine….’

Helen’s eyes trembled intensely.

“It’s okay.”

Helen crouched in front of the door and cried for a long time.

[t/n: my heart literally shattered to pieces while translating this scene. Gladly they can find comfort in each other for now.]

Listening to the repeated voice of the man, She buried her face in her knees while listening to the man repeated his words over and over.

She couldn’t stop crying because she felt that it was unfair for him and pitied herself because she couldn’t hear this until she turned twenty.

***

Helen left and the man just stood at the door blankly. If she walked off, there should’ve been the sound of feet stepping down the stairs, but he couldn’t hear any noise.

It seemed like she didn’t go away.

If you didn’t go, please stay here with me a little longer.

He was greedy. If he was greedy, he thought the woman was frightened of him, but he couldn’t help but be greedy of her.

The man stared blankly at the door where Helen left earlier, as he closed and opened his hand repeatedly in regret.

Until a moment ago, he was holding the woman’s hand with it.

He could still feel the warmth that was enveloping his hands.

‘Should I call out to her? Will she answer me if I call out to her?’

The woman’s face looked bothered by something before she left.

She somehow looked sad and uneasy.

She said she was leaving because of the maid, but it seemed like a lie.

The man was anxious, thinking that she might have left because of him.

Then he heard a faint sound of someone crying outside the door. She was crying there.

She tried hard to stifle it, but he was able to hear a small sound that came out through the gaps of her mouth.

The sound of her crying was making the man even angrier.

If she ever cried in front of him, he would have hugged and comforted her. He would have listened and asked why she seemed so sad.

He hated the fact that he couldn’t approach the woman because she was crying right outside the library door.

And he felt useless.

“It’s okay.”

To hear that. He had no idea how desperate she was all this time to hear those words from him.

Fortunately, Helen’s crying stopped for a moment, most likely because she heard the man’s words.

“It’s okay.”

The man said it over and over again.