Chapter 42：Can't Hold Us by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

On Ji Han Yu's 12th birthday, his father brought a strange boy and girl home, he'd held their hands and told him that they were his brother and sister, and that he should take care of them.

Ji Han Yu was dumbfounded, but his mother suddenly overturned his huge birthday cake, and started intensely cursing his father.

She'd said "Ji Ming Xuan what are you thinking? Look at yourself, you're a fat, 50 years old, balding, dirty old man, what are you doing with a 20-something girl, even having children? Do you think you're her true love? Without my Cao family's support, your nothing! Take those two wild bastards away from me!"

His father's face had reddened and bloated like a pig, young Ji Han Yu had thought he looked funny and laughed.

His father was angered, he'd pointed at him and ridiculed, "Bastard, why are you laughing? Who the hell do you think you are? She called them bastards, but she's also Cao's bastard. Without Ji Jia's wealth, why would anyone love you? You guys eat from me, take from me, yet still fight against me, ungrateful bastards."

He hadn't understood his words at that time, but they left a deep imprint. That's why he was so angry when he'd heard Lin Chengze say he was just in love with his money, then he thought up that ridiculous plan.

He told Lin Chengze Ji family was bankrupted, that he had nowhere to go. His face was very decadent, but he was laughing his heart. Ji Jia was really bankrupt, all the property those illegitimate children coveted was going down the drain, but for Han Yu, it had no effect.

When his mother had married into the Ji family, grandfather had given her a lot of cash, enough for them to live well for a lifetime. He'd asked his mother for two million, and with his uncle's help, he'd built a factory, the profits were sizable.

He'd pretended to be penniless and asked to live in Lin Chengze's house, hoping he would shelter him. Lin Chengze agreed, but then he started treating him coldly, and transferred his friendliness to his rich friends. Ji Han Yu had looked on from the side, his heart sneering. He'd thought that Lin Chengze had fallen into his trap.

He'd planned to live there a few days then leave, but in that short three days, Fang Youran's selfless care impressed him, so he'd decided to stay. He deliberately got closer to Fang Youran, dragged him into his arms, while he pushed Lin Chengze to his friends, hoping he'd fall into his destructive trap.

Lin Chengze was annoyed by his friends, even Ji Han Yu had noticed, but he'd still do everything to please them. At that time, Ji Han Yu thought Lin Chengze was so hungry for money that he'd endure anything. But later, after the big reveal, he learned the true reason behind his tolerance – it was all for himself.

Ji Han Yu thought that Fang Youran had given him the purest love, he hadn't notice that Lin Chengze's love was even purer, and more desperate. He was like a raging fire, when he loved someone, he was willing to burn himself to ashes for them. When he loved you, he would willingly offer up his soul.

This was the type of true loved Ji Han Yu always desired, but he inadvertently discarded it.

He slept with Fang Youran, when he saw Lin Chengze suddenly appear, he hadn't even been apologetic. Why didn't he immediately beg his forgiveness? Whenever the scene replayed in his dreams, Ji Han Yu would stand in front of himself and over and over again rebuke himself, curse himself, even try to strangle himself.

That night, the bright red paper notes were scattered over the ground, ridiculing him. Ji Han Yu had stood still in the empty room for a long time, then he knelt down and picked them up one by one, until the whole floor was clean. Holding the money was like holding a piece of hot iron, his palm was scalded, but he couldn't drop it.

He had to return it, hundreds of times he tried to go back, hoping to get Lin Chengze's forgiveness.

He recalled all of Lin Chengze's actions, and understood why he still dealt with his friends when he obviously hated them. He'd just wanted them to help him if he got into trouble, everything he did was for his own sake.

Ji Han Yu didn't dare imagine all his hidden tears and struggles, he didn't dare imagine what his thoughts were when he'd realized he'd brought him to a sex drug party.

Fang Youran had helped him sort out the money, then he suddenly clung to him, crying, repeatedly shouting 'sorry'. Those tears would've usually made him pamper him, but it only made him feel sick. Compared to Lin Chengze's desperate efforts, what did Fang Youran have to give up? Why was he even impressed by him in the first place? Just because he was more outwardly caring than Lin Chengze?

Lin Chengze was so proud, he always said that the person who falls first is the loser. Ji Han Yu didn't understand why that was his favorite phrase, now he knew, when he repeated that sentence to him over and over, he was secretly telling him 'I lost to you'. But his pride didn't allow him to admit it out loud, so when he was asked, he just said he loved his money.

Such an awkward temper, yet so lovely. Ji Han Yu had laughed at the thought, then he'd started to cry. He'd pushed Fang Youran away, and roared at him to leave, to get out from his and Chengze's world.

"When I look at you, I feel more disgusting than I already am!" He'd said with blood-red eyes.

Lin Chengze disappeared then, Ji Han Yu couldn't find him anywhere, he resorted to squatting at Cao's door, hoping to see him eventually. In the past, he'd greatly admired and was grateful to Cao Mo Kun, but now, he only felt resentment.

You knew he was my boyfriend, why did you go after him?

Cao Mo Kun just gave him a mocking smile, buying out his feelings for 300,000 was the most successful investment he'd ever made.

Ji Han Yu had no way to fight back at that time, he told himself he must become stronger, more powerful than Cao Mo Kun, so he had a shot at regaining his love.

But soon after, Lin Chengze thoroughly disappeared. Since then, Han Yu suffered from insomnia, he relied on more and more drugs to survive three painful months.

Three months later, a friend sent him a video, his accompanying message was very mysterious. He casually glanced at it, then was stunned, he gripped his phone, greedily staring at the tempting boy on the screen. It was Lin Chengze, the Lin Chengze his heart yearned for, the Lin Chengze who he regretted hurting the most.

"This ad is blowing up on the net!" his friend had called, "Damn, how didn't I notice that Lin Chengze was such a beast! You lent him to Wang Jie but not me, what's the meaning behind that? Ah?! Oh, yeah, now that I think about it, he was your boyfriend, right? That kind of stunner, how could you give him to someone else? You're too daring … … "

Ji Han Yu didn't wait for him to finish before he fiercely smashed his phone, his eyes full of endless hatred.

How could you be so stupid? How could you be so stupid? He'd repeatedly questioned himself- how could you willingly give him out! You're so stupid!

He'd heard a rumor that buying a bottle of Extravagant came with Lin Chengze's promotional poster. Ji Han Yu skipped class that day and rushed to the nearest department store. The counter was crowded with people, everyone was clamoring for a bottle. He was crowded out, when he finally reached the front, the salesman told him they were out of stock.

He couldn't describe the great feeling of panic he had at that time, he felt that'd he'd never be able to touch Lin Chengze again.

He stumbled out the mall, standing in a daze. He looked up, a giant LED screen was showing an interview with top international designer, Orlando. He called Lin Chengze his beauty god, a gift sent from above, like a glass of the purest, finest wine. His appearance could fall angels, if you didn't love him, it was simply a sin.

The last sentence broke Ji Han Yu's heart. He had his love once, but he found out too late.

Lin Chengze showed up on the screen, many people stopped to look up, even a few cars slowed down. Their eyes couldn't conceal their surprise and appreciation.

Ji Han Yu didn't dare look, he left in a trance. Eventually, he used some connections to reserve a few bottles of Extravagant, and he used Lin Chengze's posters to cover his room, it was as if he never left. From that day on, he was able to fall asleep, but his nightmares were plentiful.

He desperately worked, hoping to catch up to Cao Mo Kun as soon as possible. He became a business upstart, a variety of beauties pranced around him, but they could no longer arouse his attention. If you once had the most precious treasure in the world, then you lost it, could you ever hope to replace it?

Lin Chengze was the best, no one could replace him.

Cao Mo Kun was down, this was the opportunity he needed. What was Lin Chengze feeling right now? Helpless? No, I must find him as soon as possible.

Ji Han Yu immediately stood up and packed his things, he hollowed out his wardrobe to find his most decent suit. He dragged his luggage to the airport, and bought the quickest flight to F country.

About twenty minutes from boarding time, the tv in the boarding gate showed a press conference. Lin Chengze's captivating face appeared. He looked very haggard, but his eyes were striking.

He bravely came out in front of all the media, he looked firmly at the camera and said, "Cao Mo Kun is my lover, I love him, so I will never give up on him. I hope we get everyone's blessings."

At that moment, Cao Mo Kun became the most hated man in the world. Ji Han Yu heard the teen girls who were sitting in the row over burst into pitiful tears. A man angrily kicked his suitcase, muttering that the interview was faked, it was an April Fool's joke etc. In this world, many people madly adored Lin Chengze, but he only loved one person.

Ji Han Yu had laughed, tearing up as he smiled. Why did he think that Lin Chengze would need him? Why did he think that he would accept him, just because Cao Mo Kun was in trouble?

He was Lin Chengze after all, once he fell in love with someone, he'd throw himself into the fire pit for them! His beloved will be the happiest person in the world.

Returning his ticket, Ji Han Yu muddled back to his house and fell into bed. He had a sweet dream. He was sitting next to Lin Chengze in the dining room, helping him pick out the green peppers in his food, seeing him eager to eat, he quickly poured him a glass of warm milk. When he finished his drink, he covered his milk drenched red lips with his own. Lin Chengze's arm wrapped around his neck, his peach eyes glittered, he was so beautiful, so tempting … …

Ji Han Yu woke up with a sweet smile, then he looked around his cold empty room and was brought back to his desperate reality. He'd spent two months hating Lin Chengze, but now, he'll spend the rest of his life loving him.

He always considered moving on, but every day he sank deeper into the past. Lin Chengze had already left him behind, pursuing his own happiness. But Ji Han Yu was trapped in his frenzied memories, never able to escape.

Lin Chengze's love was like a raging fire, his fire had burned Ji Han Yu's soul to ashes, leaving only an empty shell.