85 He Would Take What He Could Ge

He wanted to support her but couldn't really do anything beyond offering words of encouragement. He had told himself from the moment she agreed to let him stay by her side that he couldn't do anything to mess that up so he was forced to tread carefully.

If he had things his way, he would be touching her every second they were both awake to be positive she was still here with him. But that would probably put her off so he resisted the urge.

That didn't mean Ash didn't sneak in friendly little touches as much as he possibly could, such as purposely reaching for the dice at the same time. It was underhanded but he would take what he could get.

Come to think of it…he could probably get away with a hug right now. Ruby did seem down and hugging friends was a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

"I think you need a hug," he said matter-of-factly as he opened his arms.

Today her face was greenish blue with brown spots/patterns like a turquoise stone and the color became more concentrated in her cheeks. Ash had seen enough of her facial patterns by now to be able to tell when she was blushing in most of them.

But why would she be blushing over the prospect of a simple hug? It wasn't like Ruby was shy.

She crawled her way around the dice and scorecards to accept his offer, burying her warm face in his neck. He was careful not to crush her shimmering wings as he savored the feeling of having her in his arms.

Ash had become terribly selfish. Here he was offering her comfort when he knew full well that he was getting more out of it than she was.

"Am I really capable of doing anything good for anyone?" Ruby asked in a small voice. "It seems like all I ever do is make things worse."

"That is not true," he said emphatically. "Just knowing you made things so much better for me. Having you here makes me happier than anything has in longer than I can remember. Everything that happened was because other people got greedy; it wasn't your fault at all."

Tears dripped out of her eyes onto his shoulder. "But Flora still has to grow up without parents. I can't help but feel responsible. If I had been more careful about hiding my powers none of this ever would have happened!"

That logic was so faulty Ash didn't even know where to start with it. He pulled back slightly so he could make her look him in the eyes and drive his point home. They both looked like topaz right now though one was blue and the other yellow.

She sniffled and altogether looked pitiful with tear tracks on her face, which made it feel like a fist was squeezing his heart. Seeing her this upset was as distressing as it had been the first time she cried in front of him.

The fairy let go of his neck to swipe at her tears though she was still loosely in his embrace. Ash supported her back with one arm and reached up to cup her cheek with the other hand.

Ruby stopped rubbing at her eyes and blinked at him curiously. "…what are you doing?"

"Trying to get you to stop crying. Is it working?"

"Surprisingly yes."

Ash smiled, gratified and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "That's good. I don't like seeing you sad. You deserve to be happy, you know."

She did. As the kindest, most selfless fae he had ever met Ruby Gardner probably deserved to happy more than anyone else. And yet her life continued to be one difficulty after another.

He would gladly stand by her through anything but he knew he might not always have the chance. This arrangement they had come to was an indefinite one but she probably wouldn't want him around forever.

The thought of having to live without her smile and sense of humor someday was unbearable. Ash wanted to ease her burden however he could so he couldn't add to it by telling her about his feelings.

It had taken nearly losing her forever to realize that he truly was in love with her. It wasn't at all the same feeling he had with the vampire lover he lost centuries ago either; he wanted to be with her permanently rather than taking things as they come.

Most fae worked that way; it was why there were so few fae marriages. Even among his coven there had only been one married couple. Everyone else switched things up after a few decades or a few centuries.

Ash had never understood why someone would bind themselves to a single person forever either despite the fact that he only dated one vampire in his long life because duty came first. Until now.

It was less about romantic love than it was about commitment and the desire to stay with another fae no matter what happened. Making things work instead of giving up or moving onto the next big thing.

His feelings for Ruby were much deeper than any he experienced before because they were partners first and learned how to work with and around each other from the get-go. Then they became friends and their mutual support only grew.

Now Ash couldn't imagine living a single day of his long life without her. But a fairy would never date a vampire so he couldn't step over that line. If he wanted to stay by her side he had to remain her friend.