Chapter 145 - My Costar Would Never Marry Someone Else

Jincan keeps looking in furious incredulity at Yao Shen, who just smirks at him and waves.

Unable to take it any longer, he finally makes his way down the stage, pushing away his own wedding guests out of the way.

"How did you get here? This is mine and Master's wedding, and you weren't invited." His pale eyes burn with one part outrage at Yao Shen's presence, and two parts smugness that he's the one marrying Xin Hulei instead of Yao Shen.

Yao Shen would feel sorry for him in any other circumstances, but as it stands he doesn't want to feed his already gigantic victim complex.

"I can ask you the same thing: how did you get here?"

Jincan sneers at him and opens his mouth ready to start in on a spiel he hopes will humiliate Yao Shen to tears, but no sound comes, as he realises he has no memory of what he did to reach the wedding venue, or of any prior relationship with Xin Hulei.

His mouth snaps shut with a loud click. "I'm sure you're going to tell me," he says, through gritted teeth.

"You're dreaming, that's why you don't remember," Yao Shen says. "Now that you know, how about waking up?"

Jincan glares at him, the butterfly wings of his ears flutter angrily among the nest of golden curls. "Why should I do that? So you can gloat and laugh in my face about how Master only loves you?"

He looks up at the stage where the fake Xin Hulei is still smiling incongruously at the sea of celebrating guests, all of them completely oblivious to the fact that one of the grooms is having a very heated discussion.

It's obvious that seeing this play out only cements in Jincan the certainty that Yao Shen isn't lying and that he's indeed in a dream, but that doesn't shake his commitment to denial.

Yao Shen lets out a sigh and waves at the terrible wedding ceremony with its flashing lights and weird musical arrangements. "What do you get out of all this? Why are you so obsessed with Hulei?"

"I'm not obsessed with Master! I have genuine feelings for him," he says, his face crumpling.

"But are those feelings romantic? Do you even know what that entails, or do you think it doesn't go beyond the wedding?" Yao Shen doesn't really want to be here, but he tries to gentle his tone of voice, be more understanding. 

Jincan might have been a human in secret for some time, but he has been a caterpillar for centuries. It must be hard for him to make sense of all the changes happening to him.

"You don't understand," Jincan says, just like an angsty teenager. "Master saved me, he rescued me from the rubble of Modu!"

The corners of his eyes become red with unshed tears, he bites his lower lip to keep them down. "I want to repay Master for his kindness all these years! For being good to me, for being generous, for being patient."

He rubs his forearms across his eyes, sniffling only once before pulling himself together. "So, that's why I want to marry Master."

Yao Shen spares him a sympathetic smile. "I think what you feel for Xin Hulei is called gratitude, and it has nothing to do with marriage."

Jincan glares at him. "You're just saying that because you want to keep Master all to yourself!"

"Listen, Hulei likes and appreciates you a lot, our relationship isn't going to get in the way of your friendship," Yao Shen says.

Jincan isn't fully convinced and his gaze keeps shifting. 

Yao Shen runs his hands through his hair and sighs. "I'm not going to do anything to keep you away from Xin Hulei, but you have to stop with this talk about marrying him. He doesn't feel that way about you." 

"I want to be Master's most important person," Jincan says, his full eyelashes dotted with tears.

Yao Shen isn't really qualified to be anyone's psychologist, but he thinks he understands where Jincan is coming from. "Try to ask yourself why that is." He coaxes, walking closer to Jincan. "You must have been really scared in Modu, when everything was being destroyed. Maybe you thought everyone had forgot about you and that you were going to be left behind. You're probably afraid of being that lonely again, and very glad Xin Hulei found you and took you."

Slowly, Jincan nods. 

"That's fear of abandonment," Yao Shen says, knowing full well that Jincan won't fully understand the concept. "But Xin Hulei will never abandon you, regardless of our relationship. Heimao will always stay by your side too."

Jincan closes his fists on the skirts of his wedding robes, rubbing his thumb across the fabric. "You don't know that."

"I do, and you do too." Yao Shen is close enough now, that he can place his hand on Jincan's shoulder. "He risked a lot to save you and Heimao when he didn't find you at the apartment. That's not something someone who doesn't care would do."

Jincan lowers his head, looking down at the floor covered in red and gold streamers. "I'm ready to go now," he says, slipping out from under Yao Shen's hand and giving him a determined look. "This doesn't mean I like you, or that I'll ever forgive you if you hurt Master."

Despite himself, Yao Shen smiles. "I would never dare to to assume."

---

The dream fades, and Yao Shen expects to wake up in Jincan's and Heimao's bedroom, but instead he finds himself on a quiet street.

He's disoriented for a moment, but then he sees a familiar dark silhouette perched on a windowsill looking in through the glass panes into a brightly lit living room.

Yao Shen draws closer, trying not to startle the black cat.

The livingroom Heimao is looking into, seems to be Xin Hulei's although instead of being an apartment, his house is now on ground floor.

Inside, Xin Hulei, Jincan, Yao Shen and Tan Liansi, are sitting down on the sofa, laughing and talking while looking at the TV. The mood is relaxed, like someone would expect of any friend's gathering. But Yao Shen can't help noticing Xin Hulei's arm around Jincan's shoulder.

"Why are you outside looking in?" Yao Shen asks, lowering his head close to Heimao's ear.

Heimao jumps up in the air with a hiss, his red eyes flashing. "How are you here, and there at the same time?"

Yao Shen smirks. "Because this is a dream."

The fine fur along Heimao's spine ripples and he licks his whiskers. "Fine, but what are you doing here?"

"Trying to get you out, or are you enjoying yourself, moping on a windowsill?"

Heimao smacks his paw against the glass but no one inside has any reaction. "I've tried drawing their attention, but no one notices I'm here. So I just gave up."

Yao Shen smiles privately to himself. Jincan and Heimao truly are very much alike, down to the abandonment issues. He feels the sudden urge to pet Heimao's silky black fur, maybe scratch under his chin, as he did before he found out about Heimao's human form -- but somehow he doesn't think the gesture would be welcome now.

"Go ahead, you can laugh at me little beauty," Heimao says, his tail lowered in defeat. 

"Why would I laugh?"

Heimao doesn't answer him, his red eyes still glued to the happy scene playing on inside the apartment. "You know, I don't really like you. I just said that because I thought it would annoy Jincan."

"Did it?" Yao Shen asks, genuinely curious.

"I guess, but I think his main issue was that he didn't understand what was so great about you," he shakes his head. "Anyway, I only wanted to break you and Xin Hulei apart because I thought it would make Jincan happy."

"I figured."

"Well, I'm not apologising, I'm just saying." He flashes Yao Shen one of his canines, his brow furrowed in annoyance. 

"I don't need an apology." Yao Shen is genuinely amused by how much Heimao is twisting himself in knots trying to make sense of his own feelings.

Maybe that's a conversation for another day.

"What happened? Why did you and Heimao leave the apartment?" Yao Shen asks, changing subjects.

Heimao remains silent for a moment before saying. "We didn't leave. Someone knocked on the door, and Xin Hulei told us to never open the door. But the guy on the other side said it was urgent and that Xin Hulei was in danger, and after that there was no stopping Jincan."

That's an easy scene to imagine, and it only makes Yao Shen more annoyed at Gao Wu's lack of scruples. 

Finally, he rests one hand on Heimao's head, scratching it lightly. "What do you say we wake up so you can see Jincan again?"

"Yeah, okay." He stretches himself, and then jumps down the windowsill. 

Yao Shen follows him down the street until the dream dissolves around them.

---

When Yao Shen wakes up it's still dark in the room, and there's only him and Heimao on the bed. 

Heimao is already sitting up on the bed. Jincan is sleeping on the floor, with his head pillowed on his crossed arms on Heimao's side of the bed.

Heimao is running his fingers through his soft golden hair.

Yao Shen slips out of the bed quietly and goes looking for Xin Hulei. All this dog food is making him hungry.