Ease Up

Can’t believe I just said that, Brian thought, turning away from her before the embarrassment could become visible. Dream girl? Okay, definitely. But there’s just some things you don’t say out loud like that…

Sneaking a glance at her as she nibbled on a piece of bacon, he saw a strange smile on her face, so maybe at least she was amused. Kelly wore that same unreadable smirk she had last night.

Or maybe it IS something I should say? Brian wondered. I really am still stuck in that weird mindset. It was embarrassing having Kelly make him realize that, with his attempted apology, he’d lapsed back into his old thinking habits. It was as though Chloe had seared herself into his mind with a branding iron—while that wound was healing over, she was still clearly legible enough in his thoughts. Wasn’t even really thinking when I bought them breakfast, it just seemed natural, like it was EXPECTED of me. Hah, Chloe would’ve just been harping at me for forgetting the… wait, I DID forget to get them drinks, didn’t I? …Fuck.

“Well then, that whole… you holding back, the whole keeping all stiff and well-behaved, platonic and in control,” Kelly brought up with a bemused smile, “where’re you actually going with all of that? Brian, what do you really want? You like her, right?” They both glanced towards Stephanie, who paused guiltily in the middle of chewing.

So damned cute.

“…I do. But I didn’t have any like, ulterior motives when I brought her here last night or anything,” he said defensively. “Was just offering her a place to stay so that she wasn’t sleeping in a hallway. Same with you. I don’t expect anything of you guys, or want you to feel uncomfortable, or like you have to do anything for it.”

“Ooh, same with me, too? Hmm, it feels like we’re forgetting something here, though,” Kelly said, tapping her lip thoughtfully with her fork and looking up to the ceiling as though trying to recall something.

“Like what?”

“Oh, that’s right! You want to fuck her,” Kelly remembered with a mischievous smile, and she gestured the utensil towards Stephanie, who had again frozen mid-chew. “You said so last night, didn’t you?”

“That’s… well, c’mon,” Brian grumbled uneasily, not daring to look towards Stephanie. “That was… I was being objective… you know. I’m not going to actually be a creep and try anything, I don’t plan to—”

“Well, do you want to fuck me?” Kelly interrupted, still smiling.

“…Yes and no,” Brian answered carefully. What is it with me stepping into verbal minefields with girls all the time?

“Interesting. Why yes? No wait, that’s obvious. Why no?” Kelly laughed, obviously not having expected a quick answer. “Aren’t you geeky types supposed to suddenly like, spaz out when you’re confronted with these kind of things? So you wanna fuck us, both of us. But you’re not gonna try to. Because you’re just out of this long, awful relationship and you need to sort everything out first. That about sum things up?”

“Whatever, sure. I guess you’ve got the gist of it, then,” Brian chuckled, rolling his eyes. The hell, Kell? Ease up on me a little bit. “You gonna let this all drop now, satisfied that I’m not gonna put the moves on you two?”

“…You clearly don’t know much about what satisfies women,” Kelly retorted.

“No arguments there, my girlfriend left me recently,” Brian nodded in agreement, giving her a bitter smile. “Why’s this always keep coming back to me, anyways? Kelly, you’re like, fixated on my issues. What about your issues?”

“Um, well I don’t think that he doesn’t know, uh, that…” Stephanie fussed, dropping her fork. “I think he, that he knows enough about satis—”

“What about my issues?” Kelly’s smile faltered the tiniest bit, and she quickly made a face instead. She set aside the breakfast carton and crossed the room towards him in challenge.

“Well, weren’t you saying something about wanting to be at the con to… uh, get your life back on track, or something?”

“Ha!” she laughed abruptly, rolling her eyes. “Back on track. That’s a laugh. It was never on track, and there never was a track. I’ve always been lost in space.”

“So what do you want?”

“The same thing Steph wants, and the same thing you want. We all came to AnimeCon for the same reason—” Kelly said, leaning in seductively and lifting her chin to whisper into Brian’s ear, “—to have a good time.”

“That’s—”

But she held up a finger, motioning that she wasn’t done speaking yet, and he leaned back from her as if about to step back a pace.

“What, is there some problem with me touching you?” Kelly asked, pointedly poking his chest with that fingertip and leaving it there.

“Well, I mean why would you touch me? What do you get out of it?” Brian retorted nervously, stepping back.

“What do I get out of it? Whatever I want,” she answered smartly, tracing her fingertips lightly down his chest.

“C’mon, cut it out. I’m all sweaty,” Brian protested, retreating another step. “Listen, I’m gonna take my shower. If you guys wanna start getting ready to hit the conv—”

“Mmm, yeah, you kinda are,” Kelly admitted, raising her fingers to her face as if she was about to sniff them. “Go take your shower, then… or, do you wanna shower together? Need any help, uh, washing up?” Kelly offered.

“I can never tell if you’re hitting on me,” Brian chuckled uneasily, grabbing one of his bags to take into the bathroom with him, “or just fucking with me.”

“Why’s it gotta be just one or other?” Kelly countered with a teasing smile.

“You were kinda like that last night, too,” Brian remembered, hesitating in the bathroom door. A twisted piece of lingerie was laying in the threshold, and he gingerly nudged it aside with his shoe, pretending not to notice. “And I still don’t get why. Half the time, it’s like you’re trying to… set me up with Steph, or something. It doesn’t really even seem like you’re into me.”

“I don’t want to be into you.” Kelly grinned. “I want you to be into me, if you know what I mean?”

“…I’m not sure that I do,” Brian said after a slight pause, cocking an eyebrow at her before closing the bathroom door between them. Or even which would be worse; that you’re careless with these joke euphemisms of yours right in front of Steph… or the implication that you only flirt with me to appease your own ego.

Finally alone, he set his costume bag on the toilet lid, and then used the toe of one shoe upon the heel of the other to step out of them, kicking them into the corner of the tiny bathroom. It had only taken Kelly a tiny bit of prodding to throw him completely off-balance this time. These girls… Christ, I’ve even kissed them. I kissed both of them last night. I mean, the one was only for a dare, but still… His sweaty shirt came off, revealing the nicely defined musculature of his abs, and then his gym shorts and boxers joined them in a wrinkled pile as he stepped into the tub. After letting bath water pour into his hand for a few moments, he pulled the faucet diverter and sent a refreshing warm spray streaming down upon him from above.

Those cute whimpering moans Steph made when I went down on her… he remembered, swallowing. She’d wanted it, needed it, her body had been practically begging him for it. The sight of that perfect pussy, the smell of it, the taste of her, feeling Stephanie wriggle, feeling her respond to every movement of his tongue, those sexy little tremors that rippled throughout her body at his touch…

It’d be normal to jack off now, right? Some part of his mind argued. Stephanie… played with herself in here last night, it’s practically EXPECTED that I’m going to. Within the shower, Brian found himself faced with a growing dilemma. An urgent dilemma, that filled his hand—swollen to the biggest erection he felt he’d ever had, and continued to jerk insistently for attention. Thinking of Stephanie did nothing to help his situation, and remembering that climax of their truth or dare game made his cock surge, throbbing even larger to fill his hand.

Whoa, I need to calm way down. Can I really duck right in here and masturbate without feeling like some kind of gross pervert? He wondered, gripping himself firmly but not stroking. Am I… bigger than normal?

Like all guys, he’d measured his dick once, but after learning his length was just about exactly average, he’d lost interest, and it had never occurred to him to check again. Today he felt positively enormous, and even his balls felt heavily-laden, still filled with that pent-up ache he’d been stifling all night.

Absolutely fucking disgusting, he imagined Chloe’s voice.

“What am I even doing,” Brian muttered to himself, and dropped his hand to his side, disappointed with himself. With a sigh he closed his eyes and simply let the steaming water batter down upon him. The past twenty-four hours had been a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and experiences.

What am I going to do about Chloe? Brian wondered, frowning. Maybe we DO need to talk, whether there’s any real resolution there or not.

Chloe had been his second serious relationship, and his first time living with anyone since escaping his household at eighteen. Besides Emily, Chloe had been the only one he’d ever tried actually opening up to about domestic violence or being abused. With her interest in personal rights and social activism, it had in fact been one of the early rapports of their relationship. When she’d entered into the social justice paradigm and started defining him as a privileged male, seeing him in a new, strangely biased light… it had hurt.

She should know me better than anyone else in the world, Brian sighed. On the one hand, maybe her judgement really did get skewed with all the gender politics stuff, but on the other hand, if I can’t trust her judgement of me, then who CAN I trust?

His friends Mike and Will had joked that he was pussy-whipped, that too long under Chloe’s thumb was turning him into a beaten man, but Brian didn’t care about that. He’d have proudly become her doormat if that’s what it took to really win her back, to demonstrate to her that he was nothing like other men—like the men she despised. But nothing seemed to help. There was something within him she seemed to see that inspired her distrust and loathing, some hidden aspect of misogyny ingrained in him that he couldn’t pinpoint and excise from himself no matter how much he deliberated. Every conversation seemed to devolve into an argument, no matter how carefully he chose his words.

Yeah, of course she wants to talk now. Brian’s way of dealing with his problems was to give them time and patience, allow his wounds to heal. It should come as no surprise that Chloe had her own baggage to sort out in the aftermath of a breakup, and would want to do so in the way she knew best—by taking it out on him.

Really don’t know if I can handle Chloe venting on me right now, though, Brian thought bleakly. He didn’t want all the bitter frustrations with her he’d been shoving down and bottling up to explode out, because they’d been repressed for far too long, and they were bound to be pretty ugly. A lot of feelings and moments down there he didn’t ever want dredged back up or articulated into words. Too many things that I don’t ever want to say in a heated argument, words I’d regret, things I’d never be able to take back. I’m better than that, right?

Realizing that his penis hung down now, finally flaccid and forgotten, Brian let out a heavy sigh, reached for the thin bar of hotel soap, and started to scrub away the accumulated sweat he’d worked up from his run. It doesn’t matter. Not like I’m having sex this weekend anyways.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t easy at all to stop thinking about it.

Chloe’s been a cunt to you, he seemed to recall Emily’s chipper voice saying to him. And I hope you get yourself laid at the con, just to spite her.

Of course, there was no way she actually meant that. She was just trying to be supportive. After all, isn’t Chloe her friend, too?

What he’d done last night with Stephanie hadn’t been appropriate, not in the context of them simply playing a game, at least. But Kelly urging them on, that strange compulsion to prove himself to them, imagining fear and self-doubt grappling at Stephanie if he’d refused after she’d gone so far, after exposing herself… And more than anything else, he’d simply really wanted to. The sight of her spreading her legs for him, revealing that blushing pussy, obviously soaked with how turned on she was…

Brian’s dick twitched threateningly, and Brian grabbed it again as though it were rebelling out of his control. Yeah, it was amazing. But was it really the right thing to do?

At least I did a fair job, he decided. Parts of him had fallen into the routine as if he were servicing Chloe, but other parts had been reveling in discovering every little difference. Stephanie’s thighs are that perfect kind of plush thickness that I could just bury my face in forever… I wonder what it’d be like from other positions? Maybe getting her on her knees atop the bed, bending her over from behind…

The sessions with Chloe always seemed to begin with her sitting on his face and grinding, a fairly uncomfortable ordeal. She had been less than considerate, and moreover, determined to try to get off without any of his help. Thankfully, she was never able to orgasm from that alone, merely working herself up into a frustrated frenzy before getting up off of him and grudgingly spreading her legs with a whatever, get it over with then, I guess.

In their first months trying things out, Chloe had generally been stiff and unresponsive. She very rarely wanted actual intercourse, as she found it humiliating, leaving Brian unsure as to why she seemed to want him going down on her so often instead. Is it one of those gender culture things, some power trip playing out in her head? he’d wondered—until the day he’d finally learned to coax that first gasp out of her. He even remembered stopping to give Chloe a look of surprise, and nearly getting kicked in the face for it.

That’s where the real battle had always been. Chloe had seemed intent on him failing to please her, which of course only served to spur him on—simply knowing that she couldn’t get off on her own, that she needed him, was a satisfying enough turn-on, his own small victory. Rather than feeling deterred by her attitude, he became that much more determined to put in more effort, to learn every trick of the tongue that could transform the stalwart feminist into a frothing mess.

Of course, going all out on like that on Stephanie may have been… a bit much. He’d heard it was impossible for girls to get off their first time, so he’d used every ounce of his accumulated experience and control—except this time, his partner wasn’t resisting him at every turn. I think I really did get her off, though. That’s something, right?

No, no. I let myself come way too close to… going too far last night. Almost said FUCK IT and went all the way, almost did something I can’t undo or take back. He’d only ever slept with two different girls in his life, and neither had been virgins. Deflowering a girl was a frightening prospect to him—the weight of that action, the impact it would have on her, the fact that it would hurt her when her hymen was torn and that she would bleed—Brian imagined it was something like being punched in the nose during your first kiss. What a way to remember the experience.

Really don’t think I’m ready for any of that, Brian thought, no matter how much I may think I want it. He wasn’t adjusted for a new relationship yet, too many parts of him were still calibrated to the treatment he received—and had even come to expect under Chloe’s yoke.

That’s what this weekend’s for, isn’t it? he imagined Kelly’s voice purring in his ear. Relax, let loose. Have some fun. DECOMPRESS a little. It’s okay to be a little selfish, especially now, right?

It-it’s not going to RELAX you if it’s, um, if it’s making you feel uncomfortable, though, right? Another familiar imagined voice countered. So don’t ah, don’t push yourself too much. Please.

If I let THAT pair of girls start dictating what I’m gonna do, then I’ll really be in trouble, he mused, a small smile forming. He couldn’t help but think back to walking in on them kissing; that had been a huge surprise. Kelly’s up to something weird, or maybe they both are?

Shaking his head in amusement at the thoughts, Brian clawed a palmful of shampoo into his scalp, realizing that he’d already been in the shower for way too long. These two girls staying with him were probably already wondering what he was up to.