Chapter 189 - It's painful to be alone

When Kai Xin stepped inside Jane's apartment, she was shocked by the condition inside the house. The place was in a complete mess!

"Jane..." said Kai Xin as she pointed at the living room with her chin.

Jane glanced around the house and shrugged, "I was a little busy at work. Screw housework! I just got off a 24 hours shift!"

Kai Xin understood the feeling of wanting to lie down on the bed and do nothing after a long day at work.

It was hard to care about housework when one was pulling in long hours.

Jane kicked the clothes that were in her pathway to the side and made a little walkway for them to pass through.

"Anything to eat?" asked Kai Xin as she checked out the contents in the refrigerator.

When she saw that there was nothing but water and diet coke, she grimaced.

Glancing wryly at Jane, she asked, "Really?"

Her best friend shrugged, "I'm usually at the hospital or at..."

She stopped herself from saying the name. With a forced smile, she finished her sentence, "...Anyway, I'm rarely at home nowadays."

Kai Xin sighed, "I'm hungry. Let's go to the convenience store and get something better than whatever you have here..."

They went to the nearest convenience store and bought two bowl noodles, two microwavable meals, chips and beers.

When Kai Xin placed a bottle of cultured milk on the counter, Jane looked at her suspiciously.

Kai Xin smirked, "We can't both be drunk. Someone has to haul your ass back home later..."

Turning to the cashier, she said, "I'll pay for everything. Please help us heat up the meals. Thanks."

Once everything was ready, they went to sit at the seating area outside the store. When they were pigging out, Kai Xin asked, "How are you feeling?"

Knowing that she was talking about Mo Shaoyun, Jane shrugged and answered honestly, "Horrible. Confuse. Sad. Angry."

"Should I go beat him up?"

Jane chuckled, "Nah. I'm not the kind of woman who needs someone to fight her battle. If he wants to leave..."

"Jane..."

"Who am I kidding..." mumbled Jane. Picking up a can of beer, she downed the whole thing.

Using her sleeve, Jane wiped off the beer that trickled down from her mouth, "Ahhh! That's feels great!"

Passing her a napkin, Kai Xin said gently, "Jane...Spill it out."

Jane felt the wetness on her cheeks and knew that she was crying. Embarrassed, she placed her forehead down against the table to hide her face.

However, she was unable to stop the tears from flowing out. When she felt Kai Xin's hand gently patting the back of her head, that was when she stopped fighting back.

Kai Xin knew that Jane had been holding everything in ever since that day in the hospital. Not knowing what to say, she sat there and accompanied her as she cried her heart out.

Jane and Mo Shaoyun had been together for a long time. It would be impossible for her to forget everything about him so quickly.

"I didn't do anything wrong...I didn't..." cried Jane as she hugged Kai Xin.

Patting her gently in the back, Kai Xin whispered, "You didn't. You are the nicest woman I know..."

Jane cried louder as she asked, "Why did he tell me that he loves me and then stab me in the back?"

"Who knows what is in that idiot's mind? It's his loss for choosing someone else over you!"

The woman sobbed as she looked at her best friend, "You are only saying that cause you are my best friend."

The passersby were looking at them with judgmental eyes and whispers.

However, Kai Xin ignored them. With a murderous glare, she sent them running.

Once they left, she continued to console Jane, "No, I'm saying it because I know you. You are still the same stubborn girl who tries her best to make an aloof new kid feels better at school. You are the same girl who kindly offers her meals to her friend who always forgets to eat proper meals..."

When Jane sniffed and looked at her with her swollen eyes, Kai Xin smiled as she continued, "...You are also the same girl who stood by her best friend's side when she had an abortion...and you are the girl who protected her best friend by sacrificing her own reputation."

...

12 years ago, once she made the decision to abort, Young Jane accompanied Young Kai Xin to a back alley abortion clinic.

Young Jane wanted to go to a proper hospital but Young Kai Xin stopped her.

"They would tell my parents..." said Young Kai Xin sadly. She did not want anyone else to know about it.

Young Jane did not ask further. She knew that her best friend had her own reasons and based on her reactions so far, Jane could tell that it was probably painful for her to talk about the man.

The latter had a blank and detached look on her face during the entire time. Young Jane was worried about her but when she tried to say something, Young Kai Xin merely shook her head, "I've made my decision."

As they waited outside the room, Young Kai Xin unconsciously rubbed her belly as she sat quietly.

There was no expression on her face, yet her action betrayed her emotion. Young Kai Xin did not want to do this but she was afraid.

Ever since the day she found out about the pregnancy, she kept dreaming about a boy. The dream would start out beautifully. It was always in a happy setting.

"Mummy! Mummy!" cried the boy as he sat opposite her.

In the dream, she would see the boy smiling at her. It was her smile.

However, when she tried to smile back, she would see the face of the boys who raped her looking back at her. Taunting her. Calling her a whore.

When she saw that, she would push herself away from the boy.

In the next scene of the dream, she would be lying down on her back with Young Luo Yin moving above her while her body was completely at his mercy.

The memory of the pain from that day when he thrust into her and broke her hymen woke her up.

No matter how she screamed, no one came to help her.

Young Kai Xin removed her hand from her belly and hunching over, she buried her face in her hands.

Her body was shivering as she tried to get the memory out of her. A wave of nausea hit her and she covered her mouth in order not to give in.

Watching her friend suffering in silence as she battled with her own ghost, Young Jane could not help but to shed a tear.

"Who is the patient?" asked the male receptionist.

The girls went to the counter and Young Jane spoke for Young Kai Xin, "It's her."

"It would cost $2,000. Do you have the money?"

Young Jane nodded. Searching through her backpack, she took out an envelope and counted out $2,000.

When Young Kai Xin asked for a loan, Young Jane agreed on the condition that she took her along with her.

Young Jane knew what her best friend was about to do and even if Young Kai Xin wanted to be alone, she refused to let her be alone.

She took out her entire life savings and managed to take out a loan from her grandparents on the pretense that she wanted to get a new laptop.

Including the money that Young Kai Xin had, they managed to scrape about $2,300.

Placing the money down at the desk, she told the man sternly, "Please tell the doctor to make sure that the operation goes well."

The man took the money and counted it before asking, "ID for registration."

Kai Xin took out her ID but she hesitated to give it to the man.

"Would they find out..." She thought about her family as she glanced down at her ID.

Suddenly, she heard the man said, "Registering Jane Chu... Age....18 years old"

Shocked, Young Kai Xin turned to Young Jane.

With a kind smile, her best friend reassured her, "It's fine. He faked the age so it is unlikely that people would know. Even if it got out, I would probably be in less trouble than you. After all, I'm the only child."

Overwhelmed by her feelings, Young Kai Xin turned away from her.

When she followed the man into the operating theatre, Jane waved and called out, "I'll be here waiting for you! No matter what happens, I'll be here!"

...

Wiping away the tears on Jane's face, Kai Xin said softly, "If you weren't there, I would have been lonelier than ever..."

Jane sniffed and looked at her best friend's face, "I don't want you to be alone...It's painful to be alone..."

"I know..." Kai Xin patted Jane's hand and said, "And I won't let you be alone either. If you ever need anyone, just give me a call."

Jane hugged her again as she cried louder for the unfairness in the world.