Chapter 71

✧Throw Me Away✧

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Matthias allowed himself to step aside for her to enter, just as he did that night. And Leyla entered without pause, but unlike that night, she did not stop at the reception room.

No, she headed straight to his bedroom. Matthias couldn’t help the smug upturn on his lips, but chose not to question her, and simply followed suit. He was looking forward to what she was planning for him today.

She never failed him before, he doubted she would start now.

When Leyla reached the door of his room, her nerves gripped her once more, causing her to hesitate. However, she also wanted this done as quickly as possible. She held onto the knob but had yet to open the door.

[I’ve done my part. You should do yours.] 

Those were his words, sent to her by her bird.

Matthias paused a few steps behind her, watching her for any further movement. Just as he was to question her on her actions, Leyla swiftly turned the knob, walking in with a determined look on her face. Silently he continued to walk a few paces behind her, observing her actions as to what she was just planning to do tonight.

He leaned back against the closed door, crossing his arms across his chest as he continued to appraise her. She stood stock still in the middle of his bedroom, fiddling with her fingers for a moment before resolutely advancing to his bed.

Leyla immediately set her belongings: glasses, scarf, gloves and coat, by the bedside table, neatly arranging them.

[I’ve done my part. You should do yours.] 

How crude of him, she couldn’t help but think, to demand she fulfill their deal. What a role she had to play indeed. Recalling his note only served to root her in place, she didn’t want this. He might have as well told her outright to start acting like his mistress!

She felt so cornered, stuck between a wall with a cat in front of her, while she was the mouse! Her legs gave in, causing her to drop to the floor, unable to move any longer.

She thought she had made her peace already, but the memories of that night came flooding back in full force, rendering her paralyzed. For a moment she thought she had blacked out, but she was only numb with the hurt and shame she felt in the face of her weakness.

What she did with the Duke was the furthest thing from an act of love. Despite the sweet nothings he whispered to her ear, his actions only proved him to be a brute. And what’s worse, it wasn’t just a simple carnal desire to bed a woman…

No…

“You’re so beautiful Leyla, especially when you cry and beg.” he whispered to her in the midst of his throes of passion.

She didn’t know how long it’s been, only that she had sat too long on the cold floors when the winter breeze finally seeped into her frame, through the room’s open windows. And then a different memory came to mind, to a much earlier, and much pleasant time.

Back when the duke was still someone she could find redeeming qualities to.

“So Leyla, cry,” he smiled so sweetly at her, “Even better if you beg.” he finished off. And despite his cruel words, she couldn’t help but think of him as beautiful that summer night last year.

Truly, he enjoyed seeing her cry so much, and that was the reason he could stand to make her suffer! She chuckled hysterically to herself, sobbing through the memories. She hated how she kept trying to find reason, to give him excuses as to why he’d do horrid things to her!

“Leyla!”

Suddenly, Leyla awoke at the sound of her uncle Bill calling out to her. Groggily she sat up, and saw she was back in the Duke’s room. Ah, she couldn’t help but realize with such depreciation, she still had a role to fulfill.

She nervously got up from her spot, and headed towards the windows, drawing the curtains to a close as she rubbed the tears away with the sleeves of her shirt. If he wanted to see her cry and beg, then she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

Not anymore. 

He’d taken something from her in the worst possible way. And while she can’t escape him anymore, she resolved not to give him any satisfaction as he took more and more from her. Then perhaps he’d grow bored faster, and thus discard her sooner.

She turned around, hands immediately coming to the buttons of her blouse and deftly opened it one button at a time. Leyla expertly undressed herself, fixing her clothes along the way until she was only in her undergarments.

Her breath hitched as she went to remove it, but she managed to do so quickly and swiftly. Considering he’d already seen her in a much more pathetic state before, there would be no point in delaying their coupling due to her embarrassment.

Matthias could only stare at her in a baffled manner. He had been content to watch her cry and struggle, but he hadn’t been expecting her to be so willing in baring herself whole to him. She even took her clothes off herself.

He couldn’t help but wonder if she’d gone insane over the last few days. It’s his only plausible explanation as to why she’s acting not like herself at all.

He watched as Leyla picked up her clothes, setting them down to the chair nearby in a neat pile. Her hands then went up, and pulled loose the pin, keeping her hair in place, letting golden locks cascade down her pale neck, and slender shoulders, falling up until the small on her back.

He felt himself being mesmerized by the sight of her in front of him. He was intoxicated by her, he was beginning to lose his inhibitions. His breathing grew ragged the more he kept staring. She then gingerly sat by the edge of his bed, waiting for him…

And oh, what a sight that was. She doesn’t know just what she was doing to him. He ran a palm through his dark locks. Seated like that, with her body shaking in anticipation, it was almost like she was looking forward to being with him.

And he stalked slowly over to her, watching as her flush spread from her cheeks down to her chest as she looked down, struggling to avert her eyes from him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Matthias growled under his breath, grasping her chin in his hand, forcing her to look up at him. Leyla kept quiet as she stared at him, her throat bobbing up and down as she swallowed back an insult.

“My part.” she hissed at him in a whisper, but the shakiness in her voice failed to make it threatening.

He hummed, tilting his head at her, “And what is your part?”

He wanted to hear it straight from her. But Leyla clenched her jaw, refusing to take part in his satisfaction.

“You know what.” she boldly replied, willingly looking up at him in defiance despite flinching at the way his gaze narrowed at her. “Your deal laid it out so clearly.”

Matthias only gave her a once over, giving her body shivers as he glanced at her. He hummed as he watched the way she acted like a prim and proper lady despite her state of undress.

When he finally met her eyes, he couldn’t help but let out a self-deprecating laugh. At the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but wonder if paying a random whore to sleep with him could make him feel as dirty as he did now?

When his laughter died down, he turned back to Leyla with a glare.

He stroked her golden locks, humming indifferently at her, as though to praise her for being so obedient to him. He started out slow, and soft, just as he does when it comes to her, smiling comfortingly at her.

When it seemed like she was relaxed enough, he poised to strike!

His hand came down to her neck, clasping it firmly, making her gasp in terror. He ignored the fear in her eyes as she clasped onto his wrist with both hands, as he pushed her into the mattress, climbing over her.

Matthias wanted to see what she would do if he tightened his hand on her pressure points, making her gasp for precious air as he hovered above her. He only chuckled manically for a while, his reflection catching on the mirror hanging over the mantelpiece by the marble-white fireplace.

No longer could he see the revered Duke Matthias von Herhardt. No, the man he could see was now tainted. He could see it plain as day now, how ruined he’d become simply because for once in his life, he couldn’t just have what he wanted.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

When Leyla’s erratic breathing finally quieted down, Matthias roused from the bed, leaving Leyla to lie on her stomach. She was exhausted, but not enough to miss his movements. She felt some relief in seeing him leave.

‘It’s over now.’ 

She couldn’t help but quietly cheer in her mind. She stayed still, afraid to draw attention to herself. She was faintly aware of the blanket tossed over her form in a poor attempt to give her some form of decency. She only wished he’d leave her alone like he did that previous night so she could finally leave.

She heard his footsteps drifting away, before she finally let out a sigh. Until she heard the footsteps growing louder. Did she rejoice too soon?

The tension seeped through her body. She felt as though she was at a breaking point.Her fists slowly clenched onto the rumpled sheets. It was a simple task, to look up to see what he was up to, but she was determined not to move.

She won’t make it easy for him.

The Duke, she assumed by the way the bed dipped somewhere behind her, was back. In the corner of her eyes, she could tell he was already dressed.

Matthias looked down, a smirk curling up his lips as he gazed down upon her. He reached out, gently caressing her tousled hair, patting her like he would a pet. He brushed her hair aside, to reveal her flushed face, looking as defiant as ever.

He dipped his head down, breath brushing up against her earlobes. Leyla couldn’t repress the shiver that ran through her spine. ‘Don’t start crying now!’ she scolded herself, feeling the tears threatening to form.

She repeated it like a mantra. She had reached this far without crying, she wouldn’t dare start now.

“Good job Leyla.” Matthias praised her with a sultry whisper. There was a ghost of a kiss in his words, before he finally pulled away from her.

She felt his weight disappear on the mattress and listened to the sound of his footsteps fading out. When she heard the door swing and click to a close, and heard no other movement, she finally rose herself.

She was finally, truly alone once more.

Leyla could feel the pain in her swollen lips, she faintly tasted a metallic tongue as she licked her lips. She had been cut, but it wasn’t as though it was a big wound. She then found herself sinking to the floor, her reflection catching sight, making her wince and avert her view of it.

After a moment, she found herself looking back at her reflection. She saw the way her eyes looked back at her dully. This night was just another meaningless tumble beneath the sheets. But no amount of excuses could make her brush away the pain she could feel so easily.

She could hardly find the strength in her to move, she would likely be unable to dress herself at this rate. It was almost like Matthias made sure she would be exhausted to do so once they were done.

So instead, Leyla crawled poorly towards her clothes, reaching into her coat’s pocket to get some handkerchief, and began to wipe her body down with any bodily and sticky fluids she had on. Her breath kept hitching with every stroke of the handkerchief.

‘Don’t cry, don’t cry dont cry dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry…’ she kept repeating like a mantra over her head, growing more frantic with every second she spent longer trying to clean herself.

Finally done, she finally managed to stand up, and dressed herself once more, before moving out of the annex and walked back home. She took great care to hide from the light of the moon, ducking beneath the trees to stay in the shadows, kicking every random acorn or pebble in her path away from her numbly.

[My beloved Leyla]

Kyle’s voice echoed in her thoughts as she recalled his letters. She managed to arrive back in her cabin, undisturbed and quickly went inside her room quietly. She still had one last letter to read from him.

She’d burned them all, and now only one remained.

She waited for the fire to burn brighter, before she carried over the last letter closer, and broke the seal. She flipped the papers open, and began to read it, his voice echoing in her mind as though he was reading it to her…

[My beloved Leyla,

Will you marry me once more?

I can’t believe I’ve reached a point of proposing to you once more, and through a piece of paper at that. It sounds less sincere this way, I know, but I’ve never been more sincere in my life than at this moment to you. 

This might sound a bit of consolation, but my grandfather has promised to me a share of inheritance. Come next spring, after my birthday, I would have the sole claim to it. It’s not a lot of money I’m afraid, but I am certain it would be enough for us to start over. 

We could move closer to the college district, find a small house to make into a home, and continue our studies and fulfill our dreams. If you fear we’re going too fast, then I don’t mind slowing down. We can go entirely at your own pace, even if it takes until graduation before we can be wed. I could do it, I will do anything so long as I can stay beside you.

So my beloved, please, won’t you come to Ratz with me? You can take the test again, and I’m certain you would pass because you’re the most intelligent person I know. That way we could study together, and we can work on our dreams side by side. 

Do you remember those stories we used to share with each other Leyla? We promised that one day, I shall become a doctor, and you the greatest ornithologist. We would lead the most wondrous life! I still wish for that day to come. Whenever I dream of a future, you are the one constant I can always see in it.

You are my dearest friend, my sole lover. You are my future, and I hope one day to be your husband, and father of your children. For you are forever my dearest Leyla. 

I won’t deny the love I carry for my parents, for I know they love me just the same. That’s an irrefutable fact, but Leyla, I will admit I cannot bear to walk down a path that makes me so unhappy. Their idea of my happiness is not my happiness. It is merely my mother’s vanity winning.

But I know where my happiness lies. So Leyla, would you accept me back? Would you allow yourself to be my happiness once more?

I cannot promise you a life of grandeur, I’m afraid. Not right now when I still can’t break free of my parents’ shadows. As I am, I am a nobody in society and the world at large. But I can assure you this.

I will love and cherish you for as long as you will allow it. I swear that no harm shall come to you again, whether by another’s hand or mine. I only ask that you reconsider us once more. Do not think about what will be just yet, or what was.

I only implore you to think with your heart. Do our hearts still beat the same Leyla? If you say yes, then I’ll hesitate no more. I’ll come to you at once! We can leave Arvis together, and find our happy place in this world!

With love always, 

Kyle]

Leyla lost track of how many times she’s read, and re-read the letter until the embers of the flame in front of her died down. Dawn had arrived once more, the rooster croaking as the sun peaked out the clouds.

She won’t deny that once upon a time, she dreamt of a future with Kyle. It had been within her grasp once, but was then cruelly replaced by a nightmarish future with the Duke. Only it was no nightmare anymore. Just her reality.

She could hear her uncle waking up, the way he groaned as he stretched his limbs to start an early morning. She rose quietly from her bed, and headed straight out to their stove. She grasped tightly onto Kyle’s last letter, staring quietly into the flame, before tossing it over fire.

She quickly moved away, standing at the other side of the room, and watched as the letter turned into ashes before her eyes. As the fire consumed his love for her, she allowed a single tear to slide down her cheek, and no more.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

When Hessen had come back to check on his master back in the annex, he immediately noticed the untouched cake he had prepared earlier by the reception table.

He had been initially surprised to receive an order from his master to buy some cake. And not just a random cake, one made by Arvis’ finests bakers. But the thing was, Hessen knew the Duke was not fond of sweets. He does not eat such food pleasantly. So he had been certain it wasn’t for the Duke himself, but for someone else.

He took a deep breath, glancing one last time at the cake before knocking lightly on the duke’s bedroom door. He heard a faint order, telling him he could come inside, before he entered the room. He was greeted with the sight of Matthias reading the morning paper.

Hessen came to stand a few paces to his side.

“Master, shall I set out the cake for you again?” he asked politely, Matthias looked up through his brows, before looking back down to read the newspaper.

“There will be no need for that.” he replied coolly. When Hessen looked questioningly back at the table, Matthias flipped a page as he straightened out, “Get rid of it at once.” he commanded.

Hessen knew that questioning him further would be deemed impolite, thus he bowed to his master, quietly dismissing himself and took the cake with him, leaving Matthias to his own devices.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*