Chapter 45 – Breaking down

Maya was able to advance her magic so much that she'd been able to build a bath for the two girls and was really motivated about it. For the sake of extra skinship, the cat-girl made the tub as small as possible. Sophia was obviously against it initially, as it would be way too embarrassing for her, but some strange things happened afterward.

Fen had given her the tip that instead of merely bearing with the cat-girl's advances, she should go on the offensive herself while ignoring any restraints she might have. These words caused great turmoil inside her. Taking a liking to the bath arrangement all of a sudden, she got in the water together with Maya while cuddling with the girl. Enjoying their closeness for a while inside the tub, Sophia's complexion eventually changed, though.

"M-Maya...? W-Why are we in such a small bath t-together?" The bold girl from before was gone and got replaced by the usual Sophia. "A-Also... why are you hugging me s-so tightly? M-More importantly... Why am I sitting between your legs and leaning a-against you in the... in the first place?" She apparently had no recollection of what happened in the last couple of minutes and had many questions.

"Huh? Err, what?" Maya had no idea what to say or how to react. "Even if you ask me, it was your idea, Sophia..."

"It was not."

"It sure was."

"No."

"Yes." Their conversation was going nowhere.

"Was it... really...? I-It was... wasn't it?" Her memory was slowly returning. "W-What have I done... Why did I-, Huh?"

"You did it... unconsciously...? Like when you lose yourself to your anger...?"

"I-I don't know... Maybe? But it feels different... When I'm angry and go out of control... I kind of let it happen because I actually am angry... and then it gets the better of me... It's convenient. This time, though..."

"This time?"

"It completely happened without me noticing it, at least... I just went bam, and instead of being boosted, it felt like a different version of me took over..."

"So, you mean you weren't the one doing what you did, then?" Maya tried to make sense of it.

"Y-Yes... Maybe? I barely even remember... How did I even... All of this should be impossible for me... No matter how much it got altered. H-Have I finally began to stop... being me for good?"

"Sophia?" The cat-girl had no idea what she was talking about. Still, she noticed that it was something serious, and it worried her greatly because the girl in her arms started shivering with her whole body. Entirely on instinct, the cat-girl hugged her tighter, hoping it would give her a sense of security and calm her down.

"That can't be happening... I-I don't want that!" Unfortunately, Sophia was the exact opposite of calming down, and fear was her primary emotion right now. "I-I'm scared... I don't-"

"..." Still not knowing how to respond, the only thing Maya could do, was to increase the grip around Sophia's waist even more. She was desperately hoping it would have some effect and stop her quivering even by just a bit.

"S-Sorry..." She apologized for something but showed no sign of calming down whatsoever.

"T-There's nothing for you to apologize. You did nothing wrong. I-I don't mind being in a position like this... I'm actually enjoying it." Maya was talking about their bathing arrangement.

"Thank you... but... it seems I have finally lost control of... myself... I've feared the possibility... and it actually happened..." Her voice sounded as if she was about to cry. In fact, tears had already formed in the corners of her eyes.

"Sophia," Maya couldn't squeeze her any tighter without breaking anything, and so she had to change her approach. "What happened to you?"

"..." She stretched her neck and somehow ended up resting the back of her head on Maya's shoulder behind her, and their cheeks almost touched, but she didn't care, or rather, wasn't even aware of her surroundings while she absentmindedly stared at the sky.

"..." The cat-girl nuzzled her head against the side of the other ones before watching the sky together for a while without saying a single word.

----------------

"Is-, Is a short version okay?" She managed to bring out some words again after collecting her thoughts for a long while. "I'm sorry, there are many things I can't talk about it yet... Some of them... are connected to this. Not everything will make sense, but please... don't ask about details." She had trouble talking in whole sentences while trying her best not having a full mental breakdown.

"Really? That's totally okay! As long as I can even learn a bit more about you and help with whatever's going on, I'm happy!"

"O-Okay," Even so, it took Sophia a good while before she began to talk. "Where to even start? I don't get half of it myself." She had no idea how to explain her situation to the cat-girl. "Someone... messed me up, both in body and mind..."

"W-What?!"

"Ah!" Sophia realized her mistake. "Wait, that... came out a bit wrong... That's not... exactly what I meant."

"D-Don't scare me like that!" Maya was barely able to recover from the shock.

"Sorry... Though, technically speaking... it's not entirely wrong, either. You see, I used to be extremely shy… to the point of even having a conversation with most people was near impossible..."

"I-I actually know a bit about that."

"Fen?"

"Yes... But he didn't tell me any details whatsoever."

"I see, that's good then. Although it would make this much easier..." She was both happy and disappointed at the same time. "Okay, so I was shy... terribly so, but as you can see, I changed..."

"You can definitely talk to people now, but I think you still have your shy moments."

"Whose fault do you think that is?!" Despite the situation, Sophia still got angry and had to retort.

"Ehehe~." She let out a giggle. "Yes, you're right. You do seem different from this description for most of the time."

"Yeah, one would think that I worked hard to overcome this shyness, right? That's not what happened at all. I tried it multiple times, but it was impossible for me... Till the day I was... removed from my homeworld, I was still useless..." Her voice was full of self-hatred while she emphasized some parts while only mumbling the other.

"Removed? Useless...?" Maya didn't like how these words sounded or what they could possibly imply. Especially when combined with her ongoing misunderstanding of Sophia being a noble from the demon folk, it sounded very dangerous.

"So, before I started traveling, I met a very powerful… individual." If nothing else, the overseer definitely was powerful. "That person-, he experimented on me...?" It wasn't perfectly fitting, but she went with that setting for the lack of a better explanation. "He promised me to boost things like my self-confidence or ability to talk to people."

"I-Is that even possible?" It sounded unbelievable to Maya.

"As you can see, it was extremely effective... For the most part."

"R-Right."

"That experiment went somewhat wrong, though. He accidentally boosted basically every single aspect of me. My body, making me even stronger and faster than I already was, and much more concerning, my mind, feelings, and personality..." Sophia made a short break. "Feelings of joy, happiness, and all that got altered... I'm a lot more easygoing. I can talk to people again... I'm getting less embarrassed, and no, no comments on that, please. I became much more excited about things and... Well, I think you get the idea?"

"Yes... though it sounds unbelievable." The cat-girl was overwhelmed by her story. "But... Okay, while I think it would make me feel weird... doesn't it sound like it's a good thing?"

"In a way, yes..." Sophia agreed with her. "I do like my new personality, but doesn't that make me an entirely different person? Nothing of my old self is left, after all. Maybe, probably not? These boosts likely use my previous stats as a base? Basically making me an enhanced version of myself, right?"

"Yes, that's how I would interpret it, too, I think...?" She had a hard time even fully following, let alone making a guess of how it's working. "S-So far, so good...?"

"If it would've stopped there, kind of...? Those boosts of mine tend to go out of control from time to time, and they also have a limit."

"Limit?"

"Take my e-embarrassment, for example... Though its limit is low, until a certain point, I won't get that embarrassed. Still, once my boost can't compensate it anymore, it stops completely, and I get... super embarrassed."

"Uwah, that sounds nasty! Explains a lot, though."

"Yes... And just earlier ago, I found out that it can overcompensate as well for some reason... To the point that I can't even influence what I'm doing... That's really not me anymore, is it?"

"Uhh, t-that's... I'm sorry." Maya was drawing a blank. She had absolutely nothing on hand to ease the girl's worries.

"Oh, I forgot the best part..." A sigh escaped her lips before continuing. "When the boosts of my positive feelings or emotions fail, the responding negative ones actually get boosted instead... Making me extremely angry all of a sudden, for example..."

"Ahhh..." The cat-girl had an enlightened expression, as if everything about Sophia makes sense now. "So, that's what was going on."

"Ahaha," A dry laugh came in response. "It's also fun that, when thinking about this predicament, my worries get boosted all the way into depression."

"That's... rough."

"If I changed to a point where even I don't recognize myself anymore... am I still me?"

"..."

"Yeah... So, uhh, that's more or less my life right now... Questions? Comments? Complaints? Anything else?"

"No... I'm good. Thanks for telling me, Sophia." Maya had nothing to add. "For me, you're still you, as I only know this side of you. I like this version of you, so my view on the topic is heavily biased. But... I can see why you're worried. It definitely sounds like a heavy burden. So, if you ever want to blow off some steam or want someone to talk to, feel free to come at me." This was the only way the cat-girl was able to help. "I'll... always be there for you. No matter for what. After all, I-" She didn't manage to finish her sentence.

"Yeah," Sophia bent her upper body forwards, away from Maya, and hugged her knees. "Thank you for that... I really appreciate it..." Her voice still sounded stifled while she was trying to hold back her tears. She wasn't in a state where she was able to think about the cat-girl's wording.

"You're welcome... and I mean it. Everything." Maya gave the now visible, bare back of the girl in front of her a long and hard stare before moving her face closer. Mwah, a soft and gentle sound could be heard for about a second.

"Hmm?" For a moment, Sophia thought that she felt something soft making contact with her back and flinched. "Did you do… something just now?"

"W-What do you mean?" She had immediately distanced her face again.

"Was it my imagination? I guess I'm still scared about what's going on..." She tilted her head. "Weird, it felt too... nice for that, though... Anyway, thanks-, Thank you for listening to my ramblings..."

"Nice, huh?"A smile appeared on her lips as she touched them. "N-No, I'm grateful that you told me what's going on, Sophia. I feel like I understand you much better now."

"Really? I don't understand me at all, though..."

"It's a figure of speech."

"Ahaha..." Sophia was slowly starting to feel better.

"Ehehe~." The two laughed with each other for a while.

"Hey, mind if we get out of the bath soon? I'm starting to feel dizzy..." Sophia's face had gotten slightly flushed, and not because she was embarrassed for a change. She was still barely registering her surroundings. "There are also many things I want, need to think about. Also, I feel... weird."

"I'm not letting you alone in this state!" She knew how unstable the girl was at the moment. She didn't want to imagine what could possibly happen with her in this state of mind if she's on her own.

"I'm not asking to be alone... Far from it. You, and also Fen, are the only ones who keep me sane. You are the reason I didn't fully break down just now." Sophia had no intention to run away. "I just can't stay in the water much longer..."

"You sure aren't good with water, are you?" Maya remembered that this wasn't the first time.

"Somehow, hearing that from a cat... I don't know how I should feel about that, especially because you have a point."

Shortly after, the girls finally left the bath and reunited with Fen after getting dry and dressed. There, they continued their conversation for a little longer while also telling the wolf, who then gave his input on the situation as well.