Chapter 12: Perhaps

Adeline stood in front of the mirror. Her eyes were wide with shock as a ghost stared right back at her. She hadn't looked into a mirror in weeks, and now, she was wishing that she hadn't.

For the past three years, she had always been on the thinner side, but now, she couldn't even be called that. Adeline wasn't skinny anymore; she was skeletal, gaunt.... Emaciated.

Adeline's face twisted in disgust as she turned around until her side faced the mirror. Holding her arms above her head, she grimaced as her ribcage jutted out, reaching towards the opposite side of the bathroom. She could see each individual rib, and with each movement of her body, they seemed to crawl under her skin. Dropping her arms, she faced the mirror once again, and this time, tears welled up in her eyes. How could she have let herself get to this point? How could she look so dead, and now she was just noticing it?

Her eyes trailed over a face that didn't look like her own. Adeline's cheekbones were too angular, her eyes were sunken and dark, and her once wavy, thick hair was framing her face in wet, delicate, thinning strands. Over the past few weeks, whenever Adeline brushed her hair, she would be in shock at the amount of hair in her brush. Luckily, her parents haven't seemed to notice yet, but soon, they would. Just this morning, she woke up surrounded by dark hair strands, but before anyone had seen, she had swept some of it to the floor, then stuffed the rest under her pillow. Adeline was humiliated; even though no one had seen, she was the future Alpha, and future Alphas don't starve themselves to the point that their hair begins to fall out. Adeline knew that if she didn't start to change now, she would be dead in no time.

Shaking her head, Adeline picked up the towel that was folded on the toilet seat and wrapped it around her body. Holding the towel closed in one hand, she reached over and closed the shower curtains. Turning back to the mirror one last time, Adeline looked into the dark, emotionless eyes staring back at her.

"They'll find someone else."

????

Adeline walked into an empty room. It was the just as she had left it, and yet, it felt cold and uninviting-- as if she wasn't supposed to be there-- but yet, it was the very room she grew up in. It was her room.

Adeline's eyes fell on the bed that she had slept in since she was twelve, but now, it wasn't warm and inviting. Instead, she dreaded getting into that bed, because when she did, the nightmares slept right beside her. There was no escape.... no peace in her dreams. She always saw carnage and blood and death.... and Zoë. The demons of unconscious delusion were always there, always whispering and showing her replays of the first attack. It was as if they were sent to her, because they were always on time, and always brutal in their attacks. They knew what to say and what to show. They had been, no doubt, summoned straight from Hell.

Letting out a harsh breath, Adeline flipped back the covers and awkwardly slid in. The mattress was much too hard and the covers were much too cold; it seemed so foreign to her as her head fell back onto stiff pillows. This bedroom had been a safe haven to her three weeks ago, but now, it was feeling like a slap to the face; it just reminded her of all of the things she had lost the second she had attacked her friend. The walls that had once been decorated with photos and posters and personality, were barren shells that showcased claw marks that had been placed in a fit of anger.

Within a month of her first attack, the Beast had turned its attention to destroying anything that Adeline valued. Photos and posters had been torn to shreds, stuffed animals had been beheaded-- stuffing and limbs tossed around carelessly like a murder scene-- jewelry snapped and thrown against walls. Nothing survived the Beast's rage, and It made sure of that. In Its flare-ups, the Beast rummaged through drawers, flipped over the bed and desk, and even, on a few occasions, tore up the floorboards. At first, her parents tried to replace the destroyed valuables but quickly gave up when the Beast tore and ripped those up, too.

But something puzzled Adeline. The Beast destroyed everything, but the Moon symbol hanging just above her bed. During the rages, when the Beast had nothing to destroy, It would go for the tiny white stone; but the Beast's claws would always go around it. It was as if the Beast's claws were redirected by an unknown force; the tiny white stone with the words 'Ego Semper tecum', was practically indestructible.

"Adeline, are you alright?" A familiar voice asked from behind her. Spinning around, Adeline watched as her father closed the door behind him. Her nose tingled with the sulfur scent coming from his body, he was no doubt here to give her her injection.

"I'm fine." She replied quickly. Her father frowned, his eyebrows drawing together as his eyes scanned her.

"What's wrong?" Dillon asked, his eyes melting into a brilliant sky blue. Adeline knew that he didn't buy into her lie, and that made a wave of annoyance flow over her. She just wanted to be left alone, but the Moon forbid that she ever get what she wants.

"Nothing. I'm fine." A forced smile lifted her lips. "I was just wondering if I'd get my injection before I went to bed."

It looked like Dillon wanted to say more, but as his mouth opened, he snapped it shut and shook his head.

"Sit down," He ordered, motioning towards the bed with a wave of his hand. Adeline sat down, grimacing as the bed jostled under her sudden weight.

Dillon lifted up the sleeve of her shirt, exposing her upper arm. Adeline's breath hissed through her gritted teeth as her father sterilized the area by rubbing a cotton ball soaked in an alcohol solution. The solution was cool against her flesh, and for a moment, it felt nice on her hot skin. The needle entered the center of the sterilized circle, and almost immediately, the hot burning sensation of wolfsbane started to lick up and down her arm. The pain would be there for about five to ten minutes, but after that, Adeline would be overcome by fatigue and peace. Even though the wolfsbane only lasted for about twelve hours each dosage, it was twelve hours of no feral wolf threatening to take over.

"Just lay down and close your eyes. I'll come back in here in about twenty minutes to check in on you, okay?" Dillon said, looking down at her with a soft, gentle look in his eyes. Shame forced Adeline to tear her eyes away from his, her eyes gluing to the worn down dresser beside him. She was ashamed of the secrets she kept from him, the emotions she kept locked up, the thoughts that churned in her demented mind. If her father knew even a little of the things she thought, she would've been permanently locked up in a cell a long time ago.

Adeline nodded. Just as quickly as Dillon had entered her room, the door was closing behind him.

Adeline stood up with weakening muscles. She so badly wanted to fall asleep, but she didn't want to sleep in this room. She wanted to rest in a place of silence and peace; a place of suspended animation.

Perhaps death would bring her that.