Chapter 40

Helen couldn’t see Mar’s face because she hugged him tightly.

Mar’s eyes began to sparkle with lunacy and intense obsession.

“I wasn’t the one to be blamed.”

Mar could barely repress his feelings and wrapped his arms around Helen’s waist, hugging her tightly.

“I understand….”

“And it wasn’t your mistake either.”

Mar’s voice was low, almost sounding like a growl. He was frustrated, but it seemed like he was doing his hardest to be patient.

‘Right. If I had thought of it that way, it would have been silly.’

She held onto him last night because she was enjoying it, but this time she was trying to justify it.

But there was nothing she could do. The Emperor couldn’t let it slide after he discovered the man was having an affair with one of his concubines.

Or would he punish her for cheating and doing things she shouldn’t?

Either way, the outcome would have been disastrous.

“I’m sorry. We can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

Mar didn’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation.

That situation is happening now. She didn’t expect lovers would be so attached to each other like this.

Mar tightened her grip on her waist while she wrapped her arms around his neck.

She let out a brief sigh as she fiddled with Mar’s hair. Her heart was breaking as she secretly made her decision and softly twirled her hands around his hair.

Should they just pretend to be clueless and continue to stay together like this?

Mar didn’t say anything in response to her innermost sentiments which had been carefully revealed.

“How can I lean into you, and make you regain your memory?”

“….”

“It would still be impossible even if I regained my memories back.”

Mar’s voice was quiet and frigid.

She took a step back, trying to escape from his arms.

It was her first time seeing the tough Mar, so she was taken aback, dropping her gaze and staring at the floor.

“We can’t be lovers because of you. Isn’t that right?”

“….”

Helen looked like she had been stabbed in the back and was bleeding profusely, but with that being said, she thought it would be better.

“T-That’s the matter.”

Helen stated while letting go of the man and withdrew herself from him.

She was able to do so thanks to the man’s loose arms that were loose which made it easy to be detached from her.

“From now on, let’s not share any more contacts like this. Don’t even try to hug me again. Let’s just act like normal friends.”

“Normal friends?”

Mar’s voice was filled with irritation. His eyes, which have always been affectionate, were glaring at him with disapproval.

She averted her sight because she was taken aback.

“Yes. I believe you’ll understand.”

“…I can’t do all of this.”

Actually, she did this for their own sake.

If he regained his memory, he would leave her. That time, she’d be able to get it off her chest by then, making it a little easier for him to leave her.

“After you regain your memory, it will be hard to manage.”

He was going to find out who her husband was.

They couldn’t be the same as they used to be.

Mar just hated and despised the Emperor. But then, so is she, the concubine of the Emperor.

She’s hiding it from him right now, but she will definitely get caught someday.

Helen wished she had ended things sooner with him upon realizing this.

Because she believed he would be freed from the Emperor’s curse someday.

“It’s a problem that I’ll deal with later. What’s the point of being concerned about that?”

“That….”

Because she couldn’t just get it out of her head when it came to his problem.

‘How can I say that I’m also involved in the problem? After all, my husband is the Emperor himself…!’

Helen didn’t have the guts to talk, so she just moved her lips slowly and slightly.

“Edith, please.”

Her heart felt like it was about to jump out of her throat when she saw Mar, who was distraught.

She closed her mouth and stifled the feelings which she couldn’t convey to him.

She could feel a slight tremble in Mar’s voice. Besides, she also nibbled on her bottom lips and avoided his gaze, which was unusual for her.

She couldn’t believe Mar was so disturbed.

Without even realizing it. Mar and Helen had figured out each other’s feelings.

It was just too obvious, and no one was trying to hide it at the same time.

They yearned for each other, but the situation was not in their favor.

One was already married, meanwhile the other suffered from a memory less and didn’t know whether he was married or not.

As a result, they couldn’t really embrace each other.

Upon knowing the situation she was in, that Mar loved her. She just couldn’t spit out any words recklessly.

“You must have had the same thought as me.”

Mar’s eyes were filled with confusion once he finished sorting his thoughts

He couldn’t escape Mar’s hand, which was carefully trapping her as if she would fade away and vanish into the thin air.

She couldn’t contain everything she was feeling inside to herself and gazed down at the gentle touch of hand that barely touched her fingertips.

Mar’s large hands stayed there for a moment, gently stroking her fingertips and sharing the warmth with her.

“If I regain my memory, things will be very different than now.”

“Right.”

Mar understood what she was trying to say to him.

Helen just couldn’t be happy. Did she expect Mar to despise and reject her when in reality he just continued clinging to her like this?

Her heart ached like it had been pricked by a needle.

She had a bright smile on her face and raised the corners of her mouth, pretending that nothing had happened.

‘My lies have added up.’

She laughed at herself for acting like she was whinging.

Mar then grabbed her hand in a more daring manner. His finger, which touched her palm, softly stretched it, causing a tickling sensation rushing all the way from her hand.

He pulled her hand firm enough as she tried to let go of his hand due to the strange sensation.

He suddenly took another step forward, clinging to her.

Mar opened his mouth as he looked at Helen.

“So things will change once I regain my memories back, not my feelings.”

Mar smiled obliquely, one corner of his mouth lifted up.

Helen was taken aback as the image of the Emperor with a somewhat cold smile flashed across her head.

‘Why, why did I suddenly remember about him…?’

Despite their similarities, both of them were two different people.

Helen was extremely perplexed as her eyes collided with Mar’s.

“It irritates me when you look so happy like that.”

Mar seemed to be somehow in extreme distress.

“What if I said I’d still like you even after I regained my memories back?”

“What … you like me….”

Helen shifted her gaze away from Mar as she pushed him, who tried to approach her.

She didn’t expect him to rush things like this.

Mar’s eyes were as red as a blazing sunset.

Incredibly intense and hot.

“What are you going to do? Answer me.”

Helen subconsciously stepped backward as he made another step forward.

She was too far to hit her back against the wall, but she tripped over her skirt and nearly fell over when attempting to withdraw her steps.

“Huh?”

Helen, who was apprehensive at the moment, reached out to Mar.

She grabbed his shirt and clutched it tightly, and even though Mar was able to help her, he didn’t catch her because he didn’t like how she was trying to run away from him.

As a result, they just fell to the ground together.

Mar cupped Helen’s head with his hand so that her head wouldn’t get injured, but he couldn’t stop her from falling on her back.

“Ouch….”

“It’s your punishment for attempting to run away from me.”

Helen narrowed her eyes and endured the pain, suddenly realizing that his voice was too close to her liking.

When she opened her squinted eyes, she could see Mar’s face, which was so close to her without having the time to run away.

“Is it that hard to answer about what you will do?”

They both fell on the floor, and she had nowhere to run away because Mar was on top of her.

Helen took a deep breath as soon as she realized what was going on.

‘W-What should I do…!’

Helen clutched her heart, which began to beat quickly while experiencing the funny feeling of butterflies in her stomach.

“If you regain your memories…. I’m sure you will hate me.”

“There must be a reason. Right?”

Helen’s eyes were shaken with Mar’s insistence.

‘My husband is the Emperor. The one who you hate so terribly with all of your heart.’

Helen swallowed back the words she couldn’t say to him. Mar would’ve hated her if she had spoken such things, yet she didn’t have any courage to see Mar behaved like that toward her.

Helen simply avoided Mar’s gaze.

“What would you do if I still liked you even after I regained my memories?”

“… That is not going to happen.”

“Answer me. Hm?”

Helen was trapped in the man’s arms so that she couldn’t run away while he urged her for an answer.

Helen was taken aback by his actions, but she was at a loss for words.

She liked Mar just as much as Mar liked her, but she was married and it was impossible to have a divorce.

No, theretofore, she wasn’t even sure if she would still be alive until he could regain his memories.

When Helen remained silent as if she had glued her mouth shut, Mar muttered with a small and dejected voice.

“It’s because of your husband, isn’t it?”

“…Yes.”

“Looks like you love your husband.”

It wasn’t the case.

There was no better reason to keep Mar away from her other than this.

Helen was upset to herself, but she tried to hide it with a nod.

“Yes.”

Mar looked shocked, as if what he had heard had come as a total surprise.

It was because he definitely thought they were a married couple devoid of affection.

Mar felt like he was burning inside when he regained his memories and proved himself to be a normal person, all the while helping Helen to stand back on her feet.

It felt like a rock was hurting him, as if it was breaking his heart.

‘I don’t want to let you go. I want to hold onto you. You were supposed to be by my side….’

“You promised to save me. So that I can get out of here….”

The words that came out of Mar’s mouth took her by surprise.

His heart was in a disaster of tangled obsession and desire, but even at this moment, he still thought about how to stop Hazel from leaving him rather than telling her about his genuine feelings.

Helen couldn’t even reach out indiscreetly to the man who looked sad.

She was the one who originally suggested drawing the line between them, but if she crossed it so easily, it would confuse him even more.

“I’ll help you get out of here. I promised you so.”

“Haah….”

The man felt as though his insides had been turned upside down.

Helen captured his heart very effortlessly, and even as if she had been spoiled in his heart, she was cold toward him and would leave at any time.

“You’ve gone too far, for real.”

His brief words were filled with a lot of emotion.

He looked like he was distraught, desperate, and upset because it felt as though things were unfair for him.

Would it end up like this if he hadn’t tolerated the woman?

They fell in love with each other too quickly.

“Sorry. I should have been more careful.”

A married woman with a clueless man who lost his memories.

It was obvious who should have been more careful here.

Helen felt more guilty than ever because she believed it was her fault, despite the fact that the marriage didn’t have any special meaning to her.

Even after Helen muttered an apology, he still sat with his back turned toward her, something he had never done to her before.

Helen felt like her throat had gone dry because it was her first time seeing him acting cold toward her.

“If my feelings don’t change even after I regain my memories, you have to take responsibility for it.”

“….”

That’s so unreasonable.

Helen tried to say so, but she was so terrified of the man’s appearance as he turned his back at her and failed to answer quickly.

“All you have to do is comply.”

“Okay, I’ll take the responsibility.”

Frankly speaking, she wouldn’t have the chance to see him coming to her side after he regains his memories later on.

He had to be a knight or nobleman in Idelberg, so he would have been able to figure out about her position and what it meant to be the Emperor’s concubine.

She wasn’t sure how many times she’d have to see the face of the man and showed a small amount of tenderness every time she came, but she assumed his feelings would diminish over time.

“I made a promise. Don’t ever forget it.”

“…Yes.”

He turned his back nimbly only after she agreed to make a promise to him.

I shed my eyes with sharp eyes. He looked angrily at her, his eyes were stern and sharp.

“How cruel.”

Who’s more cruel here?

When he turned his back at her for a while, Helen felt like her blood was running cold.

So this is how it feels to be ignored by someone I loved.

She had a hard time thinking because both her blood and head had gone cold. She just wanted to apologize right away while clinging to him.

But she wasn’t ready to be dumped, so she decided to act like an unsympathetic crazy woman instead.

“Sorry….”

Helen tugged on the sleeve of the man’s robe slightly.

Mar covered his eyes with his hand and quickly turned away.

I can’t back down like this.

“If you’re sorry, break up with your husband.”