Chapter 288 - Talking with Kretos

Leila and Kretos were journeying to the top of the mountain range towards the lair of the Overlord of the Sky, Jiro. As they continued walking the rocky mountain path Kretos noticed that the sky was getting darker. In the very next second lightning lit up the skies. A strong gust of wind followed afterward. 

At so high up the strength of the wind made it difficult to walk. Kretos and Leila needed to find shelter and fast. Even though mana could protect one from a multitude of things, it cannot stop one from getting an illness if you aren't careful enough. Kretos scanned the surrounding area with his mana sense. After a short while, he found a cave at the side of the mountain that was up ahead.

Kretos and Leila quickly moved onward, as it started raining heavily. Each drop was heavier than the last. Seeing the weather was worsening the two sped up and finally reached the cave. 

The cave was of course dark and damp, and there were a few monsters in it, but Kretos dealt with them swiftly. Kretos then summoned a ball of flame and it hovered near him and Leila. 

Once there was light in the cave, the two saw that it was smaller than they originally thought. Still, it had enough space for the two of them. They just needed to wait for the storm to pass. 

Seeing as they had found shelter, Kretos started taking off his clothes and placed them on the ground near the ball of fire. When Leila saw this she started panicking. 

"W-w-what the heck are you doing?!"

"Hmm, I'm taking off my clothes, since even with the use of mana I still might catch a cold. You should do it too." Kretos approached Leila and was about to forcefully remove her clothes when Leila signaled him to stop. 

"There's no need for that, I'm not wearing normal clothes. These clothes are created using my fur. It's a racial ability of us werewolves, If we wore normal clothes and turn into our wolf forms it will rip. So one of our ancestors created a way where we can use our fur and turn it into clothes." 

"... That's a rather convenient skill." After saying that Kretos sat down and spoke no longer. The cave suddenly became eerily quiet as the two stood in front of the fire. The sound of crackling thunder could be heard as a backdrop. While the strong wind blows inside the cave. If they were using a normal fire it might have already been snuffed out. 

Kretos was calmly circulating his mana and trying to stabilize its increase. On the other hand, Leila was getting restless from the quiet atmosphere in the cave as well as the background sounds of thunder from afar. 

She looked at Kretos who had his eyes closed while in a lotus position. She couldn't take it anymore and started speaking.

"Hey, I've been wondering for a while now, but why do you want to battle so much?" Kretos didn't respond and continued silently circulating his mana. 

"I mean, I understand that most demons enjoy a good battle every now and then, but you seem to be different. Even the most battle crazed of demons doesn't seek battle as much as you do." Kretos didn't respond again and Leila simply continued talking. 

"It's as if you're trying to find something in battle... I'm not sure what it is, but there must be a reason why you seek it so actively." Kretos sighed as he opened his eyes and finally responded. 

"It's because I no longer feel much of anything. The only time I truly feel anything at all is when I'm in a battle."

"Why?"

"In the Shadow Clan, to become perfect assassins, to become a pure killing blade, we were trained to suppress our feelings, it was better if we could remove any emotion that could negatively affect the outcome of an assassination. There were many different ways as to how the elders in my clan did this. One of which was to place the child in a dark environment and lock him there for days. That was what my parents put me in."

"After a couple of days with minimal food and water, the a.d.u.l.ts would place a monster inside that locked environment. The monster wasn't necessarily strong, but it was quick. The child wouldn't know that a monster had entered the environment, and will think someone from the outside had come to kill him."

"Alone in that dark place with a monster attacking me, I felt nothing. At this point in my training, I was already only thinking about survival. I no longer held onto anything nor did I feel anything at all. Till now I still feel more or less the same. Though I guess I feel more emotions than I used to." 

"Yet when I was being attacked by that monster on that day, I felt nothing, not fear nor excitement. But as time went on and I could somehow feel the flow of the monster's attacks. It was not that he as slowing down, but I was getting used to his movements."

"In that dark environment were not even a single speck of light could be seen, I was able to evade the monster's attacks. As I continued to evade each attack, I started feeling something. I didn't understand what I was feeling at the time, but I was intoxicated by how new it was."

"After a while, the monster finally slowed down, and I was able to kill it with my bare hands. Since then I tried to find that feeling again. The more I fought, the more I understood. That feeling I had at that time was something I could only feel at the height of a battle, where there's a chance that I could die."

"I love battle because it makes me who feels mostly nothing, feel like I'm alive. It makes me feel like it's worth living and it's worth moving forward. It's like my soul itself is driving me onward. That's what I think, but for some reason, a part of me thinks it's not as deep as I make it sound. Nowadays I just think that there's no true reason, I just really love fighting, especially fighting people stronger than me." 

"I see... But if you truly don't feel anything aside from the time you're in battle, why did you save me?" 

"... I don't know... I just felt like it." When Leila heard Kretos's answer she smiled. 

"So what kind of battles have you had?" Leila asked and Kretos with nothing better to do recounted the tales of his greatest battles to date. Leila listened to Kretos's stories and felt like she was slowly understanding the so called slayer of demon lords.