15 If Only I Could Tell You Once...

Having horses come along really slowed down the trip. Dawn was used to the swift flying of her griffon, who she still had yet to name. If Arrion was still around she would have asked him to help her, as she was sure he would have come up with a good name.

There was not much to do but think as she perched on top of her griffon. The griffon was well-behaved, as every animal that Arrion had trained was. As a bestial shapeshifter Arrion had been rather good with all sorts of animals, sometimes almost seeming to understand them.

She remembered when he had first brought the griffon to her. It had still been young, only big enough to carry one person on its back. He had looked so proud of himself, and had handed her the reins and hoisted her up unto its back.

She remembered how he had stroked its feathers on its neck and then told her to go ahead and try to control it. He promised quite seriously that the young steed had already been trained and that she was in no danger. And she had trusted him like she had never really trusted anyone before. It was a pity she had not realized just how much he meant to her before he died.

Even walking, the griffon had one of the smoothest gates of any steed she had ever ridden. His movements were languid like a cat's as he walked. She patted the fur on its back and glanced at her passenger sitting in front of her.

Raven had one of his hands buried in the feathers of the large griffon as he seemed to be in deep thought. He was absentmindedly chewing on his bottom lip with his mind somewhere else. Raven was at total ease though even though he had very little control at the moment. She admired that about him, that he was so willing to let go and let someone else take control and just trust them with no hesitation.

She had never been able to do that and perhaps that was why it was so hard for her to admit her feelings before. Because admitting she had fallen in love would have been saying that someone else held power over her. Even so, Arrion had held some power over her, though he would never really force her into anything. He would just make it difficult for her to say no.

There were so many things she regretted not telling Arrion when she had the chance. The biggest of which was both incredibly simple and terribly profound at the same time. Just three words: I love you. She would give anything to have been able to tell him that even just once. It would have made his face light up, those wonderful eyes of his to sparkle, and she could just imagine how he would pull her into a hug and force her to say it over and over again.

She looked down at the land speeding beside of them. A slightly self-mocking smile came to her face. It was bad enough to lose the person she had loved but to lose him before she completed his happiness made her filled with regrets. She wished that there was some way she could get him back, she would do anything to see his smile again, to look into his eyes as they shifted in those scintillating patterns.

Every little thing was reminding her of him and it caused her great pain, the like of which she had never known. Not even her own mother leaving her to fend for herself at such an early age had left her so devastated and made this constant pressure to just linger in her chest.

She found it difficult to sleep at night. Her dreams were filled with him, but that often left her feeling the regret all the more strongly. But it was just the lack of having his warm body snuggled close to her as he absolutely refused to let her leave their bed that made it hard for her to even fall asleep. She was lonely without her sweet, thick skinned Arrion. It was truly remarkable how much he was willing to deal with from her.

Sure, he would argue with her, try to make her see things from his perspective but he was incredibly patient with her. Probably more than she deserved. It was depressing that he had never seen its fruit.