Chapter 76

✧No Way Back✧

For a moment, none of them said anything. Kyle was too happy to see her in front of him after a long time, while Leyla was too shocked and torn about how she should feel being confronted by him.

“I heard about what happened with Uncle Bill.” Kyle finally spoke, breaking the tense silence between them. Leyla gulped, and nodded hesitantly…

“I see.” she replied softly before averting her gaze back down on the table she sat at. Kyle stared at her for a moment, awkwardly standing in the cafe, before he took the seat across from her. He noticed how Leyla tried to subtly look away from him, but he knew her too well.

“I’m sorry.” he continued, finally managing to get her to look at him. Leyla stared at him inquiringly, asking what he was apologizing for behind the rim of her glasses. Somehow the sight of her looking like that gave him a sense of familiarity he didn’t know he missed so much in his time away.

“I should have been here sooner, perhaps I could have helped ease some of your burdens.” he elaborated, rubbing his palms on his lap in a nervous tic, “I didn’t know what had happened until recently, and like an idiot I just kept sending you letters, probably irritating you with how many they were.” he awkwardly laughed at himself, but Leyla could hardly manage a smile.

“It was no fault of yours Kyle, nor anyone.” Leyla pointed out to him, “Besides, I wouldn’t expect you to know what had happened since it wasn’t anything to do with you. It was mine and uncle’s problem after all.” she told him resolutely, “Besides, it’s all resolved now. So there’s no further need for you to worry.”

Kyle nodded mutely, nodding along as he wetted his lips, another nervous tic of his.

“So… so everything’s good now? You and Uncle Bill are fine?”

“Yes,” she smiled minutely, “In fact he’s working on restoring the greenhouse again, he’s been very ecstatic.” she tried to say, but she knew her uncle was also having a hard time repaying a debt that was already paid.

Leyla pulled on the sleeves of her sweater, eyes looking back down as she once more avoided his gaze. Kyle observed her for a while, noting how sickly she looked right now. She wasn’t like this when he left.

“You can always ask me for help Leyla,” he softly reminded her, “I’d do everything I can to help you, I hope you know that.”

Leyla’s jaw clenched as she listened to him.

“Why do you keep saying that?” she asked, coming out harshly than she intended. Her eyes held a certain contempt as she stared back at him. Kyle only held her gaze.

“Because I know you’re not doing well Leyla.” he answered plainly. Leyla took some deep breaths as she tried to calm herself down. “You forget I know you Leyla,” he explained, “Just because we’re no longer together, doesn’t mean I care any less for you.”

Now that he’d seen her, he’s more assured now that something did, or was happening with Leyla. Every minute he’s spent with her today was proof she was acting less and less like how she was.

Leyla grew up in an unideal environment, but when she met Bill, the old gardener had showered her with the best love he could give. Though sometimes, he will fall short in identifying the subtlest of hints when it comes to Leyla’s thoughts and feelings. And Kyle knew that no matter how tired or hurt she was, her pride would never allow herself to seek out help.

The moment Kyle had gotten to know Leyla, how she really was, he’d formed the habit of looking out for these subtle hints. Anything that would help him understand Leyla better since they were children. But it didn’t mean he knew everything about her. After all, Leyla also got better over time hiding her feelings from everyone around her.

It didn’t mean his efforts were entirely in vain though, because he could sense something was wrong. He just couldn’t tell what it was.

“So why haven’t you been replying to my letters?” he finally asked, moving onto what he hoped was an easier question to answer for her. Leyla held her chin higher, even though she still refused to look directly at him.

“People change Kyle,” she said, “I didn’t know how to reply to your letters.”

“Yes, but why?” he insisted. “This isn’t like you!” Leyla only sighed out and shook her head.

“I just didn’t want to.” she said with an air of finality, “And just because it isn’t like me from before doesn’t mean I can’t be like that now. I’ve changed, Kyle, it’s time to accept that.”

“So that’s it?” Kyle asked with disbelief, “You’ve changed this much in such a short time?”

Silence reigned between them once more, before Leyla finally replied.

“It felt so much longer for me,” she admitted, “So I’m telling you now, we can never go back to how we were before.” She then moved to leave the cafe, finally done with this conversation.

“Leyla!” Kyle called out desperately, but she whirled around in anger, as she looked back at him.

“I didn’t answer you Kyle!” she exclaimed, “That should have been enough of an answer to you as to how I really feel. We’re done. Don’t expect anything from me anymore because I’m through with it, and I don’t want to go back.” she finished in a calmer voice.

She didn’t want to, but she had to do this.

“I just don’t feel the same as you anymore Kyle, our time apart has proven that to me.” she finally said, “Even if your mother were to miraculously agree to our union, I don’t want to. Not anymore. In fact, I can’t even bear the thought of moving away and marrying anyone.”

Every word was like a knife to his heart, and Leyla just kept adding to it.

“I kept quiet because I wanted you to hold on to the beautiful times we’ve had together, but you forced my hand here.” Leyla continued, “I loathe you, Kyle.”

Kyle shook his head in denial as he stared up at her, while only Leyla nodded to affirm her words to him.

“N-no, y-you don’t mean that…”

“I do. And that’s my only answer to you.” she finished, “So please, let this be the last time we see each other again. I don’t want to hear about your feelings for me, I don’t want to hear other people wishing we’re back together because I’m sick of it all!” she sighed desperately. “Give me peace Kyle.” she pleaded.

Kyle sat there stupefied. What had started out like a dream reunion ended up in a nightmare, only it wasn’t a nightmare. It was real. When he couldn’t form a reply, Leyla busied herself into gathering her belongings, eager to get away from him.

She then turned and left, pushing open the cafe’s doors as it chimed open, knocking Kyle out of his reverie…

“No, Leyla, wait!” he called out, hastily packing up his own things as he rushed after her. He might have tripped a couple of times to catch up to her, but he’d just managed to hold onto her shoulder right before she mounted her bike…

And when she turned to look back at him, Kyle found himself looking at her red rimmed eyes. She looked as though she was ready to cry any second. And Kyle found himself speechless once more…

How could he force her right now? She looked as if she was about to fall into a million pieces if he even dared push through her walls. He couldn’t do that to her. He respected her too much for that. And so he kept his mouth shut, and allowed Leyla to push him away, slapping his touch off of her.

He stood there in the middle of the road, watching as she hastily ran away from him, and stayed in his spot long after she’d disappeared.

Something really was wrong, and she was suffering for it. No matter what it was, he’d do everything in his power to save her.

Even if it’s the last thing he would do.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

When Riette came with Claudine to look at the on-going reconstruction of the greenhouse, he couldn’t help but let out a low whistle at the sight of it. He looked around in awe, absolutely gobsmacked at just how much work needed to be done.

“Wow, it really is such a big mess!” he exclaimed, letting out an amazed chuckle or two as he continued to look around. Claudine shot him an unamused glare, but he only disregarded it, already used to her disappointment.

“Sure laugh it up, it’s not like it wasn’t a tragic accident… oh wait,” Claudine hummed, eyeing him dryly. “It actually was. Look at that, I didn’t know you could be so heartless.”

“It’s not that I’m heartless,” Riette protested, “I’m just so amazed at how much damage had been done!” he exclaimed, waving his arms towards the whole greenhouse as though to emphasize the scale of it, “I mean, I never expected anything like this to ever happen in Arvis, to be honest.”

Truly the glaring difference from his last visit was prominent. The last time he’d been in the greenhouse, it had been such splendor, filled with the most exquisite plants, all arranged perfectly to showcase their beauty. It had been a paradise on earth.

But now it was in ruins, much like the aftermath of a war. The plants were dug up, soil was scattered all over the ground, and a large pile of debris was just off to the side while there was continuing hammering and chopping sounds all over.

“I still can’t believe Matthias dropped all the charges.” Riette commented, “I mean the damage is massive! And he let him return back to work!” he added offhandedly, “Ah, what prestige it must be to be one of the country’s most influential men.”

“Hmm, I’m not sure if it’s the prestige or the mistress’ influence.” Claudine whispered to him, taking great care to lower her voice in case of any eavesdropper. She bit her lip, if only to prevent more words spilling out of her.

Riette gasped from beside her quietly, looking at her in shock.

“I didn’t know the great Lady Brandt thought of it that way. Why do you say such things?” Riette asked her worriedly, and Claudine felt some of the tension leave her as she sighed out in resignation.

“Nothing, there wasn’t any reason Riette, I’m so sorry,” she apologized, “It was just a slip of the mind.” she backtracked, and Riette lightly held onto her elbow, and gently steered her to face him.

“Hey, it’s alright,” he placated, “There’s no need for you to apologize, okay?” he smiled down at her gently, before it turned into a roguish grin, “Besides, I think the jealous look quite suits you, my Lady.” he teased, and Claudine scoffed, barking out a short laugh as she turned away from him.

“Me? Jealous? As if!”

They exchanged a few more laughs before a comfortable silence settled between them as they continued to walk within the greenhouse. This was why she wanted to be here with Riette, the reason why she invited him over.

She knew he could comfort her like no one else. She could whine and complain endlessly in front of him, and he’d distract her with a joke or two, which was just what she needed. There was a comfort in Riette’s mischievousness.

They headed towards the small space just a few spaces away from the greenhouse where served tea was awaiting them. Already they could hear the boisterous laughter and loud chatter from the gathering family of the Herhardt house, despite its current head being away on business.

And just like that, a switch was slipped, and they were back to acting like the Duke’s fiance and his cousin respectively, and nothing more.

Over the course of the gathering, Claudine found herself looking over at Riette, locking gazes from time to time. He even winked at her once in a teasing way when he had been sure no one was paying attention to him. And not for the first time she wondered if she should have chosen him instead of the Duke.

However she quickly brushed the thought aside, having already reached the logical answer many times in her solitude. Her parents’ decision on making her pursue the life of a Duchess Herhardt was better than choosing the life of a Marquise Lindman.

With how fast the world changed around them, it was no secret the social class where aristocrats belonged suffered the worst when it came to change. The Brandt Household, one of the empire’s main sources of finance, knew that better than anyone. She might not have been trained officially because she was no son, but she was a natural when it came to such analysis.

Which was why she went with Matthias.

She had poured over her list of suitors, weighing each and everyone of the nobles she had the chance to be with, the Herhardt house was the one she knew for certain would survive no matter what challenge the times would throw at them. And as they creeped into a new era, Claudine wanted to be part of that story.

It may not end up in history books, but the house’s glory would forever be etched into society.

“I just hope the greenhouse could be fully restored in time for Claudine’s wedding.” a lady on the table remarked, effectively steering the rest of the conversation on the topic of their upcoming nuptials.

They had decided to hold the ceremony by next summer, and neither of them seemed to be changing their minds any time soon, with or without the greenhouse.

Claudine occasionally joined in on the conversation, looking down from time to time to appear meek and polite while she smiled brightly and politely to those addressing her. When she caught sight of Riette’s soft brown eyes smiling at her.

She couldn’t help the warm feeling she had at the sight of him. Even when they were children, she liked seeing Riette…

But she chose Matthias already, and she didn’t want to change her mind, not now. Not when she reached this far.

Indeed, there was no room for regrets now, Claudine thought to herself. She couldn’t, not when everything was exactly as how she planned her life would be. A life filled with success, paid in full price with her happiness.

The topic of her wedding soon shifted towards the possibility of Riette marrying. Claudine knew that he would be expected to find a lady, just like her. A woman that hailed from a good, respectable family that could contribute to the Lindman House.

She excused herself from their company, opting to head back into her assigned room. When asked why she had to go, she feigned having a slight headache, nothing a good rest wouldn’t fix in time for dinner.

Once she was back in the room, her lady-in-waiting went to fetch some medicine she didn’t really need. Claudine only sat in front of the fireplace, watching as the fire slowly ate away the firewood.

Leyla Lewellin.

She knew that Leyla was held in high-esteem around their society. She was intelligent as she was beautiful. But no matter how respected she was, it didn’t change the fact she was born of a low-status family. It was only a matter of time before Leyla would leave the life of a mistress behind.

There was no way she would allow herself to be in such a relationship too long…

But Claudine couldn’t entirely disregard that small possibility that Leyla would choose to stay with Matthias.

She had no intention in actually confronting the girl. There was far too much on Leyla’s plate right now, and she wasn’t that thoughtless. She actually decided to keep quiet and act as though Matthias was sleeping around with Leyla behind her back.

Suddenly, her lady-in-waiting came in with the medicine, and Claudine schooled her posture into a more appropriate way for one suffering a headache. Unfortunately, her servant tripped and fell, spilling the tray of medicine, and shattering the glass of water she carried with her.

Claudine shrieked in surprise, hastily moving out of the way before rushing to her side, carefully avoiding the shards of glass.

“Are you alright?!” she asked worriedly to her lady-in-waiting. The girl only hastily got up, bowing apologetically at her.

“Yes, thank you my lady!” she sputtered, completely red in the face, “I’m so sorry for the mess!”

“Oh dear,” Claudine gasped when she saw the blood drip down her servant’s hand, “Oh my, your hand!”

“I-it’s just a small prick my lady!” the girl insisted, “See? It’s not a big… deal…” wincing when her hand revealed a shard embedded into her palm. Claudine winced at the sight. It looked as though the shard got it a little too deep to be just a small prick.

“Oh hush now,” Claudine said, quickly fetching some handkerchief to stifle the flowing blood, and gently cupping the girl’s hand in hers. “It’ll be quite difficult for you to keep working with such a wound, why don’t you take some time to recover?” she suggested, making the girl shake her head.

“Oh, no, my lady, truly I’m fine!”

“I insist you take some time off.” Claudine said, looking at her sternly, and the girl’s protests died down. “Alright, Mary?” she called out, prompting for a response.

“O-of course, my lady.” Mary weakly agreed, letting Claudine smile at her agreement. She bowed deeply towards her lady, and moved to get her hand fixed, but stopped for a moment, looking back at Claudine hesitantly.

“But my lady-”

“I will be fine Mary,” Claudine insisted once more, “Come on, let’s find someone else to help you.”

Claudine led them through the halls of the mansion, finding a few servants to clean up the mess in her room, while some headed off to fetch a first aid kit. She watched as they moved around her. She then looked at Mary’s injured hand, being cleaned and wrapped neatly with a bandage.

Mary had been a servant from her own house. Her most favored one, in fact. It was why Mary had volunteered to come with her to Arvis, to continue to serve her lady. Mary had also been with her since she was a child, and Claudine enjoyed being around her so much mostly because of her quick wits and occasional stutter.

Satisfied Mary was being well-taken care of, Claudine headed towards the lobby, where the other ladies were chatting. Among them was Elysee von Herhardt. Upon seeing her, the Herhardt matriarch stood up to meet her.

“Oh Claudine! I heard about your maid. Oh how inconvenient.” she said, “It would be difficult for you these next few days then, how about I lend you one of my servants to assist you as your attendant in the whole duration of your stay, hm?” she suggested, and Claudine shook her head.

“Oh, thank you for the offer, but I can assure you I would be fine.” She replied, “Besides, you’ll need every hand you could get to help prepare for the crown prince and his wife’s arrival. I couldn’t possibly add to their workload.”

“Oh nonsense! Please, I insist you take one of my servants! Otherwise I would just be beside myself if you continue without an attendant.” Elysee insisted back, urging her to accept.

Claudine smiled brightly, a thought popping up in her head. She really shouldn’t…

But the nagging in the back of her mind grew louder, making her give in.

“Well then, how about I have Leyla as my attendant?” she brightly requested. And Elysee blinked back in shock, her own smile stilling on her face at the mention of the gardener’s foster daughter.

“Leyla?” Elysee asked, “You want to have Leyla as an attendant?”

“Yes.” she said, smiling brightly at the matriarch, “I would be more comfortable with her as my attendant, and seeing as it is the school break, she’s most probably free during my stay. That way I wouldn’t be imposing on your servants.” she calmly explained, “That is, if you would allow it, my Lady.” she added respectfully.

There was a dangerous glint in Elysee’s eyes at the mere thought of that gardener’s foster daughter stepping foot in her home. She was still sore about the whole ordeal about the greenhouse too.

“Well, are you sure?” Elysee asked once more, “She probably couldn’t assist you as well as my current servants will.”

“Oh, I promise Leyla would do just fine as my attendant!” Claudine politely insisted back, ignoring the obvious glare her own mother was shooting at her. “She’ll only be assisting me, just for a few days tops.”

Elysee hummed, nodding along in agreement. Her jaw clenched as she smiled at Claudine. And so with a heavy heart, Elysee went to summon one of her maids with a ring of her bell.

One maid immediately came rushing in, politely standing a few paces beside her as she awaited for orders. And so, through gritted teeth, Elysee spoke.

“Please summon Leyla to the mansion as soon as possible.”

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*