Chapter 82 - My Costar Has Peculiar Tastes

Yao Shen and his two "mentees" are sitting together in a little corner of the set, with two cameras trained on them. The flimsy partition surrounding  them prevents Yao Shen from getting a good look at Xin Hulei on the other end of the set.

It's far to assume that he's enduring the same kind of questions, however.

He spares a wan smile at the two girls and tries to change subjects. "Ah, that doesn't matter right now, we should focus on devising a strategy to help you two make a good first impression."

Yao Shen was initially considering just saying whatever to get through the stupid show, but since they're apparently determined to expose him and Xin Hulei he needs to distract them somehow.

Song Wen clears her throat. "We can learn a lot if laoshi shares what worked for him."

Right, that's how it's going to be.

Yao Shen sighs and makes himself comfortable on his plastic chair. They're all sitting around a table with a steaming teapot and little teacakes as if they're friends meeting up in a cafe for a chat.

Yao Shen bites into one of the cakes, to buy himself some time, it's stale and no longer sticky but he swallows it down with a sip of tea. 

After prolonging the tension as much as he can, he finally says, "I've always found that girls appreciate it when people recognize their qualities, and don't try to belittle them, at least that's something my ex-girlfriends always praised about me."

Ling Long looks ready to throw the teapot at his head, but finds some inner restraint. "But we're not trying to seduce a girl, so maybe laoshi has some other suggestion?"

Yao Shen taps his index finger against his chin. "Uhm, that's it really, nothing else springs to mind." He shrugs. "He's a singer right? Say you appreciate the work ethic necessary to make it in the entertainment industry."

That's clearly not the highlight reel the production team instructed them to get out of him, but it's what they'll have to make do with, because moments later an assistant comes remind the girls that they need to get ready for the next segment.

---

During the speed dating, Yao Shen, Xin Hulei and Tan Liansi can just watch from the sidelines.

Yao Shen takes the opportunity to confer with Xin Hulei while the cameras aren't on them. "Did they try to ask you any personal questions?"

Xin Hulei nods discreetly.

"Anything about me?"

"Not directly," Xin Hulei says, keeping his voice down. "But it was implied. They asked me if I thought riding a motorcycle at night was romantic, and what I thought were a man's most attractive qualities."

Yao Shen almost chokes -- yes, that's direct.

"What did you answer?"

"A strong sense of justice."

Yao Shen is facing forward under the guise of watching the speed dating, but he can't help sparing Xin Hulei a glance from the corner of his eyes, and grinning like a fool.

"They must have hated that."

Xin Hulei nods, just barely moving his head. "They did."

Yao Shen snorts.

"If they wanted me to be specific they should have asked me about you directly," he says.

"What are my most attractive qualities then?" Yao Shen asks, feeling blood rush up to his ears.

Xin Hulei leans over sideways, as if he's going to whisper into Yao Shen's ear, but stops just short of it. "I'll tell you later."

Tan Liansi lets out a warning groan. "Can the two of you stop it?" she hisses. "Just because the show isn't filming us, doesn't mean no one else is!"

She has a point, and Yao Shen puts some distance between him and Xin Hulei, looking resolutely ahead until they're called back to the stage.

---

It's one of Tan Liansi's mentees who ends up being eliminated in the first round. She smiles tearfully up at the camera, and hugs Tan Liansi will thanking her for her guidance.

The next round will consist of the contestants taking the bachelor on a date "prepared" by them -- which of course, means it has been already decided by the production team way ahead of filming.

Even so, they're supposed to pretend to advise their mentees regarding what they should do for their dates, and give them ideas for the themes.

It's all a big farce and Yao Shen really has no patience for it. He reminds himself that they're doing things this way, to ensure the show and everyone who participated on its several seasons doesn't get dragged into a quagmire of 'guilty by association' when it's revealed that one of their creative directors is actually a vicious murderer.

The show would never let them come on if they new what their plan was. A decision that would come from higher ups desperate to cover up their ass from the fallout of a possible police investigation, that would only hurt all the low level employees and crew, when shit hit the fan.

It was Xin Hulei's idea to do things this way, because he had seen this kind of thing play out too often in the past.

Yao Shen is still dying to ask him if he was talking about his experience in the entertainment industry or something related to his past in the Underworld.

Either way, Yao Shen agreed to the plan, which is what he tries to remind himself of as he advises Ling Long to take the bachelor on a seaside trip.

"Who doesn't love long walks on the beach!" Yao Shen says, aware that his grin is too wide and his eyes probably look a little manic.

He would feel more self conscious about his abysmal performance if he didn't have such a terrible script to work with.

Even the best actor in the world can only do so much when given the literary equivalent of the back of a shampoo bottle to read.

Ling Long responds to his ridiculous declaration with a serious nod, and then. "Has laoshi gone to any dates to the beach recently? Too bad it would be hard to ride a bike on the sand, probably would get messy."

Yao Shen feels a muscle in his eye twitch. "Yes, too bad."

How can this be Xin Hulei's favorite show?

Still, it's a little reassuring to have concrete proof that he isn't perfect -- not if his taste in entertainment is anything to go by.

---

Ling Long goes on her ridiculous "seaside date", which consists of one corner of the stage being covered with a yellow felt mat, with some sand sprinkled on it for "realism" and a plastic kiddie pool -- it's supposed to be kitsch-ly charming or something, but actually the whole point is for Ling Long and the "bachelor" to wear swimming suits while sitting beach chairs.

It makes Yao Shen want to gauge out his eyes, it's so contrived, but when he looks at the side he sees Xin Hulei and Tan Liansi giving the scene a critical look.

"They've never done this one before," Xin Hulei says, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"The fact that they're wearing beach clothes conveys a certain sense of intimacy, it works," Tan Liansi says, sounding like a pretentious art student in a museum. 

Yao Shen never considered himself the kind of shallow person who judges others by their interests and hobbies, but he might have to backtrack on that.

"They're standing next to a plastic kiddie pool," he says, looking pleadingly towards Xin Hulei and Tan Liansi.

Tan Liansi nods, her eyes narrowed at him. "It's fun."

Yao Shen decides to cut his losses and just shut up.

---

All the other "dates" include set ups just as ridiculous: a gondola ride, in which the water is blue plastic, and there are wheels on the bottom of the gondola, which is being pushed around by production assistants dressed like gondoliers, one of them has a fake mustache.

Another date is a romantic snow escapade in which the contestant and the bachelor wear thick winter coats while being blasted by the AC as fake snow rains down on them, while a dog dressed as a reindeer pulls around a sled with a very pissed off cat inside it.

By the third date, a romantic Ferris wheel ride, that is just actually a human sized hamster wheel with a bench inside it, being spun by a production assistant riding a stationary bike -- Yao Shen has to admit that he's beginning to see the appeal of the show.

"It's fun right?" Xin Hulei asks, after catching him smiling at the ludicrous scene going on in the stage.

Yao Shen nods in reluctant agreement. 

He supposes there are worse things.

---

Two girls are eliminated after the second round of dates, leaving only three contestants left. 

Thankfully, the third round of dates is completely "decided" by the bachelor, so as the "celebrity guests" they only have to remain in their seats and look pretty, or laugh on queue.

Before the bachelor makes his final decision, he's supposed to confer with the mentors, and hear their case defending their remaining contestant.

It's supposed to be a harmless bit of fluff, but Yao Shen feels his nerves surging -- this is the moment they hijack the spotlight. 

Showtime.