Chapter Thirty-Three: I Missed You

Clarke and I stayed at the dining table reading for what must've been a couple of hours. I wasn't sure we found anything too useful either. I wasn't sure what would we'd be looking for either, but we kept trying. I mean, who would want to kill Henry? What benefit did that have? I guess that was the question and probably the question the police were trying to answer too. Motive.

I pulled Clarke away from it all and we sat on the couch together. We were both silent for a minute and it was super awkward. We hadn't seen each other in weeks, hadn't spoken a word, and now Clarke and I had been brought together by some awful tragedy. It was strange because whenever we were alone like this we would be close, super close, but now we sat with inches apart from each other.

"I think it's time to turn my phone on," Clarke sighed as he pulled out of his pocket. "I've been ignoring everyone all day was not a good idea."

"There's probably like twenty missed calls by me by the way," I said as I saw the screen light up. "I tried calling before I used Trevor to get into this building."

I saw Clarke smile. "You're the only one who didn't just give up when they couldn't reach me. I thought Parker might try to force his way in."

"I...I just knew you shouldn't be alone," I muttered. "I know you, Clarke, and I know you want to shut everyone out, but I also know you handle it better when someone is there."

"Thank you...Rory I-."

Clarke looked at me and I could see he wanted to stay more, maybe even something important, but before he could his phone started going insane. Clarke looked down at the phone and sighed. I could see the notifications rolling in constantly. I caught some of the names, like Parker, myself and even Malcom. I had been so worried about emotions that I had forgotten what news like his might do to the company. I knew it was nothing good.

"Malcom wants to see me," Clarke muttered. "I don't want to go there, not today anyway. I don't think I can handle it all yet. Our stocks are falling and there's pressure for me to a do a press conference. Who knows if it'll be enough to stop the company losing money though?"

"I agree going there will be hard, but sadly I don't think you can afford not to," I told him. "Tomorrow, first thing. I think that's the latest you can leave it."

"Tomorrow, okay. I can do that," Clarke nodded. "The police want to talk again too. Well the detective wanted to see me today. I don't want leave my house right now so I think I'm going to tell him to come here."

"That's fine, I can-," I started to say looking at the door.

"No, you can still stay though," Clarke stopped me. "Please."

I looked back at Clarke and saw the desperation. He didn't want to be alone. "Of course."

The afternoon felt like it went by slowly. Clarke was on the phone for quite some time, he told the detective to come over, and then he spoke to Malcom for quite some time. From what I could tell it was about the company and that he needed to make a statement. I heard him say he would tomorrow. I even heard him talk to Parker, and Clarke insisted it was fine and he could stay with Ava for now, and that I was here so Clarke wasn't alone. The detective showed up not much later after that and I didn't sit down with them. Instead I cleaned up, something I don't think had been done, since it was clear Rosa hadn't been here for a bit. They didn't talk about much though. They had no new leads from what I had heard, and they were going to interview everyone who saw Henry the day he died. The detective left not long after that.

Before I knew it, it was getting dark outside. I stood by the big long glass window that covered the lounge room wall. It looked out right over the city and it liked the view. I could see lights slowly coming on in each apartment building. I think it was easy to forget how many people actually lived here. It had to be a lot, there were thousands of apartment buildings to see, and I bet each one of them had their own problems.

"Are you hungry?" Clarke said suddenly, making turn around to look at him. "I can call Rosa back in."

He was standing near the couch and I was pretty sure he had just been staring at me before he spoke. He looked drained, especially after those phone calls.

"No, don't do that," I said quickly. "We can order in. Get the doorman to get the food. You've already given Rosa the day off, don't take that away from her."

"Yes, right, you're probably right," Clarke nodded. "The spare room isn't made up either, if you stay..."

"That's...fine," I said slowly. "I'm sure we can manage. Now, what do you feel like? Pizza?"

Turns out, pizza was the right answer. So we ordered two pizzas, mine pepperoni, and Clarke's meat, and we ordered some dough balls, and garlic bread, and beer...we needed alcohol. We spread it out in the lounge room and sat there eating and drinking. We didn't turn the TV on, we didn't dare see what they were saying. We pigged out on the food until we were full, like very full. I sat with myself sunk in the couch, hand on my very full stomach. This had been the best part of the day.

"Rory, I need to apologise."

Clarke walked back in the room after disposing of our rubbish. He came around to stand in front of me and he looked very serious.

I immediately frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. The way I acted," Clarke said quickly, shaking his head. "I didn't even listen to you, I didn't even try to listen to you. I thought I knew what was best, but I was blinded by fear, blinded by the fact I could destroy what my father did. I was so stupid I didn't even see that's what I was doing."

"No, Clarke. I was just as bad. I jumped down your throat. I wouldn't have listened to me either if I acted like that," I said immediately, standing up.

"But you were just trying to warn me, just trying to help," Clarke said, stepping closer. "I thought...I could do it. I thought I could live up to what he wanted me to..."

"You did," I told Clarke calmly. "Don't think you didn't. You care so much, you have tried so hard. That's all he wanted."

Clarke nodded at me and looked down a little. We had stepped closer to each other at this point and I did the only thing I wanted to do, I reached out and grabbed his hands. He didn't hesitate to hold them in mine, tighten his grip around my fingers. Holy shit, I missed him.

"I was...putting a stop to the deal yesterday when I found out," Clarke explained. "I called Heath and I told him I didn't care what he had to say about me, or you. You were right, maybe they won't believe him, what proof does he have? It's not enough to risk losing my company over. I couldn't do it...and I couldn't not talk to you."

"Clarke," I whispered, looking up at him to look into his eyes.

"No...just let me get this out," Clarke shook his head slightly. "These last couple of weeks without you, have been awful. At first, I thought it was just me and stress. Then I tried to start hiring, and I realised it was...you. I realised I just missed you. I missed you giving me advice, but being there for me, and listening, making jokes, and seeing this gorgeous face of yours...and hearing your laugh. We did become friends, we were right about that...but it's more. I know it's more, Rory. I didn't just break up with Alicia because I had had enough, I did it because... I wanted to be with someone else, and I knew I couldn't if I was with her. Rory, I'm such an idiot and I'm so sorry. I should've realised sooner, should've realised how much I needed you and I wanted you...that I want to be with you."

There was silence for a moment. I felt like I couldn't move. Hearing these things from Clarke, hearing him say everything I had doubted him ever feeling made me feel a lot all at once. I didn't think this boy -no this man- could feel that way about me, but here he was, pouring his heart out to me. It was the most honest and the most heart-warming thing I had ever seen. I didn't know what to say back, or how to match it, so I did the only thing I felt was enough to express how I was feeling.

I took my hands out of his grip and then flung them around his neck, making sure to connect our lips all at once. I felt Clarke respond immediately, wrapping his strong powerful arms around my waist to pull me closer to him. Each kiss was strong and passionate and felt like it meant so much for once. I couldn't get enough of his lips, couldn't get enough of feeling his body again knowing he wanted me like I wanted him. Clarke suddenly picked me up, changing his grip so he could hold me and I could wrap my legs around him. I felt him walking, I knew to where, and I really wanted it right now.

I had missed his bedroom and his wonderful king sized bed and the moment I felt my back hit the bed, I curled my hands up in the blankets. Clarke moved from my lips and started kissing my neck whilst hovering above me. He was fast and urgent but it was longing and desperate. We missed each other so much and I felt that. I had never felt that before.

I pulled Clarke back to my lips and made sure to pull him down close to me, so he was on top of me, his body touching mine. I started getting my clothes off, and with Clarke's help, throwing my shirt aside and my bra. He immediately went to my breast, kissing them, taking them in his mouth, using tongue. I moaned, I couldn't help it, I missed his touch. I pulled at his shirt, getting it over his head and breaking him from my chest and back to my lips.

With him level I used the chance to move so I was on top. I straddled him putting my hands on his chest and then started trail kisses all over his chest. He gripped to my hands, moaning slightly. I also made sure to undo his pants whilst I was there, and then moved them to take them off his body. I could see his bulge now, begging to be set free. I even missed his manhood.

I got his boxers off and moved up to stroke it with my hand, and then with my mouth. I knew Clarke liked this, he always had, but before I could do much, he gently put his hand under my chin and brought me back up to him. He flipped up back around so he was on top, and he immediately got my pants off, and my underwear.

I realised we both didn't want to waste time doing the small things, we both just wanted each other again, and now we were both naked, we didn't waste a second. I felt it slowly go in and I immediately moaned. He kissed me strongly as his moments started out slow. I made sure to grip his back, hold his body and things got more intense. I felt myself fill up in a way I had never had before. It wasn't just from the pleasure of sex though. It was from emotion, from the emotion of it being Clarke. We were truly making love this time.

It became clear to me how right I was when we didn't just make love once, but four times. We couldn't stop, and every time we did, we just wanted each other again, craved each other's touch, and our love. After the fourth time we were both getting exhausted and it was the first time we lied there and didn't just start immediately kissing.

"I...I missed that," Clarke said filling the silence, which had just been us breathing heavily.

I turned to look at him and I saw a small smile on his face. It was nice to see him smiling since I hadn't seen it for a while. I rolled over and put my head on his chest just near his neck. I wrapped my arms around his body to cuddle him, and I felt him wrap his arms around me, tightening me onto him.

"I missed you," I whispered.

I felt Clarke stroke my hair. "I missed you too."

We lied like that in that position until we fell asleep. I didn't expect to fall asleep, I thought maybe I would get the chance to say how I felt. I figured he had some idea, but I knew saying it would be better. It had been a long and tough day though so maybe it could wait for tomorrow, because right now, in some way, we were together and that was what mattered right now.

We both woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. We both groaned and I moved my head on his chest and I felt his arms tighten around me so I couldn't move. I hadn't left his side the whole night, I think even in my sleep I couldn't bear to be away from him now I had him.

"Ignore it," Clarke said suddenly as I lifted my head to look around for the source of the phone.

"It could be important," I pointed out, looking at Clarke's face.

"It probably is," Clarke agreed. "But we answer it and we have to move, leave this bed....this moment."

I looked around the room for a moment as I realised what he meant. The curtains were drawn and I could just see light breaking through the gap but I could still tell it was early in the morning. The room still felt closed in, like it was another world we were in, like everything else was out there and we could just be here.

"We can't say here forever," I told Clarke, moving my position so I could lie on his stomach and look up at Clarke. "Even if I want to."

"I know," Clarke agreed, moving one of his hands to hold my head in his hand. "I just...with everything out there, everything I have to deal with...This is the one good thing I have right now. You."

I let myself push my head slightly in his hand. His touch meant so much more now, like every touch was important. I couldn't describe it. I wanted to sit here for as long as I could but I knew it couldn't be long and there was so much to work out.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked Clarke.

"I'm not sure," Clarke shrugged. "Where do you want to go? You didn't exactly use words to respond to me earlier."

I laughed a little and nodded in agreement. "I wasn't sure what words would be enough honestly because honestly, Clarke, I've been going crazy the last month."

"Crazy?" Clarke asked surprised.

I sighed, sitting myself all the way up and wrapping the covers around me. Clarke moved so he was sitting up straight and he looked concerned.

"I... I realised I felt someone for you, back in LA. That day I went to see Heath it was because I was going crazy alone coming to this realisation and I couldn't understand it, or even understand how I had ignored what was really going on. So I went there to try and figure it out, I needed someone to talk to. You told me you needed me, you didn't want to be alone anymore, and I knew that I definitely had feelings for you," I said to Clarke, looking down slightly. "I was scared. I didn't know what you would think especially after our deal, especially because of your life. I didn't know what to say or when, and then the thing happened with the deal with Heath and it just made me angry because I doubted you were that guy I thought I was falling for. It scared me even more, like I had waited so long to get over my ex and feel that way again, and I wasted it. It was easy to walk away because I was scared and it felt like an easier option then telling you how I felt."

"It was easier then telling me you're falling for me?" Clarke asked.

"Huh? I didn't say...," I started to say but then realised I did. I wasn't so sure saying something so strong yet was a good idea, but I slipped.

"Rory, you should've just told me this," Clarke said leaning forward. "You don't think I'm scared? I have never been in a relationship, I've never been with a girl longer than a couple of days, but I knew it was different with you. I didn't want to say it yesterday because I was worried it would scare you off."

"Say what? You already said a lot yesterday," I reminded him.

"Not...not that I'm definitely falling in love with you," Clarke admitted softly. "I think I have been since my first day off work and you told me off for being late. I've never felt this way about anyone, Rory."

I felt myself breathe in deeply and I felt my heart fill. Not only had I wasted my time worrying, I had been completely wrong. Clarke felt the same about me as I felt about him. He brought his hand up towards my neck and moved us to our foreheads touched. I moved my hands, sliding them up his chest to feel him. I breathed again, and it sounded slightly nervous and relieved.

"I've never felt this way either," I told Clarke.

"Not even with Is-?" Clarke started to ask.

"Not like this," I stopped Clarke before he could say his name. "I didn't feel like this. Like it hurts to be apart from you, and like the world stops when I'm with you. You make my say sappy things."

Clarke immediately laughed at me and I smiled. "You're making me do the same," he pointed. "God, Rory, I really do need you in my life."

"And I need you in mine," I whispered back.

We both stayed still but only for a second as our lips met. It was a slow kiss, one that was warming, one where we both understood how each other felt. I had never pictured myself with someone like Clarke, but honestly he was just what I needed. He was still hard working and I liked that, but he was fun a little more care free, but loving, and protective, and strong. I wanted to kiss him longer, stay in this moment as he said, but the sound of the phone ringing started again.

I sighed, pulling back from him. "Clarke..."

"I know, it's time."