Chapter 88：The Reason

The chair sat by Xiao Ping makes a little screech when the girl leans back. Xiao Ping just closed the chat window. After almost an hour 'dating', Takeshi had to go to prepare him self for a show. Xiao Ping doesn't understand why her heart feels so empty now. Her happy smile from her 'date' can not hold very long. Well.. she actually knows why, it is just.. her thought is trying hard to deny it.

Trying to dispel the emptiness away, Xiao Ping stands up from her chair to go to the toilet. But before she walks away a pop-up notification shows up on the monitor. Xiao Ping halts her walk and open the notification that told her about a new email on the inbox. Lostboy2000. Xiao Ping's forehead is knitted. They just had a long talk, why would Takeshi sent her an email ? Without releasing the knit, Xiao Ping opens the email

"Dear Shiawase,

How I wish we may share our sadness as much as our happiness

How I wish to know your thoughts and feelings as clear as my love to you

How I wish I can wipe your tears instead pretend didn't see it

How I wish we can be best friends as well as lovers"

Xiao Ping drops back to her seat. She feels so dumb. Thinking that because Takeshi couldn't see her face, thus he couldn't feel her sadness. But.. It's not that she doesn't believe Takeshi, it's not that she doesn't want to share her sadness. She.. she just afraid. Afraid that... Xiao Ping slowly shakes her head. With warm eyes, Xiao Ping lies her head low while replying the email: Forgive me.

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Takeshi sighs to dispel the disappointment that still ambush although he had read the two words email for an umpteenth times. His watch on the bedside lets a short alarm sound when Takeshi leans back to his bed's headboard. 00:00 PM.

Actually, he already can guess the reason of Xiao Ping's anger to Yu Jin. He just wants his girlfriend to open to him just like when she told him about other things. Xiao Ping once mentioned that she is angry to Yu Jin because he kept a secret of the plan joining military service from her. But, if only for that, Xiao Ping definitely have forgiven him. The fact is, she hasn't. So, it must be more than that. And to Takeshi's intuition, the reason is ...

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He left me. That's the fact. He broke his promise. Xiao Ping wipes her tears roughly, but the tears don't stop from falling. He's the one who broke his promise. Why am I the one who's cornered by others ? Xiao Ping protests.

A few hours ago A Lin called her. Al though with a soft voice, Xiao Ping could feel A Lin's criticisms when she told her how sad Yu Jin was because of her absence. Not only that. Even Takeshi who doesn't know Yu Jin also on his side.

Xiao Ping changes her position so her back now facing Takeshi poster. Is it wrong for her to be upset ? If he planned to go, why did he make promise to accompany me ? Told me to carry me around, yet he just abandon me. Can he even be called friend when he can't keep his words ?

Xiao Ping's mind continues to attack, keeping the flame of anger on so forgiveness is hard to get closer. Beside.. what kind of friend is leaving his friend alone, her mind gives a final defense. Xiao Ping's cry grows louder. Her heart becomes painful to think of the last word. Alone.

After her cry subsided, Xiao Ping sighs. What's wrong with you ? Yu Jin is only a friend. You've acted like you've missed a boyfriend, her mind scoffs. But Yu Jin is not just a friend, her heart defenses and her mind agrees. She actually has quite a lot of friends, but non is like Yu Jin. And now, Yu Jin is not here. So.. she really is alone.

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Monday. The day to start a week seems doesn't carry much of a change on Xiao Ping's happiness. She still feel sad out of her loneliness. She thinks that no body understand her. At school. Xu Qian also seemed to blame her with her gloomy face, al though the gloomy face was caused by Xu Qian's missing wallet. But Xiao Ping got slap from Xu Qian's sardonic sentence, "Think of others once in a while. Don't just take care of your own feeling," when she asked whether Xu Qian was mad at her. That's why, now after changing her clothe, Xiao Ping listlessly sits behind the cashier desk and with no excitement open her email. There is a new email from Takeshi.

"Shiawase, my love, Allow me to ease your loneliness away ..."

Xiao Ping is stunned, her eyes don't blink and her throat is tightened. How.. how can Takeshi possibly knows what she feels ? She rapidly reads the rest of his email.

"I figured it out. You and Yu Jin are very close, so after he's gone you feel lonely. That's why you're upset to him, isn't it? Because you thought he left you alone. You miss him, don't you ? I don't blame you. It is very hard to loose best friend. But ... when you feel alone and sad, don't you think he feels the same way ? I believe this is very hard for him too.

Fortunately, this separation isn't for eternity. He will be back soon. And you will have him as best friend again. Meanwhile, let me take his role. Let me ease your loneliness away. You're not alone. You have me. I may not physically there for you, but I will do the best I could to be there and support you all the way through ..."

What has happened to her ? Why was she so blind ? Selfish. Yes, that's it. Xu Qian was right. She is selfish. She can only think of her own sorrow. Takeshi is right. Yu Jin must be as sad as she be. Xiao Ping remembers Yu Jin's expression when he went away. Then.. Takeshi.. Oh, God.. Xiao Ping remembers her answer to Takeshi's previous email. It was possible if Takeshi thought it was a rejection. That is probably why he asked again.

Xiao Ping's hand quickly moves the mouse to click a Reply button. While waiting for the reply page to shown, she wipes her tears with her sleeve. Once the page is opened, she immediately typing.

"Please, forgive me. I'm truly selfish. You're right. Every single word you said is right. That's why I ask you forgiveness, for neglecting your feeling, for forgetting that I'm not alone because I have you, and for my last email. I really want us to be best friends, too. Actually, I didn't tell you wasn't because I didn't want to share it with you nor I didn't trust you. It just ..."

Xiao Ping stops her types in hesitation. But finally she decides to be really open with Takeshi.

"Because I was so overwhelmed with it. I, my self, wasn't sure whether it's normal or not to react like that, but it's what I felt. I know that for some persons it is ridiculous to have such strong reaction of loosing friend. And I thought you're one of those persons. That's why I didn't tell you. I was afraid you might get jealous and might think that Yu Jin and I are more than best friends. The truth is, I have felt so alone and empty ever since he's gone. He is my best friend, and I miss him."