Chapter 211: Recruiting 101

At Very Happy Farms, about a hundred Climbers were basking under the warm sun while a gentle breeze ruffled their clothes. The weather was the very definition of serenity, but these people showed the polar opposite. 

Most of their faces showed incomprehension, disappointment, regret, fright, and overall a level of gloominess that would have shocked even an Emo teenager.

They had disheveled appearances. This included traces of dried-up disgusting bodily fluids, various small injuries, and some were completely bloodied. They could be heard softly discussing: 

"What even happened in there? Even now, it feels…." This Climber felt his vocabulary lacking to describe it. 

"Surreal? Like a dream? No, it was a nightmare." An ashen-faced lady commented. 

"The way he looked at me…." One was shaking while sitting in a fetal position. 

"The silence was worse. How can silence be so deafening?!" One was slightly humming to fill every pause as if silence was a ravenous beast about to devour her. 

"The worst was his smile. That damn smile, that's where all the trouble began! He was just toying with me he was…no, it's over, it's over already." An old man was shaking his head with his eyes closed, trying to forget. 

"There was a chair. It kept squeaking, loud, so loud! Loud enough that it made my heart stop! How can a chair be so…" This one was now flinching whenever she saw a chair.

"This is crazy. How did we all end up like this?!" One pointed at the pitiful state everyone was in. 

"I scratched myself to remain steady." 

"I shat myself."

"I got sick."

"I tried gouging my eyeballs out….but he stopped me."

"What the fuck happened to you guys?! He just asked me where I bought my keychain. But, he did feel…overwhelming." She didn't know how to describe it either. 

"What?! Did he ask any of you guys questions?" 

"As usual, I had some snacks with me, and he asked for some." 

"He requested I show him my lower back tattoo." One guy embarrassedly confessed. 

"He wanted a complete damage report on how many ants and spiders respectively I had ever stepped on. How should I know?!"

"He asked me if I was left-handed or right-handed. Nothing else! Why?!" 

"He looked at me dead in the eyes and said ….tits or ass?"

"He asked me if I believed in our Lord and Savior, the flying spaghetti monster. I awkwardly nodded, but wtf is that?!" 

"He looked at my bald head and murmured something weird. I think it was: 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and a 10 km run."

"He showed me two pictures and told me to spot the differences, but I couldn't find any!" 

"He went: Imagine that you just became a father. You decided to name the baby 'X Æ A-11'. He was born on September 27th. His right pinkie is slightly bigger than the left one, he has exactly three strands of hair, the nearest pizzeria is 13.7 km away, and D.L. is recruiting. Knowing all this, do you paint the baby's room Cobalt blue #0047ab or Saphire Blue #0f52ba?" 

"What the heck?!" 

"What did you answer?!"

"I asked if I could search for the colors since I was unfamiliar with them, but that only made it worse." The man sighed. 

"Why?!" 

"Oh my god! Here, look at this." Someone had searched it on his UW. 

"That's the same fucking color! What kind of ridiculous question is that?!" 

"Talk about a ridiculous interview! Was he toying with us?! He probably just used some intimidation skill and half-assed it! "

That's when Gon couldn't help but chuckle. "You guys don't understand. The real test didn't require you to speak a single word. He was evaluating you as soon as you entered the room."

"What?! Do you know something about it?!"

"We all felt it. This presence and power he has: it's so wonderful! The real test was to observe our reaction. Look at everyone's sorry state. This was only a sliver of his true power. I can't even picture his limits!" 

Gon could be seen shaking in excitement as his eyes glimmered in worship just thinking about the scene back then. From now on, he would do his best to follow in Josh Motherfucking Malum's footsteps.

The keychain girl spoke up. "But for some, nothing happened at all while others were pushed to the very brink of their endurance. Why?" 

"Yes, this doesn't make any sense! An interview should be fair for all!" 

"The ones that had it easy either are succeeding or didn't even make it past the preliminary first test."

"What if the goal was to understand the test in the first place?"

"Then we all failed…actually perhaps Gon passed? He seems to know more about it."

"No, I only saw more because I tried playing a trick, and he instantly saw through it. He's just so amazing and…." Gon was back in fan mode. 

"Ah, this sucks! Guess we can only wait and hope for the best." 

"We had one opportunity, and we all blew it. Hopefully, a few are selected, but I know I wouldn't select myself if I was in his shoes…." Heavy sighs accompanied these statements. 

They were most likely all failing, given how quickly they had been ushered out of the interview room. That was understandable considering the shameful and disgusting display that they had shown. 

But even then, the wait was maddening…

****

How fun that was! Josh had forgotten how great it was to conduct an interview. Well, that was because he was free to improvise. 

The process had been super relaxed, he had received snacks, and it was so damn hilarious! They all came in with the determination of an Olympic athlete, and then he would ask them the most random and nonsensical questions he could imagine. 

He had shown some guy the same picture twice before telling him to spot the differences. The super-long color question had been great too. Sometimes staying completely silent made it the best kind of awkward. 

It was defying their expectations in such a grand way that none knew how to react. Well, he had done some real testing too. All had managed to resist a hint of his killing intent, with some not admitting defeat. 

Then there was that Gon guy that had tried using his copy ability on him. It was a very weird and uncomfortable feeling, in fact. Honestly, had the man shown any sign of having bad intentions, Josh would have killed him without an afterthought. 

He was probably the one that showed the most promise, with his Class akin to a wildcard. While he didn't have it as bad as the cursed monk, it still showed extreme danger for his teammates as long as he couldn't control it. 

But, it didn't matter. Josh was confident that he could shape him into being a great climber one day. He didn't know many things right now, but he could always figure it out as he kept delving deeper into the Tower. 

Anyway, he rose from his rocking chair, looked at the sorry state of the room, and couldn't help but shake his head slightly. One would have thought people had been slaughtered there. There were feces, piss, blood, and even vomit. 

Honestly, all of these people could have easily resisted his killing intent had they been in 'combat mode'. The problem was that there was no way they would do something that stupid during an interview. Plus, the gradual increase had lulled them into confusion.

He exited the place with Frank escorting him out worriedly. The man had seen the state of everyone that had exited that small room, and it had been so bad!

Josh faced the hundred stressed Climbers biting their lips, or their nails, etc. He then addressed them all, his voice resonating in the silence. "There you all are. Look at each other and tell me: do any of you look recruitment worthy?" 

They did as he asked and could only shake their heads in denial. They had obviously all failed. But that's when a confident voice was heard. 

"Please bring me with you, Sir! You definitely won't regret letting me join the training!" It was Gon: the one that looked the worst of them all. 

"Oh? What makes you so confident?" Josh asked, amused. 

"For two reasons, Sir! First, I'm a completely useless piece of trash in the eyes of the world. Second I won't rest until I become stronger! If I fail, no one will blame you. If I succeed, it will be thanks to you, and I will forever be grateful!" Gon shouted. 

"That's pretty shameless of you, don't you think? What about the teaching cost? Can you even afford it? Even the richest Climbers will fight tooth and nail for this opportunity." Josh reminded. 

Gon was just about to reply that the girl with the keychain began shouting too. "Sir, I too am a piece of trash that won't rest until I become stronger, and I'll even do any job to pay for tuition! I'll cook, do the laundry, take care of gardening, anything!" 

That is when they all began shouting in the same manner. It was as if something had just clicked in their head, or perhaps they were all going mad. Frank could only give a helpless smile as he turned toward Josh to try and appease him. 

But Josh was smiling. He wasn't displeased in the least. It was as if he had been expecting this, even awaiting it. He waved his hand, and the war vessels began landing, so noisily that it drowned all the shouts. 

The sound of the latched door opening resonated in the now silent field. Josh slowly walked toward it before saying one last thing.

"Let me be frank. None of you have any good potential. In this world, you will only ever be ordinary. The sooner you accept this, the better."

They lowered their heads in shame, with some showing defiant looks. 

"But…if you really can't accept that, then follow me with the resolve to go against the world itself. However, this road will be filled with suffering, so much suffering that you will come to regret it for sure."

That is when Josh was seen disappearing in the belly of the warship. There was a moment of silence before Frank could be heard laughing out loud, holding his stomach. The Climbers all looked at each other confused. 

"Wait, he said if YOU can't accept…meaning any or even all of us, right?!"

"There is no way that's what he meant! Right?"

"Fuck it! So what if he misspoke? I'm going in!" 

"That's so shameless! But there is no way I'm missing this opportunity either."

"Why do I get the feeling he never cared about our potential in the first place?" 

"Now that I think about it…why would he be recruiting here?! Why not ask the stronger guilds?!"

"Fuck, who cares. I guess we'll know eventually."

That is how every one of them entered the Black Legion's machines to the stupefaction of the soldiers and their generals. Were those the 'few' passengers that they were picking up?! 

Meanwhile, Josh was happily nodding on the side. Workers for the school? Check ✔️

Now, it was time for the next stop…

Creator's Thought

That is how you get workers! They would soon come to regret following me. In fact, they would regret it every single day until they didn't. Actually, they would often joke that they should have quit Climbing altogether to focus on farming. At least, I think they were joking.