Chapter 42 - Point of No Return (6)

It started to rain.

Droplets of water fell from the sky, before shattering from their collision with the earth.

…there was no sound, only silence.

I was staring at the dark, hazy sky from the window. The sky was crying—…just like my heart.

“—”

It was almost time for William to pick me up. However, my determination was wavering. I couldn’t still my heart.

The entire night, I couldn’t stop thinking about Lewis’ words. What am I to do…?

…To love William, and let him return my love…

Lewis had instructed so. Without giving any reason why. He only said that it would save William—and that was it.

However, the hardest thing for me was to forget the possibility of William dying…

…I wanted to be loved by him again.

I had been chasing for Elliot’s soul for hundreds of years. So that I could be reunited with him again—but that never happened.

Then, I gave up—or at least, tried to.

No matter what method I used to kill these feelings, my heart rebounded. In the end, I couldn’t stop yearning for him. I kept fooling myself—saying things like, ‘it doesn’t matter what happens to me as long as he lives.’

The truth was, even now, I was still madly in love with him.

I asked myself—do you want to be loved by him again?

—I loved William—no, Elliot’s soul whom resided within him. Once again, I could openly love him… it was too wonderful of a story, I almost suspected it was a dream.

However, when that actually came true, and the curse was thereby lifted—

—Lewis and I would shake hands, and laugh by each other’s side, is what I hoped—

“…”

—but, such thing absolutely wasn’t allowed. After William was saved, I had to kill Lewis. That was the condition.

I had killed many—I wouldn’t deny that. Even if I tried to justify that it was to save William—in the end, my actions were self-serving.

—however,

Lewis knew it. That I couldn’t kill him. I also couldn’t kill myself, since I lived for William.

Thus, we reached a compromise—after William’s curse was lifted, I would leave with Lewis.

Then why …why should William and I love each other?

How am I supposed to love him wholeheartedly, when I knew that in the end, an excruciatingly inevitable farewell would arrive?

That was too sad, to the point of being unbearable…

“…”

But, I had no other choice. Since he had already stated his conditions to ultimately save William—

—loving him was actually really easy. Because I had never really forgotten him for even a moment—not even once in the last thousand years…

…nevertheless, once William’s curse was lifted, I had to leave his side with Lewis.

…I don’t want that, no, I absolutely hate that!!!

I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be loved by that person no matter what!

I wanted to be embraced by him; to be called lovingly by him—

—that could happen. That would happen—

—however, when that happened, it would also conclude my time with him.

…What do I do!? What am I supposed to do—!?

I want to run away from here—or, I could also escape by dying…

It would severe my connection with that person—but, it would also mean not being able to see him again…

—indeed, more or less so. The real question is—am I willing to throw everything away?

“…”

My heart was wailing. It was gradually painted black by despair—I didn’t want to think about anything anymore…

My old memories resurfaced—

—my dear, beloved, Elliott. He was calling me…

…His tenderness…

—I wanted to see Elliott again…

The moment I thought so, I saw my own reflection in the window—

—I looked completely miserable.

“…!!”

When I noticed that, my fist had already swung to the glass—

—the loud sound of glass shattering was instantly heard.

“—“

—Is that me?

—No way,

—Absolutely NO WAY that’s me!

—That isn’t me! Or at least, not the current me!

—I’m no longer weak, unlike before!

“…”

Droplets of red flowed down my right hand, staining the floor one after another—it was as if red petals were scattered. However, I was too preoccupied to be concerned about that.

My right hand was severely wounded by the broken glass. The blood wouldn’t stop flowing, however, none of the glass pieces entered.

—I felt sick.

Why did I look as weak as my past-self?

…Am I still confined in the past?

I don’t want to remember.

I didn’t want to remember that day ever again.

“—!”

I uttered a soundless cry.

Don’t think about it. Absolutely never let yourself remember about that day again…!

Screaming might be able to redirect my mind.

Yet, it didn’t happen—

—and the memory of that day finally resurfaced, even more vivid than before.

…yes, that day—

—that day when Elliot was killed in front of me.

Trying to save me, he died.

…No, no…!!

I don’t want to remember—!!

I was crouching—my head was in my hands. However, that didn’t stop the memory from reappearing.

—sorrowful cries; screaming, pleading…

—…“Stop!!! Please stop!! Don’t hurt him!!! Stop—!!! I beg of you, don’t kill him—!!!”

—stop, I don’t want to listen to this—!

—…”Elliot! Elliot! Please, answer me, Elliot! Elliot…!”

—the sorrowful face of a girl, who keep crying and shaking her head—

“—”

…I don’t want this, make it stop—otherwise, my heart wouldn’t survive…

I had been pathetically hugging my body the entire time, afraid of what kind of memory would come back this time. My body trembled in anticipation.

—right at that moment;

“…Amelia? What are you doing? I heard a loud noise—huh—!?”

The voice of Lionel whom barged into the room and rushed to me finally reached my ear…

…His voice returned my consciousness to reality.

“Amelia! What’s with you!? Did something happen!?”

I could hear Lionel approaching—however, I was unable to lift my face.

“—Amelia, why…! Your hand—!!”

Lionel was panicking. I could understand that without even looking at his face.

My bleeding still hadn’t stopped—it spilled into the room, onto my hand, onto my clothes… creating a reveling spectacle.

…ah, what am I even doing?

Breaking someone else’s window, soiling their room, making a scene… yet, I was unable to come up with anything.

My body was shaking endlessly. I could barely make out what he was saying. I was also too embarrassed to stare back at him—

—and yet, even though he was unaware of the turmoil my heart was currently experiencing, he still took my hand.

He grabbed my right arm, and pulled me over as I sat down.

“Show me your wound! Oh, no… this is pretty deep. It must be painful—I have to stop the bleeding!”

Lionel stared at me with a serious and also pained expression. The way he looked at me, it was as if he felt my sorrow and would cry at any moment…

“Why didn’t you call somebody immediately? Look! If your wound was any closer, it would have hit the vein, for sure!”

“—”

He took a handkerchief from his chest pocked and tied it over my right hand. After that, he lifted my right arm.

“That’s right, for now…”

He nodded and looked at the chair near the scattered glass beside the window, before turning to the bed.

“Amelia, just in case, you should lie down. Your complexion is very pale.”

“…”

—it isn’t because of this wound. However, it was better if he didn’t know the actual reason…

“—well, then…”

Lionel didn’t wait for my reply—he subsequently picked me up, before approaching the bed and gently putting me down there.

He kept my right arm lifted the whole time—then, he screamed out loud.

“Hey—!! Is anyone there—?! Schwarz, call for a doctor immediately—!! Also, bring me a first aid kit—!!”

He looked truly dignified. From his profile, I caught a glimpse of a knight…

He stared at me with serious, but gentle eyes.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. The bleeding will soon stop—however, there might be a scar…”

“…”

Lionel looked sad. I shook my head.

I didn’t really care about a scar or two…

It was insignificant.

However, I couldn’t tell him that because I couldn’t speak.

I kept staring at Lionel—he smiled softly, reassuring me.

—after a while, I heard a knocking sound.

“Mr. Lionel, I’ve brought you the first aid kit—some guests are looking for you.”

Schwarz’s voice could be heard from the other side of the door.

“Guests? Ah, bring them to the guestroom.”

Lionel muttered. His eyebrows furrowed, it seemed that he had completely forgotten about something.

“Tell them to wait. I should be finished with treating her wound soon—”

“—no, please wait …”

Schwarz was about to explain when the door was opened with force—

“—Amelia!!”

In came William—whom was nearly blue due to being out of breath—and Lewis, who stood expressionlessly behind him.