132 A bit overboard

Emp was done with the work Marcy gave him for the day and was now standing at the back of his house. In front of him, Leo and Erin stood at the ready, they both had the air of someone determined to succeed.

The other girls were all close-by too, Svae stood with them excited to play the game with them, Calla was laying on a sheet spread on the grass to watch the start of the game and Galana was sat against the nearest tree and absorbed into the book she was reading.

Emp had started training with the girls again around two months ago now but they still hadn't managed to defeat him. Even though they hadn't won yet, Emp was pleased to see that they hadn't gotten frustrated and they hadn't given up on winning. Instead, not only did they keep having fun, their determination to win only grew more and more.

Their training swords pointed towards him as they waited for him to start the game. Svae just floated lazily, by their side, ready to dart away using her ability.

The moment Emp gave the signal, they ran in three different directions. He opted to go after Svae first because he caught her last the previous time they played.

She was floating close to the ground for the purpose of the game but it didn't mean she intended to let him win easily. She swam over places were tools littered the ground, over piles of wood and even over Calla. Emp had to navigate over and around difficult terrain every time he went after her. He jumped over most of the obstacles and cut through the open spaces he could find until he managed to cut in front of her and grab her. She almost ran into him herself and after a cry of surprise, she admitted defeat in a fit of laughter.

Now, Emp had to face the hard part. The sisters might not have won yet but they did get much better. With the time it took him to get Svae, they had a large advance against him.

While he scanned the area he could see, Svae flew over to Calla and brought her a cup of water before sitting at her side. Emp didn't listen to their small talk and space stepped to the side of the house. Seeing nothing here either, he continued to step from place to place towards the center of the village.

With all this time to practice, the girls had picked up many interesting tricks to hide from him. Their breaths wouldn't betray them anymore when they hid after running, they avoided obvious hiding places in favor of spots no one would think of, they moved smartly enough to run Emp in circles instead of going straight forward and more importantly than all that, they had found their own magu.

Emp had been very impressed the first time they showed him. Apparently, they found it a day when they annoyed Galana too much. From what he heard, they tried to untie the band of cloth going over her forehead to distract her while they slipped inside the office. Emp wasn't really angry about them trying to get into the office but Galana was extremely furious, both for that and the headband she barely managed to keep in place. She ran after them and the two had to hide in a hurry.

From what they told Emp, they turned the corner in the hallway upstairs and pressed their backs against the wall. They really wished to hide because they had never seen her so angry before and it was then that they felt it. Both of them tried to explain what it was like to Emp but both told him something completely different. On top of their differing explanation, neither of them made any sense. All Emp knew for sure was that Galana ran right past them without noticing them and the two girls felt extremely tired afterwards.

After Emp had them apologize properly to Galana, he told them to keep practicing what they just did until they could freely feel that magu whenever they pleased. Once they were more in tune with it, he thought them the procedure to activate the speed enhancement self magic. With it and the hiding self magic they started working on that day they ran from Galana, their performance in the game improved greatly.

Now, every time Emp went somewhere he had to look around very carefully in case they were hiding in plain sight. Their trick didn't make them invisible at all but it was like the shadows turned darker around them, they became a bit blurry and faded, it was easy to overlook them in that state. It was like searching for an oak leaf in a big pile of maple leaves, you had to focus on the shape because the color alone wouldn't be enough.

Not only that but with them being able to erase their tracks, climb almost everywhere and knowing well how he usually played the game, they had gotten pretty hard to catch.

He had to look into the well, over its roof, on the roof of the house, along the walls in case they climbed it and waited just under the overhanging roof, around the shed and the outhouse but not into them because it would have been too obvious, in every corner of the house and then everywhere he could think of in the village.

Sometimes, he would stop to scan his surroundings and look at the ground in an attempt to find some indication of where they could have gone but they weren't leaving anything.

He knew he'd still find them eventually though, it was only a question of time.

As he was passing the shoemakers house, he felt that their front yard was a bit different, looking closely, there were a bunch of tools placed against the wall, leaning on it. All of them were long things like a rake, a shovel and a broom. He'd have paid it no mind but there was one tiny problem, there were two brooms. The first time he glanced over them, he didn't see anything abnormal but knowing about the sisters, he took a second look. Through the spaces between all the long handles, he should have seen the wall but it wasn't quite right. He was pretty certain that one of the two was using her self magic and kept herself prone between the tools and the wall.

He rushed to the tools and right away, a wooden sword pierced towards him from between the wooden poles. He dodged easily and sent his arm forward to catch her but before he could reach, the sword turned in its arc and came back for his arm. He was forced back in order to not get hit and had to clamp the tools together to lock the sword in place instead before he went after the girl.

Once the sword was stuck, he saw Leo jump out from her hiding spot and try to run away but Emp, as usual, was way too fast. Without her sword, she got caught in no time.

It was impressive how she could be hidden so well even though she should have been easily seen through the tools but she still lost.

"How did you find me this time! Did you cheat?"

"There were two brooms."

"Ho..."

Like that, she accepted her defeat and Emp went after the big sister. Since Leo was here, Emp was ready to bet that Erin would be back home again expecting him to be scanning through the village.

He made his way back home while still keeping an eye out in case he was wrong but found nothing at all. He wondered where she could possibly be. He stepped on the roof of his house again and looked over everything he could see in the village. There were so many places to hide but how to guess which one was the right one?

What if it was none of them?

Emp sent his eyes to the palisade around the village instead. He stepped on top of it and ran around the village using the pillars as the steps of a narrow road. By now, she could be anywhere in or out of the village. The palisade was the only place for him to look both in and out of the village at the same time.

It took him almost an hour and a half to get his hands on Erin. He caught her hanging from the corner of Bor's roof where he should have been unable to see her unless he stood in an obvious spot in a backstreet. Her plan was to see him well in advance from there and skulk back around by following the palisade, using the line of laundry as cover for her escape. She had not expected Emp to be on top of her escape route behind her though.

Emp jumped on top of the roof, bent over the side and grabbed her arm. She yelped in surprise and admitted defeat with a sigh.

"You win again! Where did you even come from?"

"I ran on top of the wall. You were easy to see from there."

"I'll remember that for next time." She said with determination.

Emp smiled and nodded. If they continued like that, they'd soon win the game, in fact, he was tempted to allow them to pass already. Escaping for more than an hour was very good already. He'd give them a few more attempts to pass the mark of two hours but whether they did it or not, he'd give them the win soon.

He walked back home with Erin at his side, he had some fun today again but now, he had to train seriously with what time he had left before supper.

Just before they reached home though, their eyes were drawn to an incoming group. An enormous group of knights on horseback was making its way slowly through the village. They must have come in from the east gate and would stop for the night close to the western gate. This meant that they'd camp close to his house.

"Woah! So many knights! What are they here for you think?" Erin asked him in wonder.

"They came from that way so they must be going towards Bêtéclair. Get out of the road so that we aren't in their way."

"Right, sorry."

She followed him to the roadside and they sat in the entrance to Marcy's forge to watch them all go by. There must have been a good hundred of them, all in neat rows of five, all as straight as boards. All of them wore steel grey plates, furs on their shoulders, charms all over their armors, a sword at their hips, a bow on their back and a long halberd in their hands.

Their horses were just as armored as them with colorful draperies hanging over their backs. All of them had painted shields presenting their respective coat of arms, at a glance, it was easy to tell they weren't ordinary knights. Those were as highly ranked as a knight could be. The banners they carried proved it without a doubt.

"They're so cool looking! Who do you think they are?" Erin asked curiously.

"It's easy to tell by looking at their banner. Those are knights belonging to the Muraciers."

All around the column, large banners featuring a steel grey wall and a sword wrapped in white thread flew high above their heads. They fluttered in the wind, sticking to the poles holding them like wet clothes on the skin.

"Really! That's crazy! So that's what real knights look like. Cousin Vinia isn't nearly as good looking as any of them."

Emp laughed at her comment and she quickly jumped on the next question.

"So who's the guy in front, the one that looks like a bear with thick white hair. What about the pretty knight at his side?"

"They must be their leader but I don't know their names."

The first row only had two people, an old man and a young looking lady, but also wore the armor of a knight.

The man was wearing heavy armor so he must have been some sort of knight too. He had an old face but Emp knew that he must be just as impressive as the duke in his old age or he wouldn't be standing in front with an indomitable air. His armor was very different than those of his subordinates, it was a lot more imposing, so much so that his horse didn't wear any protection of its own because the weight would have been too much. He didn't have any charms on it either, only a complex set of runes instead.

The woman wore the same armor as the knights following them but tied the helm to the side of the horse to discuss more freely with the old knight. Emp could tell she had a pretty face but aside from that and her not quite blond hair, he couldn't see any particular feature on her that would let him guess who she might be. From the angle he was looking from, he couldn't even take a look at her coat of arm. At the very least, she must have been very talented or a woman so young would not ride at the very front. Maybe she was a cousin of him? A daughter of Graube perhaps.

"Maybe they're going to go beat up some bad guys or fight off a giant monster? I wish I could see, I'm sure it would be amazing to look at!"

Emp didn't deny it but he hoped instead they were here to deliver the seal the duke requested.

With all the knights, there were many large wagons with reinforced wheels carrying all their supplies and equipment. For a group of knights so large, the amount of supporting carts and helping staff was enormous, almost doubling the size of their group.

Emp sort of wanted to go talk to them and if possible, get the seal now but he was conscious that it might be very strange for them and the rest of the village. It might be even more awkward if they weren't carrying the seal he was looking for. Because of this, he elected to let them pass and not disturb them for now. He would get back home and busy himself inside for today instead of training outside. He didn't want them to focus on his hair color now and he wasn't too bothered about not being able to train outside for a single day.

While they watched the column pass, Erin called out to him by stretching his name.

"Eeeeemp?"

"Hm?"

"It's been a while now but do you remember when we talked about knights?"

"Yes, I remember, what about it?"

"Can you really help someone like Gilbert become a Knight? I understand you are strong but aren't knights way stronger than us? I don't understand how you can make him or us into people like them."

She gestured towards the resplendent and mighty looking troops riding past them to illustrate her words.

"I can't tell you how yet but I can. Gilbert and you two will have to work really hard though."

"Even Leo?"

"Yeah, even Leo."

Erin was unconvinced and tilted her head with a pout and a frown as she thought hard about it. She stayed silent for a moment before she spoke her mind.

"I've been worrying about what you said that time. I'd stay for Leo but she wouldn't do the same for me, would she?"

"What worries you exactly, do you feel bad that she wouldn't help or do you think that it makes her bad knight material because of the things I said?"

"The first one..." She admitted pitifully.

"But are you really sure she would leave you behind?"

"Back then, she answered that we should run right away and every time I get caught by you and tell her to run, she does it without hesitation."

"But that doesn't mean anything, she's the sort that doesn't understand until she lives it for herself. It's just a game for her, you can't judge based on that. I think she wouldn't be able to leave you behind either."

Erin didn't feel much better from his words. She was a bit like that too, without a concrete example, she had a hard time wrapping her head around things. In that case, maybe if he provided her with an example they would both understand more easily.

"Should we test her then?"

"Test her?"

"Yes, I'll show up with my armor and my hammer and pretend to be a bad guy. I'll catch you and then you'll tell your sister to run away, we'll see what she does then."

Her eyes shone in anticipation.

"That's perfect! It's a great idea! Let's do it!"

"Then we'll do it once the knights are gone, we don't want to bother them with our nonsense."

She agreed with a nod and asked for more details about what Emp could only call a prank.

"Won't she recognize you even if you wear an armor? And won't she just call you for help?"

"You'll just have to tell her I'm out of town, as for recognizing me, neither of you have ever seen my armor right? It's a full plate like the knights are wearing, If I keep my helm closed, she won't see my face."

"How come you have an armor like that?" She asked skeptically.

"I made it with Marcy."

That simple explanation satisfied her, she had seen some of the things Marcy did so she knew that the smith was more than able of making that kind of complicated armor.

They finished making up their plan as they admired the noble procession. Once they had all passed, they walked back home and Leo ran up to them to talk about the knights she had just seen as well. She was very excited to witness that sort of thing and buzzed around her sister like a bee.

Emp left the two to their talk about knights and walked back inside where he found Galana sat at the main room table with Calla and Svae working on tonight's meal behind her. She didn't look up from her book but knew it was him by the sound of his steps and asked him right away about the knights.

"Are they here for you?"

"No, just passing through."

"Did you catch shadowknight?"

"Who's that?"

"The taller one, she always tails you like a shadow and she's obsessed with justice."

Emp walked up to the table and sat down facing her.

"Isn't it easier to call her by her name?"

"No, I keep forgetting it, I nicknamed everyone because it's easier. I'm bad with names, I only remember important ones."

"Then how do you call everyone?" Emp asked, genuinely curious.

"The small one I call little jumpscare because that's the only thing she ever does and that one is skyfish for obvious reasons."

Svae who was just behind her didn't seem bothered at all by the race related nickname so Emp didn't mention anything.

"What about Calla?" That was the one he was the most curious about.

"It's just Calla."

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"..." Emp felt rather disappointed.

"What? You want me to call her wondercook or some shit? She's your wife and the mistress of the house I'm living in, I'd be #?/%/ ashamed to forget her name."

That made sense but Emp still felt it would have been funny to hear her call Calla with some strange nickname.

"Watch your language!" Leo called from the doorway.

"I'd watch my language if there were any good kids around but you're already as bad as it gets!"

In no time, the two of them were pulling faces at each other over the table. Emp didn't know if he should laugh or tell them to get along. As long as they didn't resort to using their hands, he didn't think it was worth worrying about. Once he told the sisters about himself, he'd tell them what had happened to Galana as well and hopefully, they'd stop being so antagonistic with her.

It was Calla and Svae who pulled them aside in the end, they told Galana it wasn't good to fight with a kid and told Leo that Galana wouldn't be so cross with her if she stopped frightening her everyday.

Leo and Erin went back upstairs to spend time in their room and Galana plunged back into her studies.

She was intent on understanding how magic worked before too long. She had met with him and Martin many times over about this and progressed at a decent pace. She was far from the speed of someone like Penny but she was better than many in his class back in Bêtéclair. Emp felt that she could have succeeded long ago if she had not tried to do the same as her mother.

Martin and him tested her affinity and it turned out that she had not a shred of affinity for water like her mother. She had a very strong affinity for fire instead, always crackling and lashing out. Knowing that, they had her study the book about fire magic in priority. Hopefully, she would find it more agreeable than the water magic she failed to manifest countless times.

Emp was happy to see her so interested in something like the sisters, all three had their objectives and worked towards it steadily. Svae was a bit different from them.

She was the one that had adapted herself to this place the best. She understood Calla extremely well and assisted her in most things all day long. She would help with the laundry, with the food, with dusting the things out of reach and do her best to listen to all the weakly stated or simply unspoken desires of Calla. She might have been doing it mainly because she knew Emp didn't need much assistance at all but she was extremely helpful and thoughtful.

Her most important task was to do all the errands to spare Calla. She had fun doing it because the people of the village weren't bothered by her nature and just asked her a few awkward questions from time to time. This all seemed to be a good thing but Emp felt she was a bit bored. She liked to play with Erin and Leo more but looked out for Calla most of the time instead.

Even though Calla kept insisting that she was fine, Emp agreed that she seemed like she needed help for a lot of things. Erin and Leo weren't given any chores because it would end up in disaster so Calla had to take care of four people by herself on top of making food for six. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't make meals akin to feasts almost everyday. She just loved making food so much, she spent most of her time there, often overlooking everything else but him when he passed by.

Her mom Fiona said she used to push her to do her chores and had to drag her out of the kitchen frequently but Emp didn't have the heart to disturb her while she was having fun at her favorite pass-time. Aside from that, Fiona kept complaining about the lack of grand-kids but Emp had no idea how to fix that so he mostly ignored it and told Calla it would happen sooner or later to reassure her.

Speaking about Calla and the food, since it wouldn't be too long until she had it ready, he waited patiently at the table and discussed of unimportant things with her Svae and Galana until it was ready to be served.

Emp didn't hear form the knights again until they all left in the morning. He did his work with Marcy like usual and in the afternoon, he put the plan he had prepared with Erin into action.

He donned his armor and wielded his new hammer for the first time since he bought it. He left it in its special scabbard which he tied on his back, it was rather heavy but he felt it was necessary to be convincing. All he had to do was to be careful of not touching the girls with it. He was so much faster than them that he had no real reason to worry about it. There was no way they'd come close to the hammer. To make sure Leo wouldn't recognize him, he left the bottomless bag in Marcy's shop before going out.

He felt rather excited about this, he had never done anything of the sort before so it was very interesting for him. He wondered if it would be fun and what sort of reaction Leo would have. He hoped she wouldn't just start to cry, it would be the worst possible reaction and on top of it, it would make him feel really bad.

He thought the chances of that happening where low though, he believed she would yell at him to release her sister instead. That was how they reacted about Calla the first time they met after all.

He smiled to himself under his helm and proceeded to walk up to his house. Like they had planned, Erin and Leo where hanging out behind it.

Just by the force of habit, Emp almost waved at them but he remembered what he was doing in time and managed to hold himself back. He walked straight towards them resolutely instead. Thanks to his helm, they wouldn't be able to see his big smile so he didn't even try to hide it. He believed the plan was bound to work and they'd be able to have some fun.

Leo was the first to see him approach and pointed her finger at him.

"Woah! Who's that!"

Because of the dark shade of his armor, he might have looked a bit scary so it wasn't surprising that she took a step back seeing him come right at them. Before Erin had the time to look back towards him, he took a sprint up to them and hoisted her up under his arm like a bag of potatoes. He didn't do it as carefully as usual to make it look more evil.

Erin yelped in surprise and found herself stuck under his arm right away. She had not seen his armor yet either so she was just as surprised as Leo. She seemed to panic for an instant until she figured out it was probably him.

Leo just stood in front of them with a face dyed in shock. Now was the hardest part of their plan, he had to say something that would sound bad without revealing his identity to her. Thinking about it now, he should have practiced some fake voice beforehand. He just said the first thing that came to his mind with a made up deep voice. It sounded so deep it was clearly fake but it was the best he could do.

"Got you. You're done for now."

Erin winced because it was such a bad acting but she went along with it.

"You!?" She cried out.

"Who are you, what do you want from Erin!"

"He wants to kill me because of something we did in Bêtéclair, run!"

"What! Let go of my big sis!" Leo yelled in a panic.

"Or what? I'm leaving with her."

"Just run Leo, you can't beat him! He's too strong and Emp's not here!"

"But..."

Leo gritted her teeth, shot a look left and right and dashed towards the house with tears in her eyes.

That was an unexpected reaction, she was crying too, did they go too far?

Erin felt pretty disappointed and slumped down under his arm. She had a pretty hurt look on her face so Emp tried to cheer her up.

"Wait some more, she might have gone to get help like I told her to do in a case like that. She might come back."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, let's just wait for a moment and then we'll go get her if she doesn't come back."

They didn't have to wait long though, she reappeared right away and she was still alone too. Emp had no idea what she planned to do. She should have called the guards or even Svae, what did she come back alone for?

"Leave Erin be!" She screamed, throwing a rock at him.

"Leo..."

Now it was Erin's turn to cry, she was pretty moved that her sister did come back for her. Now she felt guilty about doubting her.

Meanwhile, the rock bounced off harmlessly on Emp's armor. He felt disappointed that she would do that, they went over this many times, throwing rocks at bad guys was pointless. She didn't seem to care and threw a second an a third at him. One bounced off his chest and the other he stopped with his forearm.

Since the test was successful, he was about to stop this nonsense by revealing the truth to her but a fourth rock came flying his way before he could. As he was saying "stop", he raised his arm to block it like the previous one. As it came closer to him however, a chill went down his spine. It wasn't a rock at all, that one was a talisman! The rocks were just a trick!

With no time left to do anything else, he turned on himself to expose his back to the magic tool and slid Erin in front of him to protect her in his arms.

She made a surprised squeal again but it was instantly drowned by the sound of a violent explosion. Despite the combined weight of his armor and the hammer, it's strength pushed him forward two steps as his feet dug small trenches in the ground. His head hit the inside of his helm hard but thankfully, the armor was effective in protecting him from any damage. The consequences of throwing another talisman than this simple one could have been far worse for him.

Erin was dazed by the explosion. Even though he had told her about those, she had not expected them to be this strong, her legs were all scratched up and bleeding from the dirt that flew in the air.

Emp wanted to quickly put a stop to this and turned back around to tell Leo to stop but she wasn't there anymore. Did she get herself hurt by the explosion? Was she blown away?

Then, right after he started thinking about this, he felt an added weight to his back, the girl sneaked up behind him and jumped onto him while he was busy dealing with the explosion and worrying about her.

Fearing she might put her feet onto the hammer by accident while climbing up, he had to undo the straps holding it with his left hand first before doing anything else. His right arm kept on holding onto Erin to make sure she wouldn't get hurt by anything unexpected.

He activated the basic speed self magic and managed to untie the hammer before Leo hurt herself. It made a strong thud as it hit the ground but consequently, she got a precious second to do something else. She undid the clasp of his helm, flipped it around backwards and locked it in place again in just a few swift motions. Apparently, she had gotten pretty good at using the speed self-magic herself.

Now Emp was completely blind and he couldn't catch Leo because the articulations of his armor wouldn't let him send his arm back like that. Instead, he could only try to fix his helmet with one hand and tell her to stop.

"Leo stop!" The two of them told the girl.

Emp felt that the intervention of Erin sounded a bit more desperate than his own and he understood why when he heard the sound of metal clinking onto his helm. That was definitely a knife! He let go of Erin in a hurry and shot his arm up over his head and back, taking hold of the blade just as it was sliding into one of the openings of his helm.

"Erin go!" Leo screamed.

"Leo stop!" Her sister yelled in return.

"It's just me Leo! I'm Emp! stop!"

At the same time they were all yelling at each other, another voice came in from the side. With his helm backwards, Emp couldn't see who it was but he'd be able to recognize that voice anywhere.

"What are ya three doing! Who's brilliant idea was it to blow up something in the village! Ya better have a good explanation Emp!"

All three of them froze in place, Leo was utterly confused so Emp was able to wrestle the knife away from her and right after, Leo jumped down form his back.

"That's really Emp?"

Emp didn't hear Erin answer but she must have nodded because Leo started bawling her eyes out right after.

"Wahhh! You're so mean! I was scared for Erin!"

Emp wasn't quite sure on how to react and without his bag, he couldn't even remove the armor to see her. All he knew was that he felt really guilty about this.

While Leo was crying, Marcy got closer and started scolding him right away.

"What did ya do ya slag of an apprentice! Look at me while I talk ta ya."

He tried to do as he was told but try as he might, his metal covered fingers couldn't work the tiny mechanism holding his helm in place.

"I can't work the clasps with my gauntlets on."

He heard Marcy growl and shortly after, she removed it for him. He was relieved to see what was happening again but received a punch to the forehead right away. The strength was enough to make him fall backward onto the ground and he found himself laying into the dirt. She must be really angry, his pained forehead was the proof.

After that, he was scolded harshly about what they did. He accepted the whole punishment for himself because it was his own idea after all. He was told to not use talismans in the village because it was dangerous, that he was a grown married man and shouldn't do stupid things like scaring little girls for no reason and so on. He answered "Yes mom" to everything and promised he wouldn't do that again.

Then he was told to apologize properly to Leo and he did with a knee to the ground and his head lowered. He told her why they did this and how impressed he was about how she reacted. Leo still kept crying for a long time after that though and spent the whole evening hugging her sister who tried her best to calm her down.

He felt the need to scold her about throwing that talisman she was forbidden to touch and not even supposed to know about but he wasn't able to speak harshly to a crying girl so he just let it go.

Tricks and deception weren't his thing after all, surprising her like that was no fun at all, he just felt really bad instead and got scolded by Marcy. He thought she would be proud of being praised for her reaction but instead, she only ended up in tears for being tricked.

Later on, Calla took care of his forehead with a wet cloth and some ointment which lifted up his mood a bit. At least his wife understood he just wanted to make Erin feel better.

Things might not have went as well as he hoped they would but now they knew for sure Leo would stand for Erin. He also felt that this whole thing had to count for at least one hit on him, he'd tell them tomorrow once she calmed down, she won the game for the sisters today.

*-*-*-*

"Why are you angry again, I thought you wanted to make peace."

"I wanted to until I saw what was wrong with him!"

"I respect all life and I'm not the sort to cause harm to living things but I'd still like to point out that I had no hand in this. You four made him without me, It's not my fault if there are some flaws. That's what happen when you cheat."

"I wouldn't have done that if I could have one of my own!"

"I told you I have nothing to do with that just like I have nothing to do with him!"

"Then fix it!"

"Why would I do that? You know we're not allowed to make moves like that, right? I'm not moving from here, I don't want to risk it with the immortal."

"You're so frustrating, why are you always like this?"

"I'm not being mean on purpose, I'm just trying to be fair."

"This is everything but fair!"

"Then have him come here and I'll see what I can do, cheech, you can be so demanding sometimes. I guess this is why we don't get along so well"