Chapter 50 - Someone

"Punished?  Tomorrow?"  Lyra was huddled on the prison floor miserably, her cheeks strewn with stray hair, her dress torn, and looking shabby.  The pain in her legs was gone, replaced with paranoia about death.  "I'm finally going to die?  Am I going to die?"  Then she burst out laughing, filling the prison with her loud voice, making its guards wonder at her character.

Shortly after that, she burst into tears, spilling all the sadness that was entrenched in her chest.  Her hands squeezed her bulging dress, forming a fist to hit her chest.  "He just wanted to kill me from the beginning," she assumed.  "He tried to torture me by giving me hope before killing me," she continued.

The flames of the torches still snaked through the room, casting shattered shadows across the floor, giving her another false hope.

"I won't be able to escape.  This prison was even very far from the surface.  I don't have a single thing to use as an unlocker."  Her eyes glanced at the prison guards who were standing not far from where she lay.  "They can't even be persuaded."

Lyra had done various ways she could, such as begging, trying to cheat, trying to trick, and also other ways.  She had put all her energy and thought into it, even though she missed the fact that her status was that of a prisoner at this time, rather than a respected guest like she used to be.

She should have known there was no way for her to cheat because no one would comply with a prisoner's request, whatever it might be.  Her esteemed status in Wereal had been destroyed by her own doing, and she was about to lose her life.

Apart from crying, praying was what she did at that time.  With a crouched body, a glazed look,  her lips murmured incessantly, talking up and down to disturb the peace.

"Why did I have to touch him that night?"  Her voice trembled amidst tears of regret.  "Why did I have to be drunk that night?"  Her arms tightened against her chest.  "Why did I have to meet Baron Jason that night?  Why did I have to go to the hotel that night?  Why should I know Baron Jason?  Why do I have to live like this?  Why am I being pathetic and disgusting like this?"  Her cries sank into silence, overcome by regret after regret that she couldn't control.

"If only I didn't know the man," she whispered amid grief.  "If only we weren't engaged."  Her heart was beating fast as depression hit her.  "If only he hadn't been a jerk and ruined my life."  Her hair covered her face, completely, like a freshly made bird's nest, stuck in prison because of a tragedy.

She was like being a convict, locked up, and getting minimal food. She didn't even get her lunch, one thing she had been waiting for after the hot and strenuous activities with Duke Kleo.  Her stomach hurt from hunger.

The sun had gone down, it seemed, and there wasn't even any food served for her yet.

She lifted her head to look at the guards.  "Am I going to be left starving so that I die quickly?"  she asked expressionlessly, numb from the problems that had befallen her, not wanting to admit that these problems had come of her own.

The guards did not answer her question, leading her to conclude that there would indeed be no food until tomorrow until the execution was carried out.  Maybe it was done so that she wouldn't be too resistant when she was executed tomorrow.

Nocturnal insects were buzzing all around her, including an owl that might fly at immeasurable heights. She faintly woke up with a weak body from not getting food and water.  Once again she looked up and looked around, hoping to find the food he had missed.  But she found nothing.

It was impossible to fall asleep in hungry, impossible to fall asleep when depression struck, impossible to fall asleep when fear haunted her.  When drowsiness stroke her, her eyes would close for a very brief moment, then opened as if she heard something fall.  When she woke up she found nothing, except for the pounding of her heart, the emptiness, and the hole of the approaching death.

"I give up," she whispered, the tears falling again.  "I will be executed tomorrow, no problem.  I will start thinking about my last words before dying."

Her tears flowed even harder, amid her mumbling about the last words she carefully strung together.  "'I'll apologize to Gerry and Tiny first.  Will they be able to attend my execution tomorrow?"  Sobbing.  "Will they forgive me?"  Her body was prone to cry more freely. She doesn't like showing her weakness to others, she doesn't like other people watching her cries.  She would still hide with the thickest mask even though she was a fragile girl.

"Gerry, Tiny, I'm sorry!  I'm a fool for not listening to your advice.  I'm a fool for not being able to forget the past.  I'm stupid because I can't live well.  Even though you always supported me, always protected me, I left a lot of trouble for you."

Her hand wiped the tears, wiped the snot from her nose with the back of her hand.  "To all my mistresses, I apologize if I caused any harm to you.  But I'm sure most of you didn't feel hurt at all after we separated.  You are nobles, who would never want to marry a commoner like me.  I will only be able to become your concubine, that is if you are willing to take the risk of being humiliated for having a concubine of a cheap girl like me."

Her face turned to the side, facing the prison wall.  "To you, you bastard, I will never forgive your mistakes.  I will always hate you and keep a curse on you until I die.  I will even haunt you and destroy your life and all of your descendants.  You will be as broken as I am."

Her eyes that were raging like the devil suddenly looked sad when she remembered the figure of Duke Kleo, the most ambiguous man in her life, the sweetest and most dominant man in her life.  Moments full of intimacy that she will never forget, beautiful memories that she wants to grasp forever.

"To Lord Kleo…."  Her voice trailed off as if she didn't have the strength to speak anymore.  "I'm sorry," she finally said.  "I am guilty of not being able to live up to your expectations.  Some conditions make us different, some things make me look bad in your eyes.  I just want you to know, that you are a great man, a handsome man that I wanted to date the first time I saw you.  I guessed you were just like any other man.  But it turns out that you are different, very different.  If only we had met under better circumstances, would we have had a happy ending?"

Once again she squeezed her hand, closing her eyes tightly, without knowing that someone had been eavesdropping all this time.  The person came closer, carrying something in the hand.

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