Chapter 58 - Contradictory Feelings

"I'm going to make you lose everything you love, so you start to learn how you've ruined someone's life, and what it's like to be ignored when you're begging helplessly."

Lyra tried to hug herself with her arms, wanting to cover her whole body with warmth and serenity.  But that still didn't work, neither her arms being able to do what she hoped for, nor the calm she had been waiting for.  Pain tore through her heart, spreading to all parts of her body, tearing apart the smallest cells and crushing them to shreds.

She knew this time Duke Kleo seriously wanted to punish her and even tortured her in a sadistic and slow way.

Ella and Gena immediately helped her up after he left her.  Like a lump of shabby and unwanted cloth, her body staggered to find a place to take shelter.  It was not the heat of the sun that stings her, but the injustice of the world and the various misfortunes that keep coming.

The two maids tidied her slightly shabby dresses and smoothed out her scattered hair.  It was a rather windy morning, came upon the most terrible announcement of her life.

But when compared to the announcement of the man's betrayal, it seemed like nothing.

'But now my quest for revenge must even stop forever because I won't be able to do what I want.  Duke Kleo has imprisoned me more than ever.  Now I have lost my life, all my dreams, my breath, and even my body.'

She was stunned for a long time, thinking about the things that had bothered her all the time, about her dark past and being shattered because of a man.  Until then she looked up when Gena tapped her slender shoulder a few times, frowning when she saw Gena mumbling something she failed to hear.

"What did you just say?"  she asked, reluctant to pretend she was as fine as ever.  Now she was standing up straight, wanting to get rid of the ring that slipped on her ring finger.  But would that change the fact that she was getting married to Duke Kleo?

"It's time for your breakfast, My Lady," said Gena, seeming to offer more sympathy than anyone.

"Oh," she whispered disapprovingly.  "I'm not hungry." She went through that phase again, when she lost all her zest for life when she couldn't even feel any pain other than her heartache.

"Weren't you complaining of hunger, My Lady?"  Now it was Ella who spoke, looking fresher than before. She believed Duke Kleo's decision was right at this time.  Maybe he seemed like going to punish Lyra viciously, but she believed that he wouldn't. She believed Lyra would find happiness in this marriage.

"Who knows."  Lyra shrugged, walking lightly to her room, wanting to curl up all day doing nothing.  "Suddenly I'm hungry at all."  Her skin flushed as the sun's rays hit her, running down her blonde hair that lit up like bars of gold.  Her face looked radiant as usual, due to the effect of the makeup, but the glow in her eyes was completely off.

Ella and Gena sighed sadly behind her, sprinting.

"But you still have to eat something, My Lady," suggested Ella.  "Let me serve you some snacks if you don't want to eat the main course.  If His Grace finds out…"

"Don't say her name in front of me," Lyra interrupted, sounding firm but also very weak.  "If you still want to see me alive then don't say his name in front of me."

Ella licked her lips after swallowing her saliva heavily.  "I'm sorry, My Lady."  Her head lowered.  "Let me serve you some snacks!"

"Just get me a cup of tea," Lyra pleaded without looking back, continuing to walk as if she was sleep-walking.  "And leave me alone in the room!"

The two maids didn't seem to mind, and she was grateful for that.  Right now what she needed was peace, only peace.  Her energy seemed to be drained in a very short time, causing her to die strangely.

She would sleep all day doing nothing.

Until finally Mr. Bertus came to see her, carrying a mandate from Duke Kleo.

Her shoulders even dropped when she saw the butler, for she knew something bad might be said.

"My Lady, His Grace inquires you to have breakfast with him now!"

As she had predicted, Mr. Bertus would only bring bad news to her that day, and maybe beyond.

The dining hall seemed brighter than usual.  In some corners, it looked empty because some of the furniture had been removed to be repainted, including jars, some statues, paintings, and also some chairs.

Duke Kleo sat where he used to sit, back straight like a soldier, firm broad chest, dark and expressionless eyes, swallowing Lyra's frail figure who entered helplessly.

The white dress clinging to her body gave her a slight view of their marriage, evoking a strange pinching sensation in his heart.

The chair was pulled weakly, accepting her slumped body and looking down from earlier.  Her slender hands reached for the fork and spoon, ready to eat something like a robot.

"Eat more than usual!"  he ordered nonchalantly, began to take some of the food menus, and eat it.  "You should look fitter at our engagement party.  I've also scheduled some training for you so you won't be surprised when you meet royal guests.  I intend to invite His Highness and Her Highness."

Silent, Lyra looked down blankly, busy chewing her food silently.  Even her tongue could no longer taste anything.

"The party will be held in two weeks.  However, because there are a lot of preparations that must be done, therefore I postpone it.  So it will be held in one month.  That's enough for you to learn as much as you can, and enough for me to spread out invitations and prepare lodgings for guests living far away."

Again no response from Lyra.

Duke Kleo didn't seem to mind that, or perhaps he didn't.  "From now on you are not allowed to have a special relationship with any man.  If you do have a male friend, then you should report it to me first.  You are not allowed to leave Wereal except under certain conditions.  You're not allowed to have a single guest before I permit you.  I also forbid you to get too friendly with the servants or the guards.  This is one of the punishments for you in the form of isolation, considering you are an extrovert girl.  This marriage is a form of punishment for you, as well as a medium so that I can fulfill my promise to my mother.  So it's just a wedding on paper."

Lyra wasn't sure if she listened to everything Duke Kleo had to say.

"That's why you should never expect to have a normal marriage with me," he continued.  "We will sleep separately and I will never touch you.  Instead, I'll find other girls out there I can sleep with."

Lyra's hand movements stopped when she heard Duke Kleo's last words.  So she's locked up with no freedom while he can even sleep with other girls?  Suddenly she grimaced, feeling her chest hurt. She wasn't sure if it was because of her deprived freedom or because she heard Duke Kleo was going to sleep with another girl.

***

It switches with chapter 57