Chapter 77 - Argument & Request

I watched as Ren ate his dinner peacefully. His face seemed tired and there were visible dark circles under his eyes. Whatever happened over the span of the past week took a toll on Ren’s body. I could tell that he was tired and probably hasn’t been eating or sleeping well.

I wondered if he would tell me about his journey and the war if I asked. Many thoughts went through my head as I watched him slowly eat his food. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t curious about what he had been up to. There was a war somewhere along the empire’s boarders and that was basically all that I knew.

As I was making my mind if I should ask him for more details, Ren suddenly spoke up.

“If you have something to say, you can just say it,” Ren said without looking up from his food.

“I…was wondering if you would tell me more about…what you were up to…” I said hesitantly.

“You mean about the war?” Ren asked, getting right to the point. So much for my effort to avoid that word.

“Yes…” I replied softly.

“Why are you so interested?” Ren asked.

He looked up at me and placed down his chopsticks. I gulped. Ok…did I ruin his appetite just now?

“Umm…I guess I’m not particularly interested but…I just don’t like being clueless and not knowing anything…plus…I want to know more about you and how you spend your days…” I struggled a lot but somehow was able to strings some words together to represent my thoughts.

“Hmm…war and state affairs are not for women to meddle in…” Ren said, sternly.

“But…” I started to protest.

“But I guess I can tell you if it’s just about what I’ve been doing for the past week,” Ren said as he smiled a little at me.

“Really?” I exclaimed happily.

“I travelled with Shin and an army to the boarders where we’ve received reports that there were small battles going on. I guess, I just wanted to check it out. Shin was totally against me going, but I ended up going anyways,” Ren started telling his story.

I listened with full focus as I kept my eyes glued to Ren’s face.

“Let’s just say that the battles were of a larger scale than we had initially thought, and things got a little complicated. I had thought that I would be gone for a few days, but the trip stretched to a week, unfortunately. Actually, some of my generals are still cleaning up the mess but the battle is as good as over,” Ren said, completing his very concise version of the story.

“Did you fight?” I asked the first thing that came to my mind.

Ren’s eyes widened in surprise before narrowing at my straightforward question. I wanted to know what he meant by when ‘things got a little complicated’.

“Yes, I did,” Ren replied, looking me straight in the eyes.

“I see,” I said, and I was the one who looked away first, breaking out eye contact.

I didn’t know what I was expecting. Ren went to war, so of course, he fought. I just had to ask and make him say it. I didn’t want him to fight because I didn’t want him to take people’s lives…and I didn’t want him to get hurt.

“The battle has been going on for longer than we knew, and the soldiers did not have enough support or reinforcements. Whoever was sending reports to the capital messed up the details in the report real bad. By the time Shin and I got there, morale was almost non-existent. Having me with them on the battlefield was the fastest and surest way to boast morale,” Ren explained, his tone matter-of-factly.

“I see…” I mumbled.

“I’m not telling you this to make excuses for myself. I’m the crown prince, I don’t need excuses to fight for my homeland. It is my job to fight. So, don’t misunderstand,” Ren said loud and clear.

His eyes that looked at me burned with passion and pride. Any protest I had about his safety or any of my concerns, melted on my tongue and never materialized as words. There was nothing that I could say to a man who was willing to die fighting for his empire.

“Next time you go off to battle, can you take me with you?” I asked abruptly.

I wasn’t sure who was more shocked at my sudden and out-of-place question. Ren…or myself?

It took me a while to process my own thoughts and feelings behind that question and it took Ren a while to believe what his own ear had just heard. We stared at each other our brains struggled to figure out how to react.

If Ren couldn’t avoid going out to wars, then…there’s got to be something that I can do to help him…right?

“…what are you saying?” Ren managed to say after a short pause.

He looked like me like I was deranged and for a moment, I agreed with him. My question and its implications that I wanted to go to war along with him, was crazy…at best.

“Exactly like what you heard. Next time you go to a battle, can you bring me along with you?” I repeated my question again.

“Why?” Ren asked bluntly.

Good question…why did I want to go so badly?

“I want to help out. There’s got to be something that I can do…” I replied.

“Women don’t go to battles. It’s unheard of and uncalled for,” Ren stated as he frowned at me.

He must think that I’m talking out of line again…

“Why not?” I asked.

“Do I really have to spell it out for you? Are you stupid?” Ren asked, raising his voice at me.

“In my town, women are doctors, and we help tend to the injured all the time…” I tried to argue back.

“Well, if you haven’t realized, this is not your town. There are no female doctors. Women are kept behind walls where it’s the safest while men go out there and fight wars,” Ren stated clearly. His brows furrowing together.

--To be continued…