Chapter 38

✧The Time When I Loved You✧

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Accurate predictions may sometimes be displeasing. Matthias suddenly realized that this morning, when he was gazing down at the rose garden without Leyla Lewellin.

He had his doubts if she would show herself up for now, after being such a downer. Matthias had guessed it at the moment he heard Hessen’s report in his office last night. Nevertheless, witnessing Leyla’s absence with his own two eyes had given him some annoyance.

‘She’s pretty damn stupid.’

While laughing, Matthias rolled down the thin curtain then turned around.

Linda Etman’s heist was a ruse.

Breaking Leyla Lewellin’s heart and tarnishing her pride was her true purpose. She devised another plan after her failure to stop his son; It would be Leyla who needed to be stopped.

Matthias delightedly applauded and gave a hats off to Mrs. Etman’s great approach. She had a superb hold on her opponent and stabbed her blade precisely on the target.

Her hostility towards Leyla bestowed him with a lot more entertainment than he had expected. Matthias couldn’t keep the laughter from escaping his lips as he listened to Hessen’s report yesterday night.

His leisurely weekend morning felt particularly lengthy and stodgy. After changing his clothes, Matthias was once again gazing out of his window while drinking his coffee. Only Bill Remmer and the garden’s employees were there, but Leyla was nowhere to be seen.

Was he too greedy in his desire for someone as pathetic as her?

Matthias took a little morning stroll while mocking her sorry state of affairs. Usually, he would stop by the annex to swim in his spare time. The servants who were well acquainted with their Master’s routines would flee as soon as they saw him approaching.

He wished to see Leyla cry so he could have some good time today.

As he was taking pleasure as the wind blew in, Matthias happened to arrive at the gardener’s cottage. The house without Leyla lounging on the porch while reading a book or doing chores diligently in the yard, was much too quiet.

Matthias’ annoyance rose a little. It was when a white pigeon suddenly flew into the house.

The bird flew straight towards the window at the back of the cottage as if it had a specified destination. Without a second’s hesitation Matthias made a beeline to where the bird had passed. It perched calmly in the half-opened window, and he noticed a note attached to the bird’s leg.

Beyond the window was Leyla’s room.

The pigeon didn’t flee as Matthias approached it.

‘Carrier pigeon?’

Matthias looked at the bird with a scowl before gently catching it.

Although being in human hands, the pigeon was very docile. Matthias stared carefully at the note the bird brought before a sudden cry from the window jarred him out from his muse.

Matthias lifted his head, and he found Leyla sniveling and laying in bed like a dead person in her room that he had previously thought was empty.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Leyla opened her eyes and laid still, her gaze was glued to the ceiling for some time.

The room was lathered in blinding light. The sound of birds chirping in the tree outside the window was clear and lively , like the summer sunshine in the morning.

As her dreamlike senses reawakened one by one, the bitter truth that she had forgotten due to her sickness slowly revived.

‘How strange…’

Leyla felt more at ease when the reality before her eyes grew clearer. The plethora of emotions that had filled a gap in her breath melted away in the guise of cold sweat and tears that broke out without her realizing it.

It had been about two… No, three days had passed.

Leyla was counting how much time she had spent laying on bed before slowly raising her body and sitting down. She momentarily felt a little bit groggy but soon regained her composure.

She took a look at her bed sheet and thought that it needed to be laundered. The window sills should be wiped as they have become dusty. The dish that Uncle Bill had washed before wasn’t clean enough, so she had to polish it again to get rid of any residual stains, and…

For a short spell, Leyla was stunned and closed her eyes, thinking of the many tasks she needed to do. When she reopened her eyes, she calmly decided that one thing should take priority above all else.

She has to meet Kyle.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

“You can’t go around like this yet, Leyla. You should rest!”

Kyle speeded up his steps when he spotted Leyla sitting by the stream.

Leyla was looking down at her reflection in the water, slowly raising her head to face him. She was pale-faced, with visible symptoms of sickness.

“Why did you come all the way here?” Kyle hurriedly walked over to her side.” I can meet you at home.”

With her knees clasped together, Leyla was sitting on a wide, flat rock by the river. Her wavy, silky golden hair, which draped naturally over her slender shoulders, was like a part of the gleaming afternoon sun.

“I have something to tell you.”

Leyla spoke as she stared at him solemnly, without her usual smile.

“So, what amazing thing are you going to say?”

Kyle laughed on behalf of her, who showed no sign of mirth. Leyla gazed at him without a word, turning up her nose to join in the laughter. Without the slightest hint of a bad feeling, Kyle broadened his grin.

“Meeting somewhere else like this is nice at times, but you’re still unwell. That’s what concerns me.”

“Kyle.”

“Anyway, I had something to convey as well. How fortunate we are to be able to talk here.”

“Kyle.”

“Don’t worry about the stolen money, Leyla. Tomorrow my father is going to Ratz. Your tuition will–”

“Kyle, I’m not going to college.”

Kyle’s words were cut off by Leyla.

“… What?”

Kyle, who was sitting beside her and watching the river flow, tilted his head. Both exchanged glances. A heavy silence rang between them in a moment as their trapped gazes were locked on each other.

“I’m not going to College.”

“What are you talking about? You passed that difficult exam! Don’t worry about the tuition fees. Leyla please, don’t be so stubborn like th-…”

“I won’t marry you either.”

Layla straightened her knees and re-wrapped her fallen scarf around her neck.

“I’m going to stay here with Uncle Bill, and live the life I’ve always dreamt of. I’m sorry, Kyle. I should have told you this from the beginning….but I… … I was blinded by greed for a moment.”

“Greed?”

“Yes, even though I always pretended I didn’t want to, deep down I really wanted to go to College and continue studying. So I decided to get married with the belief that it was possible. In simpler words, to use you on the way.”

“Do you think I’ll believe such a lie?”

Kyle scoffed coldly, but Leyla didn’t seem to be shaken.

It would be great if everything was a lie.

A bitter smile stole over her trembling lips. For a small span of time, Leyla believed it was just sympathy or pity, but she soon got an understanding otherwise.

Kyle Etman viewed Leyla Lewellin as a romantic partner.

He proposed to her with the heart of a lover. But she accepted him with the heart of a friend.

It was a pack of lies if she said that she was not greedy on the inside. It was precisely that fact which sank Leyla’s heart even deeper.

“I know you, Leyla. You’re not that kind of person.”

Kyle leaped to his feet, his towering shadow looming over her.

“You love me. Do I look like an idiot who doesn’t even know that?”

“I love you.”

Leyla said; she made no denials.

‘Is Kyle someone I love?’

‘Yes, she does love him.’ Leyla would nod her head repeatedly to answer that question. Even if she was asked 1,000 times, she was willing to nod every time with the same answer.

“As my best friend, as an older brother, or sometimes as a younger brother. I love you so much, Kyle.”

Leyla remained unflinching even as she beheld Kyle’s growing hardened face.

She had to.

“But I know this is not the kind of love you want. I’m sorry Kyle, but I can’t… I don’t think I can love you like that. I cannot marry you with this kind of heart.”

“… I don’t care.”

Kyle’s throat cramped as he swallowed his spit.

“Whatever kind of love it is, as long as it is love, I don’t care. It’s okay even if it isn’t the kind of love I’m looking for, Leyla.”

“No. I don’t want to do that.”

Leyla slowly lifted herself up. Their gazes were riveted between the howl of the forest wind. As she looked at the water that had been blown away by the wind, shaping small ripples on its surface, Leyla caught her breath.

Not far from the cottage, this wooded creek was the playground for little Kyle and Leyla. Amidst her fear of water, she was able to dip her feet in the stream that barely reached her knees. Rather than the Schulter River, Leyla enjoyed visiting this place more.

She used to read her book on a boulder shaded by a tree, and Kyle would explore the brook, catching crayfish or small fish. He would collect lovely freshwater clams or pebbles, both of which were her favorites.

They laughed a lot. Those were always fun and heartwarming moments.

The time when she loved him was like that.

There were so many pristine memories that were more glorious than playing in the water’s ripples. But still, that time of love was irreplaceable; it would stay within her forevermore.

‘Even so, I still have to lose you.’

“I can’t do it. I want to stop.” Leyla dropped her head to hide her reddened eyes. “I’m really sorry, Kyle. I should’ve told you from the beginning.”

“If that’s your only reason, don’t even say that. This world is teeming with people who marry without love. Still, you love me. That’s enough.”

Kyle approached her and wrapped her shoulders in his grip.

“You use me? Fine. Using me doesn’t matter either.”

“Don’t be like this.”

“As long as it’s you, I’m fine. If I can be of any help, feel free to use me.”

“Kyle!”

“I’m alright as long as you don’t desert me.” Kyle’s eyes began to flush.

Leyla clenched her fists, attempting to fortify her wounded heart.

“I hate that. I don’t want to do that.”

“If you really want to go to College. If you’re so desperate enough to use me, then you shouldn’t let me go.”

“Kyle… I want to marry someone I love as a man and a lover. The thought of marrying you and going to Ratz made me realize that.”

The vilest things she had been struggling to keep from saying eventually slipped out of her lips. Kyle’s pupils dilated at her reply.

“I want to marry such a person and live without shame. My dream to feel that, that kind of love outweighs my ambition to attend college with you.”

“Leyla.”

“I had thought about using you, and pretending it was alright until the end, but then I felt like I would be ashamed of this choice for the rest of my life. I’m afraid I’ll regret it. I’m not happy about living in a guilt fantasy.”

“Leyla Lewellin!”

“If I make such a choice, I fear it would taint my time and my heart, which loves you as a friend and a family member. I hate it the most and am scared of its occurrence.”

Her heartfelt voice was faintly shaking.

When the time came for her to become a grownup, she made the most childish decision she could imagine.

Leyla ballooned her dream of attending college together for fear of losing him. But, in the end, this marriage turned out to be a genuine mistake that garnered her much regret.

Mrs. Etman was entirely right. The moment she accepted Kyle’s proposal, her relationship with him had already crossed the line of no return.

Mrs. Etman’s resentment towards her was too much for her to endure. Leyla couldn’t separate Kyle from his beloved mother; moreover, she didn’t want Uncle Bill to get hurt.

The trigger had already been pulled; the only thing that can be gained by revealing the truth would be a gash in everyone’s heart. Leyla felt her body had been drained out of all the water after shedding so many tears, and there was no turning back at the end of the road.

So she had to turn around at this point, in silence.

It was the only way to save her last semblance of pride, Kyle’s family, and Uncle Bill’s heart.

“Let me have that dream, Kyle.”

Leyla whispered as she looked at Kyle.

“We… Let’s do that”.

‘So, let us bid farewell to those precious sparkling days and become adults.’

Leyla let out a quiet sigh against voicing what she intended to say. Her faintly heated breath flowed through her parched lips.

‘Don’t cry.’

Tears didn’t spring up in her eyes, fortunately. The spell she had learned along the way somehow had shown its worth.

“Don’t go.”

Kyle, who was standing still, grabbed Leyla by the wrist as she passed him. His big, hot hands were shaking.

No answer.

Leyla opened her tightly-closed eyes and pushed his hand away.

Kyle’s hand fell off so easily. His grip on her wrists had lost its strength.

Leyla walked away with weightless steps, leaving Kyle behind , who was standing stiffly staring at the stream.

Her misty-eyed gleamed a shade of red, but they were held back until the moment she arrived at the cottage.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*