Chapter 50 - Closer To Him

I squirmed on his lap as Ren changed the angle of his kiss. I could taste the porridge and his tongue in my mouth. How am I supposed to eat like this? His tongue entwined with mine as his hands captured my chin to better control the angle of his kisses.

This is so unfair. Why am I so docile when I’m wrapped up in his arms? His kisses are making me feel weak, breaking down my defenses. I closed my eyes as I started moaning softly into his kiss.

Ren broke our kiss and I gasped for air. I managed to swallow the porridge before I choked on it. I looked at Ren with a frown on my face showing him that I disapproved of what he just did. Ren smiles back at me without a care, it was clear that he was enjoying himself.

Well, at least he seems to be in a better mood now and the tension between us has melted…somewhat. I couldn’t help it when a little smile began blooming on my lips. It was hard to explain, but I felt relieved that we could face each other again even if things have not completely returned to normal between us.

“Why are you doing this?” Ren asked, voice cutting through my optimistic thoughts.

Without any effort to hide his suspicions, Ren narrowed his eyes at me. Taken aback by his sudden interrogation, I couldn’t quite find the words to reply him.

“What did that meddlesome Shin tell you?” Ren interrogated me with narrowed eyes as he tightened his arms around my body, hugging me tighter to him.

“Umm…I told him about our…discussion…” I began, trying my best to avoid the word ‘argument’.

“And?” Ren asked, impatiently. Was it me, of did his voice sound much colder just now?

“And…he said that what I said was…out of line…” I said softly.

“He certainly got that right,” Ren said with a small laugh.

“What?” I exclaimed, frowning at him.

“What you said, Rin, was out of line…” Ren said, his tone serious.

I sighed as Ren continued to watch me. I guess they were right. Fine, what I said was out of line…

“I…I’m sorry. I did come here to apologize to you,” I said in a small voice, keeping my eyes fixed on my hands that were resting on my lap.

Suddenly, I felt a warm weight on the top of my head. Looking up, I saw that Ren had rested one of his large palms on the top of my head as he looked down and smiled gently at me.

“Ren…?” I said his name questioningly. His actions don’t match his words…or was it the other way around? I couldn’t figure him out at all.

“What are you apologizing for?” Ren asked, his voice much gentler than before.

“For speaking out of line…” I said.

“Are you sure?” Ren asked, arching a brow at me.

“I…I’m not sorry for what I said. I still believe in everything that I said…but…” I tried to explain before trailing off.

“But…?” Ren said, encouraging me to go on.

“But…I’m sorry for how I said those things to you. Perhaps…I hurt your feelings,” I finally managed to say, although, without many hesitant pauses along the way.

“I forgive you,” Ren said as he patted the top of my head softly.

“Really?” I asked in amazement as I turned to face him. How can this be so easy?

“Really. Your words were out of line, but I do appreciate your honesty...and your courage for being able to say it to me straight to my face. However, promise me that you will refrain from such speech in front of other men in the palace. Can you promise me this?” Ren said as he nudged my chin upwards so that I had to look up into his eyes.

“I can…but, I don’t quite understand why…” I whispered.

“Sometimes your honest thoughts are best kept to yourself…else they can be used against you. It’s not safe to always show your true self, Rin. Sometimes we must act out our role. We all have parts to play even if sometimes we can’t be true to ourselves. Promise me that you will only show your pure and honest self to me…and only me,” Ren said seriously as his passionate eyes burned into mine.

Does this apply to you too, Ren? I couldn’t help but wonder if he too was playing a role that wasn’t always completely showing his honest and true self?

Is crown prince Ren, really Ren?

“I promise…” I said, meaning it.

“And?” Ren asked as if he knew that there was still something else on my mind.

“Shin said that I couldn’t decide that it won’t be best if you become the next emperor…if I didn’t know the alternative. He told me to ask you yourself and refused to tell me anymore…” I said before biting my lower lip anxiously.

“He said that, did he? Shin…he always has a way with words,” Ren said, amused.

“Will you please tell me,” I asked in a timid voice.

I realized that during our argument I was so hot headed, and I said so many things without listening to Ren at all. I didn’t know why he thought the way he did. Although, I may not think the way he does even after his reasoning, but it might help me understand Ren more than I do now.

“It’s a long story…care to listen?” Ren asked me and I quickly nodded.

I felt like I was a little girl, sitting on his lap and waiting for him to tell me a story. His arms around me and the heat of his body against my own, felt so warm…and safe.

Ren cleared his throat as he thought hard about how to start his story.

“Let me start by saying that I am the first choice to become the next emperor, but I am not the only option available to the high court. Obviously, I am the first choice because I am the eldest son born to my father, the current emperor. That makes me by birth right, the crown prince. However, it isn’t guaranteed that I will succeed my father’s position,” Ren explained.

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. Wasn’t it always the case that the crown prince would take over as the next emperor?

--To be continued…