Chapter 218: Silently Thinking and Dreading

His eyes were cold as they gazed at the overcast weather. It seemed suspicious as to how it was only the sky above his head that was dark and bleak, much like the stagnancy within his golden pupils. 

The following morning, Standing before the windows, Lord Hadrian Hercullio emotionlessly kept his gaze beyond the windows where a particular tower stood under the calm clouds. Surprisingly, it was only the sky above Hadrian's roof where gray clouds hovered like a haunting gloom following the lord of the fortress.

Clink!

The sound of a teacup placed on the elegant golden saucer noised within the silence of the room. A solemn atmosphere fills the area as an elegant man sat with crossed legs before a polished short table. Colorful feathers around his arms were embellished with different ethereal hues. A long feather tip tail swished gracefully on the floor. The man of Orc blood, with a calm smile on his lips, watched as the Previous patriarch, Lord Hendrick Hercullio, carefully poured tea to his cup. His actions were carefully and slowly as if afraid he would make a simple mistake.

Afterwards, Lord Hendrick nodded to the man before he stood up from his seat. He looked at the beast-man before him with warmth as he spoke, "It is an honor to be graced by your presence Lord Estuvian."

Estuvian, the Historian, nodded with a smile. "Please, we are family Hendrick. There no need for formalities."

"Ah, How can I not address you respectfully? You are the guardian of my grandson and raised him to the man that he is now. I will forever be indebted to you." Hendrick bowed in reverence. Anyone would be shocked to see the patriarch lower his head to a beastman.

A chuckle left Estuvian's lips. Although he was entertaining Lord Hadrian, his eyes glanced at the lone man looking at the window in deep thought. He was enshrouded with dark ambiance. No sane person would not even think of going near him. A sigh left Estuvian's lips as he gave a meaningful glance at Lord Hendrick. 

With furrowed brows, Lord Hendrick nodded helplessly. Not long after, he left the room, hoping Estuvian would have a chance of talking to his grandson. 

...

"I heard you caused a stir inside the Fraunces estate." Estuvian slowly picked up his teacup. He slightly caressed the smooth surface of the teacup with his index finger as his eyes lowered to look at his reflection on the liquid. 

Hadrian's eyes narrowed. "Have you come to lecture me, 'guardian?"

A dreadful light flashed within his eyes.

Estuvian exhaled helplessly. "You are already grown. You can already make decisions for yourself. However, there is still a lot for you to learn." His feathers quivered slightly as he sipped his tea. When he lowered his cup, he continued with deep eyes. "I gave you the teachings of ancients, boy. To aid your cultivation and to heighten the progression of your control over your mana. I have let your wrongs pass through my ear because I care for you."

"Estan..." Hadrian lifted his chin. His reflection on the mirror looked intimidating. The golden glow within his eyes deepened in color. "Did you forget that you only took me in because I begged you to? Or did you also let that pass through your ear?"

The hand holding the teacup stopped. 

Estuvian lowered his gaze. The emotion in his eyes wavered briefly before returning its original solemnity. "I... will not forget. You were a child, and I was a fool before." He said with a low voice laced with regret and worry. "However, I do not regret it. I would not have seen you grow strong if it weren't for past events."

"Hm..." The golden lord only narrowed his eyes while no longer responding.

After a while, Estuvian places the teacup on the table and stares at the tower visible at the window Hadrian was staring at. Concern filled his gaze. His sunset-colored eyes drifted at Hadrian's back. With a slow yet worried voice, he spoke.

"Why did you hurt him?..."

"..." A long few seconds passed before a response sounded from the lord. "I wanted him..."

A dreadful obsession was suppressed within his chest.  Like a caged beast was being chained, tied with vines of steel thorns, and pierced with poison spears just to keep the animal within, still, and contained. However, no matter how much he was restricted, the manic need and desire to capture what was his was overpowering him. Tempted, he was to release it. The desire was so strong it almost made his flowing blood stop.

However...

The sorrowful tear that fell on pale cheeks flashed in his mind whenever he was at the brink of releasing his true self. It was excruciating to look at. As though millions of ants were gnawing on the flesh of his heart and shredding it into bloody pieces. 

The look of the betrayed layering those previously bright eyes was engraved in his mind. There was no warmth, and the forgiving look the youth would always give him was nowhere to be found.

Hadrian raised his hand and held his head, concealing his expression. The cords on his neck were visible and pulsing. 

"I wanted him so much I wanted to devour him whole. Keep him imprisoned by my side."

These sentences caused dread and worry to spark in Estuvian's eyes. It was clear to him whom Hadrian was referring to as he spoke. Pure eyes of mysterious silver flashed within the Chronicler's mind—the spirit-sounding youth. 

Estuvian had trained and raised Hadrian to control his desires. To turn his anger and want into his motivation of excelling. To keep him from becoming his father. However, it seems after Moulin came, Hadrian's inner nature has resurfaced. 

But Moulin, as Estuvian remembered, will become Hadrian's cure. His remedy. 

Helpless and disbelief, Estuvian leaned back on his seat. "You... Why are you hiding from him?"

The man turned his gaze and glanced behind his shoulder. His posture remained dignified as his look deepened. 

Estuvian narrowed his eyes. "Do you truly love him?"

"Yes," Hadrian replied. A deprecating smile graced his face. "Moulin is a being not of this world. No one in this world can be compared to his existence."

"You love him because of this?" Estuvian clenched his jaw. His elegance was replaced with fierceness and contempt. His face, neutral but layered with severity.

Hadrian felt his growing vehemence, and he faced it nonchalantly. "Don't test me, 'guardian.'"

"Hadrian..." The man's feathers glowed with a faint blue. "Tell me... How are you going to resolve your difficulties? It is never what you think of yourself but what you thought of the other. That young man is a special person. Perhaps, you might not realize who you are holding in your heart. Perhaps, you have not thought through what would happen if you really lose him. However, I am certain; if he falls, you will too. And then the world will plummet with you."

His eyes grew serious. "How long have I watched you grow not to know what you really are thinking? The years I have spent to contain your mana and the power that is bestowed upon you. You are a destructive weapon that can either save or lay waste to the land. Your emotions are triggers. Never should you think such a thing as love is a play, a jest. It can destroy and cure." Estuvian furrows his brows. "Just like how it destroyed your father."

Hadrian stared at him with narrowed eyes. However, he absorbed those words silently. Peeling it and devouring it.

"Indeed, you are skilled with your words." Hadrian turned his head and continued to stare at the tower beyond the window. The place where his beloved was currently residing. "However, I already know what I should do..."

Estuvian held his head and sighed hopelessly. The glow on his feathers gradually disappeared. "You are really like your mother sometimes..."

Slightly, Hadrian's figure froze. However, the frost of his expression quickly returned—the golden swirl within the sun-like rings of his eyes illuminated with a warm gleam. 

Forgiveness will not be easy to obtain. However, perhaps, he would try. Truly. He had fallen. So deep and so hard, it was difficult. Protecting him from everything and wanting him felt difficult to contrast. 

A tear. A single tear would make him waver. From the countless cries and wails he had heard in all life, he thought how insignificant one was to shed tears. However, to see Moulin crawling away from him. Crumpled sheets and trembling hands as a lone tear fell from his aghast eyes. He felt his soul tremble.

Was it fear he felt? Regret? 

A desperation to resolve arisen in his mind. It was instantaneous with a hint of panic. A humiliating feeling he had thought before, but now, it didn't matter to him. Even bringing the moonflower to Moulin's room made him feel a little hope.

Hadrian's eyelids slowly quivered. 

He lied. He didn't know exactly what to do...

..........................................

The warm shine of the afternoon sun failed to reach the polished floors. Within the faintly dim halls of the mirror room, an unaccompanied youth stood before the giant mirror before him.

The silver light in his eyes began to dim. Anxiousness filled his heart. His lips quivered as he touched the cool surface of the mirror, reflecting his image. 

Long hours had passed, and he had waited. 

No response.

He waited for more.

There was only silence that came to embrace him.

"Mother..." Moulin furrows his brows. "You said we would talk today..."

With pressed lips, Moulin lifted and met his own gaze. 

"Where are you?"