Chapter 119 - Making Up

Auntie Chen was there to greet us when we arrived back at the White Lotus palace. It was clear from her restless expression that Auntie had been very worried and anxiously awaiting our return.

“Crown prince and Lady White Lotus, I am so happy that you are back…” Auntie said as relief flooded her voice and facial features. I wondered for a moment if she had seriously considered that I could have been executed and then decided not to think about that gruesome scenario any further.

“Please leave us,” Ren said as he lifted a hand to signal to all that they should leave.

Auntie and the maid bowed simultaneously before quickly taking their leave. Soon it was just Ren and I in the large hall of the palace and the silence crept up on us. Ren had not said anything to me on our ride back to the palace and I could sense that he was waiting for us to return to the palace before we would have our real talk.

I spent the time in the carriage composing my words of what I wanted to say to him. Although, I wouldn’t say that my efforts were completely fruitful.

“Should we…go to my room…?” I asked in a small voice.

I believed that we needed privacy and peace to discuss whatever it was that we needed to. I watched as Ren turned to me and nodded. It was like we had the same thing in mind.

After reaching my room, I invited Ren to take a seat on the long wooden sofa. There were some food, dessert and liquor laid out neatly on the table waiting for us. Undoubtedly, this was Auntie’s doing. That woman is truly thoughtful to have prepared a little feast for Ren and me.

I wanted to serve him tea instead of the alcohol placed on the table but I didn’t want to call on the maid because that would disturb our privacy and so I decided against it. While I was busy deciding in my head what I should do next, Ren made the decision for me.

“Sit…” Ren said as he patted the spot next to where he was seated.

I nodded as I slowly sat down next to him. Now that we were alone and in private, I could feel even more tension between us. This awkwardness between us is driving me insane with stress. There were many sentences that I composed during the ride back here; however, none of those words would come out of my mouth now that I was sitting very close to Ren.

Perhaps, things would be easier if I just said what I honestly felt. Would that work? I wondered…

“Ren…are you still mad at me?” I asked hesitantly.

“Of course, I am…” Ren replied immediately.

I guess I figured that that would be the case…

“I’m so sorry, Ren. I don’t know…how to apologize to you properly…” I said, honestly.

“I’m listening…” Ren said as he turned to look at me.

I felt so small and intimidated by him but at least, he was willing to listen to what I had to say now.

“I’m sorry for not listening to you. I know I did many foolish and selfish things without thinking about the results of my actions or their impact on you. I probably hurt you too…I’m so sorry, Ren,” I said in a shaky voice.

I had to stop when I felt tears in my eyes and my own voice cracking up. I’m about to cry…again…

When I glanced up at his face, my eyes met his beautiful brown ones and saw that he was watching me. It made me feel shy and ashamed at the same time.

“Listen to me, Rin…” Ren said as he reached out and took my hand into his much larger one.

His hand felt so warm as it held mine. I nodded my head slightly.

“There are many forces at work and many political factions in the palace. As much as I don’t want to get you involved, you are already somehow involved because you are the Lady White Lotus. I know that you don’t understand fully what is going on but that is all the more reason why you must obey me and do everything that I say. Do you understand that now?” Ren explained patiently.

“Yes. I’ll obey you from now on. I promise…” I said passionately.

“Good. Well, that is that…” Ren said as he smiled sweetly at me and patted my head.

Well, admittingly that was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I knew that Ren had been very kind and patient with me, but his sudden kindness still took me by surprise. I smiled a little back at him before I realized that I haven’t said all that I wanted to say.

“Ren…” I called his name softly.

“What is it now?” Ren asked.

“Thank you…for standing up for me and for requesting for me to study medicine. I won’t disappoint you; I promise. I will be the perfect student and I will become a royal doctor and then the other women in the empire will be allowed to study medicine too…and then…and then there will be more than enough doctors to help cure people of sickness!” I said with excitement and determination.

It was a far-off dream, and I knew that it wouldn’t be easy to achieve. However, I was on track to start taking my first step.

Ren looked at me with round eyes before he burst out laughing. I cocked my head to the side as I wondered what about what I had just said was making him laugh so loud. What was so funny?

“Ren…what’s so funny?” I asked, feeling a little insecure.

“Nothing…it’s just…I admire your spirit and determination, I guess…” Ren managed to say in between his laughing.

“I see…” I said, not fully satisfied with his explanation and the fact that he was still laughing at me.

However, it was good to see Ren back to his old cheerful self. At least, when he was alone with me, I wanted him to be content and just be himself. It felt amazing to finally have Ren back.

“It’s just like I told the emperor. You suffered from this incident even if it was partly your fault. I wouldn’t allow something like this to pass without us gaining something in return…” Ren said with a calculating smile.

--To be continued…