Chapter 154 - Love Means Pain

[This chapter is dedicated to our top power stones fairies;  RajaEl, MysticAmy, Imago_Dei, Ming_Ming00, Angelina_Deloso, Mercury_Drug, and Thea1321. Thank you!]

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For a long time, there was nothing heard in Jess's living room other than her sobbing and Noah's shushing, accompanied with some gentle reassurance, trying to comfort her from her emotional pain. 

She found her meltdown unexpected. Could it be because of the threat to her life or the last confrontation she had with Noah, with him, verbalizing his feelings and expectation for the two of them, while she couldn't decide where to go because of the memory of just one freaking night? 

She knew deep inside her heart that their feelings were mutual. She wanted Noah as much as he wanted her! 

But that memory of their first night that Noah didn't remember was like a shackle that stopped her from moving forward to Noah's waiting arms. 

She doesn't like the feeling of dangling him on a string, yet, she couldn't get out of the cage that Noah unknowingly put her in. 

There were plenty of times that she felt her pride no longer matters. Her feelings for him matters more. And she is willing to step into the uncertainties just to know what truly happened that night. 

She was willing to lower down her pride, so she could give Noah the relationship he wanted from her, but every time she was in the situation with an opening to talk about that damn night, Noah would always say something that would make her lose her courage. 

Like what he did tonight!

She has an opportunity to open up about what happened at his hotel room in the past, why she acted that way when he talked about the voice message that she sent to him.

She could tell him that the voice message wasn't wrong sent at all. But how could she do that now? When he started mumbling about killing the bastard that told her she was bad in bed. Should she just tell him to go kill himself?

She buried her face on his shoulder and refused to meet his eyes because she was trying to stop herself from punching Noah in the face. Or just like what she did with Luke — break his shoulder!

"Baby, are you feeling better now?" he whispered in her ear, giving her lobe soft kisses. 

'How in the world could she do something to hurt him when his soft kiss was enough to melt her skin?' 

She breathed out an air of exasperation. Both for her and for Noah. For the fucked up situation that they are in. Mostly in her end. This jerk she was hugging was clueless with her pain.

She took another deep breath before answering him, "Uhm." 

She has accepted the fact, for a while now actually, that she loves him and she doesn't want to cut him out of her life. 

"Do you still want the coffee?" 

"Uhm," she replied. 

As Noah was about to stand up, she tightened her arms around his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist. 

A rolling chuckle escaped his throat as he bounced her and cradled her ass to steady her in his arms. 

"Well, hello Koala Jess. Good to see you again," he said with laughter in his voice. 

She was about to ask him why he called her Koala Jess when she remembered the video Ellise took when she was drunk. She was clinging to Noah like she was doing now. 

"You don't like the Koala Jess?" she asked, intentionally blowing air on his ear. A giggle was about to escape from her when she asked the question. 

Noah bites the base of her ear, "And here comes Jess the Seductress, joining the party." 

"Stop! Don't make it sound like I have multiple personalities!" laughter ringing in her voice. 

Noah was taking forever to reach the kitchen because he was enjoying having Jess in his arms. He laughed at what Jess said.

"You do have multiple personalities and I love each and every one of them," he nuzzled her neck, leaving a trail of bite kisses. 

She flinched and giggled when Noah's lips grazed her skin. She must have multiple personalities as he said.  Just a moment ago, she was crying. Now, she is giggling in Noah's arms like nothing happened.

She must have gone insane! She no longer recognizes herself. 

In the past, anything that caused her pain, she would cut it and leave without looking back. She doesn't care what or who. If it hurts her she drops it. 

With Noah, she knows that she is heading for a broken heart and yet, she still has the audacity to laugh. 

Loving Noah is a trap but instead of running away like she usually does, she is taking her sweet time walking directly to the trap laid in front of her. 

She had no idea when she started to change. She just woke up one day and knew that a part of her was no longer the same. 

For the first time after her mother's tragic death, she wanted to care. She wanted to be a part of someone's life once more. She wanted to... live. 

The reason Noah's blue eyes bring her back home must be this. A memory from the past where her heart is still open. Where she hasn't shut her heart out of fear of being hurt. 

She couldn't exactly pinpoint the exact reason when she got the notion in her head that love equates to pain. It could be one of the many times people she loved and learned to care for walked out of her life, leaving her all alone. 

No one offered her an explanation. They simply leave. 

Maybe because it wasn't her they love but her father and she was just an extra human to shower some love and affection. 

When it all falls apart and whatever they have is no longer enough, they leave. At first, she asked her father, later on, she stopped asking. People just leave. And that's that. 

"We need to make a new cup of coffee —"

She cupped Noah's face and stared straight into his eyes, "I don't need coffee." 

At the back of her mind, warning signs were lit up like a billboard screaming in the dark, but she knew that people just leave, no matter how much you love them...they all leave. 

But right now, she just wanted to feel.