Chapter 292 - I cannot fight

After he was done with placing a few seals on the mountain, Kretos headed down and declared the Northern mountain range as his property. If anyone would dare enter, he would hunt them down and kill them.

After hearing his declaration, of course, many demons would listen to him, but as always there were a few that didn't heed his warning. Since Kretos said what he said, it was obvious he was hiding a very precious treasure on the mountain, maybe it was something that could give a demon power to become as strong as a demon lord. The temptation was something most demons couldn't ignore.

Those brave yet foolish demons came to the mountain to find whatever Kretos was trying to hide. Yet the moment they set foot on the mountain their heads flew away from their body. The few who survived watched as the demons who came first became headless. 

It turns out Kretos was there waiting for them to come. He already knew that there would be some idiots that would come despite his warnings. So Kretos decided to stay near the mountain range for a few months. 

After that incident, all the other demons knew that Kretos was waiting for them to go to the mountain range. He was serious in killing all who would enter. This was the slayer of demon lords, and he has already slain three of them which made his words sound even more menacing. No one not even the most foolish of demons thought of going to the Northern Mountains. 

...

The news of the Overlord of the sky's death wasn't as big as a deal as the first two demon lords to fall, since a lot of demons were now expecting Kretos to win. He had already proven time and time again that he was nearly invincible in battle. So they were more curious as to why he was protecting the mountain, rather than hearing of Jiro's death.

While everyone was discussing what could be on the mountain that Kretos was protecting it so well, Kretos himself was deep in thought. 

For the first time in his entire life, he was feeling something completely foreign to him. He couldn't understand it but he was feeling intense pain in his heart, and sometimes for whatever reason, he would start to feel sad. Most of the time this happens when he was reminded of Leila. 

Even now he couldn't figure out why she would do what she did. Even if he did teach her a bit of the basic movements in using the daggers, sacrificing her life for his was too much of a payment. Also, why did she smile so beautifully at the end?

That gentle yet alluring smile of hers haunts Kretos even now. It made him feel hurt and angry. The more he couldn't understand why he was feeling this way, the more irritated Kretos had become. Not even killing a horde of monsters made him feel better.

As the pain, the anger, the confusion, the sorrow, as all of these emotions swirled within him, Kretos felt like he needed to do something to ease the pain. 

He took out the giant sword he used to slay most of the demon lords and started swinging it. He tried emptying his mind and become one with his sword, but to his surprise, he couldn't do it. What used to be something simple for him, became extremely difficult to do. 

Each one of his swings became heavier and heavier as time went on, not only that but the sharpness in his swings had become dull. Usually, the exact opposite would happen. He wasn't even able to create a decent mana barrier. 

Kretos knew that if he fought in his current condition the same demon lords again, he would be killed on the first strike. 

Kretos sighed and was about to swing his sword again when he heard a voice similar to his own whispering in his ears. 

"She died for you." 

"You killed her." 

"You have failed her." 

Hearing his own voice say those things made it even worse. Kretos shouted at himself as he swung his sword downward. 

"I didn't want her to die! I wasn't the one who killed her! She was the one who decided to do what she wanted to do! I never asked for this, I never wanted any of this to happen!" 

Kretos shouted what he was feeling as he continued to swing his sword. This was the first time the now eighteen-year-old Kretos acted his age. Despite his age, he would usually act much older and calmer than his peers. Yet now he was screaming angrily at no one but himself. 

Another Kretos took form in front of him. This other Kretos was also holding a similar sword as him, this other Kretos was looking at him, while was smirking. 

"You didn't want her to die? Then why did you bring her with you to face a demon lord? You weren't the one who killed her? Then by whose hands did she fall on? She was the one who decided to do what she wanted to do? Weren't you the one who inspired her to do so? You never wanted this to happen? But it all already happened and you should accept it!" 

The other Kretos suddenly dashed towards Kretos and attacked, Kretos blocked his other self's sword and the two locked swords. 

"You speak as if all of these shouldn't be affecting you, but it's affecting you more than you think! It's a wound deeper than you could handle!" The other Kretos was able to push the real one back. Each word he said bit deeper and deeper into Kretos.

"Ask yourself this, why was she so important to you, that her life and death has sent you into confusion, into near insanity!" The other Kretos shouted as he showed the vicious smile Kretos would show when he gets excited in battle. The original Kretos himself was once again pushed back barely able to handle each strike. 

Even though Kretos knew that the being in front of him was merely an illusion created by his grief and hesitations, the pain he felt after receiving each strike seems so real. 

"How could someone you just met be this important to you?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" This time it was Kretos who pushed away his other self, as he started going into the offensive. 

"I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! How could I understand any of this?! All I knew was the battlefield! All I understood was my blade! My life and world all revolved around fighting and killing! How should I know what these feelings are?! How should I know what she meant to me?! She was a simple werewolf girl that I taught for a bit nothing more nothing less!" 

The moment Kretos said his last line his other self seems to be empowered and once again counterattacked. 

"That can't be all she was to you, don't you dare lie to yourself!" The other Kretos stabbed the original. No blood came out of it, but Kretos felt extreme pain and screamed. He then pushed the other Kretos away and shouted.

"Even if you do this, I don't understand! I will never understand!" The two Kretos's stopped attacking each other and stood a few meters apart. 

"You're lying again! The truth of the matter is, you just don't want to accept the truth, as accepting it means getting hurt even more. You may be able to take a hit and survive even the direst of situations, but a hit to your emotions makes this weak."

When Kretos heard what his other self said he who kept running away from the truth decided to face it head-on. The moment he decided this his other self smiled and waited for him to speak.

"I get it already! I understand it already. She was important to me. She was the first of my peers to ever talk to me without hostility, jealousy, or any ulterior motives. She was straightforward and told me what she wanted without hiding anything back. She accompanied me in my training... She was my..."

"Friend, she was your friend." The other-self responded with a gentle smile on his face. 

"Yes, she was my very first friend." When Kretos came to this realization the illusion in front of him smiled and then disappeared. It was then Kretos finally understood why his heart was in pain. He started to feel great sorrow as he started to cry for the first time in his entire life. 

He has never cried before, even in battle, even when he needed to kill his family, not once has a tear fell from his face. Yet now he couldn't stop himself from crying his heart out. Was that why she protected him because she too realized that they were friends? 

'How am I going to save her? No one in the demon lands knows any healing magic. Am I really left with no other options but to head to the human kingdoms?...'

While Kretos was thinking, he suddenly remembered that there was a demon that knew a multitude of spells, even the most obscure ones. This demon was also powerful enough, that maybe she could save Leila. This demon was none other than the demon lord of the Kitsune tribe, Demonic Fox Tsukiko.

'I will ask her for help, and if she doesn't comply I will beat her until she does.'