Chapter 100：I'm Not Crazy

"Eat a little, Dear," Mrs. Yuan asks gently. Sits on the edge of the bed, the woman offering a spoon of porridge to her daughter's mouth. Unfortunately, Xiao Ping refuses to open her mouth. The girl doesn't even want to look at her mother, just stares blankly at a place somewhere far behind the wall across her bed where she lies down. "You have to eat, Xiao Ping," her father's warning is sounded more like grievance. Xiao Ping answers with a drop of tear.

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"Where did you go ?" A Lin asks Han Han who just shows up from the corner of the aisle

Han Han is handing boxes of noodles each to A Lin and Xu Qian then sits across the sisters. In the weariness they open the box in their own hand and start to eat.

"I called Yu Jin-ge," Han Han admits in hesitate. very different with the speed of A Lin's head turn. "What's the use to call him ? It only will give him burden," A Lin criticizes. "I have promised him to take care of Xiao Ping. At least I must report my failure to him," Han Han explains, asking A Lin's understanding through his stare. A Lin refuses it by moving her sight to her noodles box.

Silence and tension is collaborated to surround them. "I want to know what is Doctor Long's diagnosis," Xu Qian changes the topic to lighten up the atmosphere. Han Han glances to her and nods to agree.

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A white coated young lady enters Xiao Ping's room. "Doctor Long," Mr. Yuan greets in respect. Doctor Long approaches Xiao Ping who is sleeping. "Have she eaten ?" she asks to Mrs. Yuan. The later shakes her head. "It's been two days," Mrs. Yuan reports with a sad stare at her daughter.

Doctor Long smiles to calm her down. "Be patient, Mam. She is in depression, it is quite normal to act like that. That's why I gave her IV," she says.

"Doc," Mr. Yuan calls behind her back. The pretty doctor turns to him. "How.. ehmm.. her test result ?" Mr. Yuan asks with a low voice. Doctor Long smiles then takes Mr. Yuan farther from Xiao Ping's bed.

"I must warn you first that what I'm about to say is only a preliminary diagnose. It is still needed a further observation to make sure," Doctor Long says her prolog. Mr. Yuan nods to understand.

"From my interview with Xiao Ping and her friends I suspects your daughter is having Erotomaniac Delusions," Doctor Long tells her diagnose. Mr. Yian frowns. "Ero.. what ?" Doctor Long who is a psychiatrist thinly smiles.

"It is a psychiatric disorder where someone feels being loved by someone or thinks to have a special relationship with someone who actually doesn't know the person. Usually the object of their affection is public figure or idol," Doctor Long explains. Mr. Yuan widens his eyes.

"So.. so.. my daughter is crazy ?" he hisses. "No. Sir. Not crazy. She only has a slight disorder. This can happen due to over fanaticism and an overly imagination. Here the patient really believes on their imagination. Really sure that the object of their affection also loves them back. She believes that she communicates with him in secret, though in reality they don't. For instance, when the object is winking on television, she might think that he is making eye contact with her. In your daughter case, she believes that Takeshi has communicated with her through emails whereas it was probably just Takeshi's news from mailing list," Doctor Long explains in more detail. Mr. Yuan turns sadly to Xiao Ping.

"You don't need to worry. Delusion can be cured with a right therapy. I hope you remain calm and keep this a secret from your daughter. For now we need to recover her physic first. I'm afraid this information will make her more depressed," Doctor Long adds. Mr. Yuan nods, between agree and surrender, doesn't know what to do. Mr. Yuan and Doctor Long also don't know that Xiao Ping secretly heard their conversation, though vaguely. I'm not crazy! Xiao Ping's protest is said clearly by a tear on her eye corner.

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"I'm not crazy, Mom," Xiao Ping weakly hisses, trying to convince her mother. "Of course you're not." On the contrary, her mother is trying to hold her tears from falling. "You have to believe me," Xiao Ping pursues. "I do. Now, you shall eat first, okay ?" As she speaks, Mrs. Yuan hands a spoon to Xiao Ping's mouth. Xiao Ping tilts her head away from the spoon. No. Her mother doesn't believe her. she knows it. No one believes her. Not her father, Doctor Long, nor her friends: Xu Qian, A Lin, and Han Han that come everyday to visit her. The pity looks on their face spoke their mind bluntly. They think I am crazy! Whereas I am NOT ! Xiao Ping shouts in her heart. Aren't I ?

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Han Han glances at A Lin who just let a loud yawn. His gaze moves to his watch. 9.30 PM. "Let's go home," Han Han says listlessly. A Lin turns to him then nods. It's been four days she has accompanied Han Han to sit in the bench in front of Xiao Ping's room. She can't say no to Han Han that due to guilty feeling visiting Xiao Ping daily, even until the visiting hour had ended.

After wearing his jacket, Han Han stretches out his hand in intension to help A Lin to stand. A Lin rejects it by standing on her own. They then walk side by side through the aisle. It is only half way when they stop. The appearance of someone from the corner of the corridor stops them and gives a surprised look on their faces.

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Yu Jin enters a dim light room in doubt. His appearance is welcomed with a sharp stare of Mr. Yuan who looks after Xiao Ping tonight, but Yu Jin ignores the stare. His attention is fully focus on the weak figure on the bed. Han Han has told him her condition, but he is still hard to believe what he saw. With an IV tube sticks on her hand, the one he loves so much looks so fragile. Her pale and dry lips. A black circle surrounds her closed eyes. Her face that drastically becomes thin with sunken cheeks.

Yu Jin stands next to Xiao Ping's bed, across with Mr. Yuan. He gestures a permission to touch her. Mr. Yuan permits him with a nod. Yu Jin puts his dusty hand on Xiao Ping's head. then, with a sad heart, he strokes her hair. "She.. she's.. sick," Mr. Yuan hisses. Yu Jin's stare moves to the middle-age man when he heard despair in his voice. "No, Uncle. She will be alright," Yu Jin denies. There is pain in his left chest when he said the word 'will'. Mr. Yuan shakes his head weak. "She.. she.." Mr. Yuan can't bare to continue the one left word: crazy.

Yu Jin takes Xiao Ping's hand and holds it tight while his other hand continues to stroke her hair. A guilty feeling hits him. He should come faster. He should never leave Xiao Ping. He should ...

"Yu Jin, I am not crazy, am I ? Yu Jin, I am really Takeshi's girlfriend, right ? You once witnessed me with him, right ? Or am I really crazy ?" Xiao Ping bites her lower lips so hard so her crying doesn't make a sound. "What do you mean ?" Yu Jin asks, still confused with Xiao Ping's sudden barrage questions.

"I don't know neither. I no longer know which one is true or not," Xiao Ping says in between her cry. "Takeshi is dating Miyu. I saw when he announced it on television. If Miyu is his girlfriend, the who am I ? Or maybe Doctor Long is right, I am crazy. Only hallucinated to be his girlfriend. But I am not crazy, right, Yu Jin ? Tell me I'm not crazy.. Everyone's saying that I'm crazy, but you're not, right ? You do believe that I am dating Takeshi, right ? Tell me.. do you believe me ?" Xiao Ping's explanation turns to a pleading urge. Unconsciously, Yu Jin's grip on Xiao Ping's wrist is hardens while his jaw is stiffens.

"Yu Jin, you are my only hope. Tell them that I'm not crazy. Please.. I beg you..." Xiao Ping's wailing is ripping Yu Jin's heart out. Unable to hold his tears, Yu Jin releases his grip and walks out of the room, ignoring Xiao Ping's weakly call, "Yu Jin... Yu Jin.."