Chapter 586 - Day MMCXL, Part I

The night was sleepless for me. I couldn't kick the negative thoughts from my head, so at some point, I just escaped from my room and went to the roof of the hotel building. I lied down there and just watched the starts until they finally disappeared when the morning came.

Even after that I still didn't move from there for hours, but at some point, I just had to go down, and join the hunters just devouring the breakfast in the restaurant. With how shitty they have been eating out there, on Dispur, I couldn't blame them at all.

Will's table was full, so I found some space for myself in the corner and got the usual scrambled eggs with some toasts. I didn't really want to eat.

I felt like I'm wasting time. I could just shadow walk back to Arc and face Irina to give her husband's body back. Technically they never got married, but it felt like they did to me, since they had a proper family despite everything. The fact that Vitalij was the only kid born in Arc was bugging me, but the answer to that question was probably only possessed by The Great One, who disappeared completely.

'Where the fuck is that guy", I kept asking myself as I was waiting for my food. It arrived alongside Will, who just switched to my table.

- You look like shit - he pointed out. - Boris?

- Yeah - I confirmed taking the plate from the waiter.

Then I stabbed the eggs with the fork. I practically had to shove them down my own throat that's how much my body didn't want to eat.

- I feel terrible too, but there was nothing we could do - said Will.

- I could stop him from going there. He had a family. We should be more mindful. This was a possibility from the very beginning and we ignored it.

- Accidents happen, Peter. People mess up, and shit happens. I know it from the first hand.

- But it was so simple to prevent it, and I didn't. Then I messed up again going after those soldiers.

He sighed.

- Look... Decisions have been made, and we can change that. All of us knew the risk, and we tried to minimize it, but you can't expect everything bad to just happen to people you don't know, and for the ones you do know to be spared from it. We were on the last straight to the finish line, and we tried our best to increase our chances. Who knew it all will take such a turn? Nobody. You can't blame yourself. It's your fault just like anybody else.

I didn't say anything to his words. I could see the logic, but It still felt like I could prevent this from happening. I just munched on the eggs and toasts while avoiding his gaze.

Eventually, Will sighed and left me alone.

I finished my simple breakfast and left the restaurant area trying to muster the strength in myself to do what I had to. To go back to Arc and deliver the body, so Boris could be properly buried and mourned.

I remember each step even now. It was like walking through the water when the density increases every second, and you have to push through squeezing every last bit of power from your muscles. Except there is no water, there are just your fears.

I remembered myself promising that I won't allow fear to ever rule over me again, and it became easy when I was just risking my life, but when it involved others everything was different. I gritted my teeth, and finally, shadow walked to Arc.

I ended up in the city center. It was around midday, so the sun had a strong presence in the blue sky above. Few torn to shreds clouds were slowly drifting here and there, but their presence was so minimal you could easily overlook them.

There weren't many people around. Few hanged close to the pub, and a couple was busy pursuing something, as they walked with intent.

Basically, nothing changed. It wasn't that long since I left that place, but it felt like ages.

I looked in the direction where Boris's house was located, took a deep breath and despite the growing pressure in my stomach, started walking.

I didn't feel that weak in ages as when I had to force myself to take each step. This process quickly consumed me to the point that I stopped paying attention to my surroundings. I couldn't even tell how much time has passed when I found myself approaching the door leading to the house.

My heart started racing as I took the two last steps before, after a moment of hesitation, knocking on the wood. There was no answer but I heard faint noises indicating movement inside, and then a bit louder footsteps.

The door finally opened revealing Irina, wearing black sweatpants and a hoodie. Her long blonde hair was all messed up, and she looked sad. My appearance surprised her. I remember that I wanted to say something, but my voice got stuck in my throat and I stood there like a moron with an open mouth.

She just started crying, and I felt so damn terrible, that my legs almost gave up under the weight of responsibility for the suffering I caused. Then she took two quick steps and threw her hands around me.

Her face hit my chest as the tears were pouring down from her eyes, and lament escaped through her mouths. I slowly hugged her, and remained unmoving after that, letting her cry her eyes out in complete silence on my part.

I felt there was nothing I could say to make her feel better. There was no argument I could put in favor of the decisions that has been made, but despite all of that, I finally accepted and faced it all.

Boris was no longer with us, and I had my own share of the blame for the fact it happened.