Volume 6 monologue of Platycodon grandiflorum

will people live according to their own ideals? That's what I am. I am used to my ideal self.

I have understood from the beginning that I have the grace of God in the same sex. Because memory is better than people, so I can read books very well. I'm good at sports and I'm confident in chatting.

Not only is the hand very skillful, also has the soft response emergency intelligence.

So, am I the perfect person?

If so, the answer would be No. Of course, there are people who are more lovely than me, and there are many people who are smart or have excellent motor nerves in the world. That's a matter of course. Yes, of course.

However, I think many people have the mood of never wanting to lose.

No matter appearance, reading, playing TV games, or singing ability, etc.

When a person loses in this excellence, he will feel unwilling.

All above average, I have a great sense of inferiority.

I'm a person whose emotions will be shaken when I lose to someone around me. Every time I lose anything, there is a shadow in my heart. I've also vomited under intense pressure.

The reality is cruel. I'm not ordinary, but I'm definitely not a genius.

When I was a kid, it was OK. As long as I get some homework done, I will be flattered around.

They will praise me as a genius and a prodigy. At that time, I was in a good mood and I was very happy.

No matter what I do, I'm number one in my class. I used to be a hero and an idol.

Such me, after ascending to junior high school, began to meet people who surpassed me in various fields.

I can't beat my unbeatable opponent. This reality is deep and heavy on my heart.

So I looked for a way out. To escape the pain.

I want something that doesn't lose to anyone. I want to be respected and admired, but reading and sports are not good. I can't compare with others.

This is the conclusion I finally reached, that is to gain more "trust" than anyone else.

I decided to get a sense of superiority by being more pleasant than anyone else.

It's like reaching out to disgusting boys I don't even want to see, and I'll help ugly girls who make me angry and angry. I repress emotion and share hypocritical smile and hypocritical tenderness.

So I became a red man. No matter in the same grade, elder sister, younger brother, teacher, guardian, stranger walking nearby.

I have become the existence that everyone loves and doesn't lose to others.

To be honest, those days were very happy.

At the same time, I was able to know one thing - that trust is an irreplaceable wine.

I also understand that there is a "secret" behind the superiority of trust.

When you find someone you can trust from your heart, you will expose the hidden things.

The secret lovers of the most popular boys in the class, and the unexpected troubles of the most intelligent people in the class are all. From the great secrets of the body to the unimportant secrets, I have all the information. Every time I hear the annoyance that comes out frankly because I'm getting better, my heart will be very happy.

Every time I hold the important information that can also be called the other person's life, I will tremble with joy.

I'm more trusted than anyone - that's what I'm meant to be.

But I didn't find out.

I didn't find that trust, I could only get it from the life full of lies.

I live every day with great pressure in my arms.

Then That incident happened. No, it happened accidentally -

but there was nothing to do.

I'm rejected by everyone who teaches me.

There's no way.

Because hurt others, even if hurt can not complain.

If a man offends me, he must give back the color.

Is that for sure?

However, in this way, the ideal figure of "I" in everyone's mind will collapse.

Respect and envy disappear and turn into fear and hatred.

That's not what I'm after.

I only pursue one.

It's about being trusted.

Get that "sense of superiority" again.

So I won't repeat that again. I swear so.

So I will be happy with the new campus life.

So I must succeed this time.

That's why I made up my mind.

But

But, but, but

For me, it was supposed to be the first step of the entrance ceremony, but it turned out to be the worst day.

Because I met Horiba again on the bus to school.

She was the only person who knew about the incident.

As long as that guy exists, I'm not really stable.