Chapter 69 - My Costar Entertains Annoying Guests

Heimao stares at Yao Shen, his wide, crimson eyes unblinking, and finally lets out a soulful, "Meow," before jumping up onto the counter and rubbing himself alongside Yao Shen's arm, purring loudly.

Xin Hulei picks him up unceremoniously, and lifts him up in front of his face.

"Have you cultivated to a human form?" he asks, looking into the cat's red eyes.

Heimao gazes lazily back, and then opens his fanged mouth in a large yawn.

Xin Hulei lets go of him and he jumps gracefully to the floor, his tail swinging high in the air.

"He's fine, he isn't even speaking yet unlike Jincan, of course he wouldn't have cultivated a human form," Xin Hulei says, picking at his noodles again.

"And you arrived at that conclusion because he didn't tell you so himself?" Yao Shen asks, dumbfounded.

Xin Hulei hums around a mouthful.

Yao Shen gives him an incredulous look. "You know, if he's hiding that he has cultivated to a human form, he wouldn't just admit it..."

"Why is that? What incentive would he have to hide his true nature from me?" Xin Hulei's tone is level but his words hit a little too close to home.

Yao Shen averts his eyes, staring into his half-eaten pad woon sen.

They finish their meal in silence and Yao Shen loads up the dishwasher afterwards.

Xin Hulei comes up from behind him and wraps his arms around his waist from once he's done. "Did you come over just to interrogate my cat, or did you have other things in mind?"

"No, I came just for the cat, I'm done now." He makes as if he's going to escape Xin Hulei's arms, but lets himself be reeled back in with a smirk.

Xin Hulei buries his nose into the back of his hair. "Little menace," he says, the words coming up slightly muffled.

A swift heat climbs up Yao Shen's neck when Xin Hulei calls him that in his deep, smooth voice. "You're the menace, look how many problems you've caused me."

He feels the imprint of Xin Hulei's smirk on the back of his neck. "How can I properly apologize for inconveniencing Yao laoshi?"

Yao Shen has a laundry list of ideas actually. He has been spending time online looking up stuff he'd like to try out.

People can be very creative, not to mention flexible. Since he has already been abstinent for this long, Yao Shen figures he has a lot of ground to cover.

Of course, he's too flustered to mention the things he looked up. 

He might be curious, but this is still uncharted territory for him.

So he turns around in Xin Hulei's embrace and lifts himself up on his tiptoes to whisper into his ear, "I'll send you an excel spreadsheet with all the ways you can make it up to me later."

Xin Hulei goes still, his fingers going slack on the small of Yao Shen's back.

"An excel spreadsheet?"

Yao Shen can't tell from his monotone tone whether he's being judgmental about it or not, but all the same Yao Shen grows immediately defensive.

"What about it?" he says, stepping away from Xin Hulei and giving him a defiant look.

"Nothing, I'm just surprised there's enough to warrant a spreadsheet," his gaze grows more intense, his dark eyes like flint spreading sparks. "I'll have to work hard."

The look in Xin Hulei's eyes makes Yao Shen's mouth go dry, it sticks when he next speaks, "Want to get started right now? I remember some of the things I wrote down."

In lieu of an answer Xin Hulei sweeps him off his feet, holding him up by the waist. Yao Shen yelps in shock and wraps his legs around Xin Hulei's waist to prevent himself from being dropped. 

He might be shorter than Xin Hulei but he's no waif. 

The disorientation lasts only long enough for him to remember that Xin Hulei is a demon king, and probably strong enough to juggle Yao Shen and the two twin brothers he doesn't have.

Thinking about it, Yao Shen is a little pissed that none of the System's upgrades thus far have included anything to increase his physical strength.

[Considering the position Host currently finds himself in, I don't think he has much room to complain, considering he would rather sleep with the enemy than save humanity.]

Yao Shen hangs on to Xin Hulei's neck and lets himself be carried towards the bedroom.

From the corner of his eye he can see Heimao, laying down on the back of the sofa, his brilliant red eyes following the two of them.

He's mildly disconcerted by the sight, and it takes him a while to realize he's being lowered back to the floor.

"Someone's ringing the doorbell," Xin Hulei says, when Yao Shen gives him a confused look.

Xin Hulei opens the door, and Tan Liansi walks right in into the living room.

"I thought we could watch one of those terrible dating shows you pretend not to like and make fun of the contestants" she says, taking off her shoes at the door and slipping on a pair of slippers.

Her eyes finally land on Yao Shen when she straightens up, and her amused smile disappears -- immediately replaced by a wider, more threatening smile.

"I didn't know Yao laoshi would be here," she says, the corners of her mouth almost straining from how wide she's smiling.

It's a little terrifying.

Yao Shen debates the merits of hiding behind Xin Hulei.

Bizarrely, Heimao jumps down from the couch and bounds over towards him, curling up against his bare leg, purring loudly all the while keeping eye contact with Tan Liansi, who ignores him.

Xin Hulei closes the door with a soft thud. "You didn't call ahead, how would you know he was here?"

She gives him the kind of silent look that makes it obvious that wasn't the point of her question.

"I can leave," Yao Shen says, actually looking forward to it.

Xin Hulei's eyebrows knit, and he's about to say something when Tan Liansi interrupts him:

"No, stay, we've all worked hard today." She walks towards the sofa and takes a seat right in the middle cushion. "We should all get to unwind and have fun."

She pats the two empty cushions at her side in clear invitation, an action Yao Shen never saw performed in a threatening manner before.

He briefly considers insisting on leaving again, but the smugness in Tan Liansi's face makes him change his mind.

He was here first, why should he be the one to leave?

"What are we watching?" he says, sparing her a fake smile and sitting down beside her.

---

The TV show Tan Liansi puts on is a terrible dating reality contest, where five guys of varying levels of attractiveness battle for the affections of a minor online celebrity.

"There are different contestants each episode," Xin Hulei supplies, from across the sofa, leaning forward to meet Yao Shen's eyes around Tan Liansi's careless sprawl. "Some episodes it's girls trying to end up with a guy."

Tan Liansi snorts. "That won't make him think you're any less of a retired old granny." 

"I think it sounds fun," Yao Shen says, making a point of smiling encouragingly at Xin Hulei.

Tan Liansi ignores them both and presses play on the remote.

Yao Shen was much more interested in spending the rest of his night alone with Xin Hulei, doing more exciting stuff than watching TV, but since Tan Liansi decided to intrude, the best he can do is prevent her from getting her way.

On the screen the internet celebrity poses cutely for the cameras and introduces a series of mindless facts about herself, such as a passion for cute animals, fondness for sweet treats, and enjoyment of long walks in parks.

Really putting on an effort to reassure everyone she's a human being and not a social media account.

Tan Liansi pulls a bag of corn snacks from her purse and opens it loudly. She takes a handful and shoves them in her mouth, chewing loudly.

The difference between her public persona as a refined, elegant actress and the girl currently sprawling on Xin Hulei's couch, taking up half the room, while eating snacks with her mouth open is staggering.

Yao Shen is halfway impressed.

On the screen the dating show's host asks the girl what type of man she's looking for.

She lets out a dreamy sigh, and bats her eyelashes before saying, "I'm looking for someone elegant, with an aura of maturity and confidence about him. A man of a few words that can still speak his mind when it counts." 

"Do you have someone in mind?" the Host asks, smiling at her.

She averts her eyes shyly before admitting. "Well, I've always been a fan of actor Xin Hulei, his presence on screen is very commanding. I must say he's my ideal type through and through."

Tan Liansi lets out a peal of laughter, accidentally crunching the bag of chips on her lap. "Ah, isn't this appropriate."

Xin Hulei doesn't say anything, looking ahead at the screen expressionlessly. 

Just then, Heimao jumps up into the couch and curls up on Yao Shen's lap.

On the screen the Host nods seriously at the girl's reply and then looks directly into the camera.

"Well, our network will start filming a new show where actors, singers and other personalities can sign up to find love as well. So who knows, maybe everyone at home will get to see movie Emperor Xin Hulei here one day!"