Emily’s room was a mess, laundry scattered across the floor amidst discarded packaging and the tangled cords from various electronics. Action figures from Shinobi Souls, dvd cases, and parts of old cosplays were strewn about as well as she hurriedly packed a bag for an overnight stay at the hotel near the convention.
“Ugh, this is so… it’s so fucking stupid!” Emily spat in frustration, pushing her toothbrush and toothpaste into a travel pouch for toiletries. What do I even care for, rushing off to the damn convention? What’s even gonna happen? Even if we DO get to him before Chloe does… what then? S’not gonna fucking change anything. Yeah, maybe we cheer him up a bit, but—so what? Chloe’s just going to come along and get her way in the end. Always does.
She was tired of endlessly revising her plans around what Chloe was doing.
Emily had always wanted to be the outgoing one among her peers. An attractive, stylish punk girl, someone like Samantha—someone who didn’t shy away from speaking openly about her sex life. She didn’t want characterized as a slut, per se—she wanted to be completely out of reach for everyone but her lover. When she did finally settle down with that perfect guy, she’d want everyone in their group of friends to know what they were getting up to. To the point where it would go without saying that when Emily pulled her man away for the night, everyone they left behind knew why—it was because she was gonna fuck his brains out.
There was just one problem—Emily had never let any of the guys she’d dated get very far, each of them being tagged out right around second base. As the cute little geek girl, she’d had no problem finding willing boyfriends—but they all lacked the absolute trustworthiness she’d subconsciously developed for only a certain someone. Each and every one of them had a varying level of… not-Brian-ness about them that eventually stalled their relationships. After all, Emily’s cute, punkish appeal, her sly sense of humor, and her spunky confidence… was all a facade, and the idea of being intimate with someone, let alone letting anyone see her completely naked, with still too terrifying. And so, to her frustration, there wasn’t much in the way of a sex life for her to be open about.
In the week since Chloe and Brian had broken up, that frustration, that certain sense of simmering dissatisfaction had only continued to build, her thoughts thrown into constant disarray. For the most part, it was a rather specific sort of dissatisfaction, too—she’d been feeling so damned horny.
In the past—back before she’d humiliated herself—she’d fostered dozens of lurid masturbation fantasies that revolved around Brian. Ever since Chloe and Brian’s break-up, those long-suppressed old fantasies were all pouring out of the woodworks. Gushing out, like her brain was a sopping wet sponge that’d been given a staunch squeeze. Aside from moments of clarity where her tempestuous rage brought things to a complete boil, she was feeling positively swamped with sex thoughts, swirling and sloshing about the inside of her head in a frantic flood of blue. It had been a long, distracting week.
How differently that night back then could’ve gone. What if… all those years ago, instead of pushing me away… he’d pushed me down onto that couch? She bit her lip, remembering the surprise she’d felt as he’d gripped her shoulders. Brian was always so gentle—no, so careful normally, that it’d been the first time Emily realized that he was actually hella strong. What would I have even been able to do? Well, s’not like I woulda really been resisting…
Lacking a lover never kept Emily from exploring her own sexuality. Rather, she found herself delving into dozens of strange fetishes because of the conflicting difference between the pretense she affected and her actual crippling lack of confidence had deviated her path and. In one fantasy, Brian’d been adopted into the Rivera family—they became siblings, where over time raw attraction and sexual tension led to physical.
Of course, not all of her fantasies that were normal—some of them were fairly unusual. Like imagining that Brian transformed into a hentai tentacle monster, who fed on pleasure for sustenance, had to keep making her cum just to survive. She would be the only one who knew his secret, and reluctantly allowed him to violate her in the most intimate ways Although sometimes then the real Brian would arrive to rescue her from the monster, who had actually just been brainwashing her with magic tentacle lights to think that it had been Brian. Rescuing her from it, just as she was losing her sanity from the endless spiral of pleasure it was sucking her into. Perfectly normal. All girls imagine things like that… right?
Last night, she’d even flicked herself off… to Chloe. While, like other girls, she could objectively assess how ‘hot’ a girl like Chloe was, there was no attraction whatsoever. On the contrary, even imagining Brian and Chloe making love had always been detestably repugnant to her.
However, Emily fantasized that her mind had been swapped into Brian, taking full control and piloting his body around. She’d lure Chloe into meeting up to talk, then mercilessly berate and abuse her in all the ways she longed to. Wouldn’t Chloe be stunned by such vicious and unrelenting words coming for once from Brian, of all people? Eventually overpower her, rip open her clothing and push that righteous cunt down on all fours. To be fucked, doggystyle, like the dumb animal she was. A relentless, overpowering pounding, Brian’s dick thrusting deep inside that bitch, again and again and again… well, that was just too fucking hot.
That one was fucking great. Emily had worked herself up to a feverish pitch and an incredibly intense, satisfying orgasm. The senselessly whimpering, legs-quivering and toes-curling kind or orgasm, followed by a bunch of shuddering smaller ones as she imagined being swapped instead into Chloe’s head, using that bitch’s body to humiliate and degrade herself before Brian while the real Chloe watched on somehow, completely helpless.
Fucking great.
Three Years Ago
“Hey, didja hear about Brian?” Becky asked with a toothy grin, practically leering at Emily. “He got his self a girlfriend!”
“A girlfriend?” Emily frowned, wondering how much stock she could put into Becky the tramp’s words. “Who?”
“Some girl he works with asked him out, I guess,” Becky shrugged. “Alyssa. Alicia? Something like that. She seems kinda plain.”
“That’s cool,” Emily said, not daring to show much interest in front of Becky. This tramp was notorious for exaggerating gossip to stir up drama, and was currently eyeing her with suspicion.
“Yeah?” Becky asked, surprised. “Thought you’d go all, I dunno, overprotective big sister on him when you found out.
“Why, is she some awful hussy like you?” Emily snorted. “Then I’d be worried. He’d probably catch the herpe-gonnarrhea-syphil-AIDS?”
“Hur hur,” Becky laughed. “Brian’s not my type.”
“Yeah, okay,” Emily snorted sarcastically. You think I haven’t noticed you trying to flirt with him?
“What? He’s totally not,” Becky insisted.
“We’re talkin’ about this girl, not about you,” Emily warned. “I hear enough about you from everyone else as it is, little Miss Handjobs. So, is she cool?”
“I dunno, I guess?” Becky said. “Skinny… about my height, pretty face. Dark hair, doesn’t pluck her eyebrows. Couple acne scars. Big ol’ dick-suckin’ lips. She seems cool, I guess.”
Emily rolled her eyes.
“I mean, is she into anime and games and stuff? How’d you find out about this?”
“Mike. Said she’d went over to their place a couple times to hang out with them after work and it seemed like she was getting into him. They seem cute together.”
“Who asked out who?”
“I think she asked him out,” Becky shrugged. “Does it matter?”
“Not really,” Emily said indifferently. “So long as he likes her. I’ll probably meet her sometime when I stop out at Aunt Mattie’s.”
“Huh,” Becky said, watching Emily carefully.
“What?”
“Guess Will was wrong about you. He was like, totally sure that you had some big secret crush on Brian. He kept going on about it the other night.”
Emily felt a childish spike of fear and paranoia course through her, but she managed to not let any of it show. She chuckled and turned away from Becky.
“Will just has to make everything he sees into some kinda conspiracy theory,” Emily brushed the matter off with a careless wave of her hand. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Brian—but like a brother, you know?”
A brother I want to fuck. She wasn’t lying, after all. They had indeed been siblings engaged in some incestual trysts the last time she spent a night fantasizing beneath the sheets, slick fingers busying themselves.
“So… what all actually happened?” Emily asked three months later. “I mean, ‘tween you and Alyssa. Why’d you guys break up? She seemed cool.”
“She is cool,” Brian said. After a long moment of expectant silence, Emily realized that he wasn’t planning to continue.
“Well?! What happened, then?” She cried in exasperation.
“Ah, that’s… well,” Brian struggled, giving her a look.
“What?” Emily blinked.
“It was… it was me. I was the problem, I mean,” Brian admitted. “I have some problems, like… I dunno, really letting people in. I guess.”
“Is that what she said?” Emily asked, already getting angry on his behalf.
“No, no. She was very cool about it, kept trying to give me space to… you know, open up.”
“Did you get, um… intimate, though?” Emily asked, sounding embarrassed. In actuality, she’d already squeezed all the juicy details out of Alyssa herself.
“Yeah,” Brian sighed. “And that just makes me feel like even more of a creep.”
“You’re not a creep,” Emily rebutted. “Why would you think that?”
“Getting into… you know, that stuff, without opening up to her all the way, kinda does make me a creep.”
That’s not your fault, Emily wanted to insist. Alyssa was the one who led you into it. But, she couldn’t say a word about that without revealing how much she already knew about the situation, so all she could do was pout.
“Well, I still like ya,” Emily said finally, cuffing him on the shoulder, “…ya big creep.”
“Emily, oh my god, it’s so good to see you!” Chloe squealed, rushing forward to give Emily a quick hug.
“Uhh, yeah, you too?” Emily managed, a little bewildered. She’d thought of the tall hipster girl as barely an acquaintance.
After high school, their local cast of familiar miscreants had undergone enormous changes. Most of their friends left town for universities out of state, leaving Brian and Emily behind. Michael, Will, and one of the Beccas remained local, enrolling in the community college in town. There, they’d in turn brought some newcomer geeks into the fold, such as this Chloe girl. Apparently I made a bigger impression on her than I thought?
Their group was browsing through the aisles of a fabric and crafts specialty store, Jody-Annes together, in preparation for their debut trip checking out an anime convention on the other side of the state. Though it would be a first for all of them, most of them were already set on cosplaying.
Tanya disdained pre-made cosplays, instead sourcing fabrics and altering patterns to make a Kimika costume from Kuma-yasha from scratch. Her boyfriend Mike and his best friend Will had long since agreed to make awesome giant mecha costumes out of cardboard, hot glue, and spray-paint—but were waiting until the weekend before the convention to attempt putting them together.
Emily was more or less set—Mrs. Rivera had tasked her stagecraft class with sewing a cosplay for her for extra credit—the Reliance Guild uniform from Sword Hack Online. It turned out amazingly authentic… but consisted of many layers of strangely starchy, stiff and heavy cloth that had her sweating buckets when she tried it on.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you!” Chloe said, keeping her hand on Emily’s shoulder. “I’ve got this little… thing to take care of. I’ve been asking around a little, and, well, everyone keeps pointing me your way. Do you have a minute?”
“Yeah,” Emily nodded, brightening. Oh-ho, my reputation precedes me once again! She either needs help finding an anime, or help fucking with someone. Both are my speciality! Excited, Emily and Chloe drifted away from the rest of the group for a moment so they could talk.
“I want Brian to ask me out,” Chloe confided with a girlish giggle, and all at once Emily’s blood ran cold. She managed to keep her smile from twitching, but only just barely.
“I see, I see, well then,” Emily nodded quickly, swallowing. “…And you don’t want to ask him out?”
“Ew, no,” Chloe said, making a quick face. “He needs to be the one to ask me out—girls should never have to ask guys out. Everyone said you’ve known him longest, so I thought you might have some ideas…?”
If I had any more bright ideas to spare, do you think I’d share them with you? Emily thought, quickly suppressing a pang of guilt. Okay, no. That’s not really fair. Let’s see about this.
“Well, alright, well… what exactly do you like about him?” Emily began, looking at Chloe thoughtfully.
“He seems so much more mature than the other guys,” Chloe answered promptly. “Like, most of the guys here are all… you know? Pervy and goofy. Obnoxious cretins.” She pointedly stared towards Mike and Will and wrinkled her nose in disgust. The two were having a mock gunfight with the hot-glue guns they’d picked out, complete with cliched one-liners and overly dramatic deaths.
“Okay, yeah, Brian’s mature, that’s true,” Emily agreed hesitantly. Something about Chloe was rubbing her the wrong way. “What else do you like about him?”
“What else?” Chloe frowned. “Well, he’s pretty good-looking. But… rumor has it he’s only really dated once before, so I figure there must be some story there. Some reason, or problem or something… you know?”
“He’s just been through a lot,” Emily replied, getting defensive. “He had a rough time, getting away from a bad family.”
“Couldn’t have been all that rough. He seems to be doing pretty alright?”
“…Look,” Emily said bluntly, “I just don’t think he’s going to be ready to ask out anyone for a while still, okay? He needs some more time to get to know you on his own.”
“Alright, alright—chill out. I was complimenting him, you know?” Chloe laughed, shaking her head. “He’s been through stuff and still seems alright. Let’s talk again soon, okay?”
Their first trip to AnimeCon was incredible, with Tanya’s incredible Kimika and Emily’s Reliance Guild Uniform stealing the show—at times it felt like they could barely walk in any direction without getting stopped and asked for photos.
Brian and Chloe had ordered their cosplays off the internet—and after the initial excitement wore off, they both realized that they were awful, fit poorly, and looked cheap. The Hera Victoria wig that Chloe was struggling with was the wrong shade and looked unapologetically fake, a mess of shiny, obviously synthetic strands. Brian’s cosplay appeared baggy and oversized, and he’d given up on styling his own hair to resemble Lance after several failed attempts.
Both Mike and Will had failed disastrously at costume construction and immediately decided to not bother with costumes at all, while Becca had always been content to wear normal clothes and take as many photos as she could with her new camera. They’d also run into a few of their friends attending separately from them—such as Mark, who was there for the Mana: the Mastery tournament.
“Hey, d’you hear the big news?” Mark asked with a sneer, glancing from Emily to Will.
“About the Fantasy Wars movie?” Emily rolled her eyes. “I dunno, man… it honestly looks really bad. Like, why would—”
“No, no. About Chloe and Brian.”
“Fuck, man,” Will cut in, “don’t tell her that.” The rest of their group—Mike, Tanya, Brian, Chloe, and Becca, were further behind, forming an uneven line down the aisle.
“What? Don’t tell me what?” Emily demanded, “What about Chloe and Brian?”
“There’s nothing to tell, s’none of our business,” Will insisted, smacking the back of Mark’s head. “Christ, Mark, have some fuckin’ tact for once.”
“…You’d both better start talkin’,” Emily warned, fidgeting with her warm Reliance Guild uniform.
“Fuck man, what the fuck?” Mark protested, shoving Will back. “She probably knows already anyways.”
“Talk.” Emily growled.
“Don’t do it,” Will said. “Keep to the code, man.”
“Brian asked Chloe out,” Mark revealed anyways, and Emily felt her stomach seem to sink. That’s impossible. Brian asked HER out? WHY?!
“We’re all like, a group,” Mark continued, “but now they’re a couple now. Isn’t that, you know, weird?”
“How’s that weird?” Will asked. “Tanya and Mike’ve been dating for years, and they’re part of the group.”
“You’re too naive,” Mark griped. “Chloe’s this random hot chick from out of the blue. An outsider. Soon as she worms her way into the group, then BAM! Someone wants to date her. This time, it’s Brian. Then the party’s split all weird and there’s drama. Then when there’s drama, there’s a breakup, and it breaks apart like, the whole goddamn party.”
“Uhhh,” Emily joined in with a pout, pointing towards her own cheeks with both of her slender fingers, “There’s always been a hot chick in the group, though?”
“What do you mean, party? Correct me if I’m wrong Mark, but you’re like, the forever-alone perma-virgin of perma-virgins,” Will snorted. “What do you know about relationships anyways?”
“Uhhh, ‘cause that’s why I can’t play All-Quest with the tabletop group anymore,” Mark replied bitterly. “Soon as the dungeon master started bringing his girlfriend to the table to play, everything got fucked all to hell.”
“Like I said, there’s always been a hot chick in the group, though?” Emily repeated, waved her arms in exasperation. “Hello?”
“Your joke was lame the first time, pint-size,” Mark rolled his eyes.
“What he means to say is, we know you. You’ve always been one of us,” Will explained. “A hot chick is, like, an outsider.”
“An outsider,” Mark agreed solemnly. “She could be a normie, for all we know.”
“Thanks…I think…?” Emily said, looking confused. “So long as you recognize that I’m also, at the same time, still a hot chick.”
“Hah!” Mark laughed loudly, earning a handful of looks from the other as he pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “Pint-size, you’re not serious, are you? How the hell would you ever qualify as a hottie? Whew man, that’s rich.”
“Uhhh, once again, that’s coming from Mark, the perma-virgin wizard,” Will chuckled awkwardly.
“You wanna eat some pint-sized fists, perma-verge?” Emily scoffed. “I’ll bash yer fookin’ head in, I swear on me mum!”
“If I thought of Emily as a hot chick, no way would I ever hang out with her,” Mark insisted. “Hotties only get their claws into someone, and then leech them for everything they’ve got, and ruin everything. Have you even met my sister? This is gonna turn into a disaster, just you watch. I’ll burn incense for Brian tonight, poor fucking unfortunate soul. He was a good guy. Damn shame.”
“Wait a minute, what about Tanya, then?” Emily argued, tactfully not bothering to bring up Becca the tramp. Though she was a bit stand-offish, Tanya was very good-looking, and had long transcended her outsider status to become one of the fixture personalities of their circle of friends. “Are you saying Tanya’s like that too, then?”
“Tanya doesn’t count, she’s a foreigner,” Mark replied. “Russian girl. Completely different.”
“Yeah, okay, she’s a foreigner, says squint-eyes Mc-Ching-chang-chong.”
“That’s racist!” Mark cried in mock outrage. “I don’t know why I even hang out with you guys anymore.”
“Jesus, quiet down, you two. You’re gonna get us kicked out,” Will said. “What were you saying about the Fantasy Wars movie?”
“It’s gonna suck,” Emily made a face.
“Suck? It’s gonna be fucking terrible,” Mark complained loudly as they made its way out of the vendor’s room and into the convention’s main lobby. “The fuck are they even thinking? They’re ignoring every single goddamn game mechanic about how attacks work in Fantasy Wars. All of it, right into the trash.”
“I don’t mind that,” Emily mused, stepping out of the traffic flow to an opening in the flocks of AnimeCon attendees where they could wait for the group of friends trailing behind them. “It’s their new outfits, the stupid Ordinal uniforms. Changing looks for no reason other than it being a movie bugs the hell outta me. What’s wrong with the classic Cardinal uniforms?”
“Fantasy Wars?” Tanya asked as she caught up with them. “I have to wait and see, but I think I’m going to sew up Sophia cosplays for both styles next year. Cardinal and Ordinal. She’s a badass.”
“Nobody cares what they’re goddamned wearing,” Mark looked at them incredulously.
“I’m kinda with Mark on this one,” Will sighed dejectedly. “When it’s like a long, stretched-out cutscene, it doesn’t even feel like Fantasy Wars anymore.”
“Well, they had to follow the game’s story, rather than adhere to the battle mechanics,” Brian jumped in, stepping through the crowds with Chloe in tow. “No one wants to sit there watching techniques charge up over several battle turns. That wouldn’t work for a movie.”
“I think it’s cute,” Chloe shrugged.
“Oh my God, there’s another Kuma-yasha cosplayer!” Tanya squealed, pointing across the lobby toward a shirtless young man in hakama pants with fake oversized bear arms. “Chloe, can you get a picture of me and him together?”
“Um, can’t Michael—” Chloe frowned, watching as Tanya trotted quickly away from them.
“I ain’t doin’ it,” Mike snorted, glaring with obvious jealousy at the Kuma-yasha cosplayer.
“Right,” Chloe said, injecting false cheer into her voice and pulling out her phone to follow after Tanya.
“So… Brian, are you gonna do a movie-version Lance cosplay?” Emily asked, stepping forward quickly to fall in step at his side.
“Hah, I can’t even do the normal one justice,” he chuckled, glancing around the lobby in appreciation, taking in the different costumes among the excited gathering of fellow fans. Mike and Will were not-so-discreetly ogling a voluptuous girl cosplaying the demon Lamastu, her privates covered by skulls bound together with knotted string and little else.
“Hey—check it out,” Brian nodded his head towards a pair of girls wearing skin-tight jester outfits posing together for a photo. “Jessie Terr and Follis Fool, right?”
“Yeah… they’re fuckin’ awesome!” Emily’s eyes lit up at the sight. The vixen twins were the jester-like assistants of one of the most well-recognized comic book arch-villains of all time, the Jokester, and had become fan-favorites for their outrageously sexy figures and sociopathic behavior.
The two cosplayers were incredible, the seemingly haphazard stitching of the many scraps of black and red fabric that made up their bodysuits left little to the imagination, there wasn’t a single ill-fit piece or loose wrinkle—the girls might as well have been sewn into them. The pieces of fabric were mirrored across the girls—sections of stitched-together costume that were ‘missing’ on Jessie were the portions that Follis wore, and vice versa; as if a single complete jester costume had been strategically cut apart, and then the pieces divided between two women. Their faces were painted up in exquisite mime-like fashion, and every inch of their exposed skin was colored in that same ghastly unnatural white.
“Get a picture of me with them, before they get away!” Emily quickly pushed her phone into Brian’s hand and dashed over towards them. As she arrived, however, the Follis Fool was already ducking away through the crowd. The Jessie Terr had been turning to leave as well, but caught sight of Emily rushing over and paused.
“Sarah, wait—” But her Follis Fool was already gone, and the girl in the Jessie Terr costume gave Emily an apologetic smile.
“It’s okay,” Emily grinned. “You look amazing! Could I get my picture with you?”
“By your order,” the girl teased in an impressive Jessie Terr imitation, sliding an arm around behind Emily. They each flashed gorgeous smiles for Brian as he took their picture.
“Thank you! You really look just… perfect,” Emily admitted earnestly to the taller girl. “Uh, I was planning on doing a Grimoire Saint cosplay next year, would you have any advice on the—”
“Oh, my friend Sarah—that Follis Fool, she made our costumes, I don’t know much of anything about sewing or any of that.”
“Ah! I see, sorry,” Emily apologized, seeming to deflate a little. “Do you maybe know what kind of body paint she used?”
“Oh! The body paint,” the Jessie Terr’s eyes lit up. “Well, I did those parts—I’m the makeup pro. I used a fifty-fifty mixture of prosthetic adhesive and liquidex acrylic paint, and then set it with talcum powder. But if your grimmy…?”
“Grimoire?” Emily supplied helpfully.
“If your Grimoire thing needs some color other than white, you’re gonna havta use something like a rice powder to set it instead, ‘cause talcum or baby powder’ll lighten your final color, like, a lot.”
“Wow,” Emily said appreciatively. “Thank you so much!”
“No sweat,” Kelly smirked, heading off through the crowd in the direction her friend had escaped. “See ya.”
Emily turned back towards Brian, eagerly gesturing for her phone so that she could see how the picture he’d taken came out.
“Nice,” Emily nodded in satisfaction. “Damn, she was hot. Right?”
Brian only gave an awkward, noncommittal shrug.
“Oh, is that how it is, now?” Emily gave him a dry chuckle and glanced back pointedly towards Chloe. “…Now that you’ve got a girlfriend, I mean.”
“You heard already?”
“Yeah, jerk,” Emily grumbled, cuffing him on the shoulder with her fist. “Just a minute ago, in fact. Almost didn’t even believe it. I mean, Brian, you’re my best friend. And yet, here I am gettin’ the news second-hand, after the fact, and from Mark and Will, of all people. You and me, we talk all the time, but you’ve—you’ve never even brought her up. What gives?”
“I… wasn’t ready. To ask her out, yet,” Brian admitted sheepishly.
“And you were worried I’d talk you out of it?” Emily guessed.
“What? No, I thought if we really got to talking, you’d really push me into it,” Brian said, surprised. “Chloe told me what you said to her—that you thought her and I’d be a really great couple, that you thought we were good for each other. But… I just wasn’t ready yet, I… well, I needed like, just the right moment.”
“Wait. I said… what?” Emily gave him a blank stare, completely stunned.
“Yeah,” Brian laughed. “Word has it you were getting frustrated that I wasn’t, y’know… just manning up and asking her out. I guess you were—”
“No! No, no, no,” Emily held up her hands to stop him. “I never—”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Brian assured her. “You didn’t end up saying anything to me—didn’t try to push me or pressure me or anything. I do appreciate that. You know how hard it is for me to… you know, actually open up and let people get close. So thank you.”
He stepped closer to her and hugged her, and Emily froze up in shock. Is this… the first time he’s actually hugging me, instead of me just kinda forcing one on him? Why does this feel like… a goodbye hug?
She was still in a confused daze as he tousled her hair playfully and headed back over to rejoin Chloe. Chloe, pretty and perfect in her Hera Victoria costume, gave Emily a bright, beautiful smile before she turned and led her friend away.
No. Not a goodbye hug, Emily glowered, feeling her hands tremble with rage. This isn’t over. This isn’t over. Maybe I did drop the ball on… sorting out all my feelings for Brian, that’s fair. Okay, yeah, I literally pissed away my chance. But her pissing all over me to get Brian? No. Just, no. Bitch’s gonna get stitches.