28 It was just a sweet bad dream

Ever since that day, Spade would always remain in my room since he was told by my father to watch over me in case if I suddenly went out of control because of being possessed by the spirit.

If only I can tell them that it was the real Violet who went berserk at that time.

Whenever Hannah would come to clean my burns and change the bandages on my body, Spade would go out. Well duh, he's a guy. It is not appropriate for a guy to watch a girl change.

I tolerated the pain my body gave. I can definitely tell that my mental fortitude is something else.

You see, in my previous life, whenever I get a wound, I would have to clean it myself.Mom and Dad were always busy.

The stray cats that I tried to pet would always bite me and scratch my hands that I got used to it until I learned how to tame them.

The pain I am experiencing right now and the pain back then was not the same.. At least it was still tolerable unlike the time where Luke tried to eat me.

"Lady Trancy." Spade spoke.

He was sitting on a chair that was beside my bed this time, he was looking at me as if he wanted to say something.

"Yes?"

He opened then closed his mouth as if he was a fish. I giggled at this.

Oops. He looked surprised with the sudden sound I made. I cleared my throat. "Ah.. I'm sorry, I just thought of something."

"How can you still smile with a situation like this?"

His question surprised me.

My situation is not that serious anymore, my wounds were healing and I can move my hands now. If I was not being guarded by him day and night, I would have healed myself already.

"That's because I decided to look at the brighter side of things in life?"

He looked confused. "Aren't you afraid of when your wound will turn to a scar?"

Is this what his concern is now or he's just worried about me?

I smiled. "I have a secret ability that can stop the wound from turning into a scar."

I tried healing the small part of my burned skin that was on my stomach and it healed, leaving no scars. At first I was scared since I remembered that i wasn't able to remove the bite scar Luke gave me. It's a good thing this was not something serious.

He looked like he didn't believed me.

I just realized that he was being talkative right now. What could have happen?

"You know.. I have experienced something worse than this. The pain of the body is nothing when it comes against the pain inflicted to one's feelings."

I didn't looked at him. I stared at my bandaged hands. I plan on telling him my condition because he also experienced the same thing which made us hate and become wary towards the opposite sex.

"I once hated men. I find them disgusting. I always thought that they were animals that only thinks of their perverted thoughts to women."

I raised my head and looked into his eyes and smiled. "But because of my father and Luke.. my views changed. Not all men are animals. Prince Alyn is a good person who tries to help me whenever I'm in trouble..Dylan is a nice person who cares a lot about others. He is a very pure boy.

One should not deal with the past. I learned this in the long run. We couldn't change the things that already happened to us.. We can only choose to face forward. Our pasts doesn't define us, do you understand, Duke Bloodwort? Not everyone is the same."

The coldness in his eyes was gone, it was staring right through me as if he was trying to see if my words meant something else. .

I hope this words of mine can help him move on from his past. I know that he's still struggling.

I am not a good person. I am selfish, a part of me tells this to him because I wanted him to accept me. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to experience the love he gives just like how he gives his love to the MC.

That guy in my dream.. I will forget him since after all, he is just a guy in a dream. He is not real. I can't fall in love with someone in my dream and besides, I don't think I will ever see him again.

I want Spade's love and I will do anything for that.. Even if I have to go against the MC.. I will have him.

Why am I so into him? Because of our similarities. He understands my feelings the most.. well at least that was how it is while I was playing his route.

I never tried making a move towards a guy but I will do it to Spade. Not now, but once he starts to accept me.

"Please excuse me. I will.. just go out for a bit." He stood up and left my room.

I can really see myself on him.. Oh Spade, how I wish I can have you.

----

Just when I decided to give up on him, he appeared in my dream again.

"Yiren."

He was standing in front of me, the guy whose face I cannot see.

We were once again in a field of red tulips, the first place where I met him.

"Can I--

"Lets stop this." I said, interrupting him. "I don't want this anymore. You are not real. Stop visiting my dream."

.. My chest is aching so badly. I know that I became attached to him but I should stop.. He is not real.. He is not real.. Stop loving him, Yiren.

I was trying to convince myself by thinking of these thoughts like a chant.

"Why? I am real, Yiren. I am real." He tried reaching out my hand but I took a step away from him, away from his reach.

I don't want this.. please.. wake me up.. someone.. wake me up.. I tried my best not to cry, I tried my best not to show any weakness to him.

"You know how much I love you.. please don't do this."

I shook my head as tears started forming on the side of my eyes, I quickly wiped it away. "I.. I can't.. we can't do this.. we can't.. we can't.."

I clenched my fists, digging my nails on my palm. "I have to wake up.. I have to-

My eyes went wide upon feeling his soft lips against mine. He was blocking my mouth with his as he caged me in his arms.

I tried pushing him away but he was too strong for me. His kisses.. the kisses I love.. I know they were not real since this is just a dream..

I bit his lip which made him stop from kissing me, I could taste the blood that came from his lip..

He was still hugging me, I gave up on trying to push him since I know I don't have the enough strength to go against him.

"We can't do this.. This is a mistake.."

"I don't care.. I love you, I will not let you go."

I cried in his arms, I was hurting so badly. I want to be with him but I can't.. "Please.. Please Luke.. You're my brother."

"I am NOT your brother!"

----

"Violet!"

I opened my eyes, only to see Spade's worried face.

I felt my face wet, I was crying, I can hear my own sobs.

I covered my face with my hands as I cried. It was Luke.. that man.. was Luke..

I should have known.. He has an affinity to dark magic.. As long as he puts a mark on that person, manipulation and going inside someone's brain is one of his abilities.

Why? Why does it have to be him?

All this time.. this sibling relationship we have was the only thing that made me stopped falling for him.. but in reality, I already did. I did.. I can't allow this.. He is not the guy that I wanted to fall in love with.. Not him..

I was pulled from my bed and I was hugged gently by strong arms, the warmth he gave made me cried more.

It was supposed to be Spade.. the guy I am supposed to love is Spade!

"It's just a dream.. none of those bad dream is real.." He was stroking my hair.

Yes.. yes.. It was just a sweet bad dream.. and none of those are real.