Chapter Twenty-One: It's All About the Image

The mornings after had become pleasant for me, well compared to the first morning after at least. I had no dread when I woke up, my body was still at ease and so was my mind. I still felt relaxed and calm and like there wasn't a care in the world. Plus, Clarke's bed was super comfy.

He was already up once I woke up, moving around his room getting dressed. I watched him for a minute without him knowing as he put on his collared shirt, buttoning it up and smoothing it out, putting his pants on and doing is belt, and then doing the buttons on his sleeves. He then went to grab his tie next and that's when he noticed me.

"Like watching people get dressed, do you?" Clarke asked me, a small smile on his face.

I rolled my eyes slightly. "No...it's just interesting. I don't think these would be the type of clothes you would chose to wear every day is all."

"And you'd be right," Clarke shrugged slightly. "I would never wear a tie every day, but it's part of my job so I'm happy to do it. Speaking of, which is better?"

Clarke held up two ties, one navy blue and the other black with white spots. I immediately pointed to the navy one, no contest really for me.

"Perfect, thanks. What time do you need to be at school?" he asked, putting the tie around his neck.

"Not til nine-thirty," I said, rubbing my eyes, "and it's..."

"Seven," Clarke smiled as he now had the tie on and walked over to the bed. "Plenty of time."

"Yeah, but I still have to get home and get changed. I can't wear your collared shirt to school," I said, holding out my arms to show his oversized shirt on me.

"I know, but you can stay and eat breakfast," Clarke told me. "Sort yourself out and the food will be out there ready for you."

Clarke didn't give me a chance to argue and instead lent on the bed so he could lean down and kiss my forehead. For a moment I was surprised by his affection. Kissing my forehead felt intermittent and even caring. I liked the way it felt, I liked the way it made me feel...I felt safe. I hadn't felt safe with a boy in a year. Before Clarke could move away from me I moved up my arms and grabbed his head to pull him towards me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I kissed him. I felt him respond him immediately and put his hand down on the bed to stabilise himself as we kissed.

We kept kissing for a little, slightly passionate but sweet and calming at the same time. I slowly started to try pull him towards the bed as I felt my body start to lust for him, but that was when Clarke eventually stopped me.

"Hmmm, Rory," he muttered, using the hand that wasn't hold himself to grab onto my arm that was still around his neck. "We definitely don't have time for that."

I smiled slightly, but sexily and slightly alluring. "Surely you can make time? I mean you are your own boss. You could be late."

Clarke's eyes looked me up and down and I could see in his eyes he wanted me, he however started to shake it head.

"I...want to," he breathed out, "but you know I have to be present and on time. I also don't think you can be late for school. So, come on get dressed so we can both be on time."

Clarke slipped away from me without saying another word, and leaving the room. I felt slightly disappointed but at the same time respected that he really cared about work and even cared about my school, which I didn't think was the case. I also got the impression he thought school stopped me from doing my job. I guess it was just another thing I had gotten wrong about Clarke Watson.

I showered and got dressed in yesterday's clothes and came out into the lounge room to see a plate of bacon, toast and eggs already sitting there for me. My stomach rumbled at the sight of them. I guess I did use a lot of energy when I was with Clarke.

"You read the paper?" I frowned as I sat down.

Clarke moved the paper from his face to look at me. "Yes well, if you must know...no. But Malcom suggested it would be good. The business section does apply to me after all."

"You're following Malcom's advice a lot then?" I asked him as I started to eat.

"Yes, he is second in charge and my father's oldest friend there," Clarke shrugged like it was obvious. "He cares about this company as much as me. He often speaks up for me at board meetings. I think he might be the reason I didn't get kicked out in the first week."

"Well that and the company hasn't sunk since you came in," I pointed out, which promoted Clarke to give me a look. "I'm serious. Our stock prices have been steady for the last month and the company's value has recovered after its slight collapse. It's not like you've turned this company bankrupt or anything. You're doing fine, you're running a business actually."

He rolled his eyes slightly but I saw him smile. "Yeah, okay, you're right. Just gotta hope my personal life doesn't fuck it all up as it has in the past. Not that I've had much of a social life lately."

"Speaking of a social life," I breathed out, "have you spoken to Parker lately?'

"We text a bit, but I've been a bit busy since I've stopped going out," Clarke admitted. "Why?"

"Well, you know how he and my friend Ava hit it off? Well, I think they might be seriously dating and she wants all of us to have dinner together," I told him.

"Because that won't be awkward," Clarke muttered.

"That's what I said," I agreed. "But I think it would be nice, and Ava seemed really excited about it. She wants me to get to know Parker I guess."

"Well, l guess we could try to be normal."

I left Clarke's soon after, telling him I could get Ava to set up whatever she had in mind for us. I think both Clarke and I knew it would feel like a double date, and I definitely didn't want to date him, only sleep with him. It was something that was becoming clearer every time we were together. I felt safe and wanted and comforted but without all the drama. I mean with Isaac I knew he was good looking and I got jealous easily, and I really wasn't a jealous person but with him, I was. I hated him talking to girls and I hated seeing them flirt with him, even if nothing ever happened. It made me feel insecure though. When I was with him I knew people would look and wonder why Isaac was with me and not a prettier girl. There was also no pressure, to go on dates, to send the right amount of time together, for my friends to like him, or family. What I had with Clarke was just nice...without all the complications.

"There you are!"

Once all my classes were over I started to make my way across campus to the subway, kind of relieved that I could get home for a while since I hadn't been there since yesterday afternoon. I was however stopped before I could even get half way.

"Hey, Kieran. Here I am," I said with a slight eye roll. "You know recent technology created these things called mobile phones so you can contact people instead of looking of them."

"Shut up," Kiran groaned slightly. "I wanted to actually talk to you face to face, is that so wrong?"

"I guess," I sighed. "So, what's up?"

"Well my sexual escapades have been non-existence lately, so I need to live through you," Kieran explained as we continued walking. "I'm also interested to know how it's been going."

"Well, to be honest...it's actually easy," I admitted. "I can't believe how much better things are."

"See, what did I tell you? Sex solves problems," Kieran said, nudging my arm.

I rolled my eyes at him again. "I definitely wouldn't say it works for everyone. I guess it works with Clarke because I honestly know no other way to really communicate with him. I mean, he's starting telling me personal stuff that he never would've told me before."

"Sex is a form of communication that Clarke understands, we know that from his history," Kieran said plainly.

I felt a twinge. I had completely forgotten how many girls Clarke had slept with. When I was him he made me feel like the only one there, but in reality there had been many girls there.

"As far as I know he hasn't been with anyone else since..." I thought out loud.

"Since you two started sleeping together?" Kieran asked.

"No," I shook my head. "Since he became CEO. It's not great for the company to have girl after girl around. I never considered though that I'm probably stopping the temptation."

"You sound like your suggesting he's using you?" Kieran said as we suddenly stopped walking as we were at the stairs of the subway.

"I...no, I don't think he is," I said looking directly at Kieran. "I think it's just became another convenience to the whole situation. Anyway, doesn't matter. The more I analysis this the weirder the whole thing becomes."

"Trust me, it's normal. You live in New York," Kieran smiled.

I merely sighed at Kieran's comment. "Now, is there anything else, or can I get on my train?"

"Yes, there is actually," Kieran said smartly. "So, what I'm about to tell you I shouldn't tell you but I know you and I know this is for the best."

"Okay?" I said confused.

"Ava wants to throw you a surprise party for your birthday."

I groaned loudly. One of Ava's favourite things to do was to throw surprise parties, and she loved the idea of them. Me, well not so much. I like planning, knowing what was going on, and who was going to be there. I liked to be ready for everything and surprise parties took away all my control. Kieran was doing the right thing by telling me.

"You couldn't convince her out of it?" I said slightly annoyed.

"Nope, she insisted you wold love it," Kieran shrugged. "So I made the decision to fill you in as it goes along so I can feed ideas to Ava...and then you just have to act surprised."

"I suppose I can do that," I shrugged slightly with a defeated sigh.

"I did manage to dwindle down her guest list to include close friends though," Kieran said proudly.

"Good, as long as it doesn't include another one of your blind dates," I informed him. "Again your last guy was a bust."

"Was he?" Kieran frowned. "He told me you two had a great time and then you never called him back, and yes he said he called you. I just presumed it because things were going on with Clarke that you didn't respond."

"Ah, he never called," I said blankly. "Trust me, I would've noticed."

"Well that's awkward," Kieran said. "I'll check up on that."

"Please don't worry about it," I said quickly. "Seriously, I know things aren't serious with Clarke and I don't want a relationship but I definitely don't want to complicate things right now."

"Fine, fine, I'll stop setting you up with eligible men, obviously I'm not good at picking the straight ones," Kieran rolled his eyes.

"Or the gay ones either," I said, smiling as I started to walk down the subway stairs.

"Hey!"

I made my way back home after talking with Kieran, and I was kind of glad to get back to it. I felt like I hadn't been home in so long, and in truth I really hadn't been. I kept spending time at Clarke's and even if I didn't I had spent much time at home with work and school. Walking through the door I was surprised to find the apartment clean and tidy. I frowned because I was sure the whole place had been a mess.

"Hey, you're actually home," Ava said, appearing in the lounge room from the kitchen I presumed.

"Yeah, did you clean?" I asked confused, looking around.

"Yeah, I had today off and you do pay more rent, so I only thought it was fair," Ava shrugged as she sat down on the couch.

"About time," I said sarcastically as I sat next to her.

She nudged me slightly with a smile on her face, then picking up the remote and turning the TV on.

I barely glanced at what had appeared on the screen, but I realised pretty quickly that it was the news, but more specifically celebrity news. Ava loved watching things like ET and being up to date with TMZ. She claimed it was so she could know who is was in New York so she could try meet them but I had a feeling she was just obsessed. I was ready to get up and go and make myself dinner or something, when something caught my eye.

At first I didn't even process it that it was him on the screen, but I heard the report say his name and that's what caught my attention. Clarke was dressed up nicely actually, a white shirt and blazer and his sunglasses as he used his arm to shield himself from the cameras. The story wasn't so much about him though, but Alicia Moore. There was she was, in a beautiful body-hugging white dress, holding Clarke's hand as he guided her through the paparazzi to a restaurant. The title on the screen was referring to how long it had been since they were spotted together in public, especially after his Paris scandal. Seeing him hold her hand....I felt a slight twinge, even though I knew it was fake.

"Is this from tonight?" Ava asked. I realised she hadn't noticed my reaction to it.

"Must be," I shrugged.

"Are you okay?" I saw Ava frown and lean forward as she suddenly noticed how I had shut down slightly.

"Yeah course," I shook it off, standing up. "Just didn't know he had a date with her tonight. Guess he needs to be seen with her more. There's enough stories out there that they had broken up."

"It's all about the image, yeah?" Ava clarified. She was asking it like it was for herself, but knew it was to remind me Alicia was just a front.

"Exactly."

I left the room then, suddenly feeling completely disappointed in myself that I had been bothered by that. Why would I be bothered by that? I knew Clarke wasn't with Alicia, and he wasn't with me either, and I didn't want to be either. Especially seeing the paparazzi there, I didn't want that for me. I wasn't...jealous, so what was I? Was I afraid that it wasn't just a front? Did I hate the idea of him fucking someone else? Yeah, I did. Not because I wanted him to myself though, but because that was what had always been like and I didn't want to be another number. I didn't want to the one either, I just wanted to be something.