Chapter 285: What is Worse?

After Xiang put his clothes back on, being careful of his wounds once Kat glared at him, there really wasn't anything else to that day, and soon the moon had taken its place high in the sky.. Kat once again debated over telling the explicit details of the death the other day.

And she was still unsure about that. She knew she still didn't feel bad, and that thought was starting to stick in her mind. She wasn't sure if the fact she had that concern at all meant she was alright… or if it was making things worse, acting a stopgap so she could feel a little bad instead of completely horrible.

The temptation to tell just Vivian was strong. She didn't want to share this with Sylvie certainly… there was Lily as well to consider, and Minor. As she stood guard over Xiang, Kat let herself consider that particular problem. *So. Telling Lily. That sounds kind of horrible if I'm being honest. She's my best friend. I have to tell her… and I will. I don't want to hide something like this, even if that fact that I don't feel guilt makes me a monster… Lily is in the process of voluntarily giving up her humanity… or at least that's probably what she will do.

How though? I think… well maybe I should just tell her first? Then Vivian, and maybe skip Sylvie. Now… I think I have to tell them in person. I don't want this sort of thing to be done over the extremely slow demons messaging system… I can see so many ways that goes wrong. Now what about Callisto? Hmmm… 

On the one hand, Callisto is likely to be the one to make the biggest deal about it. But she is also the least likely to have the whole, thing change her opinion on me. She'll probably write a five page essay of course, but once that's done I imagine it would just be another data point. 

Well, let's just send of a standard message then. I walked for a day, and didn't do anything else. Finally starting to feel hunger, but apparently have two weeks left… yeah I'll have to tidy it up a bit by that sounds good.* 

Once Kat composed a more eloquent way of explaining, she did nothing, but should be close to their destination, and hopefully home soon, Kat turned her mind to the issue of Xiang's revenge. Now that she's seen him kill a guy, in combat sure, but still, she now knew he was very serious about getting… permanent revenge.

*I wonder how likely he is to be able to go through with it. He doesn't seem shaken off by having to cut someone's head off… but he never said much before that and I'm not sure he'd tell me if something was going wrong anyway.

So the question is. How do I want to deal with this? The plan was always to soften the blow of his revenge… but I never actually did much of that, I hardly even talked to him. Sure, I said a few words while we were working… maybe… 12? Max? Still… he doesn't seem as angry as he was when he summoned me…

Though, I've heard the terrible stories of cold slow burning vengeance. I doubt that he's really given up if he truly believes that what happened to the people in his village was worse than death… maybe I could use that? Convince him to cripple instead of kill? Is that even right though? Would that be better for me to suggest?

Sure, it might help me sleep at night. Not that I really have an issue with that, I'm sure I could sleep if I let myself… but is it right for me to push for what Xiang thinks is actually the worse punishment? I could probably get him to change that to his goal rather easily… but is that right?

I'm not sure that crippling could really be worse than death… but if Xiang believes it, and insists that all cultivators would agree with him… is it less humane to do that instead? Kat bit her lip as she turned the thought over in her mind. I never really considered what the worse thing I could ever do is. 

Xiang clearly has a list, with crippling as the worst, and maybe death beneath that, and who knows afterwards… but I don't. Sure, I know that thieving is a lesser crime then murder but… nothing so specific. 

So what do I want to do? Well… I could ask Xiang… but I don't know if I trust his answers. He might lie, and he also might not have the mental capacity to realise that not all people think like he does. So… maybe I should think what I'd vote for as the best outcome.

First. Theft. If I can get away with just stealing, or destroying a bunch of their stuff as revenge, that would be the best. I'm sure they have more stuff than Xiang had in his village… so it would be considered revenge. Plus, this way nobody has to be seriously hurt. Oh, and not getting caught. I'd hate for them to know Xiang was responsible and head back to his village as vengeance. 

So, steal things, destroy things. Don't get caught, because talking him out of it completely when we are so close is impossible and that is the best I can hope for. Next would be… I suppose going in myself. Setting up in the middle of their outpost and just unleashing as much fire as I can, give it all the energy it could ask for.

I'd make sure that there is no attempt to harm at all within my fire, and hopefully, just like how I could use it near Minor… nobody dies. They will have to deal with the cold from coating the whole area in ice, and depending on the specifics, maybe abandon the whole place. This would also be really good.

Downsides… I might have to kill people… but if I'm careful… maybe less people would die than doing it Xiang's way… and I think I can live with myself if things went that way. I'm not killing anyone specifically, and, once I've shown off I can just duck out and take Xiang with me… so it comes down to control really. Can I be sure that I won't kill anyone this way. No, obviously not… but it might be the best I can do.* 

*Right… so…* Kat let herself hover around her second option for a while. With the weird not quite guilt she was feeling for not feeling bad, Kat had kind of hoped that she'd feel worse about planning for murder, or accidental homicide. The problem was, she still couldn't see the idea as that bad. It should SAVE lives theoretically, and it wasn't like she wanted to do it… just that she genuinely felt she could live with herself if she did it anyway.

*Then… there is the worst case scenario. Xiang runs straight up to the front door, kicks it in, and challenges everyone. Then I have to help him fight off everyone, and if it actually comes to blows, I can't see Xiang letting them off. They will be either crippled or killed… and I still can't decide which is worse or which I should advocate for should the worst come to pass.

Actually… what should I do if we run into someone during plan one? Choke them out? I've… well I've seen it done in movies… but I don't know if you can actually knock someone out that way. Especially not before they can raise the alarm or something… I… hmm.*

Kat tried to remember if she had that information anywhere in her memories. She sunk into them for over half an hour scouring for any mention or proof that the technique would work. *Dammit.* Kat cursed internally. *Nothing. That would have been a great option honestly. I could sneak in, and just knock them out along the way. Nobody has to die, Xiang can rob and destroy and feel like a big boy that's got his vengeance, and then we can all leave.*

*Hell I doubt Xiang's hearing is as good as mine. If I can knock someone out, Xiang might be stupid enough to just assume they are dead… hmmm… that is looking like a better idea the more I think about it. As long as Xiang is never implicated… but…* Kat's thoughts flashed back to that mark burned into Gaston the bartender.

*Maybe it would be better to do them some more permanent damage. I… dammit. I didn't even think of that. Sure vengeance is stupid, but what if these guys go on to do even more damage after we let them off easy. Or worse, if we destroy all their stuff and they go on a rampage to rob and pillage to get their supplies back…

Shit this might be even more complicated than I thought. Killing or crippling might horrible treatment of our targets but… what would the other people who have lost their homes or loved ones say. Xiang surely isn't the first to be targeted… maybe I should help make sure it is the LAST though… but that would require the more permanent solutions…

Kill or cripple…*