Chapter 48 - Death & Promise

“After months of being forced to serve the emperor, luckily or unluckily, I became pregnant. Yes, that child is you Ren. I became the empress after safely giving birth to a healthy son. However, I felt no love for you and definitely none for your father. I was treated as less than a human being and I felt less than one. I’m sorry…” she said as her voice shook with intense emotion.

“It’s ok…mother…” Ren whispered as he squeezed his mother’s hand a little tighter.

“When I look at you all I can think about is the hatred I have for your father and all that he has done to me, my people and our land. I thought as time went by, I would forget…but it was impossible. Every time he touched me; I was so disgusted I wish I could die. Whenever I saw your face, I was reminded by all those nightmares. Whenever I felt any joy from the luxuries that the life of an empress had to offer, I felt guilty towards those who have suffered and died…” she continued on.

“I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I wanted to go home but I couldn’t. There was no way for the mother of the crown prince can return to a small town. Your birth became the chain and bounded me here, robbing me of my freedom. In the end, I decided to become a nun…” she said as tears streamed down her face.

“You did nothing wrong, mother. It’s ok…” Ren said comfortingly.

“I did nothing for you, I knew you suffered, and I just turned a blind eye. I don’t think I have the right to lecture you, but if you would listen then please just remember this…be kind, Ren. Live a happy life that benefits others. Don’t repeat the same mistakes that you father did. Unlike him and his wicked advisors, I believe that you have a good heart…” his mother said with conviction.

“…I promise. Please, mother, you need to rest…” Ren said as tears ran down his cheeks.

“Don’t be sad, Ren. I am…so happy…to die…” She whispered as she closed her eyes peacefully. There was a small and resigned smile on her thin and pale lips.

She never opened her eyes again.

When Ren opened his eyes again, he was back at the gazebo overlooking the lake. Everything around him was peaceful. The wind was blowing, the grass and trees were green, the flowers were in bloom, and the birds were chirping; however, in that moment everything was grey and dead silent to Ren.

…

“Excuse me! Can I borrow the kitchen for a moment?” I said quite loudly as I opened the door to the kitchen with a slam.

Around ten maids turned to me with their eyes widened in shock. Well, it probably wasn’t an everyday thing that a Lady comes bursting into the kitchen like this.

“Umm…Lady White Lotus…” the maid began saying, although it was clear that she was too shocked and didn’t know what to say.

“If you need anything, please let us know and we will serve it to you in no time…” another maid managed to say in a small shaky voice.

“I don’t need your help. I just need to borrow some cooking tools and some ingredients,” I said with a kind smile.

“Umm…whatever for, My Lady?” another maid asked politely.

After a long while of polite explaining the maids hesitantly left the kitchen with confused looks on their faces. Finally, I had the kitchen to myself. What should I make?

I didn’t have the skills or experience to make any fancy dishes that were normally served to royalty. I looked around the kitchen and saw that there was practically every ingredient that I could ever dream of and many things that I have never seen or used for cooking before.

I didn’t have much time to think because I had to start cooking soon too. I closed my eyes as I racked my brain for ideas. This is certainly a risky move but…if it worked before…it should work now too, right?

…

All done!

I admired the dish that I just made with satisfaction. I think it turned out better than I imagined, not that it was anywhere close to the appetizing dishes that we were normally served but…

It’s the effort that counts, right?

Now I just need to serve this before it gets cold. I wondered where Ren could be at this time of day and realized that I had absolutely no idea. It seemed like I didn’t know that much about Ren and what he did with his daily life at all.

“Umm…do any of you know where the crown prince is?” I asked the army of maids that were gathered right outside the kitchen.

“I believe that he was last seen at the gazebo by the lake, My Lady White Lotus,” a maid said shyly before bowing.

“I see. Thank you…and thank you for letting me use the kitchen,” I said as I quickly headed towards the gardens, firmly holding to a tray of the food that I had cooked in my hands.

It was a long walk before I reached the gazebo by the lake. My arms felt tired by the time the gazebo was in sight. Thankfully, the maid was right. I could see Ren seated with what appeared to be a book in his hand. I prayed silently that his mood had improved as I approached the gazebo.

“Umm…Ren…” I called out his name softly and hesitantly as I slowly stepped into the gazebo.

There was a round table and some wooden stools there in the middle of the gazebo where one would usually enjoy tea. That was perfect since it meant that we could use it to eat here together. Ren was seated on one of the stools, a book still in his hand.

“Rin…” Ren said my name softly but clearly, his eyes though were still on the book.

“Umm…have you had lunch? I…made you some food…” I said nervously as I slowly placed the tray onto the wooden table, trying to be as silent as I could.

“What did you make?” Ren asked as he closed the book in his hand and placed it down flat on the table.

Once the book was closed, I could feel Ren’s eyes on my face and that made me so nervous. At least he was speaking to me normally so he’s probably not that angry, I guessed. Without daring to look him in the eyes, I slowly sat down on a stool at the opposite side of the table from him and kept my eyes down. I focused my eyes on my hands laying in my lap.

“I…made some porridge for you. I know it’s nothing like the fancy dishes that you usually have but…” I said hesitantly.

--To be continued…