Book 1: Chapter 7: Ex-Homeless pt.1

The next day, I headed back to the adventurer's guild.

I walked through the Western movie style wooden double doors, and headed straight to the counter. Once again, the same buff bald guy was there.

(It's kind of scary how he works energetically every day like that.)

"Oh, I was waiting for you."

"Hello, sorry to keep you waiting."

"You don't need to apologize for everything, it's annoying, ya know."

"Oh, sorry."

"...whatever, anyway, here's the payment."

He put a leather bag on the counter, and a metallic "charin" sound came from inside it.

"With the payment for the original request, the compensation for the bad information, and the reward for a high orc subjugation, the total is 16 gold. By the way, most of that is the reward for the high orc, which is 10 gold. The original request was one gold, and the compensation is 5 gold. The rule for the compensation is that it's half the reward for the subjugation, you see."

"...the high orcs are worth a lot."

"Pretty much. Normally a party would follow and surround one. That would be a rank B party, and the payment would be 1 or 2 gold per person. They rarely appear near human settlements, so it takes time to get to them. With the necessary expenses, that's about how much it costs to get rid of one."

"I see."

"Getting there and back is usually a 10-day trip for a 5-member party. Out of the 2 gold per person, they'll need to spend 50 silver to 1 gold on supplies. If you add in the time to find it, it takes about half a month for one job. Whether 1 gold in half a month for that kind of work is a lot of money or too little, that depends on the person."

"It sounds like rank B parties can make a lot of money."

"Yeah, because there aren't many of them. There are only 10-some rank B people around here. Rank C is a lot more common, but going up from there isn't ordinary no matter where you go."

"I see."

(That's what, $25,000 that rank B adventurers can make in a month? I can see why it's an attractive occupation. But yesterday I saw all too well that risking your life to make a living is no joke. Surviving until retirement would be tough. I don't want to deal with something like that again. That high orc's fist was haunting my dreams last night.)

"A good hide from the high orc would have been worth a bit more, though. They have magic resistance, so they're worth a good bit of money. A perfect one would be worth about 20 gold, but it's hard to defeat a high orc without damaging its hide. It's hard to get the hide off a dead one, too."

"I see, thank you very much for telling me about that."

"You, can you do something about the way you talk? I feel like yer making fun of me here. And I still can't believe you brought down a high orc by yourself."

"No, um, that's because you have a scary face..."

"...yeah?"

(Shit, I can't help it! I should try to talk more like the other adventurers. Or at least get used to this guy's face.)

"Ah, whatever, just hurry up and count it."

"OK."

(So this is gold? I think this is the first time I've handled solid gold. It really is heavy.)

I started thinking about how much those coins were worth.

"I've confirmed the amount."

"Take it with ya, then. Don't get taken by some scam artist."

"Right. Thank you very much."

"Also, from today on you're rank D. Don't forget that."

"I went up two ranks?"

"That's because there was a high orc. If this was just a fluke, your rank will fall if you fail a request, so don't worry about that. By the way, if you fail 5 requests in a row, you get permanently expelled."

"OK, I understand. Thank you."

"Bye then."

◇◆◇

(Now what do I do?)

I was worried about having so much cash on me. After thinking about it, I headed towards a place handling real estate. Being a typical Japanese person, with a large amount of money on hand, I started thinking about homes.

(I'd like to go to a Soapland too, but I can do that after getting a house.)

For some years, I'd barely been able to afford rent. Actually owning a home was some kind of legend.

Using my Google Maps substitute called "asking a random little girl" I located a real estate office, and a few minutes later I arrived. I entered the building, with a bell ringing as I opened the door.

"Excuse me, I'm looking to purchase a house..."

"Ah, welcome."

The employee there was a human, a European man about my age. He had short light-brown hair, and he was tall, about 190 cm, which made me jealous.

"I'm looking for a single-unit house, something around 15 gold."

"15 gold, you say? Well, that's tough..."

"Is that so..."

(The town is surrounded by tall walls, so the area available for houses is limited. Maybe that makes for high prices? But I was hoping to have my own house, and a big dog...)

"Ah, hold on. There is one house that might work."

"Really?"

"The floor plan is a bit unusual, does that bother you?"

"No, that's fine."

(Lucky!)

I jumped at the opportunity.

◇◆◇

I was led to a detached building on the corner of a busy street, and we went inside.

"That's a big dirt floor, huh."

Weird items were tightly packed along the walls of a large open floor. There were Fresco-style glass bottles, wooden stands, and metal lockers.

(What the heck...)

The total floor area was around 100 square meters. On one side of the dirt floor, there was a long counter like I'd seen in the shops I'd visited.

"Ah, everything here comes with the place. Until the year before last, an alchemist was living here. The 1st floor was a shop and atelier, and there's living space on the 2nd and 3rd floors. It's a well-made building."

"I see. By the way, how much would a typical house normally be in this town? Everyone I've asked seems to tell me something a little different."

"Let's see. For a detached house, even if it's small or in bad shape you'd need at least 20 gold. And by the way, in this area here, a house would normally be 50 to 100 gold."

"Eh? Then this place..."

"Well, it has what you might call an interesting history. The last owner sold it two days after they bought it."

"Seriously?"

(Is it like those houses where somebody committed suicide and nobody wants to buy them?)

"What was their reason for selling it?"

"...ghosts, they said."

"Eh? Ghosts?"

"The ghost of that alchemist, supposedly."

"Ahh...was it a suicide?"

"I heard it was a natural death."

"Hah..."

"They died suddenly, and some relative wanted to sell it in a few days, so we got a good price on it. At the time, it seemed like an easy profit. Well, if that kind of thing bothers you, you'd be better off not buying this one."

"I see."

(Getting a cheap house in Japan because of something like that is like finding buried treasure. This is some good luck. If a ghost actually appears, I'd just be happy to have some company. Not being homeless is far more important than that sort of thing.)

"How much is it?"

"16 gold."

"I understand. I'll buy it."

(That's perfect for me, I have just enough. The money from the herbs that goblin collected should be enough to live on until I can earn some more money. But now I can't go to Soapland.)

"People always say that at first."

"No, I'm not bothered by that sort of thing."

"People always say that at first. But let's head back to the office and draw up a contract."

"OK."

And so, I bought a house much faster than I'd expected.

(A house! My own address!)

I was very happy.

◇◆◇

The paperwork for the purchase was finished quickly.

I carried my few belongings from my room at the inn over to my new home, and I was done moving in under an hour.

(From today on, I'm the owner of my own castle.)

It was a dream that hadn't come true before I died.

(Now, I just need to get a big dog.)

(A golden retriever would be good. A golden retriever...)

I'd bought a 3-storey stone building with the ground level having a dirt floor and 80% of the space behind a long counter. It had been the atelier of an alchemist.

(It's good that the situation was easy to understand for someone who didn't grow up here. So far, everything's followed the rules of fantasy settings.)

The ground floor made me think of a small pharmacy, with just enough space in front for people to buy things.

(But the products were made with a fantasy-style process.)

The floor size of the 2nd and 3rd floors was the same as the 1st floor, about 100 square meters each. It was more than enough for one person. The second floor had a restroom with a bath and toilet, a dining room/kitchen, and a living room or reception room. On the third floor, there were two bedrooms.

All the rooms still had furniture in them, so the house was already livable. There was dust, but not too much.

(It's splendid, isn't it?)

My heart was jumping with excitement. I started feeling tempted to try some alchemy the next day.

(First, I need to buy whatever I need to live here.)

As I headed out, I remembered when I first started living alone and bought lots of stuff at a 100-yen shop, most of which turned out to be unnecessary.

◇◆◇

It was shortly before noon when I finished buying supplies.

I got lunch at a restaurant that was too mediocre to leave much impression when I was focused on something else.

After I returned, I spent several hours cleaning. According to the real estate agent, the previous buyers leaving in a hurry tended to leave some cleaning that needed to be done.

The sun was just starting to set when I'd finished cleaning and organizing my stuff.

(A fantasy house. An atelier. It looks great. I made a good decision buying this.)

The cleaning and moving was the most exercise I'd gotten in a while, so I was getting hungry.

(...I'll go get some dinner, then.)

I decided to go back to that tavern with the hot waitress.

◇◆◇

She was working there again that night. Her figure with an apron, plus the bouncing and swaying as she hurried back and forth, was a satisfactory amount of sexiness.

"Sophia-chan, another one for me too!"

"Right!"

(Ahh, she's cute.)

The shaking of her blonde ponytail was another charm point.

"Ahh, I can't get enough."

Because of her, I kept ordering more drinks.

(Alcohol is humanity's friend. How could I abandon a friend?)

The food was decent, too.

Sophia energetically answered each customer's call, but it was so loud that I had to strain my ears to hear her cute voice.

(This was a good day. I'll be able to sleep happily tonight.)

As I was sipping my drink and happily not thinking about anything at all, I heard someone shouting behind me, and the tavern grew quiet. I turned around, still smiling slightly.

"Didn't you hear what I said?!"

"No, um, but that's..."

Sophie was facing a man dressed extravagantly, with a bright cloak on his back. His shouting echoed in the tavern.

(Oh. A noble, right?)

He was a good-looking man for his age, with a short hair and a large handlebar mustache, both blond.

"Just because you're pretty, don't think you're special!"

"I, I'm very sorry..."

Sophia-chan looked panicked, and bowed to the noble. Her long high ponytail flipped over and hit him in the face.

"Gah! My eyes!"

"I, I, I'm so sorry!"

(Ponytail Attack, critical hit.)

Some of the customers watching laughed unintentionally. Thanks to that, he was getting even angrier.

"You bitch! Maybe I need to take you into custody at my mansion!"

"I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"

"Someone needs to teach you a lesson about what happens when you insult a noble!"

"That's..."

Her face was completely white.

(This is bad. When a noble finds fault with a town girl, in the next chapter he's fucking her. If she gets carried off by some aristocrat, it will be good-bye to her boobs and ass for all of us commoners. Bad End.)

He grabbed Sophia's arm.

(Oh, there it is.)

Everyone in the tavern was watching.

(A noble is the same kind of absolute existence to commoners that a division chief is to ordinary employees, right?)

I remembered once hearing something like, "If you don't want your wife and kids to end up homeless, you'll listen to what I say." Several times, I'd wished I could punch that division chief from my company in the face.

(Ah, rather than a punch, now it would have to be a fireball.)

"Hey, hey, wait a minute."

I got up from my seat, and walked towards the dandy noble.

"You're being too hard on her, how about you stop?"

(Ah, I'm so cool. I'm a hero of justice! That coercive yet kind phrasing was perfect, too.)

"I don't know if you're a noble or what, grabbing a woman like that is something that even those orcs could do. Are nobles a bunch of barbarians worse than orcs, huh?"

"What, you, you bastard!"

He drew a sword. Apparently his pride was high.

"Let go of her, and try using your words if you want to invite her somewhere. If you don't know human language, I might be generous enough to teach you. Your legs seem to work, so you could probably manage."

"You, who the hell do you think I am?"

"I. Don't. Care."

(The mood of the other people here seems weird. Eh, don't worry about it.)

The noble's face was redder with anger than if he was drunk.

"If you continue, my Super Fireball will burn your bones until only ash remains. But I'm kind, so the explosion will kill you before you can realize you're dead."

"Pa-chin."

For the sake of appearances, I snapped my fingers. At the same time, balls of flame appeared around the man, each about the size of a volleyball.

They spewed puffs of flame, and I could feel the air temperature rising. One of the puffs of flame burnt a little bit of the noble's hair.

"Killing you would be easier than finishing my drink. If I snap my fingers again, your existence will completely disappear from the world."

I couldn't help smiling at how cool I was. Meanwhile, a magic formation had appeared at my feet at some point.

(Ah yes, the special effects are important too!)

"If you want to challenge the Noble Magician Fouren, then go ahead and try! You think I'll be defeated by 10 or 20 fireballs? Fool!"

He started glowing slightly.

(Magic nobles? I didn't know about that.)

"Then say your prayers. Sayonara."

I snapped my fingers again.

I almost shot them like I had with the orcs, but at the last moment I remembered that the explosion from that would probably destroy the tavern.

Instead, one of the fireballs lightly touched his back.

"Gyaaa?! AAAAAAAaaaaAAaaaa!!"

He screamed, jumped forwards, and fell on his face. Then he started convulsing and foaming at the mouth.

His back was pitch-black, and part of it was missing. There was a strong smell like meat left on a grill until it burned.

"...seriously?!"

(Oh shit, I should have held back here!)

Sophia-chan started screaming.

(It's going to be bad for me if this guy dies! I just bought a house, I can't leave!)

In a panic, I started using my recovery magic.

"HEALIIIIING!"

As I shouted, a magic formation appeared under the fallen noble.

His flesh and bones gradually appeared, and then his skin.

(There's still a hole in his clothes, but expecting clothes to get fixed would be unreasonable. Eh, don't worry about that, he's rich, he can get new clothes.)

"Ooohhhh, amazing, he's healing!"

"No way, those kinds of wounds..."

"I thought he was dead!"

"What kind of level is that?!"

"That's how it looks inside a person??"

"We should get out of here."

"Wow, amazing!"

The rest of the customers were watching as he was healed.

Finally, his consciousness returned.

".....????"

He jumped to his feet in a panic. Feeling his back with his hand, he became increasingly confused as he realized his wound was gone.

His lips shaking, he shouted uncertainly, "Y-y-you bastard, I, I'll remember this?!"

He started running off before he'd finished shouting. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. His face reminded me of a college student that had tried growing weed out of curiosity and got reported to the police the next day.

Nobody there spoke.

(I beat off the bad guy and saved the girl! What could be better than that?)

It was the first time in my life that I'd completely rejected someone like that. It felt good.

"Hah, too weak."

I sat back down at my seat, and then I finished my drink, which helped with how my throat had gotten sore from that.

I was feeling good.

(Now if Sophia-chan just comes to say thanks, I won't need anything else. Ah, come on over, I'm waiting.)

My heart was thumping with the suspense as I waited for her.

Instead, it was a middle-aged man I didn't know who came over to me.

"Sir, I, I'm sorry, but we're closing now today..."

"Eh?"

(Hey, nobody asked for you.)

"Could you go ahead and pay the bill?"

"No, um, I wanted to stay a little longer."

"We really appreciate you saving our girl, but we need to prepare for tomorrow, so please, please, just leave."

Looking around, the rest of the customers were leaving in a hurry.

(They really are closing up.)

"Um, I, I understand."

(What the hell? Damn it. I wanted a hug from Sophia-chan.)

"Well, I'll be going, then."

"Thank you very much."

I dropped a silver coin on the counter for payment, and left.

◇◆◇

(I didn't get to touch Sophia-chan. But still, I have a house! An excellent, amazing, sturdy house.)

I returned home from the tavern, and lying down on my fluffy bed was bliss. I was pleasantly drunk, and the room seemed to be swaying a little bit. It was kind of fun.

(Acting without worrying about the consequences is exhilarating! So much stress had built up over the years and years of holding back and fitting into society.)

"Ahhh, it's good, this..."

I stared at the unfamiliar ceiling and muttered to myself.

That's when the attack came.

"Get ooouuuut."

A voice came from somewhere.

At the same time, an icicle appeared over my head, and shot down, piercing the pillow beside my head. The icicle was about 30 cm long, and drill-shaped. While that happened, my sheets suddenly became ice-cold.

(If that hit me in the face, I definitely would have died!)

"Guh, seriously?!"

(Is this the revenge of that magic noble?)

I got up in the bed. In front of me, a transparent human was floating in the center of the room.

"Get oooouut."

More icicles appeared, floating around it.

"I won't lose to you!"

In a panic, I summoned fireballs around me, two fireballs for each icicle.

"Hey, wait!"

The ghost seemed to be panicking.

"You'll burn the house! Don't use fire here!"

"That's true!"

(This is my home! A fire here is no joke!)

I started putting out the fireballs.

"You, are you an idiot?! You burned the wall there, didn't you? What have you done?!"

"Nooo, my house! It's burnt!"

Indeed, part of a wall was blackened from a nearby fireball.

"It's my house! Not yours!"

"It's mine! My home! I bought it!"

(What is this thing? Is it an actual ghost?)

It looked like a human girl, about 140 cm tall and 13 years old, with golden hair and blue eyes. But it was transparent enough to see the wall behind it. It also had pointed ears, like an elf. It had pale skin and was wearing a grey robe, and was pointing some sort of cane at me.

"Who are you, barging into someone's house like this?"

"I'm the owner! You're the one who's barging into someone's house."

"No, that's wrong. I did all the paperwork and legally bought this house. If you're going to try and claim it with force, then I'll fight you with all my strength."

"...bring it on. Let's fight to the death."

"Fine by me."

(As a Japanese person, my house is of absolute importance! As a Japanese man, a house has been my goal since I was born! Getting in my way now is unforgivable!)

"Then you can die!"

(I need something other than fire magic! Skill window, come on!)

passive:

magic recovery: Lv.Max

magic efficiency: Lv.Max

language skill: Lv.1

active:

recovery magic: Lv.Max

fire magic: Lv.3

remaining skill points: 5

My level had gone up from defeating the orcs, and I hadn't used the skill points yet.

(Something to destroy the enemy of my home is a worthy use of these!)

I mentally recited the muryoujukyou sutra, while the ghost summoned more and more icicles.

(There!)

passive:

magic recovery: Lv.Max

magic efficiency: Lv.Max

language skill: Lv.1

active:

recovery magic: Lv.Max

fire magic: Lv.3

purification magic: Lv.5

remaining skill points: 0

(Perfect!)

"Get out of my HOUUUUUSE!"

(This is my house. I live here.)

(Everything else is unnecessary.)

(Erase everything.)

"Guh?!"

A magic formation the size of the entire house appeared over the floor.

She started to say something, but that turned into a groan and she grabbed her head with her hands in pain. At the same time, the icicles went "pa-kin pa-kin" as they shattered into tiny fragments that disappeared.

"Gah, serioushly? I'm disappearing! Auuuu!"

"Then GET OUT! This is MY HOUSE!"

She flew outside through a solid glass window.

"Haaaa, good riddance."

I collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep, with the room spinning as I closed my eyes.

video: Tanaka the Drunk Onmyouji