72 Chapter 71.

(POV Sanji)

It's been a week since I've become the attendant of that little girl. At first I was a bit reluctant and when I saw little Han who looked at me with a shocked expression when the she first asked me to become her attendant, I was troubled.

What do you think I did in that situation?

Naturally, the only thing a sensible person would do in that situation. I posed.

I looked up towards the girl with a cold and indifferent expression and said, "little girl, you dare?"

She shivered and trembled a bit, but she meekly nodded her head with slightly flushed cheeks. I felt bad for startling her like this, but I must keep up my distanced from the world act as a master not to be trifled with in front of little Han.

Of course, that wasn't what actually happened.

Those flushed cheeks weren't fear, but the excitement of finding a new toy to play with. She jumped down from the table and plopped herself down on my lap. She looked up towards me with upturned eyes and giggled, "I dare, I dare. What are you going to do to this bad child who won't listen to reason?"

I was weak to little children and couldn't find it in myself to scold a little girl so I just harrumphed, put on a displeased face, then said no more.

"Hey, hey. Mister attendant, what's your name?"

"Just call me big brother San."

Thus one week later, here I am with a little girl who was sound asleep on my lap. She fell asleep while I was brushing her hair.

All in all, it wasn't a bad job to be honest. I just played with her and showed her a few tricks every now and then to entertain her. I summoned a few lightning bolts at her request here and there and her eyes would sparkle with curiosity towards the unknown constantly.

She pleaded with me to teach her how to do it, but I lied and told her she would need to cultivate to a certain level first before she could conjure such powerful lightning.

Of course I'm not going to give away the truth behind my only trump card so easily. Besides it's too embarrassing to say I'm just getting heaven to smite something every time. I don't even really understand why it works to begin with.

However, there was something else I was much more concerned about at the moment. My wife had been gone for a full week already and I hadn't seen her even once. I'm actually feeling a bit lonely and neglected right now. I have a cute kid to play with while in prison, but I still miss my wife.

Not only that, but all the other prisoners look at me with fear and reverence anytime I pass by them. I can't make a single friend and it's all thanks to this little girl.

Her father is the director after all, if he is rubbed the wrong way, any prisoner here would be in for a world of hell.

Occasionally I would text back and forth with my wife. She seemed to be pretty busy with something at the moment though and didn't have much time to chat. She would sometimes text me back saying she loved me which made me happy, but I'd rather hear her say it to me.

Of course I'd text her back telling her I loved her too. Her response would normally be a smile emoticon, hearts or a kiss emote.

That was when it hit me, I felt like a stay at home dad acting like a needy girl sponging off of his hard working wife. The moment I came to such a realization a text came in from my wife.

It was a teasing smile emoticon from my wife. I was a bit scared at how coincidental it was. How does she even do that?!

I looked around suspiciously wondering if she had actually been here the entire time, but I found no traces. Like I would find any trace of her if my wife really didn't want me to know she was here.

With her power, if she really wanted, she could be absolutely naked and hugging me from behind and I'd never even know a thing.

Another text came in. It said, "if you really want that I don't mind."

All the blood drained from my face, I can't be that easy to read, right?

I figured she must have just predicted my line of thought so I responded, "what are you talking about?"

She just sent a an emoticon back with half squinted eyes with a wide smile along with a "fufufu" beside it.

Even when she's not here, she still knows how to perfectly play with my little heart. Isn't my wife too scary? How am I even supposed to relieve myself in peace if she knows everything I'm doing or thinking?

Nevertheless, being the lonely person I was I wanted to see my wife so I opened up the system avatar app I'd neglected for quite some time.

When I opened it up what came into view was a cartoonish avatar version of my wife taking a soak in a bathtub.

"Kyaa! Ecchi! Hentai!"

I almost fell over when I bore witness first hand to this horrible stereotypical scenario. What's with this? I'd much rather walk in on my real wife in the bath!

The avatar version of my wife scrambled to wrap herself in a towel that hung beside the tub. With an adorably reddened face she looked at me with large tearful eyes and said, "h-h-husband, can't you please knock on the phone before you open the app up?"

Oh? Isn't this a rather cute version of my wife? I don't think I would ever see my wife acting like this in real life.

Rather, with my wife, it would probably be the reverse of this where I'm in the avatar's position.

I decided to play along and act like it really was my wife, "hello my wife, I missed seeing you so I couldn't hold myself back."

"R-r-right. I have been gone for a week now after all my h-h-husband."

Her expression looked stiff, but her stuttering was really cute. Especially whenever she bashfully called me her husband.

I'd been avoiding messing around with this app on my phone for a while, but maybe I should reconsider. This app is pretty nice. I get to see an AI act out my wife in a different setting I'd never get to see from the normal seductress version of my wife in real life.

(POV system avatar)

Kyaa! What do I do?! Things were going well and I was able to slack off for quite some time. I was able relax and do nothing while I was in the phone and life was actually pretty easy, but her husband suddenly got lonely and decided to find comfort in me.

Damn it! Hurry up and come back Megumi!

I've been selling out your husband's thoughts to you for a while now you know! You owe me for that at least!

Because of the strange connection between this smartphone and her husband I could hear everything he thinks. Since being reincarnated into this form, I've come to understand her husband quite well.

He's a complete weirdo who loves to showboat and scam people. He's a block head at times, but rather perceptive when it actually matters. He's able to at least somewhat understand his wife, but still ends up getting played around with all the time.

Get ahold of yourself, you were given a simple job. Her instructions were easy enough to understand, "keep him company when I'm busy. Also help improve my relationship with my husband."

How the hell do I do that though? Do I just encourage him? Do I need to give him some fan service? It's not like I can do any physical favours or anything, not that I would know how even if I could.

Isn't the bar too high for a virgin like me? Megumi, hurry up and get back!

"H-h-husband, would you like to eat, a bath or w-w-wa-t-t-ta-shi?"

He actually showed a disgusted face. Was it that bad? I just followed what that article I pulled up said to do though.

"Husband, am I that repulsive that you need to look so disgusted?"

"Eh? Ah. Sorry, I was just surprised."

What the hell?! That was a face of surprise?! Be more clear you stupid husband! I'm trying my best you know!

"Pffthaha. Thank you though, I feel less lonely now."

"I was curious about this before, but never bothered to ask since my wife was always around. Are you really an AI? You really seem way too lifelike to just be an AI."

"What are you talking about husband? I am your wife."

"Yeah, you definitely don't seem like an AI at all."

That was when he took out and pen and paper and started doodling something down on it. After five minutes he raised it up and took a picture of it with the camera. He then said, "among all these dots how would you connect them together to get the shortest path connecting them all?"

I opened up the picture he had just taken and there were one hundred dots scattered all over the paper. The problem seemed simple, but it was definitely not possible for me answer it in a short amount of time.

I knew at this point I was in danger and I had to dodge the question at all costs.

I started sniffling and broke out into tears.

"Husband doesn't believe I'm his wife and only knows how to doubt me! Waaaah!"

I started throwing a tantrum and rolled about on the ground while flailing my hands everywhere.

I peaked from the corner of my eye and saw he had a troubled expression on his face and he clearly didn't know what to do.

Ha. Don't underestimate a virgin woman, even us virgin women know how to make a man not know how to handle a situation. Just toss out a few tears here and there and blame our man and he'll be left frustrated for weeks on end.

"There, there. Yes you are my wife, so stop crying. It was my bad for doubting you, you're definitely an AI. Yes you're definitely the best AI in the world. I'm sure AI school was difficult for you. You must have had a hard time, right? Sorry I was wrong, so please stop crying."

This guy's definitely still a virgin if he falls for such a fake act.

Though, when I read his thoughts I almost started crying even more.

His thought right now was, "this thing is actually dumb enough to be unable to solve a 100 city travelling salesman problem? Can I even call it an AI if it can't do something so simple? Should I just rename it to the iDumb app instead?"

I'll remember this you shitty husband!

I'm definitely going to bad mouth you to Megumi later, just you wait!

I'll definitely tell her all about how you think your wife is a complete and utter moron without a brain!

"Wah! Wah! Husband is bullying me!"

My tantrum got worse in retaliation to the overly rude jerk.

"Okay, okay, I was just kidding earlier, I don't doubt you at all, okay? So can you please calm down?"

"Hmmp! No!"

"I really think it would be for the best if you calmed down now."

"I refuse! Only if you give me a kiss I might consider forgiving you."

"Eh? A kiss? But."

"No buts! I want a kiss, so give your wife a kiss!"

He showed a really troubled expression on his face for some reason.

Could it be he's unsure of how to kiss me?

"Husband just kiss the screen of the phone. That's the same as kissing me."

"Uh. Mm."

What's with his hesitation? Well I get it's something extremely embarrassing to do. To kiss your phone screen, but humiliating you a bit is the only way for me to get a bit of payback for your rude thoughts earlier.

"Hurry up. Hurry up. Kiss me. Kiss me. Chuuu."

His troubled expression didn't ease up in the slightest, but he still moved his face closer to the screen and planted his lip on the screen for less than a second before moving his head away and looking in the other direction.

That embarrassed expression was exactly what I was looking for, I can see why his wife likes to bully and tease him so much.

However, his next words left me utterly dumbfounded.

"Can you please be more conscious of your apparel? The towel came undone while you were rolling about on the ground throwing a tantrum just now."

If I looked in a mirror right now, I'm sure my face would be as red as an apple with steam coming out from the top of my head. I was an avatar character after all, that sort of thing was very likely.

I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. It may not be my body, but being seen like that so blatantly and having him kiss the screen while in my birthday suit. Is this some sort of weird play? Do you have some sort of sick unspeakable fetish mister husband?

Why didn't you say something sooner? Why wait until after you kissed the screen to say it?

I've always thought the line, "I can never be a bride" was stupid, but it somehow felt perfect for my situation.

Usually it was used for stupid things like a guy seeing a girl naked when walking in on them changing clothes, but what the hell is the situation I'm in?!

Since things had already hit the fan, I might as well just go all in with this husband wife act.

"Husband's a perv."

I said that as I pulled the towel up to cover a portion of my body while I kept my head lowered bashfully. My eyes were turned upwards in his direction and I sneaked glances at him every now and then.

"If it's husband, I don't mind."

"O-o-oh is that right. Anyways you should at least get dressed right?"

"If husband really insists I guess I have no choice."

I wrapped in the towel around me, ran away and opened the closet up and hid myself behind the door so he couldn't see me.

Before I did anything else I stuck my head out from the closet and delivered another blow to him, "no peeking my pervy husband."

I closed the closet door shut and curled up into a ball on the ground.

I want to die! So embarrassing! So embarrassing! Ahhhhhhhh! Kill me now! Never again! I want to cry! This role is so much more difficult than I first thought!

I rolled about on the ground inside the closet to try and wipe away my endless shame, but no matter how long I tossed and turned or covered my head with clothes and screamed, the shame I felt didn't decrease at all.

This is all Megumi's fault! I'll never forgive her for this. Ever! And this damn husband, you're no better!

After thirty minutes of crying out and consoling myself while cursing the wretched idiotic couple, I finally cooled my head and regained my composure.

I changed into Megumi's favourite light blue one piece dress and came out to see the husband who had mounted the phone in front of what looked to be a cauldron.

I was a bit confused where the cauldron came from, so I checked the purchase log for the shop. I was dumbfounded when I realized what he had purchased.

A pill furnace, several books on alchemy and many different medicinal plants. Honestly everything was dirt cheep. Megumi has tonnes of good things in the shop, but he only purchased the beginner stuff.

It seemed like he was actually a complete amateur. When he glanced up, it looked like he noticed I was done changing and he just showed a simple smile in my direction before he lowered his head back into the book he was reading.

I read the title of the book which was, "Alchemy for Dummies." The moment I finished reading the title I broke out into sweat. The next words right below it was "Author: Megumi Gyoko."

Is this really going to be alright? Why did you pick that book out of all of them? Isn't that one the sketchiest of them all? It's the freak goddess of calamity that got me killed just by existing. Didn't you see all the more legitimate beginner alchemy books like: "Alchemy 101"; "The Path to becoming the Alchemy King"; "The World Of Alchemy"; "Alchemy Made Easy"; and "Everything you will ever need to know about Alchemy"? You had all these choices and more, but you chose that one?! Why?!

It was only when I checked the prices I understood. Each alchemy books regular price was 100 LP. At least I had set it to that under her instructions initially. Yet for some reason the book she wrote was on a blowout sale, selling at only 1 LP. That damn goddess of calamity! Is it so much fun to bring disaster everywhere you go?!

And you! You damned husband! Can you not play along with her and stop doing as your name suggests? Are your really that hungry to seek out a disaster?

I could tell right away that this wasn't going to end well for the poor saps stuck in prison. Prisoners were supposed to be the troublemakers of society, yet when I compared them to these two walking disasters, they look like little abandoned toddlers in striped black and white diapers crying outside in the rain.

Well, whatever, it's not my problem. My responsibility is just improving their relationship and keeping the husband company while his wife is away.

Nothing more, nothing less. If people die, it has nothing to do with me.