Chapter 61 - My Costar Asks About Kisses

Xin Hulei brought his bike, so he can't easily teleport them to his apartment.

On the drive to the apartment complex, Yao Shen has second thoughts. What if someone catches them? What if someone recognizes them as he rides, plastered to Xin Hulei's back through the night? 

What if a nosy neighbor sees them parking the bike together?

What would people think?

What should they think?

Yao Shen isn't sure himself of what prompted him to ask Xin Hulei to take him home. He only knows that going back to his impersonal hotel room after what they told Gong Tao felt unbearable. 

He doesn't want to be alone.

And whether he likes it or not, Xin Hulei is the only person who understands why.

Xin Hulei drives the motorcycle right into the building's garage, lifting his chin to the security guard on duty who opens the gate for him as soon as he sees the familiar bike.

Yao Shen can only breathe again once they're alone in the darkness of the secluded garage.

"Let's go," Xin Hulei says, and wraps his arms around Yao Shen's shoulder.

---

Yao Shen blinks his eyes open and finds himself in Xin Hulei's familiar living room. Just as vibrant as the last time he was there.

Heimao bounds over towards them with his silky tail raised in the air, meowing cheerfully.

Xin Hulei squats down to scratch him under the chin. "I know, it took me longer to get home today."

Yao Shen feels out of place in the small living room, all of a sudden.

"Maybe I shouldn't be here," he says, looking around helplessly.

Xin Hulei straightens himself back up, and reaches for Yao Shen's wrist, gripping it gently. "No, stay."

"I don't know what I'm doing here."

"Do you need a reason?"

Xin Hulei takes him by the hand and guides him towards the tall bench in front of the kitchen counter.

"Sit, I'll make you something to eat," Xin Hulei says, tying his hair up in a loose bun.

---

Xin Hulei makes them stir fried rice with prawns, which they end up eating on the sofa in front of the tv.

Yao Shen can't help feeling as if just being here, eating the food Xin Hulei cooked in his living room is surreal. 

He feels even more self-conscious than the first time he was in his house.

Maybe because this time around he invited himself over.

What was he thinking?

His earlier reasoning feels so flimsy now, like a lie he told himself to feel better about the truth.

"You're very quiet," Xin Hulei says, placing his empty bowl on the end table next to sofa. "What are you thinking about?"

Yao Shen almost chokes on the last of his rice.

Wouldn't Yao Shen also like the answer to that?

"Just thinking about what will happen to Sun Yi now," he says, making something up on the spot. "Will she be able to move on?"

Xin Hulei shrugs. "It's hard to tell, it's possible, but maybe her attachment to the mortal world is still too strong."

Yao Shen nods, and the two of them fall silent again.

Xin Hulei clears his throat after some time. "Did you like Gao Wu's gifts?"

It takes Yao Shen a moment to make sense of what Xin Hulei is asking him. His mind is immediately redirected to that weird weibo profile with the 'Heimao' display name.

"How did you know he got me gifts?"

He observes Xin Hulei's reaction attentively for any sign of duplicity, but his expression doesn't change as he says, "I saw him buying the fans."

Yao Shen narrows his eyes at him, but lets it go in the end.

"I haven't opened them yet so I don't know,"

"Oh."

'Oh', what's that supposed to mean? Talking with Xin Hulei is like trying to knead water from stones.

"You shouldn't lead him on if you're not interested in him," Xin Hulei says, out of the blue.

Yao Shen puts down his bowl on the coffee table in front of him, and shifts around uncomfortably on the sofa, trying to put some space between himself and Xin Hulei.

"I might be interested in him," Yao Shen says, his tone defensive.

Xin Hulei leans back against the sofa cushions and gives him a contemplative look. "'Might'. You're not sure."

It's not a question.

Yao Shen only grows more flustered and defensive.

"Well, yes, I've never been with a guy before, it's normal to take things slowly, at first." That sounds like a reasonable enough explanation, so Yao Shen meets Xin Hulei's cold gaze without lowering his own.

"Is that so?" 

Yao Shen has no idea to what Xin Hulei is referring to. 

His frustration mounts. "Is that so, what? What are you trying to ask? Just spit it out!"

His outburst leaves him a little flushed, he can feel the blood pumping in his ears, warming the back of his neck.

Xin Hulei scoots closer to him.

"Have you ever kissed a man?" 

Yao Shen's mind blanks out.

There's a technical answer to that, and a real one.

"No. I mean that time you kissed me doesn't count," he blurts out, covering all his bases.

Xin Hulei rests his elbows on his knees and gives Yao Shen a long look from beneath his long eyelashes. "Why doesn't it count?"

"It was for the drama." He shakes his head. "No, not even that. It was for an audition, it doesn't count. It wasn't real." He remembers something else. "And the other time was during a game, it counts even less."

"Do you want it to be real?"

Yao Shen chances a look at Xin Hulei's sculpted profile from the corner of his eye, but there's no change in his expression. 

With a sigh, Yao Shen closes his eyes. It's so tiring to talk in circles with Xin Hulei.

He feels as if he's under constant scrutiny. As if Xin Hulei wants to peel off his skin and take a closer look at him.

He just doesn't understand why. 

Could it have something to do with that weird dream?

Tired, after a full day of work on set, and the mental exhaustion of the afternoon, Yao Shen blurts out, "What about you? Do you want to kiss me?"